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Poe's Journal Entry
Where…to start? So much happened, how can I keep it all straight?
Rose pulled me aside. She had a message from Ryillin…he would just hurt me and was no good at relationships. Rose was confused and I found myself irritated. I have been trying to offer my friendship to Ryillin, he has been pushing me away and then he tells Rose this? I understand, I mean, Rose asked me had I been looking at Ry. I dunno, have I? It seems I am a sucker for the broken birds. I was ashamed to admit it, I am lonely. It’s not about sex, dear Gods. I am far too inexperienced to have a craving for something like that. I just miss…that closeness, the snuggling; being able to feel the their heartbeat. And…somehow, I have managed a lot of rejection from men. If I could find my sense of humor I would have told Rose I will only snuggle with females from now. But…I guess the rejection has still made me feel a little raw…sore. Rose better watch it! She will find me crying and spooning her at this rate. A small smiley face is beside this last statement.
Ace and S’anhu…I know sometimes males just need to sorta fight it out. But I saw Ace’s face…they got into a fight…Called over the pearl, S’anhu wasn’t breathing. Ry was going to meet me in Costa, so he quickly ported me to Ace and S’anhu. And…I had mixed emotions. I haven’t spoken to S’anhu since he…since he lied about his feelings for me. I healed him though. He started breathing…Lina showed up, which was good. S’anhu needs the ones he wants around him. I went to speak to Ace. He seemed to have plans, talking to Ruhan. Ace…damnit Ace. Why did you say it like that? I know he was just trying to let me know I could go back and make sure S’anhu was ok. But…I never said I loved him. Not…out loud. And it doesn’t matter anyway. Stupid stupid thoughts. Stupid feelings. I hate them. All of them! Everyone has done such a grand job shutting them off around me…why can’t I?
I went back to S’anhu and Lina. I sorta lost it, I just, I don’t want to see them fighting. They…are…were…they are friends…I gave my best advice. To them both, him and Lina. Ace needs his friends…but they can’t just force things back to the way they were. Ace needs…little steps. I hope they heard me…maybe I am wrong. But I think Ace is hurt…he needs others to be gentle with him. Ace needs some time.
Ry came over the pearl, sounded mad. I know some stuff went down with Ace, Ruhan, Rose and Ryillin. I missed what exactly, I know there was a question about a deal with the fateweaver…the Gods never listen to my pleas. I apologized to S’anhu. An apology would be the best way to say goodbye. Kora will take care of him, he has his friends. S’anhu will pull through.
I met Ry out at Costa. He was irritated. I tried to calm him down, he kept apologizing for being emotional. Fuck, am I not one who would understand? I brought him down to show him the space we would use. He was irritable. Gods, rejected again, I am just trying to offer innocent friendship. Alicen showed up along with Ace and Rose. If anything…they brought a smile to my face. Ace and Rose….maybe they are working things out?
Ace and Ry got into it…Ry left but returned. They argued a bit more…but in the end I think it smoothed out. And…drinking. Easy to have a lot when someone is serving the drinks. Ace and Rose left, Ry and I started arguing some more…well…I guess it was arguing. He just kept saying he would hurt me. Why don’t I ever get a choice in anything?
Seriously….why don’t I?
