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Poe's Journal Entry
I couldn't write...not for a while. The pain I have caused...if nothing else, I have shown myself I am not above hurting others. When I talked with Ry, I tried to explain that I didn't think our story, our journey was done...the timing was not right, perhaps? He had been the one who kept pointing out I didn't know, how could I know that being with Joundi wasn't right for me. I didn't want to listen to that, but it kept stewing inside my head...and my heart. And in anger, I lashed out. At everyone.
I hope there will be a day they can all forgive me. I never meant to hurt any of them. But Lan-I-Mata pointed out, I can't stay stuck in the past, I must be in the present, the here and now. So we move forward.
Relan's health continues to deteriorate. He doesn't want me to know, his son, Davin was the one who told me. I need to plan a time to see him, I had stopped by his shop and found it closed. He wasn't there. I can only hope he took my letter to heart when I asked him to go to the hot springs for healing and rest.
I have kept the Willow wood safe. I dream nightly about growing it in front of a house...a home. And I have willingly let go of the trying to keep up with all the merchant business. After I saw Gel at his party, I found Zam. I didn't know she was still with them. It had been some time since I saw her and she continues to do great work for that crew. Gave her a pearl and told her to talk to the Captain. Zam already agreed to sell any harvests I have, so I can focus on the Shroud, my Mender duties and my friends.
Joundi has agreed to teach me how to use my staff as a defensive weapon. With everything that has happened, I fear what would become of me if I could not use my spells. It has also been my drive to pick the bow back up. I will admit, I am horrible. My arms shake, it's awkward. But with time, perhaps it will become easier. Ouma showed Raih and I some stuff and I keep practicing that when I have the chance. I know I will not be the Huntress that some are...but if I can keep myself safe, perhaps that is good enough.
Jaxio came sputtering to me this evening, Mota...is gone. He had only caught wind of it while flittering about the shroud, collecting carrots for the stew I am making. She has been missing for several days. Jaxio said a mage confirmed the child she carries is male. I didn't think...she had it in her to leave. Part of me is tempted to go see her...find her, but I am still so angry....it is only because she carries Ry's child that I haven't killed her with my bare hands.
We have some new crew members, poor Captain has subjected himself to some interesting things. (Thinking he was me???) I adore the Miqo'te addition, she brings sunshine where it has been so dark. Perhaps things will improve with this new energy.
