Community Full of Cliques

[Nako Vesh]

And as others have said, don't lose heart and just play what you want. Don't keep changing characters to see what sticks or who might be more popular. RP should be fun because you are playing who you want to play.

I'm still reading through this thread in more detail, and finding gems like this one. 

 

I know that sometimes the challenges of meeting people can feel and seem insurmountable.  Failure and the feeling of rejection (warranted or not) are terrible things, and are absolutely no fun to deal with.

 

Its also not the same for everyone. Some people face greater challenges than others (though I would urge no one to take the struggles faced by anyone else, even those they may imagine as being effortlessly popular, for granted).  And the community, in whatever form it takes for that individual, can feel vastly more antagonistic than helpful which is truly unfortunate. 

 

But there's some great advice in here (like Roen's), and so many well-intentioned people (my suspicion is that everyone posting is well-intentioned, even if the content of their posts isn't what everyone wants to see).

 

This is good advice, and I'd like to reiterate and add to the not-changing-characters-so-much-thing. 

 

Make a character you really enjoy, one that makes you excited to log on and play. Really sit down and work out the kind of story you want to tell, don't think about how it'll be received just yet. If you do this, your enthusiasm for playing a character you enjoy will come through and people will likely be drawn to that.

 

If you're just half heatedly switching around characters to see what fits, or playing characters based solely on what others like, that'll come through, too. So work on entertaining yourself first and go from there.

[T'errin]

 

Because people want to RP the theme/atmosphere of the event and want to take part in it, want to support the event/hosts/community, and typically still want to keep the potential for new/unexpected interactions open, but also want to ensure they don't miss posts from the people they're RPing with and don't want to cause themselves any extra stress or pain. It's not a piss poor excuse, but a valid option for people who find large events difficult to stomach, which you will find there are a lot of in this community. Given that some of these people have very real problems (anxiety, reading comprehension problems, poor eyesight, migraines, difficulty focusing, overstimulation, etc.) often linked to medical issues and disabilities, I think it's pretty rude and downright offensive to demonize them when all they're trying to do is make the RP easier for themselves and/or their friends and just have a good time.

 

Hell, a lot of these people go to events, meet someone new, and then form a party with that new connection so they can RP without any strain. I won't say that no one in the history of XIV has gone to an event with a pre-established group and ignored everyone else there, but these people are a vast minority and not typical. Folks are not ignoring /say and /em out of spite and may not even be meaning to ignore them at all. They could be trying their best to read /say and /em, but tab to a different chat window to reply to their current RP and miss a post from a stranger. They could just not see the character walk up to them, if they are busy reading/typing in chat, or if their camera is not angled just the right way, if they went afk for a moment, or if the person doesn't actually target their character or only stands next to them for five seconds.

 

They're not supporting anyone but they're small group if you're just RPing with them at a public event, and it is extremely silly to say that they're trying to keep the potential of unexpected interactions when they're avoiding the primary channels that allow it. A lot of people have various health/anxiety issues when trying to publicly RP, and I really do feel for them, but what about the person who also has severe social anxiety and is trying their hardest to RP just to be brushed off (at a public event no less)? That's as rude as hell, as well. Then they have people demonizing them by telling them that it's their own fault that they were ignored.

 

There are a million reasons on why someone could have missed something in /s or /sm, but there is missing something, then there is ignoring it by using a private channel to get away from it. People can say that they don't mean to be ignoring /s or /em, but that is what they are doing by using private channels.

 

Please read the reasoning people have stated for why they "ignore" people (this word suggests intent, which is a false assumption) at big events. It was stated quite clearly and repeatedly, by multiple posters.

 

Why do people go to big events instead of staying home, and then RP privately? Simple: change of scenery. It provides a backdrop for something a little different. And as Faye described, it allows the culmination of OOC connections into IC ones (different from cold-call walkups!) that won't occur if you just stay in your FC room and pretend you're at a gala.

 

The "just get out there" advice was qualified every single time I read it in this thread with to make OOC connections, to attend smaller events, and so forth.

 

You're jumping to conclusions in your anger. Please re-read the thread and try to understand where we're coming from.

 

At the end of the day, NO ONE SPECIFIC PERSON IS OBLIGATED TO ROLEPLAY WITH ANY OTHER ONE SPECIFIC PERSON. There are people who aren't going to be wanting to meet new folks on any given day. That is their prerogative. Like I said in my post explaining that thoughts like this are maladaptive, I gave a few examples of why someone could be closed off from meeting new people - sick, tired, distracted, or anxious in their own right. Yes, even if they've shown up to a big event.

 

I don't think it's fair to call people stupid, say they aren't allowed to go into a certain area to RP (remember the Gala was an open-world event, not located in an FC premises...), or suggest they're being malicious because they aren't up for talking to you on that day or in that place.

 

Saying something multiple times doesn't magically make it okay. Simply saying "I didn't mean to ignore /s and /sm" doesn't magically mean they didn't do it.

 

If they're looking for a change of scenery or special backdrop, there are hundreds of places to go. If someone goes to a public event, they should be prepared to publicly RP with others, or accept that what they are doing is pretty messed up for those who came to a public event to try to make connections, and not try to defend their actions.

 

You are correct, no one is obligated to RP with anyone. That doesn't make them immune to criticism though, and if they're not in the mood to RP with strangers, they shouldn't go to an event where there will be a lot of strangers then try to defend their actions when someone finally says "wtf?".

 

I think its extremely unfair that people tell new people that they should be expected to be ignored at large public events, then say it was their own fault because they don't know anyone. Why do they need to set something up OOCly, or stick to smaller events to try to get RP? I never said that groups shouldn't be allowed at public events, but question why they are there if they're just gonna privately RP anyway.

 

If you cannot understand why people would move to a private chat channel during an event with immense chatscroll, I don't really know what to say.  I wasn't at the event, but I have attended similar ones in the past, and am a veteran of some very high-chat-scroll evenings at the Quick Sand.  I do not join private chats at these events (unless they are explicitly preferred by the organizers to keep public chat down, which I have seen before), but I completely understand why people would: the chat scroll is the sort of thing that cannot only detract from your enjoyment, but can be downright headache causing.  In the end people attend public events for the same reason that they attend any event: to have fun.  Whether or not that means being terribly outgoing, social, and friendly really depends on the individual and the circumstances. 

 

If people want to slip into private chat in order to be able to take a break from trying to scan the scroll, by all means they should not feel bad about doing so.  Its so easy to miss things during these events (not to mention how easy it is for characters to actually fail to load, or become unloaded even when targeted).  You simply cannot rely on either public chat, or visual recognition to actually get someone's attention.  Whispers are your friend.

 

I try to go out of my way to meet people I haven't before, and to try to involve those who seem to be off on their own.  That's just part of what I try to do as a role-player, and as a member of the community.  But, not everyone is the same way. Some are shy, some are tired, some aren't feeling very social.  They're not under any obligation, and if you approach them with a presumption that they owe you a connection, you're both being unfair and setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

The only real reliable ways to meet people and make friends is to both energetically put yourself out there, and to be persistent. This isn't fair.  Life isn't fair. Its hard, and its hard to make friends in an on-line community just as it is in reality.  Some people have an easier time with it, some have a harder time with it, and that unfortunately is the way it is.  We can screw up our eyes, and ball up our fists, and cry to the high-heavens about the unfairness of it all, but it will not change.

 

If someone wants a break from the chat scroll at a public event, they can slip to the side and away from the main floor. Going to a private channel, then staying in the main area, is messed up. There is no justification for ignoring /s and /em when at a public event.

 

This community is insular enough (a reputation that many of you don't seem to realize is there), ignoring people at public events in favor of RPing privately is just gonna make it worse.

[T'errin]

If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay. If you can't find it, it's your problem, no one else's. Maybe just, you know, step up instead of whine.

 

You know, I don't recall stating that anyone should be entitled to RP. Instead, I've been saying that you're a giant turd if you go to a public event to not publicly RP, then proceed to tell people that's their fault they can't find RP.

 

I understand that Ala Mhigans are probably incapable of reading in the game, but you can drop character in the real world, you know.

[Domri Blackblade]

If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay. If you can't find it, it's your problem, no one else's. Maybe just, you know, step up instead of whine.

 

You know, I don't recall stating that anyone should be entitled to RP. Instead, I've been saying that you're a giant turd if you go to a public event to not publicly RP, then proceed to tell people that's their fault they can't find RP.

 

I understand that Ala Mhigans are probably incapable of reading in the game, but you can drop character in the real world, you know.

 

Get over yourself. Just post at someone and poke them in PMs and they'll RP with you. It's really not hard.

[Nodem]

This is purely anecdotal, but I've never ever had trouble finding roleplay -- the community is just massive on Balmung. A lot of people are shy so are hesitant to engage others, but are ecstatic whenever you give their character the time of day.

 

Join a FC, go to the Quicksand, go to (smaller) events. Actually have a character that goes up to people and engages conversation.

 

What especially annoys me is when a shy person roleplays an equally shy character and ends up feeling left out because they're overly reliant upon others approaching them instead of the other way around. Not saying you're like this OP, it's just behavior I've noted from people with similar complaints.

 

And of course it isn't just shy characters who have this problem. Some people play uninteresting characters. Or maybe their writing is horrendous. Or maybe their gimmick ruins your immersion. Or maybe something something something.

 

But that's the great thing about Balmung. IMHO our roleplay population is very diverse, and there's at least someone for everyone. So I simply find it hard to believe that it's THAT difficult for someone to find roleplay unless they're inhibiting themselves in some shape or form (knowingly or unknowingly).

 

I won't be as... uh, harsh as the Angry Ala Mhigan Grandma, but I share her assessment that sometimes we must look at ourselves to discover the problem.

 

 

I haven't been big on the public RP scene lately, but I will say this assessment is correct. I had my character sitting in Druther's, of all places, because of how she is. She was just there, playing a harp when some other RP'ers happened to walk in for something they were RP'ing. I emoted a few times, that my character was there, and was playing her harp in the corner. Because it was smaller, they acknowledged her while she was playing, and even thanked her when she went to leave. It was a small interaction, but an interaction non-the-less.

 

Syl even got cookies! Cookies she's never had before! A fun prompt if she tries to seek that person back out to thank them... lol.

 

I'm not saying you NEED TOO go to smaller events. Just stating the obvious that smaller event have less cliques, less chat scroll, and less people shying away from say and emote chat like those that turn their chat off. Yes, somebody did say that earlier, and as I stated... I know all the reasons behind people doing this.

[Sig]

Please cease the aggressive, patronizing rhetoric towards the original poster.

 

As many have said in this thread, large public events are absolutely terrible when it comes to making new contacts and networking.  Do not assume that other roleplayers harbor assumptions about your characters or are constantly judging you.  Roleplay characters you find entertaining and amusing.

 

Most importantly, sending RPers tells is generally the best way to initiate roleplay.

[Kilieit]

Saying something multiple times doesn't magically make it okay. Simply saying "I didn't mean to ignore /s and /em" doesn't magically mean they didn't do it.

 

If they're looking for a change of scenery or special backdrop, there are hundreds of places to go. If someone goes to a public event, they should be prepared to publicly RP with others, or accept that what they are doing is pretty messed up for those who came to a public event to try to make connections, and not try to defend their actions.

 

You are correct, no one is obligated to RP with anyone. That doesn't make them immune to criticism though, and if they're not in the mood to RP with strangers, they shouldn't go to an event where there will be a lot of strangers then try to defend their actions when someone finally says "wtf?".

 

I think its extremely unfair that people tell new people that they should be expected to be ignored at large public events, then say it was their own fault because they don't know anyone. Why do they need to set something up OOCly, or stick to smaller events to try to get RP? I never said that groups shouldn't be allowed at public events, but question why they are there if they're just gonna privately RP anyway.

 

Like... you're saying, "you're right, nobody's obligated to RP with anyone", and then saying, "but they are under these circumstances!"

 

No; nobody's obligated to RP with anyone. Full stop.

 

Even if they're at an event. Even if they have their RP tag up. Even if you really really want to RP with someone and everyone else so far has said no.

 

Your criticism is nonsensical, and based in entitlement. I could repeat the extensive examples I gave in my previous post to you - it still applies. There are a dozen reasonable causes behind people being in public and not wanting to respond to walk-ups. Whether that "in public" is at an RP event, or otherwise.

 

I don't think it's "fair" to force people who aren't up to it to talk to random strangers, because otherwise that stranger might get upset. And once you start getting into "well maybe if they're sick/tired/etc then we can make an exception", you start to see how nonsensical your stance really is... because there's no way of proving who, online, is in those circumstances and who's pretending so they can get out of doing something they just don't feel like.

 

So you have to assume the best of people. Or you'll end up twisting yourself around and getting so angry about... something you can't control. Something you should never try to control in the first place. You can't force people to turn on /s /em, you can't force people to talk to you, you can't force people to give a 600w written report on why they didn't reply to you within 30 seconds... no matter how unfair you think it is that they "ignored" you.

 

Man, just find someone who does want to RP! Ask around in your linkshells if anyone's got anything you can join in with. Or if anyone wants to join your character doing a treasure hunt or visiting the bar or something. It's Balmung; there's usually at least 2 events going on during a given night (there were legitimately 5 events going on last night during the gala). Or just go "aight, I guess today's a dud", do your roulettes, maybe write a story or a journal entry about what your character's been doing today if you really still got that itch, and check the RP calendar for something more your pace on another day

 

Don't get mad about stuff you can't control. Start looking to the stuff you can.

[Max]

You know, I don't recall stating that anyone should be entitled to RP. Instead, I've been saying that you're a giant turd if you go to a public event to not publicly RP, then proceed to tell people that's their fault they can't find RP.

 

Honestly I don't think I've been to a public event where 100% (or even remotely close) of the participants were roleplaying in private. There are usually many others who are typing out in the open and are willing to interact. Just read the room and approach the person who's actively participating in public discourse. Not everyone present will be standing there with open arms, especially if they have their own plotlines going on.

 

Yeah, some people will stick to their cliques. It's inevitable. People are usually more comfortable roleplaying with people they know, not to mention it's completely fair for characters with an established relationship to stick near each other at a party.

[Daeva]

Yeesh. So before this thread just becomes a thread of belittling and eventually gets closed down cause folks wanna go at each other or OP for expressing frustration..

I told this to another person who posted something like this on Tumblr. Not sure if you're the same person or not but I'm gonna try to say the same thing of along the lines of hey I totally get it

 

Because we've all been in a rut before and if we don't have friends we've made from another game or RPING in a game full of folks you don't know, it becomes intimidating and lonely for folks. Some people don't remember those times or deal with it another way. (Personally I throw myself in FFXV and just chill with friends and family.)

 

Anyways! It takes a step at a time and some of these folks who happened to be helpful posted some good guidelines but I think you'll be fine if you start small. So! If you're around on the evenings or don't mind PMing on here, feel free to throw me one for RP. Dae is pretty social, talks to anyone and I've met a few people who went through extra mile to include me in plots and contacts. (Ruran, Mae and Alred are a few people to name.) 

 

Trust me, Dae could use more buds! I'm moving at the moment and the holidays are coming up but I wanna help.

[Enla]

As someone who actually runs an event that can get quite chat scroll ridden at times, I can say that myself and the people who help run it actually don't care if people use private channels while attending. In fact with the Bazaar we have a rather interesting situation where we as staff -need- to read every single post because we've been crashed by thieves before and thus having a little less to deal with is a blessing in disguise.

 

Honestly though I don't think anyone owes something to the rest of the community to be RPing in the open when they attend events. So long as they're polite and abide by the rules set forth by the organizers does it -really- matter if they do it privately? Especially if for some people it actually helps ease their social anxiety and or potential headaches that the spam might cause? I can understand wanting to rock up and RP with someone only to find out they're deep in a private scene. Yet it also never hurts to simply and politely ask them if you can join. You might actually be surprised by the answer you receive! In our little LS that was made for the Gala we invited at least one person who asked to join so they could RP with us as a group and it all went fairly swimmingly. We got to avoid the chat spam entirely and made a new friend! It was a win-win in our books.

 

Demonizing other people, on the other hand, because you don't like their choices doesn't do much to make people see your point of view or want to open up to include you.

[Tyndles]

RP events are for RPing in public, not necessarily RPing with the public.  If the latter happens that's great, but I guarantee event coordinators are thrilled when 2 or 3 groups of 3-5 people show up and mostly keep to themselves.

 

Because that means the event had people, and was successful, and people will show up again. To RP at that bar/date auction/party again, and bring new faces that those people likely made in smaller coordinated RP.

[Faye]

They're not supporting anyone but they're small group if you're just RPing with them at a public event, and it is extremely silly to say that they're trying to keep the potential of unexpected interactions when they're avoiding the primary channels that allow it. A lot of people have various health/anxiety issues when trying to publicly RP, and I really do feel for them, but what about the person who also has severe social anxiety and is trying their hardest to RP just to be brushed off (at a public event no less)? That's as rude as hell, as well. Then they have people demonizing them by telling them that it's their own fault that they were ignored.

 

There are a million reasons on why someone could have missed something in /s or /sm, but there is missing something, then there is ignoring it by using a private channel to get away from it. People can say that they don't mean to be ignoring /s or /em, but that is what they are doing by using private channels.

 

As someone with actual experience in both things here, let me tell you:

 

A) As someone who has ran more public RP events than I can count in this game alone, people showing up is absolutely an act support for the event. Even if they only RP in /party all night, it's nice to see those characters there for the hosts and other attendees alike, and it's warming to know those people wanted to come (honestly it's even more flattering that they still want to be there even if the chatspam is obviously a hurdle for them).

 

Not to mention, if these people wanted to avoid any possibility of unplanned social interaction, they probably wouldn't have come to a public event. Just because they aren't watching /em and /s like a hawk to see every post that might be directed at them doesn't mean they aren't open to walk-ups. And even if they aren't? It's a public space (the event in question was in the middle of a city, not someone's FC house), others are allowed to RP there and they do not owe it to you to involve you. Someone is allowed their own priorities and preferences and no, that doesn't make them "rude," it makes them a person with their own rights and interests who is spending $15 to chillax and have fun here just like everyone else.

 

B) As a person who does have severe social anxiety (hi, yes, hello), I still understand that no one is obligated to approach me or respond to me and that I am not entitled to RP from anyone. I understand that I more than most people have to remind myself not to take out my frustrations and others and understand that they have their own problems and that the world does not revolve around me. I understand that every time I am unnoticed or ignored is not an intentional or malicious act, and that even when it is, I cannot and should not paint the entire community with a generality based on a few sparse interactions. I know that as a person who struggles with these things, I cannot let myself fall into a downward spiral of getting discouraged and pointing my finger at others.

 

In short, I have to manage, and I know that, and no one else is responsible if I fail in that. The people who take their RP to party so that they don't aggravate any conditions they might have and hurt themselves emotionally or physically, so they don't miss an RP event they would enjoy, so they don't blow up or bail on their friends? They're managing. The people who have a meltdown or fall into despair because someone does not reply to their post? They're not managing. That's the key difference here. And no, your "management" should not involve forcing anyone else to sacrifice theirs.

 

You want to know what's actually rude and unfair? Blaming people for accidentally missing a post from a total stranger in a spammy event and acting as if it's an act of malice and as if the world owes you its attention.

[RavieRaptor]

Hey guys, I'm sorry I started this. I read every post and accepted everyone's thoughts on this. But I don't want this to get more aggressive. I shouldn't have posted a rant to begin with. But regardless, I'm always open for RP! 

 

Feel free to add me on discord: Chelsea#3069

 

It's easier than adding all my alts till I pick one.

 

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and opinions.

[xelliexell]

I think a lot of people have felt edged out due to cliques (or even just the perception of cliques) at one point or another. I don't think this is an uncommon feeling at all - but I also don't feel right blaming any one event or any one person for it. I think it all has to do with the atmosphere, and knowing that every single other RPer out there comes into role-play with their own set of difficulties and struggles. In this case, an individual's struggle may have been the chat scroll, or their own social anxiety, or yes, they may have been using the event for a night with established contacts without a particular desire to expand their social circle.

 

The frustration in feeling ignored is real. But I think the best advice I can give is to pay attention to the type of event you're attending. Large, freeform RP events (or locations) may not be the best venue to establish lasting IC contacts. They're wonderful for the environment and the event runners still put a lot of time and effort into them, but if you're looking for a guaranteed interaction, it just may not be the right venue. I've heard this frustration with events many times before: going to a large event, being ignored, and then swearing off events 5ever. I recommend to not do this!

 

Depending on what you're looking for (in this case, a 'guaranteed' RP), there are many events that could scratch this itch. If you enter any sort of tournament as a contender, you'll be facing off against another in a one-on-one bout, at the very least. Additionally, the Secret Scenario Santa seemed like a good one for guaranteed fun. The recent Friendly Date Auction also seemed like a good bet for a guaranteed hook. Heck, my own linkshell's monthly Host Club is 100% focused around pairing Guests up with their very own Host/Hostess and saying "have fun, kids!" (The only caveat for the Host Club is that Guests who arrive like 1-2 hours late sometimes find that there are no Hosts left, as they've all been taken up by that point.)

 

I'm someone who has a hard time with chat scroll, even if the group is as small as like 4 people, so I always consider that when thinking of which events I can go to. I'd never recommend swearing off events - especially if you're still looking to establish some contacts - but I might recommend thinking about the sort of event that would benefit your goals the most.

 

I'll also go ahead and echo that changing characters/fantasia'ing often can make it hard for players to invest in your character. An unfortunate thing I've seen is that someone will start to establish great hooks and blossoming friendships with Character A, and then switch to Character B and expect all of those IC hooks and friendships to still carry over. But from your RP partner's perspective, it's like hitting a massive DELETE button on every interaction you've had together up to that point. It starts you back from square one, and unless you feel there's a very good reason to do it (such as getting away from some very thick drama), it almost always seems to be self-sabotaging.

 

As a follow-up suggestion to making contacts, I'd check out some linkshells. Read up on what they're like both ICly and OoCly, and heck, try them out! Assuming you already have a FC, I'd hit up some linkshells to supplement your RP. Just like with events, I'd approach them with an equally discerning eye, to see what might be the best fit for what you're looking for.

 

Best of luck!

 

Edit: Ah dang, the OP is already gone from this thread. Maia the Slow is too slow again. :cactuar:

 

Hopefully there's still someone out there who can use these suggestions to break through the perceived "clique wall", anyway!

[RavieRaptor]

I think a lot of people have felt edged out due to cliques (or even just the perception of cliques) at one point or another. I don't think this is an uncommon feeling at all - but I also don't feel right blaming any one event or any one person for it. I think it all has to do with the atmosphere, and knowing that every single other RPer out there comes into role-play with their own set of difficulties and struggles. In this case, an individual's struggle may have been the chat scroll, or their own social anxiety, or yes, they may have been using the event for a night with established contacts without a particular desire to expand their social circle.

 

The frustration in feeling ignored is real. But I think the best advice I can give is to pay attention to the type of event you're attending. Large, freeform RP events (or locations) may not be the best venue to establish lasting IC contacts. They're wonderful for the environment and the event runners still put a lot of time and effort into them, but if you're looking for a guaranteed interaction, it just may not be the right venue. I've heard this frustration with events many times before: going to a large event, being ignored, and then swearing off events 5ever. I recommend to not do this!

 

Depending on what you're looking for (in this case, a 'guaranteed' RP), there are many events that could scratch this itch. If you enter any sort of tournament as a contender, you'll be facing off against another in a one-on-one bout, at the very least. Additionally, the Secret Scenario Santa seemed like a good one for guaranteed fun. The recent Friendly Date Auction also seemed like a good bet for a guaranteed hook. Heck, my own linkshell's monthly Host Club is 100% focused around pairing Guests up with their very own Host/Hostess and saying "have fun, kids!" (The only caveat for the Host Club is that Guests who arrive like 1-2 hours late sometimes find that there are no Hosts left, as they've all been taken up by that point.)  

 

I'm someone who has a hard time with chat scroll, even if the group is as small as like 4 people, so I always consider that when thinking of which events I can go to. I'd never recommend swearing off events - especially if you're still looking to establish some contacts - but I might recommend thinking about the sort of event that would benefit your goals the most.

 

I'll also go ahead and echo that changing characters/fantasia'ing often can make it hard for players to invest in your character. An unfortunate thing I've seen is that someone will start to establish great hooks and blossoming friendships with Character A, and then switch to Character B and expect all of those IC hooks and friendships to still carry over. But from your RP partner's perspective, it's like hitting a massive DELETE button on every interaction you've had together up to that point. It starts you back from square one, and unless you feel there's a very good reason to do it (such as getting away from some very thick drama), it almost always seems to be self-sabotaging.

 

As a follow-up suggestion to making contacts, I'd check out some linkshells. Read up on what they're like both ICly and OoCly, and heck, try them out! Assuming you already have a FC, I'd hit up some linkshells to supplement your RP. Just like with events, I'd approach them with an equally discerning eye, to see what might be the best fit for what you're looking for.

 

Best of luck!

 

Edit: Ah dang, the OP is already gone from this thread. Maia the Slow is too slow again. :cactuar:

 

Hopefully there's still someone out there who can use these suggestions to break through the perceived "clique wall", anyway!

Don't worry, I see your post! I just didn't want anymore aggression of others in the thread!

[Koro Dotharl]

Don't worry, I see your post! I just didn't want anymore aggression of others in the thread!

That's not your fault either. Whatever the truth may be, some people were real jerks about it

 

I hope this doesn't put you off from trying again and that you'll find people to RP with! There are actually a lot of good people in the server.

[chaoticsleepy]

As the host of the Golden Gala, I wanted to drop a reply here and apologize that you didn't have a good time at the event. We host this event every year to give people a fun way to spend an evening, and it always sucks to hear that you fall short on delivering that, whether it's a hundred people or just one.

 

One thing I do want to point out, however, is that a specific hallway section off of the Gold Court was mentioned in the event flier last night (see "The Dance Queue") as a hotspot for people to congregate specifically for the purpose of finding RP partners in the mess of bodies because we knew people would have issues like this at the Gala.

 

I actually spoke to Rhos about this well before the event while we were in planning stages, trying to figure out a means for us to offer some way for lone RPers to more easily find RP. One idea I had was a sort of dance partner roulette, but honestly, we just didn't have the manpower to spare with everything else that we had to run and manage during the Gala itself. So the Dance Queue hallway section was intended to be a compromise; we couldn't afford to manually set people up together for RP, but we hoped that people would use that specific area to try and more easily find others actively looking for RP partners in the massive throng of people and unending, head-spinning chatscroll.

 

Sadly, it seemed that not many people utilized it as it was intended. I looked over a few times and found a couple people sitting over there with their /LFM flags up throughout the night, but not many. I'll take responsibility for that, as I feel I could've advertised it more. But in my naivety, I assumed people would read it on the flier and I felt I was already spamming /yells enough without adding even more announcements.

 

That said, we'll definitely take your feedback into consideration for next year's Golden Gala, and apologies again that you didn't have a great time.

[Warren Castille]

I think it's also worth mentioning that Rome wasn't built in a day. Making connections doesn't happen instantly. It's incredibly rare to have a one-off encounter feel like a cemented, for-sure meeting. In my opinion, getting to know people means putting in the work to get to know them: Show up in the same spaces on the same person frequently. Learn the faces and names. Remember who you've talked to and what others have said. As mentioned above by a wise qiqirn, everyone had to start somewhere, and a good fair few of us started as door to door RP salesmen: Go everywhere, meet everyone, sell sell sell.

 

There's nothing wrong with variety in your characters, but think of it kind of like a dating scene: No one's getting married after the second date. Invest a little of yourself, be patient, and don't be afraid if things don't happen immediately. Seeds take time to produce sprouts. If you're replanting every two weeks, you can't blame the soil.

 

Quick, someone get more not-entirely-accurate analogies in here.

[Oli!]

I'm going to sidestep 99% of this conversation and present an untouched and often overlooked way of getting roleplay and breaking the Clique Lockout.

 

Making a Linkshell with a reasonably unique RP hook that addresses something you want to do!

 

If you make a network with the promise of engagement of a specific / interesting facet of the world, provide people with a reasonably easy way into it, and regularly deliver on the network's stated promises and content, you will have all the RP you could ever want (and probably more).

 

Alternatively, you could always join one of these networks, because there are many. Adventuring, training, crafting, Voidsent-slaying, yeah, lots.

 

One or the other will likely work for you, I'm nearly certain of such. Something something "if you build it, they will come."

[Leggerless]

Well, this thread has... produced quite a bit of discussion and possibly vitriol throughout the day since I last checked in.

 

Guess my next suggestion is to find a way for people to sticky this giant thread of opinions/facts/rants/etc. somewhere so we can hang up the thread on display for all the community to see.

 

Hopefully we don't have to see another one like this quickly--especially right after the holidays--and if we do we have a giant link for use showing "Here's what's up; here's what to do and not to do."

 

Edit: Also, the Panama Canal was not built in a day. Roosevelt, yo.

[Lamia]

Forgive me ahead of time if this sounds like a shameless plug, but problems such as this. Or rather, people feeling like this, is exactly why myself and a few other's founded and built Wanderer's Respite like we did. We noticed there was a lack of places where someone could take a character; Shy, socially awkward, unknown, new as a character or even to Rp, or the game in general, etc. And get Rp from people as soon as they walked in the door.

 

That, is exactly what our FC and establishment is there for, so if you, or if anyone within this thread rather. Feels as if they would like a place to go, meet new people, or just know they can get rp without the crowds or anxiety. Your free to stop by at anytime and come say hello with your characters~

 

There aren't many of us at current, given were a new establishment and all. But if your willing to put up with things being a bit quiet, and there being only a few of us. We'd be glad to have you. <3

[Teadrinker]

I want to take a minute to just address 'clique' as it's used here.

 

So if someone decides to RP with a group of people or just one person for an event then they are these evil clique people.

 

Honestly? This just feels really strawman. It sounds like a way to blame this faceless, nameless concept when RP doesn't go your way.

 

Is someone a jerk if they ignore you when you walk up? Hell yeah. I had that happen to me TODAY ON MY FRONT LAWN. (Rude af) Know what I did? I said "Wow, that guy is a jerk." and moved along and found RP elsewhere.

 

It's not a 'cliques' fault. It's not the fault of people having a group of friends or an FC. Like this concept just honestly tries to make people feel bad for having a social group and that's frigging dumb.

 

You want to hold people responsible for their actions? Cool. Awesome. Go for it. When you're aware of the entire situation. Odds are if you're defaulting to "Oh dude's just got a clique." Then you don't know.

 

No new people walked up to me at the Gala. Did I respond to walkups? Yes. Was I there to really only RP with one person? Yes. Did wallflowers probably think me and my one person were probably a 'clique' because we have the same FC tag and not even bother to walk up? It's possible.

 

Also shout out to the folk that put this event on. Stuff like this is NEVER easy and you guys deserve tons of props for doing it. You're literally going out of your way to create RP for the entire server and it often goes unappreciated.

 

I APPRECIATE YOU. :love:

[Shofie]

Absolutely do not constantly Fantasia-bomb your character because you're struggling to find a concept or character that works. Changing your character too often will just put people off roleplaying with you. 

 

It's basically sending the message that you are flighty and there's absolutely no reason to invest time in you, because you might just change your mind a few days later, and then all the time you may have spent trying to connect with someone will be gone and the other person will be stuck trying to explain away their encounters with you.

 

If you're struggling with a character, pull friends in, ask them advice, etc. I've found trying to tell someone what I'm trying to do with a character will get them to ask me questions that motivate thought-provoking answers.

 

Also, I notice that you're really worried what others think of you to the point you change yourself (your character) to attempt to please them, to try to find an idea that sticks with the crowd, and that's a super bad idea. Trying to conform to what you think will make a popular character will result in a huge mash of either something that doesn't make much sense, or something you don't really like playing at the end of the day (or both). 

 

You presumably aren't here to roleplay for others, you're here to roleplay for yourself, for your own motivations and reasons. Don't get boxed in by trying to be what others want.

[Skae]

That's top of the line BS. If you go to a public event, then proceed to use a private channel at it, why are you even there? Yes, the scroll does get real, but that's a piss poor excuse to completely ignore /s and /em when you knowingly went to a public event. Hell, it's a piss poor excuse when you watch someone walk up to you and target you.

 

Because people want to RP the theme/atmosphere of the event and want to take part in it, want to support the event/hosts/community, and typically still want to keep the potential for new/unexpected interactions open, but also want to ensure they don't miss posts from the people they're RPing with and don't want to cause themselves any extra stress or pain.

 

I did this.

 

I don't get a lot of time for any one on one RP with a certain person due to their OOC schedule and this was a nice event so they went together and mostly paid attention to each other. It's not a crime.

 

I responded to every walkup as well. Did I initiate any? No because that wasn't what I was there for.

 

I doubt anyone has any problem with that behaviour - I know I don't.

It is when people don't respond to any walkups or don't pay any attention to people apart from their chosen company that it gets a bit iffy.

[Skae]

 

No; nobody's obligated to RP with anyone. Full stop.

 

Even if they're at an event. Even if they have their RP tag up. Even if you really really want to RP with someone and everyone else so far has said no.

 

 

Depends on what you mean by RP. If they are RP-ing in a public RP event, then I'd say they are (morally) obligated to at least respond to others attempts to RP with them - even if it is only to tell the others to go away and stop bothering them. That too is RP - brief as it may be.

Much like real life really - you are not obligated to have long conversations with anyone who may approach you, but not making any response (verbal or otherwise) when they address you is typically considered quite rude.