Like a lot of you nerds, I've been roleplaying for a while. MMO roleplay for about ten years and chatroom/forum roleplay since I was around eleven and mary-sueing it up. During that time, I've come into this problem over and over again, both happening to my own characters and then seeing it happen to others. I find it frustrating at times, not because I feel that every character I've ever made has to fall into a romantic subplot, but because having someone stalk you or someone you know online takes swiftly takes the fun of the game and sends it into unsettling territory.
On a personal note, I've had online stalking even end up at the point where some characters of mine ended up being retired exclusively due to being stalked, and having to report one person who took the stalking out of character, off the game, and ended up sending wildly inappropriate pictures to my personal email which was set up on the game's forums (always use PMs, guys. Don't list your email, even if it's a gaming email account).
Because of that, I've come up with a wee process that I tend to follow when it comes to roleplay in general and romance RP in specific.
First off, always look for red flags in behavior or in how the person interacts, either the character or the player OOCly. I find that I'm a fairly good judge of people, and if something clicks as wrong, strange, or even "sorta boring" to me, I'll tend to put the kibosh on deep relationships or plotlines fast. "Sorta boring" as a worry category came into the list because that was where the person with the inappropriate pictures happened, by the way. I'm not really much of a snob.
Secondly, I look for flags that the person is a bad drama factory. You can have friends who you like and enjoy talking to, and drama is what DRIVES good roleplay, but fabricating GOOD drama as opposed to hopping onto the lame, forced, or disturbing drama train and never getting off can be a sign that not everything is going well with the person and that they should be reaching out for help in the real world. At that point, it's time to set the IC relationship DOWN. Weird or creepy plotlines aren't always an indicator of someone who has something wrong going on, but you'd be surprised how often it can be a cry for help.
Thirdly, constant appeals for attention are a bad, obvious sign. Saying hello when someone logs in most days is one thing. Clamoring for that person or characters attention to the exclusion of any and all others? That's weird, dangerous territory, especially if the person begins to get openly upset or take things to tells in appeal to you OOC in an attempt to manipulate you into spending time with him or her. I've got people I enjoy roleplaying with, sure, but normally I'll sit down and jam with just about anybody. I can find something to do. I don't need to camp one person and get furious if their eyes wander. I won't even PRETEND I think that my characters are that fascinating (this is a good thing, considering that one of the biggest running jokes in my FC is how badly everybody wants to punch my current main character...Often including myself).
Fourth, I never, ever plan out a romance out of character. It'll either happen organically as a result of roleplay or it won't happen at all.
Fifth, if an IC relationship ends up taking a foray into romantic territory, I'll normally talk to the player about it OOCly and confirm that everything is alright. For example, I actually prefer roleplaying out romances with players who are already in HAPPY relationships for a whole lot of reasons that eventually boil down to the fact that I can really count on them not fantasizing about the relationship going out of character. That being said, I also will obviously make sure to respect any rules or boundaries that someone will put in place because, well, this is all a big game and we're here to have fun, not cause trouble for other people.
Sicth and most importantly? If I end up getting a stalker that disrupts my time on the game then he or she is blacklisted. Immediately. If they continue to harass me on alts or by running up to me and trying to engage through something that can go through the blacklist filter (/emotes, for example, used to go that in Guild Wars 2), then I'll immediately report that person for harassment to a GM.
To Blue, I say that I understand why you choose not to engage in romantic roleplay. There are a lot of reasons it can be worrisome, and navigating it at all can end up a landmine. I'm not at all belittling you for it.
But I believe you should have taken one of the gilsellers off of your blacklist and stuck that person on a long, long time before it reached this point. This is why the blacklist exists, and you could have ended the interaction a long time ago. I'm not going to say something like "It's your fault", because you weren't the person who started it, but you let it all go on way, way too long and you interacted with the other player long enough for him or her to get attached and that is BAD.
What you're dealing with right now if the fallout from that.
In the future, remember the Blacklist exists, and that it's there to protect you and help you enjoy the game before things get this bad.
*drops mic*
*signs*
And I'm out.
On a personal note, I've had online stalking even end up at the point where some characters of mine ended up being retired exclusively due to being stalked, and having to report one person who took the stalking out of character, off the game, and ended up sending wildly inappropriate pictures to my personal email which was set up on the game's forums (always use PMs, guys. Don't list your email, even if it's a gaming email account).
Because of that, I've come up with a wee process that I tend to follow when it comes to roleplay in general and romance RP in specific.
First off, always look for red flags in behavior or in how the person interacts, either the character or the player OOCly. I find that I'm a fairly good judge of people, and if something clicks as wrong, strange, or even "sorta boring" to me, I'll tend to put the kibosh on deep relationships or plotlines fast. "Sorta boring" as a worry category came into the list because that was where the person with the inappropriate pictures happened, by the way. I'm not really much of a snob.
Secondly, I look for flags that the person is a bad drama factory. You can have friends who you like and enjoy talking to, and drama is what DRIVES good roleplay, but fabricating GOOD drama as opposed to hopping onto the lame, forced, or disturbing drama train and never getting off can be a sign that not everything is going well with the person and that they should be reaching out for help in the real world. At that point, it's time to set the IC relationship DOWN. Weird or creepy plotlines aren't always an indicator of someone who has something wrong going on, but you'd be surprised how often it can be a cry for help.
Thirdly, constant appeals for attention are a bad, obvious sign. Saying hello when someone logs in most days is one thing. Clamoring for that person or characters attention to the exclusion of any and all others? That's weird, dangerous territory, especially if the person begins to get openly upset or take things to tells in appeal to you OOC in an attempt to manipulate you into spending time with him or her. I've got people I enjoy roleplaying with, sure, but normally I'll sit down and jam with just about anybody. I can find something to do. I don't need to camp one person and get furious if their eyes wander. I won't even PRETEND I think that my characters are that fascinating (this is a good thing, considering that one of the biggest running jokes in my FC is how badly everybody wants to punch my current main character...Often including myself).
Fourth, I never, ever plan out a romance out of character. It'll either happen organically as a result of roleplay or it won't happen at all.
Fifth, if an IC relationship ends up taking a foray into romantic territory, I'll normally talk to the player about it OOCly and confirm that everything is alright. For example, I actually prefer roleplaying out romances with players who are already in HAPPY relationships for a whole lot of reasons that eventually boil down to the fact that I can really count on them not fantasizing about the relationship going out of character. That being said, I also will obviously make sure to respect any rules or boundaries that someone will put in place because, well, this is all a big game and we're here to have fun, not cause trouble for other people.
Sicth and most importantly? If I end up getting a stalker that disrupts my time on the game then he or she is blacklisted. Immediately. If they continue to harass me on alts or by running up to me and trying to engage through something that can go through the blacklist filter (/emotes, for example, used to go that in Guild Wars 2), then I'll immediately report that person for harassment to a GM.
To Blue, I say that I understand why you choose not to engage in romantic roleplay. There are a lot of reasons it can be worrisome, and navigating it at all can end up a landmine. I'm not at all belittling you for it.
But I believe you should have taken one of the gilsellers off of your blacklist and stuck that person on a long, long time before it reached this point. This is why the blacklist exists, and you could have ended the interaction a long time ago. I'm not going to say something like "It's your fault", because you weren't the person who started it, but you let it all go on way, way too long and you interacted with the other player long enough for him or her to get attached and that is BAD.
What you're dealing with right now if the fallout from that.
In the future, remember the Blacklist exists, and that it's there to protect you and help you enjoy the game before things get this bad.
*drops mic*
*signs*
And I'm out.
Characters: M'sato Tia (Lost Soul Seeker), Soren Walker (Ishgardian Midlander Pilot), Solomon Laguerre (Elezen Mercenary/Bar Manager)
Send me a PM if you feel like RP!
Send me a PM if you feel like RP!