Yay, my topic got a lot of replies while I slept!
I think a lot of the uncertainty element, at least as a player, can be mitigated by communication. Whenever a character I've played over the years has seemed to be potentially making a romance-possible connection with someone's character, I like to chat with the player of the other character and make sure I'm not misreading their OOC intention. Sometimes a player will just want their character to be flirty or something but not actually have it go anywhere, so a discussion like that assures me that it wasn't, like... the player ended up not liking my writing, or something like that.Â
If it is something they player is interested in, then the OOC discussion ends up shifting to pragmatic topics. Are our schedules reasonably compatible as players? If the characters did get romantically involved they needn't be attached at the hip, of course, but if we'd only be likely to even get to RP once a week, that may make it difficult for them to have enough face time to actually form that connection. Do we have similarities in our ideals as players? Some players tend to be collaborative with storytelling while others prefer to be very independent; some play a lot of alts and others mostly focus on a main character only or maybe one lone alt; some have an active schedule of activities their character is involved in and so the potential romance interest might have to chase them around a bit, whereas others may be hoping said romantic interest will lead the way to RP events; some may have a stronger separation between IC and OOC than others (and as others have mentioned they may even be hoping their RP will lead to an OOC interest, which is a good thing to be informed about up front, to avoid hurt feelings on their part later when the other person is like "wait what?"); and of course the "adult stuff talk" - do they prefer FTB or not, and if not, to what extent to they prefer it be a focal point of their romantic RP.
I've had plenty of situations where after having the OOC chat, the other player and I realize that our interests as players just don't line up enough that this promising thing our characters have led themselves to is just probably not going to be a happy time for us as players - and that's okay to realize that. It's the same in any hobby. You can run a D&D group and enjoy the company of this person from the game store who's just a real hoot, but, the guy just has a hectic and oddball schedule and it's impossible to get him around a table on a consistent basis, so he's not a good fit for your D&D group even if he's a cool dude.Â
Sometimes, that result means I don't ever really see that player's character around again, and other times I do, but the characters have a fairly organic evolution of their original "hmm, maybe?" thoughts into "mm, friends is good" instead. Or, sometimes other fun results happen, wherein one of the characters ends up harboring a crush or something like that, and as happens in real life, it just doesn't lead anywhere.Â
I've often thought to myself - is this OOC chat technically a form of pre-arrangement? I don't really feel like it is, because we're not deciding the characters will become involved, we're just determining whether or not if they became involved it would actually be a workable situation for us as players.
I think a lot of the uncertainty element, at least as a player, can be mitigated by communication. Whenever a character I've played over the years has seemed to be potentially making a romance-possible connection with someone's character, I like to chat with the player of the other character and make sure I'm not misreading their OOC intention. Sometimes a player will just want their character to be flirty or something but not actually have it go anywhere, so a discussion like that assures me that it wasn't, like... the player ended up not liking my writing, or something like that.Â
If it is something they player is interested in, then the OOC discussion ends up shifting to pragmatic topics. Are our schedules reasonably compatible as players? If the characters did get romantically involved they needn't be attached at the hip, of course, but if we'd only be likely to even get to RP once a week, that may make it difficult for them to have enough face time to actually form that connection. Do we have similarities in our ideals as players? Some players tend to be collaborative with storytelling while others prefer to be very independent; some play a lot of alts and others mostly focus on a main character only or maybe one lone alt; some have an active schedule of activities their character is involved in and so the potential romance interest might have to chase them around a bit, whereas others may be hoping said romantic interest will lead the way to RP events; some may have a stronger separation between IC and OOC than others (and as others have mentioned they may even be hoping their RP will lead to an OOC interest, which is a good thing to be informed about up front, to avoid hurt feelings on their part later when the other person is like "wait what?"); and of course the "adult stuff talk" - do they prefer FTB or not, and if not, to what extent to they prefer it be a focal point of their romantic RP.
I've had plenty of situations where after having the OOC chat, the other player and I realize that our interests as players just don't line up enough that this promising thing our characters have led themselves to is just probably not going to be a happy time for us as players - and that's okay to realize that. It's the same in any hobby. You can run a D&D group and enjoy the company of this person from the game store who's just a real hoot, but, the guy just has a hectic and oddball schedule and it's impossible to get him around a table on a consistent basis, so he's not a good fit for your D&D group even if he's a cool dude.Â
Sometimes, that result means I don't ever really see that player's character around again, and other times I do, but the characters have a fairly organic evolution of their original "hmm, maybe?" thoughts into "mm, friends is good" instead. Or, sometimes other fun results happen, wherein one of the characters ends up harboring a crush or something like that, and as happens in real life, it just doesn't lead anywhere.Â
I've often thought to myself - is this OOC chat technically a form of pre-arrangement? I don't really feel like it is, because we're not deciding the characters will become involved, we're just determining whether or not if they became involved it would actually be a workable situation for us as players.
Lydia Lightfoot ~ The Reliquarian's Guild «Relic» ~ Lavender Beds, Ward 12, #41
This player has a sense of humor. If the content of the post suggests otherwise, please err on the side of amusement and friendship, because that's almost certainly the intent. We're all on the same team: Team Roleplayer! Have a smile, have a chuckle, and have a slice of pie. Isn't pie great?
This player has a sense of humor. If the content of the post suggests otherwise, please err on the side of amusement and friendship, because that's almost certainly the intent. We're all on the same team: Team Roleplayer! Have a smile, have a chuckle, and have a slice of pie. Isn't pie great?