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ArmachiA · **07-17-2014, 07:45 PM**

Ah, romance RP. It's a thing that I don't avoid but I do not actively look for either.

Here's the thing about romance rp: It can be a great and wonderful thing from a character development stand point. It can be full of drama and intrigue and interesting and fun and teach you all kinds of things about your character. It's always interesting when your character begins to click with someone, especially when you were rather sure they wouldn't click with anyone (I rolled Armi as so awkward I honestly didn't think anyone would be interested).

The problem is many MANY people think it means more than just part of the narrative. Many RPers are only in it to find a romance partner and those people are extremely obvious if you know what to look for. Armi has been in two relationships, both took MONTHS of RP to even see the light of day. The first one from September to November, then the current from February to JULY. MY character doesn't fall easily and it can take a looonnngg time for anything to happen, most of the time those looking for RP romance only will get huffy at me for being slow and then move on.

Honestly I find this like most things, if you think about it. There are players out there who only care about how bad ass their character is and tend to powergame, there are players who only care that their character is winning and will metagame, and then there are players who only care that their characters are in a relationship and get all creepy. These are all people who need some kind of wish fulfilment in RP and are generally types to avoid.

I've been apart of IC relationship drama twice over the ten years I've done rp in MMOs, so it doesn't happen OFTEN to me, but even with me being careful it still happens. One person was convinced my character had a crush on hers and despite me telling her she didn't, she decided I was lying and it turned into a huge drama thing. The other -I- got mad about being lied to OOCly about certain things that I thought were okay and it turned into a whole thing. But it happens. My character has been "stalked" before, but I'm pretty blunt generally (As some of you have seen) and can put it bed fairly easily. If things make me uncomfortable I am really quick to say so.

I'm engaged irl, romance IC means nothing to me OOC. My character is not me and their character is not them. I've been fortunate to have rp partners who agree and therefore drama has been relatively low.

Because of that, I'm not going to stop my character if she has chemistry with someone. I think it's interesting to explore, after a long time has passed of course. None of my character fall for people easily, this is intentional on my part, but if something is happening over the months they know each other I'm okay with letting it progress - as long as I know the player of the other character keeps it IC. None of this shit is real. I used to act all the time, and in a lot of those plays you have to act like your in love - so maybe it's easier for me to fake it?

On the subject of why people talk about it so much ICly: because people talk about it ALL THE TIME in real life. When I'm around my friends, every conversation will inevitably go to the gutter or has people flirting with each other in a joking manner. It's just what humans do - we talk about relationships and sex. I mean, what are we supposed to talk about in social situations if not things that are easy to talk about? I'm certainly not going to have Armi talk about the time she was stabbed by a Garlean or almost killed by her friend, or anything else that happened to her. Conversations in bars are supposed to be light, and sex is a light topic. Armi doesn't think so, but she generally just talks about Tea or her plants.

We talk about it in RP because we talk about it IRL. Nothing much more too it. It also doesn't mean that's all they talk about. I'm sure there are people whose whole lives revolve around it, but this is true of people in IRL as well.

Yune · **07-17-2014, 08:20 PM**

(07-17-2014, 06:53 PM)Gaspard Wrote: The Problem with Relationship RP's in any form is the Human component. As you 'emulate' your characters love to a person, depending how deep you submerse yourself in your 'role', the more you may actually 'feel' something, even on an artificial level. Some people tend to let the RP influence too strongly, thus creating a vicious feedback cycle where their Real life emotions take charge over their IC habits.

THIS.

I've seen this many times over the years of RP, and thought about it in my last post but didn't want to get too long-winded all at once. I've witnessed quite a few people fall into this trap (or perhaps they intended on falling into it all along?), and I think it has to do with people liking the experience of "falling in love" or simply being loved/needed by another person. This may be the result of a lonely life and using MMOs or any type of RP outlet to be the "best version of themself" and achieve that which they are currently lacking in their real life. They don't have to be flawed or alone, as in a fantasy MMO, you are a "hero" and become strong/impressive to your peers based on your deeds and/or awesome end-game gear. The pull one feels to "become" this other person and live out their own fantasies is probably very strong for some, especially those who may have some sort of otaku syndrome where they want to be like their favorite badass anime hero who gets the busty girl with little-to-no effort.

I do enjoy the sensations one can feel during RP. I've met some fantastic people on Balmung since I started, and I'll admit it does give me an "emotional fix" of sorts that I'm not quite privy to in my real and very ordinary life. I am not involved in romance, since I believe my perspective on romance RP is a little more slow-going than most people want to spend their time on. Many prefer to just plan a relationship and begin when you are already "together" so no time is wasted in courtship, but I like the development and deepening of a relationship, seeing that transition from "friends" to "something more". I do not actively seek it out and have an open mind towards it, but it would probably take a very particular set of circumstances for any of my characters to get involved on that roller coaster ride of emotions since I like to be a little more serious and realistic about the process.

When it comes to the clingy people though, as was mentioned, the most you can really do is make your feelings known and get some distance. They may try to pursue the issue and guilt trip you, and I wouldn't say it in real life, but in a game where nothing is real, if someone threatens to "kill their character and never play again"... Let them. Call their bluff, because chances are they're not going to just up and delete all of their hard work just because someone wouldn't cyber with them or be their girlfriend/boyfriend. Forcing someone to be bound to you in such a way is basically akin to slavery and terrorizing you into giving in to only their demands. If a person truly appreciates the romance aspect of RP, they will respect the other person's feelings and presence of free will. Who wants to have someone bound to them who doesn't truly love them anyway?

Just be careful out there, and don't let anyone else bully you just because they're seeking some sort of wish-fulfillment from their own personal issues/insecurities. Everyone has their own particular fantasies and/or secret desires that they will most likely (to varying degrees) try to seek out within this game where they can be someone other than themself. I'll agree with a previous poster that the statement that someone was trying really hard to find a relationship since launch would be a very bright red flag to watch out for. Blist them, perhaps get a GM involved if it goes even further? I'm not sure if they can do anything about harassment, but if they can and the behavior is getting more and more intense, perhaps take a screenshot of your conversation with the person in question who will not leave you alone. I don't know if it will help or if anything could be done about it, but there must be something that could improve things rather than just letting it be and hoping the person can take a hint.

Are there any PC police forces in game where one could file a complaint? Now there's some RP potential right there. lol... Well, assuming everything was still happening IC, as no character really has any business in the matter once it starts delving into OOC...

Kellach Woods · **07-17-2014, 08:39 PM**

I ended up quitting two games because of shit like this.

I feel your pain, and I can tell you it's just not worth the stress to spare their feelings on that.

HonZoMon · **07-17-2014, 10:54 PM**

I'm sure this has been a common topic over the years, in any MMO RP world. Since my character has quite a weakness for the ladies, as well as being hopeless romantic in general. I know I have to tread very carefully.

You would think it's mostly common sense right? No means no.. don't be a creeper. It's those kind of people that ruin the idea of romantic RP for everyone. I always employ the 'tug of war' method, when it comes to RP romance. If I tug on the rope a little and they don't pull back.. Well, they obviously don't want to play. So I drop the rope and move on. For me it's really that simple. Sometimes the other person will pull back so hard it sends me flying through the air. If I can deal with that, sure why not. But if it makes me unconformable, I will put a stop to it right there. IC first, and OOC if I have to.

Bottom line is, if the person doesn't respect you enough to stop when you tell them to or tries to guilt trip you for attempting to stop. They aren't worth your dam time and should be blocked.

Aerghwab · **07-17-2014, 11:10 PM**

Oh, wow. Forget that noise. Don't let some other person's insecurities ruin YOUR fun - especially since it started the SECOND time you met them?!

Honestly, I can take or leave romantic RP. It's not part of Hwab's story right now, but if the timing is right, and it's the right kind of woman (and I know the other person can easily tell the difference between IC and OOC) I'm open to it. But it's gonna happen naturally or it ain't gonna happen at all. I'm not about to "ship" my character, whatever the case.

T'shina · **07-17-2014, 11:48 PM**

I understand when people get clingy and have had it happen to me once before. It is something that I don't like to discuss because it puts me in an anxiety attack and I often have to calm myself before I start crying with how bad it did get at a point and how bad I had seen the particular person get with others.

That being said, my husband and I both Rp and it seems that the crossing of the boundaries has been quite common as of late. I remember before he'd tell me about his character being with another and I use to tease him about it and would develop my own friendships with the girls he played with. One I would jokingly call his other girlfriend (before we married) since they spent a lot of time together. With RP relationships people use to be able to develop strong friendships from getting to know each other's characters and being part of another story as well as your own. It was great writing with people.

But then the weird stuff started. In one of the relationships that his character had they were married. They led a guild together in an IC aspect and then one day he checks his email to find she had sent naked pictures of herself to my husband. This quickly ended the RP and he moved on to other things. She tried ruining him at points but it often was seen as her bitter rage as he had no issue telling others why the couple split so suddenly. She did leave the game as she did this to a few other people trying to use sexuality to gain control in an RP world. After that, things were fine until the got weird again. Another character met a girl, treated her nicely and they were planning a date but at the time my husband and I were leveling that character and the character's sister together. So I took a lot of his time to do so. It was told to us by her guild master that she had been posting in their guild chat of how she could get my husband's attention away from me and pining over him. His character found interest in another (being a teenage boy easy to play off) within a day.

I have found that the trend does continue and after so many times, I've gotten paranoid over who tries to have an RP relationship with my husband and even myself. I've made it to where my characters are often oblivious to romantic advances (which I am at times) and have often paired my character off with a close friend or my husband's.

RP is RP and it is suppose to be fun. It is no fun wondering if the person you are RPing with and they try and make advances towards you will get upset at you. Sad

Verad · **07-18-2014, 12:13 AM**

I have, in the past, had a couple of players push romance on my characters quite heavily - not this character, because have you seen him? - and in at least one instance, the person was explicitly doing so because they were lacking a specific kind of emotional connection outside of the game, and said as much. It's not fun, it can lead to quite a bit of guilt and hurt feelings, and the OP shouldn't just wait for the stalker to leave her alone, but actively discourage it.

That said, I think all RP romance is "pushed" to some degree. I'm actually highly suspicious of the notion that it can happen naturally. How long that push may take can vary greatly, of course, whether it be a months-long development or damn-near-instantaneous based on the desires of the players involved. But I think it does require a conscious effort on the part of the players to some degree. What differs between that and the kind of thing the OP is describing is whether or not that push is desirable or not, and whether both parties consent to it - for any number of different reasons.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting there is no IC/OOC divide at all in saying this, and that all RP romance is rooted in purely OOC motives, but I do think there's a choice on the part of the player rather than the character. Some of the people I have turned down for RP romance in the past would have, on a purely IC level, have fit the criteria that my character found attractive; nevertheless, I turned them down because I felt something was off about the player, or because I simply didn't like the player's RP aesthetic.Â

Conversely, there are characters that would not have been automatically attractive to mine based on the criteria I had laid out for them initially (which sounds clinical, but I just mean that there was a general notion of "this is what the character likes, this is what they don't"); however, because the player's writing style clicked well with mine or the player had a particularly healthy perspective on playing that made it seem like they would playing a romance with them would result in interesting stories. So, with some OOC communication and consent, things were nudged in that direction accordingly.

I feel like I'm losing track of my point, which I admit is largely pedantic. My claim here is that RP romance doesn't really happen "naturally," as if it were an organic development. At best, I think it happens unexpectedly, when you encounter a character with qualities appealing to yours and a player you are comfortable playing with. But there's always a conscious choice on the part of the player to go in that direction.

Faye · **07-18-2014, 12:42 AM**

Somewhat off-topic here, but I want to say in response to T'shina's post that's so incredibly refreshing to find someone in a relationship where both partners role-play and don't have all their characters romantically involved with each other's. I don't mean to imply there's anything wrong with that, only that all the baffled and incredulous responses I get from people when I explain that my boyfriend and my RP partner aren't the same person are incredibly annoying after a while, especially when it's followed-up by the questions of, "But don't you guys get jealous? Isn't it weird?"

No, we don't. No, it's not. It's RP. We get plenty of each other in real life. x_x

And in addition to what Verad said! I do agree that IC romance may always be OOCly pushed to some degree, but that's to be expected and harmless if for the right reasons. "I think this person role-plays well and our styles click," is a good reason. "I'm lonely and want a relationship or the closest thing I can get," is not and will only lead to problems unless both parties feel that way (but even then, serious issues are still inevitable).

But back directly on topic, to the OP, I would suggest actively deterring them, telling them you're not interested, and asking them to leave you alone. If all else fails, blocking them works wonders. I'm someone who's usually hesitant to block others, but ultimately, we role-play and play XIV to have fun and relax. If someone is bringing about the opposite reaction, they aren't someone you need to keep around.

ArmachiA · **07-18-2014, 12:58 AM**

^ What up, me too!

Me and my Fiance roleplay and met Roleplaying in FFXI - but have never, EVER been in an RP relationship together, not even when we met! We believe, very firmly, that our characters are our characters and are NOT us. His character, Ellion Goto, is in a long term relationship with another character.

A lot of people think this means we have to be jealous or they think it's weird, but our characters are not us. Though me and Ellion click IRL - Armi and Ellion would most definitely not click and trying to force it would be a fool's errand.

I absolutely -hate- characters who are specifically rolled to be someone elses love interest simply because they are married or whatever IRL (Baring some exceptions, I've actually seen it very well done recently in my FC), but that's another conversation.

I don't know, me and Ellion are pretty secure in our relationship that it doesn't NEED to bleed into roleplay.

Tiergan · **07-18-2014, 01:04 AM**

I find that it's best to just straight up tell people "So this is purely IC and will never, ever be OOC. The second it bleeds into OOC is the second we stop RPing with each other." when starting anything remotely resembling an IC romance with someone.

FreelanceWizard · **07-18-2014, 01:06 AM**

Hey, make that three of us. Smile

My SO and I both play XIV (and have been RPing together in MMOs for a long time) and our characters are friends IC, but have no romantic connection. The last time we played characters in a relationship was in CoH, and it was... a complex, multifaceted, and basically open relationship. The two characters in question were quite broken people and ended up gravitating towards each other through the actions of a third party.

I have to third the opinion that our characters are not us. My SO and I have a relationship that's sufficiently secure that we can joke about the things our characters do and chat about their proclivities with their paramours. Personally, I also don't like creating "pair characters" who are destined to end up together; I really want that sort of RP to grow organically, or it doesn't ring true to me.

Faye · **07-18-2014, 01:11 AM**

(07-18-2014, 12:58 AM)ArmachiA Wrote: ^ What up, me too!

Me and my Fiance roleplay and met Roleplaying in FFXI - but have never, EVER been in an RP relationship together, not even when we met! We believe, very firmly, that our characters are our characters and are NOT us. His character, Ellion Goto, is in a long term relationship with another character.

A lot of people think this means we have to be jealous or they think it's weird, but our characters are not us. Though me and Ellion click IRL - Armi and Ellion would most definitely not click and trying to force it would be a fool's errand.

I absolutely -hate- characters who are specifically rolled to be someone elses love interest simply because they are married or whatever IRL (Baring some exceptions, I've actually seen it very well done recently in my FC), but that's another conversation.

I don't know, me and Ellion are pretty secure in our relationship that it doesn't NEED to bleed into roleplay.

/internet high-five

My boyfriend and I met in real life and eventually found out we're both into role-playing and he talked me into playing MMO's with him. But our characters generally don't click like we do IRL, not in a romantic way, at least. Instead, we tend to make characters who are family or otherwise have some sort of platonic bond. I think that if your relationship is stable and healthy, and if you both understand the line between OOC and IC, there's really no need to shove all your characters together into IC relationships.

Once more, I don't mind people who do that, it's cutesy. I just hate people acting like we're weird for not doing it. ;_;

Val · **07-18-2014, 01:12 AM**

(07-18-2014, 01:04 AM)Tiergan Wrote: I find that it's best to just straight up tell people "So this is purely IC and will never, ever be OOC. Â The second it bleeds into OOC is the second we stop RPing with each other." when starting anything remotely resembling an IC romance with someone.

Pretty much this. My partner and I are very well aware of our boundaries and we both have had a significant other for a considerable amount of time. I will say that it seems very rare to find someone that's able to keep it strictly IC and RP, but man. It's so incredibly fun, and so incredibly refreshing!

The moment things become OOC for someone, I immediately distance myself from them as quickly as possible.

Yune · **07-18-2014, 01:19 AM**

(deleted)

Too off topic and unimportant in the end. Bleh.

ArmachiA · **07-18-2014, 01:22 AM**

No ones asking you to apologize, we're just stating our opinions here. Just because I disagree doesn't mean you can't - or shouldn't - do it.

But like I said before, that's another conversation and one I won't go into in this thread because it's off topic.

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Roleplaying Romance: Obsession Emergency?

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes