~15th Sun of the 2nd Astral Moon, 1578~
(3/15/14)
I tried my hardest. I really did.
I do not know why I randomly have these berserk fits when I blank out. No one knows. I cannot even find evidence of anyone else in the world with this issue. I've gone to so many people, tried all kinds of things. Nothing works. Not even warriors, the masters of controlling one's rage, could help me. I am alone in my battle.
I refuse to hurt Alice because of it... so I left her. What a strange thing to write. She would not let me go. Clinging to me and begging me to stay. It hurt so, so much to see her cry. To literally shove her away from me. I think she actually cried until sleep took her. Otherwise, she likely would've kept crying forever. I am disgusting. I have done what I promised I would never do. I caused her pain and I left her. The times I have told myself that I didn't deserve her... I was right. How dare I think things could've worked out between us? How dare I?
I left her a little over half of my personal savings and the keys to my house. I won't be needing them any longer. My new home is in Coerthas now. A small, freezing, and... worst of all... lonely cabin in the snowy mountains. I quit my job as a bodyguard. I quit my job as an alchemist. I wanted to erase myself. For making Alice cry, I shouldn't exist. How can I? If I don't have her anymore?
Sleep will not come to me. I brought a pillow with her scent on it with me. It smells like her hair. How can I sleep knowing she's not here? Not in my arms? Cold. It's too cold, here. I miss you, Alice.
...I miss you.
~
((The writing is rushed, sloppy. The ink is also heavily smeared. Tiny, dried wet spots litter the parchment.))
