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Poe’s Journal Entry
There is hesitation in the writing, blots of ink where the pen seemed to pause…I…I don’t even know where to begin. I feel like, Gods. Everything is a fucking mess….
After my talk with Rose, I checked with the innkeeper if I had messages. I did, one from Relan. After quickly reading it, I was almost sick. Relan’s house ransacked? His storage cleaned out? My herbs…my way to pay…for anything, gone. Relan included the receipt Davin and him found. Looks like a meal for three at the Bismark. I was planning on running over there to question the waitstaff, but I didn’t want to go alone. I mean, the Bismark is pretty damn fancy. The best fish kabobs hands down, but I couldn’t just strut in there…and I had limited gil, I couldn’t just sit down and enjoy a meal and get my information that way. I know Relan would try to give me some gil to make ends meet, but the old man has done enough for me.
I figured if I could talk to a few of the crew, maybe someone, anyone would have some ideas on how to get the information. I headed to the ship…E…he…is gone. I mean, I didn’t know him well, but….I was there too late…there was nothing I could do. Rose pulled me aside, tried to fill me in. But suddenly, this man appeared with others backing him. Lina wouldn’t let go of E, this man was saying Lina needed to go with him. And then, it erupted. I tried to remember Lan-I-Mata’s orders; I kept toward the back, can’t be of help if I am injured or dead. So…much blood.
Kora and Rose…so strong and gifted. I could never manage to take down an attacker the way they did. Beautiful…strong females. Something to aspire to some day…
Ry got cut open. I immediately went to tend to him and he tried to shrug me off, insisting he was ok. I -saw- that knife slice into him. And, oddly….as I healed him, I sensed further wounds…he hadn’t told me of these. I didn’t say anything but I hope the look was enough. I knew.
Then I heard someone shouting for help for Rose. I rushed to her…she was covered in blood. A mess…her arm did indeed have a cut and I did my best to patch her up. While I working on her injury, a stranger approached. Who was this guy? I quickly moved over to ask him who he was. Thankfully a friend of Woozy’s. I didn’t realize Woozy was sending more help, but it seemed we could use all the help we could. The bodies, the blood….every where…..
It seemed Lina and S’anhu had left. I was finishing my conversation with the stranger, introduced himself as Tsol. Ace pauses as he was leaving, looked at me and said S’anhu said he was sorry…and some other stuff. I couldn’t read his expression, he looked tired, but I remember immediately insisting that Ace was joking with me. Kora was right there…I felt…horrible. Yes…yes I have feelings for her mate. Her mate… And I will keep my mouth shut. It’s not something I will act on, I just… A large blot of ink is at the pause in the sentence.
I wanted to check on Ryillin, find out exactly why he had not spoken of these other injuries sooner. Stubborn really is a word to describe him. I found him, out on the edge of the ship. At first he wouldn’t even come down. I could tell he was trying to wrap bandages around himself. Gods…I could heal him and he was trying to bandage himself up. I need to remind him there are no points for being an injured hero….who is just….stubborn. Eventually he did….and he said he was sorry. I didn’t want him to apologize for being injured, but then…he said it was for the other evening. Oh…right. That…
While I tended to the wounds on his back, I rambled, I know I did. But I tried to explain…maybe I did? I don’t remember. I just wanted some honesty…and even awkward emotions fade with time…It would all be alright. Just had to get through this next bit. But Ry wouldn’t turn to look at me until I finally requested he did, I knew he still had wounds on his chest. He did….the scars…I had overhead him earlier speak about what he had gone through. I didn’t realize the damage though. Clearly the damn thing tried to rip his very heart out. I felt inadequate at that moment, realizing I could only help heal the tenderness, give the muscle and skin some flexibility back. As I went about casting, I heard him murmur something. Something intimate about how I heal? Flustered…yes, I was. No one had ever commented really…I mean, yes, I remember my first trainer at the Conjurer’s guild when we moved to Gridania. He was always yelling at me for opening myself to much during the process. Later, Lan-I-Mata helped me realize I put so much of myself, my compassion into the spells…I guess it is intimate.
I didn’t try to explain this though…He was looking at me, I couldn’t tell if he was confused. I just…I don’t even know. We quickly moved down to check on any others still on deck. Approached the table and…I guess bad timing would be mild. I caught a few words…was Kora pregnant? I couldn’t stay there, Ami and her were talking and I just…I had to get out. I quickly went down below and came upon Rose and Tsol speaking. They wrapped up and Rose asked if I was ready to head back to get some rest.
As we started our trek, Rose stopped. And then she said Ry was sorry. Dear Menphina….the apologies. I just nodded and told her he had said so in person. And then she said S’anhu had told Rose that Ace thought she hated him. So off we were to find Ace…she wanted to speak to him. We found him, tucked away in Ul’dah with his bird. He was mad, things didn’t seem to be going well with Rose and Ace said him and S’anhu had gotten into an argument. It blew up. The whole conversation. I see both their sides, I even tried to say they cared about each other so much they were arguing about arguing. It didn’t help, Ace left and both were mad. I suggested a night to think on everything. Sometimes its hard to process thoughts and feelings…especially after they are brought to light so quickly…I guess…that goes for me too. Ace told me…Rose knew too; Kora and S’anhu…she had been pregnant but they had made a choice to not go through…. I can’t lie, my mind was whirling, I was confused. I had heard nothing of this, though part of it makes sense. He has been withdrawn…since he met her, they spent more time away together…perhaps they were nesting, planning and preparing their future together… I can only imagine how they both must be hurting…I pray that Menphina will…will find a time for them to once again have the chance at life….
Fuck…that hurts to even write, but they are together and this doesn’t involve me and I just want happiness for them…
We headed back to the inn. Ran into S’anhu…well…I tried to hide behind Rose. I wanted to throw up, Rose spoke to him briefly. Honestly, it was in one ear and out the other; all I could keep thinking about was everything…so much had happened, I now knew so much more…. I shouldn’t even know this stuff.
Rose went to the room. S’anhu and I stood there awkwardly a moment. We each offered a simple apology. I don’t even know why he apologized or for what….mine was…fuck, it was for everything.
