Poe's Journal Entry
Some solace, this journaling has become. So much to think about, re-examine truly. Iyber and I got to Fallgourd as the sun started peaking out behind the mountains. I stabled the tired beast and went immediately to the inn. I had a quick delivery of herbs to make there, the innkeeper wanted to discuss with me again about expanding my trade. I simply declined, not wanting to get into it.Part of me feels bad though, if I did expand, Rose and I, we could afford a whole apartment. But…stepping on the toes of Sula, my mother. That is something I want to avoid. I know full well Mota must be poking around for her. So I am treading lightly, my meager trade is enough to take care of my basic needs, a simple life truly.
Lan-I-Mata was waiting for me in the inn as well. She greeted me with a small nod and silently strode out of the inn. I rushed to catch up and I could hear her sputtering as I approached. The youthful being finally turned and stared at me, “So eager to follow your heart…again you have been pained.†I hated hearing those words. And then Ry’s comment from the previous night. Perhaps my problem is falling for Sunwalkers.
I considered denying it for a moment. But her look and Ace’s words fresh in my mind, I simply nodded. Lan-I-Mata did not speak for several minutes. Flustered, I blurted out, “It does not matter. So I care for someone who does not feel the same. It’s done.†For once, I saw Lan-I-Mata’s expression soften. She simply nodded, “You have let go? Then you are ready.â€
I followed her out of the city and we started walking. Lan-I-Mata had picked a winding trail, I could tell we were gaining elevation. It was quite still, heard no birds singing their songs. I wanted to ask Lan-I-Mata where we were going but she snapped before I could form the idea, “Stop asking, little one. The shelter is just ahead.†A few hundred fulms ahead, a small cave nestled into the sloping mountain side revealed itself. A small fire was burning at the mouth of the shelter. A small kettle hung over the banked coals. She motioned for me to sit. Simply poured me tea and insisted I drink. It was bitter, my tongue immediately tingling. And then…I was laying on my back, staring up at the sky, half of the cave entrance blocking my view. The sun was now moving toward the center of the sky. I could hear Lan-I-Mata, but…her lips weren’t moving; her voice incoherent. I tried to sit up and I could feel the blood pumping through my veins. A dull roar started to fill my ears. And then like a switch, it was silent.
I turned to look at Lan-I-Mata, I felt sluggish as if I was in water. You have found it, young one… I remember blinking, confusion. Lan-I-Mata held a finger to her lips. Yet I heard her words? You are in balance…not pouring your energy into the aetheric flow, not allowing yourself to be overwhelmed… She took my hand and helped me to my feet. I looked around, the colors….were so vibrant. It felt like the very ground we walked upon pulsed. You are sensing the flow, observing, neither giving or taking….
It…was so beautiful. I do not know how long we walked, Lan-I-Mata simply allowed me to explore. I would stop to smell a flower, curiously watch the water ripple by, or run my sensitive fingers over the jagged edges of the rocks. I found a small field mouse, held it in my hand as I stared intently into it’s small black eyes. And I felt like I understood it’s pain…yet was not burdened. It’s fight was it’s fight alone unless it asked for help. I put the creature down and turned in amazement and wonder. I felt uplifted, free….
As the sun started to slide into it’s descent, the youthful creature directed me back to the cave. She wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and added a few more logs to the fire. Lan-I-Mata turned at that moment, observing me. She then started to speak.
You have found the balance. I know you will ask, so I will say now, your balance came from letting go. You no longer carry the burden of others. Your compassion, your greatest gift and weakness, shall ebb and flow much like the Moon rising and setting. There will be times, where you will once again carry the burdens of others. Choose wisely and free yourself as you need. Carry the burden for too long, you will start draining again. You will be able to return to this place as often as you need, to re-align yourself.
My eyelids felt heavy, I think I nodded. Lan-I-Mata took my hand and held it, her other hand moving to wipe across my cheek. I was crying? I didn’t even recall starting to cry. And then I was wrapping my arms tightly around the Padjal. I was sure she would scold me….but she did not. In the heavy silence following, Lan-I-Mata held my shoulders and smiled at me. You have earned yourself some time. You will know if and when you will need my assistance again…
She pressed a kiss to my forehead, in the same comforting fashion Ace gave me. And exhaustion overcame me….
I woke some time later, Lan-I-Mata is not here. The fire is dimming back into coals. The sun and moon are dancing along the skyline. She left me a note, telling me to contact the Conjurer’s Guild if I need to speak with her again…. Lonely? I pondered the emotion. Yes, she challenged me, didn’t make sense at times. How she could think I was…done? Well, not done, but ready?
The effects of the tea are still quite obvious. The intense colors, the sensitivity to my flesh. I know I need to get off this mountainside, I am starting to get cold. I hope that I can start using aether shortly, it’s a very humbling…baring experience, to be without it. Until it comes back, I am a but a simple female.
