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The Legend of Joe, the Ninja: A roundabout

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A conversation popped up in the chat about the ramifications of stabbing people in the throat. A joke was made about someone surviving and the reason being that the group of assassins replaced this rookie's knife with a rubber chicken and/or corncob, "The classic rookie gag."


Related to these gags was replacing someone's throwing star with stale bagels. Ha! You thought you would silently kill someone from a distance but all you did was hit them with old bread! Maybe a seagull will attack!


These sorts of jokes were commonplace among henchmen. That is, until things went horribly wrong.


"So, uh... We sent Joe out with the stale bagel gag? And uh... He did it. He killed the entire family. With one bagel."


"Joe scares me."


Joe the Ninja was trained incorrectly on purpose, and he is extremely, extremely skilled at doing things the wrong way. They say his deeds are as myriad as there are stars in the sky. What other things has Joe done?


(This thread is just for fun, meant to be one of those things people add ridiculous stories to and laugh at. I'm not meaning to ape the tired Chuck Norris meme but I realize after writing this up that's basically what it is. OH WELL. CONTINUE THE LEGEND OF JOE: THE NINJA.)

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In the darkest of nights, Joe the Ninja went out to collect his supplies for the mission. To ensure the package was delivered and to ward off any bandits on the road, he collected his trusty swords.


After a few malms of travel, he unsheathed his weapons, only to find out they were Ishgardian Baguettes. At first, the bandits laughed... but one after another, the swift clubbing of Joe's Baquettes dispatched them easily. During a backswing to hit a nearby bandit, he killed his chocobo and was thus stranded out in the middle of the desert for a few days.


Needless to say, he was past his expiration date.

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His lunch break was nearly over when it happened. Thieves. At Joe's favorite pub in the city! He couldn't believe it. One moment, Joe was enjoying some nice deli meats, cheese and crackers, and the next, he'd been forced to use the crackers to their full potential.


Few knew the true potential of the hardened, salted shapes of grain. Aside from Joe, that is. The thieves could never have seen it coming. With a scoop of his hands towards a bowl on his table, Joe had grabbed his weapons of choice for the mid-afternoon. THe crackers were sent flying as they whizzed through the air and cut into the thieves, rendering them useless and on the floor. What a mess.


But that was Joe. Trained early on to skillfully defeat anything with the most obscure of weapons. But now he was out of a lunch.

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