Entry Five
New Dawn Rising
I once believed my life was simple, that all I was meant to do in this world was my pursuit of knowledge, particularly of Gelmorra. It was a search of salvation for all my kind, we Duskwights. Yet, I have found the world-at-large to be an unforgiving place, where simply being a Duskwight equates to being naught more than a brigand and miscreant. After several less-choice encounters, I resolved to keep what I was from others. Eorzeans most seem to be unable to distinguish a Duskwight from a Wildwood, especially one of my coloration, and when I exercise their prejudices as a smokescreen. They seem all-too-willing to pass judgement and scrutinize others, all while dismissing the shadow in their midst.
It is because of this deception and the general mistreatment of my kind since our resurfacing, that it is my tendency to keep others at arm's length. Courteous, by all means, but wary. My spirit might have once been broken, my heart hardened like the rest of my kin, but there is something to be said about second chances. It has never been in me to question why the Twelve or the Fates decided to spare my life, only that I was given an unlooked-for opportunity to begin things anew.
So, I turned to study, finding my way in the world through books and knowledge. I cleaved more to the tales and histories of times long since dead, rather than face the hazards of hatred and bigotry among people. It was enough for a time, but even the most wayward soul eventually needs some kind of solace in connection. It was then that I'd decided to join one of the Free Companies; there were many that served beneath the Adder banners, so finding one of good repute was not difficult. It was even as if their name was a portent, these Harbingers of the Dawn, for this would be the dawning of a new chapter in my life.
It has been an interesting time, getting to know my new Company-mates. Some have seemed congenial, others aloof, and yet others downright dangerous... but I've not been witness to the same kind of bigotry and hatred as I have seen outside these walls. It has given me hope that me and my kind may yet find acceptance somewhere... but I am still reticent to reveal myself to many. Not that I favor deception, but more that it is habit
Still, I have managed to befriend a fair few. Foremost among them has been a Bard by name of Astroix Vauroux, whose pain and guardedness were readily apparent from the start. It was my thought to gift him with an act of kindness -- returning the precious journal that he'd left behind in the Estate's tavern -- perhaps to break that guarded demeanor. What was meant only as a simple gesture has snowballed into a torrent of ... affection that I feel largely unprepared for. It was never my intent to make him feel thus, only to provide a means by which he could escape the dismal prison in which he had bound himself.
Now I feel myself netted in a trap of my own making, for I fear that any rebuff on my part now would be seen as rejection, thus driving him further behind his walls and adding to his pain. It is not something I long to instigate, but nor can I continue to have him believe that there is a relationship between us when there is none. I know him none at all, nor does he know me. There is no basis for it, no foundation. Anything built upon such an illusion is doomed for failure and that would harm him more in the long run than anything.
If there were any I trusted that knew him, I might ask their advice in how to deal with him. However, it is not my wish to shame or defame him, either. He is merely lost and confused from the devastating loss of his bonded companion and love. He needs help of a kind that I have not the skill nor experience to give him, but it will fall to him to seek it out. I can only hope that in the days ahead he comes to realize how dangerous this is for him, emotionally, and find some manner of resolution, rather than trying to mask it beneath the empty phantasm of a relationship spun out of thin air.
New Dawn Rising
I once believed my life was simple, that all I was meant to do in this world was my pursuit of knowledge, particularly of Gelmorra. It was a search of salvation for all my kind, we Duskwights. Yet, I have found the world-at-large to be an unforgiving place, where simply being a Duskwight equates to being naught more than a brigand and miscreant. After several less-choice encounters, I resolved to keep what I was from others. Eorzeans most seem to be unable to distinguish a Duskwight from a Wildwood, especially one of my coloration, and when I exercise their prejudices as a smokescreen. They seem all-too-willing to pass judgement and scrutinize others, all while dismissing the shadow in their midst.
It is because of this deception and the general mistreatment of my kind since our resurfacing, that it is my tendency to keep others at arm's length. Courteous, by all means, but wary. My spirit might have once been broken, my heart hardened like the rest of my kin, but there is something to be said about second chances. It has never been in me to question why the Twelve or the Fates decided to spare my life, only that I was given an unlooked-for opportunity to begin things anew.
So, I turned to study, finding my way in the world through books and knowledge. I cleaved more to the tales and histories of times long since dead, rather than face the hazards of hatred and bigotry among people. It was enough for a time, but even the most wayward soul eventually needs some kind of solace in connection. It was then that I'd decided to join one of the Free Companies; there were many that served beneath the Adder banners, so finding one of good repute was not difficult. It was even as if their name was a portent, these Harbingers of the Dawn, for this would be the dawning of a new chapter in my life.
☼ ☼ ☼
It has been an interesting time, getting to know my new Company-mates. Some have seemed congenial, others aloof, and yet others downright dangerous... but I've not been witness to the same kind of bigotry and hatred as I have seen outside these walls. It has given me hope that me and my kind may yet find acceptance somewhere... but I am still reticent to reveal myself to many. Not that I favor deception, but more that it is habit
Still, I have managed to befriend a fair few. Foremost among them has been a Bard by name of Astroix Vauroux, whose pain and guardedness were readily apparent from the start. It was my thought to gift him with an act of kindness -- returning the precious journal that he'd left behind in the Estate's tavern -- perhaps to break that guarded demeanor. What was meant only as a simple gesture has snowballed into a torrent of ... affection that I feel largely unprepared for. It was never my intent to make him feel thus, only to provide a means by which he could escape the dismal prison in which he had bound himself.
Now I feel myself netted in a trap of my own making, for I fear that any rebuff on my part now would be seen as rejection, thus driving him further behind his walls and adding to his pain. It is not something I long to instigate, but nor can I continue to have him believe that there is a relationship between us when there is none. I know him none at all, nor does he know me. There is no basis for it, no foundation. Anything built upon such an illusion is doomed for failure and that would harm him more in the long run than anything.
If there were any I trusted that knew him, I might ask their advice in how to deal with him. However, it is not my wish to shame or defame him, either. He is merely lost and confused from the devastating loss of his bonded companion and love. He needs help of a kind that I have not the skill nor experience to give him, but it will fall to him to seek it out. I can only hope that in the days ahead he comes to realize how dangerous this is for him, emotionally, and find some manner of resolution, rather than trying to mask it beneath the empty phantasm of a relationship spun out of thin air.