Roen's anger had begun to slowly ebb away as she focused on what Crofte was saying. Those were the very hopes she had harbored since she had spoken to the Sworn last, and now Crofte was giving them voice. But that was when Natalie spun around again, after tossing her beret off the bridge into the gully.
"The fuck do you want from me, Roen. My life? Take it," she growled. “An apology? Sure. I can whip one up in no time at a--"
Roen had no time to react as Gharen stepped up and popped Natalie on the nose. The Miqo’te staggered and fell back against the ropes, her nose bleeding.
Natalie rubbed at her nose and laughed. “Is this what you want Roen? For me to feel what you felt?†She rose again to her feet. “Keep going if that's the case."
“Enough!†Hornet roared. "Gharen, Roen, go home."
"Please!" Crofte stepped in front of Natalie, putting herself between the Miqo’te and the rest.
Roen heard none of their pleas. She stepped up next to Gharen, a hand going her brother’s arm to stay any further violence. "No. I do not want your blood on anyone's hands. Why do you think I gave those papers to Crofte? She said she could help more than just me."
Natalie blinked surprised, looking from Roen to the Highlander Sworn. “Crofte…? Who else?â€
Roen did not wait for Crofte to answer as she stepped closer to Natalie, nearly shoving past the Sultansworn in her way. “What I want is some regret in your eyes. Some acknowledgement of the mistake you made. That you betrayed EVERYTHING I gave you. My love. My trust. My faith in you. You destroyed all of that.â€
Natalie blinked, then closed her eyes. "That's why I can't regret. So much was sacrificed. So much." She hung her head low. "And for what? If I regret it all... it means all that, gone." Her voice lowered to a whisper. “For a mistake." She was trembling. “And I can’t say that. I can’t say everything was destroyed… for nothing.â€
Seeing Natalie’s sorrow only fueled hers more. “A part of me died on that boat. Do you know that?†Roen could not stop, and neither did her tears for all of her pain. “Do you know how... how Askier screamed? The pain he was in." She felt herself starting to shake again.
"And yet, and yet I asked him to live," Roen continued. She swallowed, trying to dismiss the constriction in her throat as her voice rose. “And every time he screamed, I knew ... I knew I was not alone on that boat. Do you know what that is like?!† She screamed with all her rage at Natalie, her eyes wide, her voice hoarse. “To be both tormented and relieved by someone else’s agony??â€
"Ser Deneith... Please!" Crofte pleaded.
Natalie met her eyes, darkness creeping into her green Miqo’te gaze. "I can't even imagine." She uttered slowly shaking her head. "That's why... I have to believe it was for something. That some good came of it. Otherwise it's... it's too much."
Hornet came up behind Roen and put a hand on her shoulder, but in reliving her shame and guilt, the unexpected touch made her flinch. She spun away, stepping to grip the ropes on the other side of the bridge. She stared at her white knuckles.
"Roen..." Natalie called out from behind her. “Did Crofte tell you those papers would help Kage.... and myself?"
"This meeting should be ended." Hornet growled.
"Natalie. Enough with that for now." Crofte ordered.
"My sister will not be returning te Ul'dah, yers is a city that does nae wish te be saved.†Gharen rumbled.
"I need to know." Natalie was insistent. “Roen. Who did Crofte tell you the papers would help?â€
Roen felt her breathes come and go, and with each exhale her grip on the ropes loosened just a little. She had come here to meet with Crofte with hope. She was trying hard to remember it now.
“Who Roen?â€
She straightened as she released the ropes, taking another long inhale of the sea air. She turned when she felt that she had regained some composure even though her voice still sounded ragged. “She hoped it would clear all those that it damned." She lifted her eyes towards the Highlander Sworn. "Is that still your hope... Ser Crofte...?"
"Aye, it is, and always has been."
Natalie nearly staggered. "You risked yourself..." she murmured, turning away. “For…â€
"You shut up." Hornet warned.
"I need to go,†Natalie choked out as she shoved past Hornet. Roen did not notice when Hornet turned as well and followed her off the bridge.
Ser Crofte stepped forward, her voice soft and her gaze imploring. "You need not relive those events every night."
"When does it go away...?"
"When you chose to allow it, Ser Deneith." The Highlander Sworn bowed her head slightly, locking gaze with her. "For three years... three years I was forced to serve. All manner of... clients. If I refused, I suffered close to the same fate as you."
Roen blinked, staring at the woman.
"You must not allow it to change you," Crofte said softly. "It is over. Do you understand? It is over, and you survived. Do not make your survival count for naught..." She inhaled. “If you need to talk about it more, I will listen. But that is not why I am here tonight... you understand that?"
Roen bowed her head and nodded. "How certain are you...?" Quiet words that held but mere threads of hope, they emerged quietly from beneath the hood. "That you can clear me of these charges."
"More certain every day.â€
"If you do not bring me in... is what Natalie said true? There will be others?"
Crofte swallowed, her brows furrowing. "Aye, she speaks true. My... our hands have been forced. To my chagrin, the Captain has made us partners in this matter now. Though I retain rank over Ser Mcbeef. We need your testimony as well, of course, the accused has the right to speak her own defense... but you cannot do so here. The accusations of this man, Cicero. They were used to damn all three of you. If we can acquit you, the other two must be as well by association, as he accused all three for the incident at the mines." She glanced to Gharen who was now glaring at her before she continued. "The only matter I am unsure of is that of your brother."
"I do nae care how Ul'dah regards me Miss Crofte.†Gharen crossed his arms, stepping up close behind Roen. “An' regardless o' how yer captain thinks I don' think it wise fer my sister te turn herself in. Th' sworn have shown themselves te be corruptible in th' face o' th' syndicate before."
Roen stared off the bridge to the ravine below, her thoughts whirling. She had been pondering these possibilities for many nights now. “If... I am acquitted... then perhaps all implicated would be as well. Including my brother. Lilliana tracked us all, when I was meeting with the Resistance. She said she had no interest in arresting any of them."
“Then you have even more to hope for, aye?" Crofte sounded hopeful, looking from Gharen to Roen.
A long silence fell between them. A gust of wind tossed her cloak this way and that about her as Roen stood stalk-still, her thoughts lost to possibilities. She had not shared with Gharen what she had been pondering, for she knew he would not like it. And despite the angry exchange with Natalie, it had not wavered the decision Roen silently made before arriving at the lighthouse.
"As I have always said..." Crofte broke the silence. "You have time to consider the options."
"But next time it may not be you."
"Aye, and I would prefer this be resolved tonight... this is not my choice to make."
Roen bowed her head and she could feel Gharen’s eyes upon her even without looking up. She spoke quietly. “Gharen. I know you do not want me doing this.†She turned and drew her hood back, looking at him fully. “I do not want to be a fugitive. I do not want you to be a fugitive."
"Yer right I don'." He said quietly to her, his jaw set. He casted a look towards Crofte who was retreating off the bridge. "I believe ye te be an honorable woman an tha' ye'll hold te yer word.â€
The Sultansworn turned at the end of the bridge just as she watched Hornet return, passing her. "Ser Wolfsong, my life is forfeit if I do otherwise."
"More'n yer life is forfeit if'n ye fail. Ul'dah is a city tha' does nae with te be saved, an if'n they wish te regard me as a terrorist the'll see jus' what kind o' a holy terror I can be if'n ye fail.â€
“Gharen,†Roen looked up at her brother, her eyes lucid and focused, having shed the fury and the shame that raged in them before. She waited until Gharen turned his eyes back to her, and she sensed his reluctance. As if he knew what she was going to say. And he did not want to hear it.
She said it anyway. “I am turning myself in.â€
"The fuck do you want from me, Roen. My life? Take it," she growled. “An apology? Sure. I can whip one up in no time at a--"
Roen had no time to react as Gharen stepped up and popped Natalie on the nose. The Miqo’te staggered and fell back against the ropes, her nose bleeding.
Natalie rubbed at her nose and laughed. “Is this what you want Roen? For me to feel what you felt?†She rose again to her feet. “Keep going if that's the case."
“Enough!†Hornet roared. "Gharen, Roen, go home."
"Please!" Crofte stepped in front of Natalie, putting herself between the Miqo’te and the rest.
Roen heard none of their pleas. She stepped up next to Gharen, a hand going her brother’s arm to stay any further violence. "No. I do not want your blood on anyone's hands. Why do you think I gave those papers to Crofte? She said she could help more than just me."
Natalie blinked surprised, looking from Roen to the Highlander Sworn. “Crofte…? Who else?â€
Roen did not wait for Crofte to answer as she stepped closer to Natalie, nearly shoving past the Sultansworn in her way. “What I want is some regret in your eyes. Some acknowledgement of the mistake you made. That you betrayed EVERYTHING I gave you. My love. My trust. My faith in you. You destroyed all of that.â€
Natalie blinked, then closed her eyes. "That's why I can't regret. So much was sacrificed. So much." She hung her head low. "And for what? If I regret it all... it means all that, gone." Her voice lowered to a whisper. “For a mistake." She was trembling. “And I can’t say that. I can’t say everything was destroyed… for nothing.â€
Seeing Natalie’s sorrow only fueled hers more. “A part of me died on that boat. Do you know that?†Roen could not stop, and neither did her tears for all of her pain. “Do you know how... how Askier screamed? The pain he was in." She felt herself starting to shake again.
"And yet, and yet I asked him to live," Roen continued. She swallowed, trying to dismiss the constriction in her throat as her voice rose. “And every time he screamed, I knew ... I knew I was not alone on that boat. Do you know what that is like?!† She screamed with all her rage at Natalie, her eyes wide, her voice hoarse. “To be both tormented and relieved by someone else’s agony??â€
"Ser Deneith... Please!" Crofte pleaded.
Natalie met her eyes, darkness creeping into her green Miqo’te gaze. "I can't even imagine." She uttered slowly shaking her head. "That's why... I have to believe it was for something. That some good came of it. Otherwise it's... it's too much."
Hornet came up behind Roen and put a hand on her shoulder, but in reliving her shame and guilt, the unexpected touch made her flinch. She spun away, stepping to grip the ropes on the other side of the bridge. She stared at her white knuckles.
"Roen..." Natalie called out from behind her. “Did Crofte tell you those papers would help Kage.... and myself?"
"This meeting should be ended." Hornet growled.
"Natalie. Enough with that for now." Crofte ordered.
"My sister will not be returning te Ul'dah, yers is a city that does nae wish te be saved.†Gharen rumbled.
"I need to know." Natalie was insistent. “Roen. Who did Crofte tell you the papers would help?â€
Roen felt her breathes come and go, and with each exhale her grip on the ropes loosened just a little. She had come here to meet with Crofte with hope. She was trying hard to remember it now.
“Who Roen?â€
She straightened as she released the ropes, taking another long inhale of the sea air. She turned when she felt that she had regained some composure even though her voice still sounded ragged. “She hoped it would clear all those that it damned." She lifted her eyes towards the Highlander Sworn. "Is that still your hope... Ser Crofte...?"
"Aye, it is, and always has been."
Natalie nearly staggered. "You risked yourself..." she murmured, turning away. “For…â€
"You shut up." Hornet warned.
"I need to go,†Natalie choked out as she shoved past Hornet. Roen did not notice when Hornet turned as well and followed her off the bridge.
Ser Crofte stepped forward, her voice soft and her gaze imploring. "You need not relive those events every night."
"When does it go away...?"
"When you chose to allow it, Ser Deneith." The Highlander Sworn bowed her head slightly, locking gaze with her. "For three years... three years I was forced to serve. All manner of... clients. If I refused, I suffered close to the same fate as you."
Roen blinked, staring at the woman.
"You must not allow it to change you," Crofte said softly. "It is over. Do you understand? It is over, and you survived. Do not make your survival count for naught..." She inhaled. “If you need to talk about it more, I will listen. But that is not why I am here tonight... you understand that?"
Roen bowed her head and nodded. "How certain are you...?" Quiet words that held but mere threads of hope, they emerged quietly from beneath the hood. "That you can clear me of these charges."
"More certain every day.â€
"If you do not bring me in... is what Natalie said true? There will be others?"
Crofte swallowed, her brows furrowing. "Aye, she speaks true. My... our hands have been forced. To my chagrin, the Captain has made us partners in this matter now. Though I retain rank over Ser Mcbeef. We need your testimony as well, of course, the accused has the right to speak her own defense... but you cannot do so here. The accusations of this man, Cicero. They were used to damn all three of you. If we can acquit you, the other two must be as well by association, as he accused all three for the incident at the mines." She glanced to Gharen who was now glaring at her before she continued. "The only matter I am unsure of is that of your brother."
"I do nae care how Ul'dah regards me Miss Crofte.†Gharen crossed his arms, stepping up close behind Roen. “An' regardless o' how yer captain thinks I don' think it wise fer my sister te turn herself in. Th' sworn have shown themselves te be corruptible in th' face o' th' syndicate before."
Roen stared off the bridge to the ravine below, her thoughts whirling. She had been pondering these possibilities for many nights now. “If... I am acquitted... then perhaps all implicated would be as well. Including my brother. Lilliana tracked us all, when I was meeting with the Resistance. She said she had no interest in arresting any of them."
“Then you have even more to hope for, aye?" Crofte sounded hopeful, looking from Gharen to Roen.
A long silence fell between them. A gust of wind tossed her cloak this way and that about her as Roen stood stalk-still, her thoughts lost to possibilities. She had not shared with Gharen what she had been pondering, for she knew he would not like it. And despite the angry exchange with Natalie, it had not wavered the decision Roen silently made before arriving at the lighthouse.
"As I have always said..." Crofte broke the silence. "You have time to consider the options."
"But next time it may not be you."
"Aye, and I would prefer this be resolved tonight... this is not my choice to make."
Roen bowed her head and she could feel Gharen’s eyes upon her even without looking up. She spoke quietly. “Gharen. I know you do not want me doing this.†She turned and drew her hood back, looking at him fully. “I do not want to be a fugitive. I do not want you to be a fugitive."
"Yer right I don'." He said quietly to her, his jaw set. He casted a look towards Crofte who was retreating off the bridge. "I believe ye te be an honorable woman an tha' ye'll hold te yer word.â€
The Sultansworn turned at the end of the bridge just as she watched Hornet return, passing her. "Ser Wolfsong, my life is forfeit if I do otherwise."
"More'n yer life is forfeit if'n ye fail. Ul'dah is a city tha' does nae with te be saved, an if'n they wish te regard me as a terrorist the'll see jus' what kind o' a holy terror I can be if'n ye fail.â€
“Gharen,†Roen looked up at her brother, her eyes lucid and focused, having shed the fury and the shame that raged in them before. She waited until Gharen turned his eyes back to her, and she sensed his reluctance. As if he knew what she was going to say. And he did not want to hear it.
She said it anyway. “I am turning myself in.â€
