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Zhauric · **09-27-2017, 08:47 PM**

A New Breath

Journal Entry #1

Never thought of doing one of these things but for so long Miyahas been that source for me to unload my thoughts, my observations and any other sand cursed idea that found itâ€™s way into this damned thick skull of mine. Anyhow, I saw her writing in one of these journals and asked her about it. Not about what she was writing because that would probably just lead to a pillow being tossed at my head. Yeah, yeah the damned things are soft and easy to lay oneâ€™s head upon but you ever see the pointy edges? Can take an eye out with the damned things!
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Anyway, I am rambling at this point because the waves have struckmy life in a way I didnâ€™t see. I thought Iâ€™d always be upon the water casting my lot with crew of the Crystal Blade. Running trading routes and conducting a bit of smuggling here and there under the eyes of any Watch but no. I am still here in Limsa Lominsa staying with Miya. The thing that shakes me about this is I am not bothered. I am not concerned, I am not worried nor am I feelingâ€¦lost.
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That is what troubles me. Everything in my life finally settledand finally figured and then comes Little Miya into it. Yeah, yeah, weâ€™ve known each other for years but most of that was through pen and parchment. Waters take me I learned the letters more to put words to her than for the actual lessons in merchant handling the Captain wished to teach me in the first place! Guess when I put this thick skull to thought about it that should have been my clue on that very day that this woman was going to shift the waters in my life. Bring a new breath into me. I should have known.
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When she found me on the pier the other dayÂ looking over aship being constructed over yonder way I was there thinking seeing a ship so close would change my mind. That I was not losing who I am just because of one woman.
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I was wrong.
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The sight of the vessel didnâ€™t do a damned thing for my thoughtsor feelings to Miya. If anything the moment she arrived at my side my mind was set. I could not take one more sand cursed step without this woman by my side. I donâ€™t care if I decide to hurl myself upon another ship and go seeking the Blade or find a new path to walk but nothing in me would allow me to go without Miya. I just bloody had no interest in anything without her by my side and the damned thing about all of that isÂ it made me grin inside. Course she didnâ€™t see it or know it.No need to let her swell that pretty head of hers. Itâ€™s bad enough she tries to steal my damned sweet buns during supper. But thatâ€™s it. My lot has been cast and it has been cast with Little Miya. Only leaves one question that continues to bang around in this cursed skull of me.
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Is she MY Little Miya because of this or does this long standingfriendship continue like before?Â She mention me as her only family so maybe Iâ€™m nothing more than a brother to her? Rhalgrâ€™s ballsÂ Iâ€™ll get that answer too. Iâ€™ll be cursed by the Twelve before I let someone else find dock where I am beginning to understand I am meant to be. Just have to wonder if she wants me there or not. The idea that she may not troubles me.Â I canâ€™t lieÂ which isÂ why I write it here for my eyes only, It would wrench something in me that I donâ€™t think words would justify. I am knowing in my depths she means something to me but I have no real truths if I mean something to her. Miya has placed a storm inside of me and I am not even bloody sure I can survive those waters but I have to find out. I must.
At some point I have to find out the truth, donâ€™t I?

Zhauric · **10-10-2017, 12:30 PM**

Pain Returned (Journal Entry #2)

Been some time since my last entry into this cursed thing. Some times passed and I learned the truth of matters yet again just like the years ago with Kai. Not sure which of the two cut deeper. At least with Kai she was always upfront with me and no games were played. I knew she had some doubts about leaving Ul'dah with me and putting everything she knew in the past. I knew that much yet still believed she would come with me because I truly wanted and needed her by my side.

Miyako is a different story. I didnâ€™t see this coming at all. I thought the feelings we shared held more truth than the very air we breathed sometimes. I thought I saw it in her eyes, heard it in her words, and even felt in the slight touches she gave me at times. I yearned to have that little one in my arms, to crush her against me and show her what she was doing to me as a man, as someone who wasÂ in love with her. I wanted to take the breath from her very lungs with a kiss and feel our bodies pressed like we were trying to make one person out of both our souls. I had even found this necklace to symbolize my feeling for her and the moment she told me she was leaving and I couldnâ€™t go with her there was like a voice in my head telling me how a wool brained idiot I truly was to believe again.

Truth be known? It proved to be a lie. She abandoned me with so little hesitation I think my thick headed skull is still spinning! I donâ€™t know. Both cut me deep and I admit there is still something special with Kai held there because, well, shit, she was the first woman I ever loved. Damn. She was the first person other than my Da that I ever bothered loving and giving my full and complete trust. We were alike in many ways and you didnâ€™t see one of us without seeing the other. I didnâ€™t think I could ever find someone that moved me like that again. Someone that stirred me in the depths like Kai. I thought Miyako and I were truly fated for each other and that this time, THIS TIME would be the one and what I had with Kai not a mirage.

I was wrong.

Now I have moved back to that damn sandpit of Ul'dah. Funny that. I remember telling Kai we will never know nothing more than this damned sand trip and here I am again full circle right where it all begin. Eh, I canâ€™t complain though. I seen much of the world aboard the Crystal Blade and beneath her fine sails. I still wonder what came about the ship and the crew but havenâ€™t heard whisper of anything. Meanwhile, I have taken to fighting in the pits for the coin.

Alright, think these the pages I can speak true if no where else. I am not fighting just for the coin. Iâ€™m fighting for the pain. The feeling of anotherâ€™s fist ramming against my side, against my jaw, or where ever. The pain, you see, takes me away. It puts me somewhere else cause curse it all where I am is not where I am meant to be! This canâ€™t be all the Twelve have in store for a brute like myself. So yeah, I admit I am in the pits to bleed a bit. Is that wrong? Some just indulge in drink or splitting women left and right. I rather take the rush of a good fight and some blood on my face with matching bruises. Not like I got anything else going on for me right now, right? Put my faith out there and once again got left standing alone. No Kai, no Miya, no Crystal Blade or itâ€™s captain. Just me, my scarred fists and a blade. Since none of those fuckers are speaking to me safe to say Iâ€™m alone.

Sometimes feels like I am always alone even if I am surrounded by folks. Maybe I will find a new crew or maybe not. The pits are fine for now and the pain more than bloody welcomed. Iâ€™ll take this road for now and wait to see what the cursed Twelve have waiting for me. If it is more of the same pain and abandonment then they already know what they can go do with their damned selves.

I care notâ€¦

Zhauric · **10-13-2017, 07:05 PM**

Heart or Mind (Journal #3)

Here I am back in this sorry excuse of an inn room. Yeah, itâ€™s my own choosing so canâ€™t really complain, right? Not like I havenâ€™t made enough gil to find something more than a cursed broom closet but what for? Itâ€™s just me and I am not one to think on such things too much. Sleeping years aboard a ship can cure any man or woman of worrying over luxuries that may or may not be coming.

With all that said, I am coming back from another evening with Kaia. Guess if these damned pages could talk youâ€™d ask who in the abyss is Kaia. Well, to put it simple and plain she is the first woman I ever loved. Knew her most of my young life for about eleven years. We were damned near attached at the hip especially when someone put blades to her family. From that point on if you saw one of us, you saw the other. There was no other way about it.Â

Maybe thatâ€™s where we went wrong now that I think about. Naw, Iâ€™m not saying something like we were together too much and that brought the end of what we were. It was that the one time we decided to not travel together but take separate paths to the same point is when we allowed something else to get in the middle of what we were. She never made it to our rendezvous that evening because we took those different paths. For years I blamed her abandoning me when in truth she never did. Some pieces of chocobo dung attacked her when I wasnâ€™t there to stand side by side with her. Back to back with her.Â

And while she may not blame me, for that was our plan, I still blame myself. She looked out for me at my darkest times and I tried to do the same for her. That was what made us who we are and during one of her darkest moments I was aboard a ship unable to leave because I allowed my ill tempered ways get the best of me and locking myself into servitude upon the very vessel we were meant to escape our lives upon.Â

Anyway, thatâ€™s the past and now I find her and sheâ€™s a lady of the evening and surviving on her own. Do I approve of her trade? Abyss no, canâ€™t say it is something I am praising to the tides about. Not because I am judging what she does but because there is still a part of me that feels she is mine. She is still my Kai, my love, my everything. I know, I know. She isnâ€™t anymore. She is her own woman, got her own life and has done well enough without my thick-head ass for nine years. Why canâ€™t my mind understand that fully and I not begin to see red at the thought of someone elseâ€™s hands upon her smooth skin? By the sands, maybe it isnâ€™t even my head that isnâ€™t understanding that. Maybe itâ€™s this bloody damned heart of mine that keeps ignoring the facts.

Either way, itâ€™s good seeing her. Fuck, who am I kidding? Itâ€™s more than good. I still remember the scent of the damned woman. I still remember how the light touched upon her hair. How smooth her skin. The light in her teal eyes. Weâ€™ve spent two evenings together and by the Twelve they have been the best nights I have had in weeks and we did nothing but speak to each other. Maybe itâ€™s just being near the woman. The woman who was my very damned breath when we were together. Remembering the laughs, the smiles, the pleasure we had in each other. How can I not feel this way with so many memories locked in this thick-headed skull of mine?
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I donâ€™t even think the woman knows how hard it is to not take her back into my arms and say to the abyss with the nine years away. To act like nothing had happened and we can return to what we were and what we were meant to be. Kai even questioned me about Miya and that I probably need closure. The woman just doesnâ€™t know how strong she exists within my head or, again, is it my heart where she exists and it is warring with my mind?

If so I wish theyâ€™d get the damned fight over with already because the more I see Kai the more I want to pull her back where she belongs.

Fuck was that my heart again!?

Zhauric · **10-21-2017, 12:54 AM**

The Heart Wins (Journal #4)

Looks like that battle between the heart and mind ended up being a short one. Iâ€™m back in my shack of an inn room but thereâ€™s been a change. Iâ€™m with Kaia again. Least I think I am. Abyss, I donâ€™t know whatâ€™s going on really. Everything is confusing as all sands because that woman sense more thoughts into this thick head of mine and more emotions in my chest than I can even figure out.

Guess I should start with the night I went to see her. Pretty fucking terrible evening really. Had another fight in the pit which I found a way win though some pieces of chocobo dung wanted me to let the other guy win. Seems they didnâ€™t know me well enough to know Iâ€™m not letting it get handed to me on damned purpose even if it would give me a bit of extra gil in the pocket. Anyway, they found me later with a handful of sea starved louts and attempted to take my coin and my ability to breath. Got me good with a piece of steel on my left side but I was still standing in the end and they, the ones that could, ran off when a walker by joined the fray on my behalf. Going to have to find that one and give a right thanks.

Use to getting cut I still stumbled sand filled brain headed ass to Kaiâ€™s house because I was determined to see her again. Couldnâ€™t help it. I admit it. Shit, I missed here. You donâ€™t see the first love of your life and the one you intended on being with for all your years after nine years separated and just forget her, right? Just donâ€™t work that way. Not for me at least. So my bleeding ass showed up at her house hiding the cut since I know she would fret over me like she always did back in the day. Course what I didnâ€™t expect was to see her standing in an outfit that had her damn tits nearly popping free and a skirt so shirt I wonder what was the point of even wearing the damned thing. Immediately my thoughts went to her being a lady of the evening and by the Twelve I swear my vision turned redder than a Lalafell walking in on a rutting Miqo'te. If the whoever the abyss the damned client was had been there Iâ€™d have tried to rip his damned head off.

Anyway, cutting it short, I was pissed. Tried not to show it but she knew me too well even after the time away and she was curt like she always capable of doing. One thing led to another though and she ended patching me up despite my protests. Thatâ€™s when I prodded about her â€œclientâ€ and she walked away to the wardrobe closet to put the medical things away and she admitted to me like she didnâ€™t want to even tell me a damned thing. Saying that she wanted me to stop asking because she didnâ€™t want me leaving her again and to basically leave it be. Course Iâ€™m thick headed, right? Stubborn as a damned Roegadyn staring at a seven course meal. So I keep on and she straight told me.

After seeing me she didnâ€™t want anyone touching her again if it was not me.
Well, shit, needless to say that bombshell sent me in a frenzy because here is one person who always stood by me in life. The one woman I loved before any other. The one woman that drove me in ways I couldnâ€™t even comprehend during our years and even after we got separated. The one woman that upon finding again I couldnâ€™t go one damned minute without thinking about. And she was telling me she still had feelings for me.

Heart won alright but that wardrobe closet of hers and then her bed didnâ€™t because they took a damned beating. My patched wound didnâ€™t mean aÂ thing that evening to either of us. Just about me and her and I wasnâ€™t letting Kai out of my eyesight for a second. Or out of my arms or off myâ€¦well you get the point there. At least she did. A few times.

Anyway, that isnâ€™t the point. Point is I am apparently back with the woman I loved before anyone or anything else. Before I loved the sea, before I loved adventure, before I loved a good scrap, before I had feelings for Miya or anything, there was Kai, and she is back in my life. We both changed a bit though Iâ€™m sure she will still think Iâ€™m a thick-headed brute sometimes. Where will it lead? I have no fucking clue but by the sands I intend on finding out because Iâ€™ll be damned she slip away this time.

Zhauric · **10-26-2017, 01:13 AM**

Closing the Door

â€œWell-shit,â€ were the first words Kaia got out of her mouth when the front door of her house swung open.

Standing in front of her was a tall, lean, olive-skinned Midlander with sandy hair and prolific features. His well tailored finery seemed to fit about his person in a manner that left little doubt of his upbringing. As soon as the door came to a stop against the interior wall, his dusky, brown eyes moved to regard the figure that stood hulking in the doorway of the house.

â€œYou need to leave now, Bastiel,â€ Kaia said letting the warning lace her words.
The fine dressed middle aged man turned his eyes back upon Kai with a raised eyebrow.

â€œBecause of him?â€ Bastiel questioned in response. â€œLily, certainly he is no customer of yours. He does not look to be able to afford a wench let alone a woman of your stature. I, on the other hand, can do so without a blink. Send that backwater oaf away and let us speak arrangements, darling Lily. I need you for dinner tonightâ€¦â€

As Bastielâ€™s words continued to prattle on Kaia looked past the stuffy, pampered merchant, and in the direction of Zhauric, who had yet to take a single step into the house. He remained in place, like a statue, anchored with eyes that did not leave the back of Bastielâ€™s head. She recognized the expression that was lacing itself upon Zhauricâ€™s features and cursed under her breath. A shake of her head was issued to ward him off but Kai already understood how fruitless it was when he saw red.

Thick-headed lout! Kaia thought crossing her arms beneath her breasts while Bastiel stood there ignorant of what was approaching.

â€œAfter dinner I conspired for us to return to my abode and-,â€ Bastiel was still prattling on, and Kaia immediately sighed.

â€œ-and that will be the end of it,â€ she muttered, cutting him off.
Bastiel gave her a look of confusion and opened his mouth to speak when he suddenly found his words choked off. Bewilderment covered his face while his mind immediately sought to breath properly when his feet were lifted off the floor.

â€œTold you to leave, Bastiel,â€ Kaia said with another sigh, â€œbut no, you kept yammering. Youâ€™ve got no one to blame but yourself for this.â€ Her eyes sought and found Zhauricâ€™s who held the lean man in the air with a single hand squeezing the back of Bastielâ€™s throat. â€œAnd if you make him bleed in here -you- are cleaning it. I did not ask you to interfere, in fact you knew I didnâ€™t want you to. You should have trusted me to handle this myself, Ric.â€

Zhauric merely grunted and hurled the man to side making him crash into the wall separating the bathing area from the front of the house. Bastiel crumpled to the floor, air unfolding in a burst out of his lungs at the impact. Zhauric paid him no mind but stood glaring down at Kaia who matched his stare.

â€œYou,â€ she said pointing in Bastielâ€™s direction without removing her eyes from Zhauricâ€™s.Â
â€œConsider that a warning and -get out-. You come back around again and Iâ€™ll let him finish the job.â€ Her finger then poked Zhauric in the chest, immediately causing her to regret the act when she felt how firm it was beneath her touch. â€œYou, outside with me, now."Â

"And why the fu-â€ Zhauric began to protest.

â€œDo you want to sleep alone tonight?â€ Kaia retorted cutting off his arguing words. She paused a moment and took a deep breath to let some tension release but kept the firmness in her words. â€œWe -need- to talk, Ric. Right now.â€

He glanced at Bastiel a moment, who had moved to a sitting up position, and as he did, the merchant tried scooting further back against the wall as if to put more distance between them. With a grunt, Zhauric shrugged a heavy shoulder and began following Kaia out.

The moment they were outside she turned, crossed her arms beneath her breasts, and glared up at him once more. Zhauric returned her stance in kind.

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â€œLook, Ric,â€ she began. â€œI can handle myself and you damn well know it. There are no secrets between us anymore. I laid it all out. Everything! So why did you just manhandle someone who can probably buy a small army of mercenaries to retaliate?â€ She groaned,â€œ You should have trusted me to handle the situation, but no- all you did was let that thick-head of yours rule the moment and drive you to overreact.â€

â€œAnd what else did ya expect me to do, Kai? Sands, woman, I was able to hold my place til he startinâ€™ talkinâ€™ â€˜bout beddinâ€™ ya. Didnâ€™t give two gil shits 'bout his words in my direction. Heard worse as a begginâ€™ kid on the streets as ya know? Always seen those types lookinâ€™ down on me and then us.â€ Zhauric reached up with his right hand and ran it over the front of his face in frustration. â€œBut when he startinâ€™ speakinâ€™ 'bout havinâ€™ yaâ€¦..fuck, Kai, I saw red. Canâ€™t help it. The idea of someone else with yaâ€¦â€

â€œHey- I get it, really I doâ€¦â€ she said. â€œâ€¦but you -have- to trust me to handle myself too! Iâ€™m not that little girl you knew back when. Canâ€™t you see Iâ€™ve changed!?â€

Zhauricâ€™s head whipped back in her direction, arms folded once more. â€œOf course I can! And so have I damn you! Youâ€™re not the only one! Abyss take me, Kai, ya act like ya the only one that went through somethinâ€™! Did I go through all that you did? Twelve take me no! But damn, I sure wasnâ€™t skippinâ€™ through a batch of tide blessed pearls either! I love you but damn it all if you arenâ€™t as frustratinâ€™ as the damned gods allow!â€

â€œOh Iâ€™m frustrating?â€ she barked back feeling her hackles rise. â€œTry living with -you- after nine years alone! Try seeing -you- every day knowing -you- lived, Ric! You traveled! You had adventures! You had a fucking life! Me? I survived! I found my own way and did it -alone-, Ric. At least you had people around you that you trusted! And now here I am standing outside -our- home and in love with you all over again, arguing about a guy I would gladly toss off a cliff if he got in our way!â€

The two were breathing hard, eyes locked in a glaring match, the swirling air of frustration and anger between the two of them. Neither moved beyond their chests rising and falling with each breath.Â

Zhauric lunged forward, placed both his hands on the sides of Kaiaâ€™s face and kissed her hard, pressing his mouth against hers like a man with a thirst that couldnâ€™t be quenched. Kaiaâ€™s arms wrapped themselves around his broad frame, fingers pressing against his back wanting to feel her nails biting into naked skin instead of the long, dark coat that he wore. She opened her mouth to his, welcoming the feel of his tongue entering, tasting of her mouth. Their heavy breaths, born of frustration and anger, transformed into those of the lustful passion that swept through them as he pushed her up against the wall.

She broke the kiss for a moment and breathed out. â€œBack Inside. Now.â€

===

Later that evening the two laid in their bed, covered in a thin layer of sweat, attempting to bring more air into their lungs. They lay intertwined, her long, raven hair blanketing around them, enjoying a bout of pillow-talk, when a knock echoed from the door.

â€œTide take me, what is it now?â€ Zhauric asked with a roll of his eyes.

Kaia grinned at him as she stood and took to wrapping her nude figure in their top bed sheet, securing it between the cleavage of her breast, â€œIâ€™ll handle it even if I rather not get on my feet right now.â€

With a deep breath she climbed out of bed gingerly and slowly stepped towards the door leaving Ric lying on the bed completely naked with his hands laced behind his head, grinning up at the ceiling. When she opened the door a man, dressed in almost the same fashion as Bastiel, stood in plain view. Kaia sighed heavily, easily recognizing him as a former client.

â€œIâ€™m going to need a sign saying out of business,â€ she muttered before turning a bland expression upon the man. â€œYouâ€™ll need to go,â€ she said simply. â€œNot doing that anymore, alright?"Â

"But Lily-â€

Zhauricâ€™s voiced boomed from the bedroom, though Kaia could tell it was getting closer. â€œI think you can understand her tongue,â€ he said, and soon stood down the hall from the front door, clearly completely nude, arms cross over his chest and leaning against the wall with a cocky grin. â€œSheâ€™s not in that type of business anymore. I mean she still practices it with me, but the rest of yaâ€¦.nah.â€

Kaia gave a comforting, yet awkwardly apologetic, smile to the man whose face was quickly reddening with embarrassment. â€œSpread the word for me Riylesh? I am not seeing -anyone- except the guy you see back there.â€ She gestured back at Ric before regarding her ex-client, â€œAs you can see, he keeps me quiteâ€¦occupied.â€Â

Riylesh tried to speak but only managed to stutter his farewell as he stumbled backwards in retreat.Â

â€œSo get on with ya,â€ Zhauric said merrily. â€œSheâ€™s mine and I aim to keep it that way for the rest of her damned life.â€

Kaia smiled hearing those words and gave the man an overly dramatic wave of her fingers. â€œSee ya! Or- well, I guess I wonâ€™t. Pleasant life!â€

Turning, Kai released the door with a shove, sauntering back to the only arms she could ever seek to be held within, and the door closed on a part of her past she would never again visit.Â

((Written with the approval and assistance of player behind the characterÂ Kaia aka known as Lily in this piece as she made sure her character spoke and conducted herself the way she envisions. Best partner in chaos a guy could ask for))

Zhauric · **10-28-2017, 06:55 PM**

Unexpected Guest (Journal #5)

Well, I came home to Kaia and to a little surprise. Really little in size that is though not in, well, Iâ€™m not sure what word to describe this one so Iâ€™ll just spell out the evening.Â

I was out and about seeing to matters since weâ€™re trying to collect ourselves and soon leave Ul'dah so my lady, Kai, will get the chance to see the world like I had the chance to but this time weâ€™ll be doing it the right way. Together. It was decided and done. No other way Iâ€™m going about my travels without that woman by my side. Sure weâ€™ve had some bumps on the way after nine damned years apart and the different lives we led. Abyss, canâ€™t help but be changed in some way by all weâ€™ve been through, right? In end though it didnâ€™t and doesnâ€™t matter. I love that damn woman and for me that is all that matters. Really canâ€™t see myself being without her again. Just canâ€™t.Â

So you can figure my surprise when I come home and she is running all over the place cleaning up and I find that we have a guest. A small Au Ra which as you know in these pages that I am more than familiar with after years of associating with Miyako. By the looks and my own experience with those folk she appears to be Xaela. Apparently Kai picked up a stray and brought it home so now we have a pet.Â

Alright, alright. Thatâ€™s not really how it went and nor is Nassa, thatâ€™s her name a pet. Honest truth she is a rather pretty little thing. Real easy on the eyes for any man so not surprised that Kaia saved the young maiden from walking the same path Kaia had just left behind as a lady of the evening. I canâ€™t even fathom the image of someone using Nassa that way. She looks so small, so delicate and that voice of hers? By the Twelve itâ€™s like honey. Could listen to that little bird sing all day.

With that said, I am glad Nassa is here. I ended up giving the small one a hug because I could see she needed the contact and the support. The pain in her eyes, I tell you, thereâ€™s a story there. One of pain and loss by the way she looked and some of the key words I heard her speak like she had lost love in some way so was happy to see Kai and me. There was just something. Iâ€™m not going to drag it out of her because thatâ€™s her business, right? All Kai and I can do is support her, give her a roof over her head and help her find her path or purpose.

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Yeah, crazy she came out of no where and got us thinking like this but you just have to be around her. Like a damned little kitten. You want to protect her and support her just being around her and the way she carries herself. But the most important thingâ€¦

THE DAMNED MAIDEN CAN COOK! I love Kaia. I really do. But by the Twelve she canâ€™t cook to save our lives. In fact, I think I lost a few years off my lifespan consuming her dishes. In this Nassa will be our savior. I think I may have to grovel at her feet because last night the dish she put together made my damn toes curl. Okay, not as much as Kai made them do later that evening but curl all the same. Sands, speaking of that I hope we didnâ€™t keep the girl up or wake her. Itâ€™s going to take some time to adjust to having a guest in our house when itâ€™s always been about just the two of us. May have to cut back on taking my Kai whenever and where ever I want her.

So there it is. A house of two has become a house of three. For how long? I have no bloody clue. The tides shift as they will and Kai and I just ride the currents to the destination and purpose. If Nassa wishes to hitch to our wagon and ride along she is welcome because Iâ€™m not letting her fall into the life Kai once stood. By the sands there is no way can I let that happen and I know Kai feels the same.Â

Plus did I mentionâ€¦SHE CAN FUCKING COOK!
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[Image: tumblr_inline_oyk1xi8cLm1uz9eea_540.png]

So yeah, Nassa is here to stay for now if she wants. I donâ€™t see how we would want her anywhere but in our house because she had Kai and I among the clouds with that cooking last night. Sheâ€™s hurting and weâ€™re going to do what we can to make her feel comfortable and at home until some of that sadness I see in her eyes finally goes away.Â

Until next timeÂ

Zhauric · **11-02-2017, 05:57 PM**

A Bond Forming (Journal #6)

I have to say things are, well, different in this house now with Nassa around. SheÂ has been staying with us for some weeks to this point.Â She began off quiet and trying to keep to herself for the most.Â One day, Kai and I tried to get Nassa to open more about what events brought her to Ul'dah of all places. Okay, I say that like Ul'dah is not often crowded with merchants seeking to fatten their purses and a mixture bowl of a different beings Maybe itâ€™s because Kai and I are looking to move on and take our steps upon the world outside these walls together.

Anyway, Nassa was reluctant for some time but finally after breaking our fast she spoke while gazing at the flames in the cook pit. Itâ€™s like she lost herself in those flames and let herself finally speak like a dam had broken and it was time to let everything flow freely.

The tale she wove of this Taishan, her husband and a member of the Malqir tribe left both Kai and I silent. PartÂ of me longed to meet this man who called her â€˜My Little Birdâ€™. A man who found her bleeding in the snows after she was cast out of her own tribe among the Dotharl tribe. He had taken her back to his people, watched over her and had her nursed back to health. When she spoke I could see the smile on her lips and I cannot lie. It was a beautiful smile on her lips and I found myself immediately wanting to do what I can to help it stay there.

Unfortunately, the deeper sheÂ dove into that tale the more that smile began to drift away. Acceptance wasnâ€™t coming easy among Taishanâ€™s tribe but due to Taishanâ€™s standing no harm came to Nassa in the slightest. True she was not held in high regard and never truly home among them but she apparently did not care because she had a home right there with Taishan. He loved her like no other had done in her life. Where in the past she was met with scorn, with him she was met kindness. Where she was met with the wrath of a tongue in the past, with him she wasÂ caressed by gentle words. Where in the past she was met with abandonment, with him she was given security.
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All in all the way she spoke of their marriage and the love they shared made me envious of the man for having something I never was able to grasp in such a way. A life tied to a life. Her love was all in the words she shared, the expressions she displayed and in her eyes. I wonâ€™t lie, I stole many glances at Kai during this time. I donâ€™t knowÂ if she noticed or not or if she even had any idea of the thoughts that trampled through my mind during this reclaiming of the past but one day she will. On that I swear on my blood because Nassaâ€™s story struck me in a damned way I donâ€™t think Iâ€™ll bother putting to words.
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Back to the little lady, Nassa. This Taishanâ€™s tribe tried to keep to their ways when necessary but finally sought to learn more of the trading with various sources which is what led to Nassa being here with us. Taishan was sent to commence this bartering and learn more for their tribe to adapt to these new ways and world around them. Of course he couldnâ€™t leave Nassa behind knowing that her standing with the tribe held not stature without him so she joined him aboard the vessel that took them to Limsa Lominsa and from there they undertook their travels with a trading caravan.

This is where the pain of this damned cursed world of ours returned to plague Nassa and I could seeÂ the moment the story turned by just reading herÂ expression. Kai had sensed it too and before I knew it we both had laid a hand upon her. I took hold of Nassaâ€™s upper arm to show her my support while Kai had reached over and squeezed the little oneâ€™s thigh. The tension in Nassaâ€™s entire body made me dread what words would soon follow and I found myself bracing my damned self for would come from those lips.

Our worries were proven true when she had this blank expression and tears rolled down her cheeks. The words she gave us made me grit my teeth in frustration and anger. The loss, the pain, the betrayal. I could see out the corner of my eye Kai was no different for she had suffered such pains in her life as well and that only fueled my anger that much more. We heard the tale of the caravan being overran by raiders and how Taishan stood valiantly making one of his guards drag her away screaming and fighting to stay with him while he allowed his spear to dance and hold any pursuit at bay for the guard and Nassa to get away. She told us how she tried to continually get away from the guard and return to Taishanâ€™s side and how he prevented it every single time making her feel helpless to stand by the one figure that ever loved her. The one man that ever stood by her and for her.

Yeah before Kai and I knew it we both were holding her and felt her body shake with the sobs that escaped. And you know what? Youâ€™d think thatâ€™d be it but nope. The damned guard left her! Thatâ€™s right the fucking sand cuddled idiot left her saying she was not his problem and no Malqir so he abandoned her to return home. I swear on my blood when she spoke of this I was vowing in my head to hunt this one down and find out how many ways I could make that Twelve cursed fool bleed and suffer like I know she did. It made memories of my own refugee caravan finding Ul'dah and all I endured as a child. Granted it led me to my Kai so there was a touch of the sun in all of my journey that I will always be thankful for.

Soon her words became more silent and we sat with her trying to comfort her in our ways and reassure her that she is safe with us. That she will have a home with us for as long as she seeks it. I found I swore on my blood to always be there for her if she needed me and Kai took echoed my words. I think even in that moment of pain and grief a bond was formed between the three of us. One not easily broken and one that made, I donâ€™t know, a new sort of family right there under our roof. Am I seeing too much into it? No, I donâ€™t really think so. Granted my love often calls me a thick=headed fool so what do I know, right?

Remembering all this isnâ€™t easy on me cause I donâ€™t like seeing Nassa hurt. In such a short time that little lady has found a home with us and I have found myself caring about her well being and it is obvious Kai felt the same or Nassa wouldnâ€™t even be here living with us. Sheâ€™s a part of us now and I donâ€™t think I want that to go away.

But what do we do about it becomes the question, right?

Anyway, until next time.

Zhauric · **11-10-2017, 12:07 AM**

The Correct Step (Journal #7)

Sometimes the way Kai eyes Nassa and I when we are together makes me think she might find a place for one of her knives in my side or something. Other times she looks upon us with some sort of, abyss I canâ€™t explain it, fondness? Itâ€™s like a sea storm going on behind that womanâ€™s eyes and she isnâ€™t one that is easy to read. Is she thinking Nassa and I are doing something? I mean, Twelves curse me, yeah Nassa is easy on the eyes and I admit I care for the little lady but Kai is Kai. She has been my world before anything else. No one can take me from her but her. She is home and where I feel I was always meant to be.Â

Maybe thatâ€™s why I made the trip I did the other day. Kai wanted to know where I was going and even Nassa did too. Kai because she hates when we are not together cause of obvious reasons in the past. Even when I take merchant caravan jobs guarding the lot of merchants and goods she is concerned. I took her on a couple already but then I see the worry in Nassaâ€™s eyes too and remember how she loss her fallen mate. Sands take me but what am I to do with these two women!Â

Anyway, the trip I took was me choosing what to do with one of them. Nassa I still, I donâ€™t know. The way she acts around me I, I just donâ€™t know. But Kai? Kai I know. Kai I know the shape of the that storm. I know the waters and how I want to chart them. I just know that I want her and I want her for all my days that I have left in this tide cursed world. So I went and did something Iâ€™m not overly fond of which is shopping.Â

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I admit it. I donâ€™t no shit about buying something for a woman. I got one thing for one and she left my ass looking the fool so that was no example to live by, right? But tide take me but this feels right. Even when I stood there trying to understand what in the abyss I was looking out and deciding on. All of it. It felt right. I was meant to be there. I was meant to make this decision. I was meant to be with Kai. All of it. Sort of catches me off guard, right? Never felt so damned certain about anything in my entire existence than this. Nothing so firm in my mind. I even spoke to Nassa about it because she walked this path before and from the smile on that little oneâ€™s face she knew all what I meant. Course I also saw the water forming in her eyes and that doused me a bit.Â

But she reassured me the correct step Iâ€™m making on this path and that she knows Kai would want nothing less herself. It wasnâ€™t that Kai had told her as such but she said it was all too apparent between Kai and I that this was the path necessary for us both to continue in this world.

So, well, wish me luck. Donâ€™t know when Iâ€™ll get the chance to see if my shopping skills prove to be of any worth or if I will even know what to bloody say when the time comes. Not like Iâ€™m writing something down. Iâ€™m just going with the flow, right? Isnâ€™t that how it is done?Â

Twelve take me if I fuck all this up and show no mercy on my soul because I have no damned clue what Iâ€™m doing but on my blood Iâ€™m doing it!Â

Zhauric Bloodsworn's Journal/Stories

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