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Nerdessence

No Love for Straight Women

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Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, Nerdessence said:

 

It probably was, Khaidu. I always try to make plain-looking characters in normal to frumpy clothing. I also never learned the art of flirtation (IC or OOC). My few very mild attempts garnered confused responses or the character didn't pick up on it. 

 

I tend to be a passive female, waiting on male initiation, so that probably has something to do with it as well. Again, that's my taste and personality at play.

 

Speaking only for myself, but the first part there is a huge plus to me. So many go out of their way to make their character as sexy as possible, try to be the center of attention... it's the ones who do the opposite that often intrigue me. I can't help but think that there is probably someone very interesting under there. I've had a lot of good RP happen just because I said "hello" to the shy one.

 

As for the second part... there's nothing wrong with playing a passive character, but as you've noticed it can make it a challenge to get into RP. I suggest going to places where there is RP, and send out emotes describing what your character is doing (even if it's basically nothing), so at least something is popping up in people's chat boxes. Someone may notice. The only other option I can think of is transfer to a server with more roleplayers.

Edited by Tregarde

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22 hours ago, Nerdessence said:

 

It probably was, Khaidu. I always try to make plain-looking characters in normal to frumpy clothing. I also never learned the art of flirtation (IC or OOC). My few very mild attempts garnered confused responses or the character didn't pick up on it. 

 

I tend to be a passive female, waiting on male initiation, so that probably has something to do with it as well. Again, that's my taste and personality at play.


Having a passive character doesn't necessarily mean you have to be so OOCly. You can have a character who is more reserved and just be firing off OOC attempts at communication left and right. Once you and someone else decide to try RPing, this is where a good plot hook comes in. If you both decide "Yeah, they can meet for a drink." and your reserved character is too busy not realizing what is going on or is playing coy then...Welp.

In my experience, if you use a boring hook you have a much higher chance of getting boring RP that lacks longevity and you're right back into the 'Looking for Contacts' bin. Look for similarities in the characters. Are they both adventurers? Scholars? Dungeon delvers? Bountry hunters? Maybe they both really hate the void and meet hunting the same void creature. Form a plot around it. Have enemies, do some combat. GO OUTSIDE. Have your characters put some boots on, run around in the woods, get dirty. A lot of the best relationships develop out of conflict, don't shy away from that either.

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I can't recognize this problem. I play a straight midlander, and her relationship has happened organically without me even putting thought as to specifically looking for romance for her. She has had multiple people, even women, advance on her over time - and of course, because she's a healer, she gets a lot of the "Ohi sexy nurse rawrrrrr ;)" comments. I have to assume that the people making them are either straight or bisexual/other sexuality that makes them consider a straight woman as a potential. 
 

As others have suggested, I think there's more to it and uh, I don't know, maybe don't focus on it too much? Just like with popularity, the illuminati and "Oh my god EVERYONE has my hairstyle all of a sudden???", you will see a lot more of the things you are focusing on. I know some like to have romance as a central focus-point for their characters but yeah, I just don't think that's entirely healthy. If anything I've noticed that people turn on their heels and run as soon as someone mentions they're specifically looking for romance for their character, because it can be a bit of a red flag that warns of potential IC/OOC bleeding down the line, or at least it would be much more risky than in other areas of roleplay.

 

Two gil in a box. 

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Posted (edited)
41 minutes ago, Maril said:

As others have suggested, I think there's more to it and uh, I don't know, maybe don't focus on it too much? Just like with popularity, the illuminati and "Oh my god EVERYONE has my hairstyle all of a sudden???", you will see a lot more of the things you are focusing on. I know some like to have romance as a central focus-point for their characters but yeah, I just don't think that's entirely healthy. If anything I've noticed that people turn on their heels and run as soon as someone mentions they're specifically looking for romance for their character, because it can be a bit of a red flag that warns of potential IC/OOC bleeding down the line, or at least it would be much more risky than in other areas of roleplay.

 

Along with most of the other posts in the thread, both of the points here hit the nail pretty hard on the head. For example, I personally struggle too much trying to find people willing to RP over Discord, etc. with my character to even care about romance. I do too many scheduled things to sit down and RP in game for several hours unless it's planned well in advanced so that's the problem I've always focused on. The handful of characters my character has interacted with have strangely all been male though not all of them straight. So even though nobody has shown any romantic interest in my character, I can strangely say that one of the problems I personally have is that no female characters want to be friends with my straight female character.

Edited by Mermaid

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All good points.

 

Honestly, after all of this, I’ve decided to give up on the idea for now and remember the person who knows my tastes and wants the best and is always there for me.  In a way, this has made me appreciate his writing all the more. Also, our anniversary was this week, so I’m feeling squishy.

 

Good luck to the singletons out there!

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I haven't read through every post in the thread, but I did skim them all, and I didn't see my personal issue addressed yet, so I'll offer my input on the situation.

 

To set the stage, I am a straight male IRL, but I typically play either lesbian or bisexual females in RP in a lot of MMOs for one simple fact.  Most MMOs know their market and tend to (not always, but tend to) offer more and/or better options for female character models.

 

Staying focused on FFXIV, for example, I am willing to play characters from the following list of options;

 

Female Midlanders, Highlanders, Elezen, Miqo'te, Au Ra, or Lallafell.  Basically, female anything except for Roegadyn.  In contrast, Midlanders are the only male models that I will play for sure, with male Miqo'te and Au Ra being things that I will consider if, and only if, it is with the intent of building a story with someone who I already know OOC and consider a good friend.

 

Even though I am a straight male, I am drawn more to female characters because I just don't like the designs of the male character models in the game.  I doubt very highly that I am the only one in that possition.

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On 6/16/2018 at 4:06 PM, Nerdessence said:

All good points.

 

Honestly, after all of this, I’ve decided to give up on the idea for now and remember the person who knows my tastes and wants the best and is always there for me.  In a way, this has made me appreciate his writing all the more. Also, our anniversary was this week, so I’m feeling squishy.

 

Good luck to the singletons out there!


Happy anniversary!

But no, we straight fellas exist. Though some of us also follow the mentality of "Where story goes." My main just, for example, dabbled outside of the strictly female gender for a bit before finding himself single. That said, I'm glad you found your answers in this, and from the other singletons good luck in the future :)

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10 hours ago, Vhah said:


Happy anniversary!

 

Thanks. The past thirteen years have been the best of my life.

 

And given that, I’ve distanced myself from FFXIV. It’s evident that solo play just isn’t going to work for me and if I’m going to play with him, we might as well build out our characters on Brynhildr. So, I’m taking a small vacation from the game and have deleted my Mateus characters. Sadly, it’s just not a scene that works for me.

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Seems OP is no longer looking for a solution but for anyone else on Balmung know there is romance out there for straight women (and men). I've met many women with husbands. Met one pregnant just last evening so it's happening. 

 

I always recommend RPers take the time to meet a wide variety of characters. Form friendships. See where they go. Sure you'll run into gay men. These gay men likely have contacts and friends. Maybe a hot brother who's straight. You never know who you'll meet by chance.

 

I have characters of all preferances and genders and it doesn't really matter what my irl sexuality entails. I've got nothing to do with the romance imho, I'm just the narrator.

Edited by Bahati
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My two pennies on the issue at hand, 


   I've seen a lot of bi/pan characters, probably more so than I have straight characters. But those orientations include attraction to men and women. I think widening your parameters to include bisexual and pansexual characters might go a long way into getting that mushy romance RP. I say this as someone who plays a female bi character, and who isn't engaged in any romance RP. Relationships, especially romances, take time to really blossom. You might feel like you're getting nowhere and might OOCly ship your characters, but just think of it as character development. It's a journey, and the romance is the happy end.
  I also agree with SQUAWK, in that it might also be somewhat to do with your approach. Having a shy wallflower character is fine, and some people really gravitate towards that, but it means that OOCly you might have to be a bit more proactive in plotting stuff with your RP partner. It is a little meta-gamey, but I've found that if they also have a sense of where you want things to be going (and provided that they agree of course) then you can both work on getting your characters there. I understand that not everyone is super confident with OOC communication, especially suggesting something like a romance, but it does help and sometimes in life you just have to take a leap of faith. 
  
It's a long road OP, I know. But the journey can be just as fun as the end!

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I've been following this thread for awhile and lurking over the responses.  I understand some of the frustrations you might be experiencing but not all since my RP focus is pretty much never on romance so I tend to not notice as much when it's lacking in my character's development.  That said I've noticed some definite variances in the characters I play not just in who they attract for "potential romances" but also in the nature of the people who message me OOC.  This is by no means the sum of what everyone is, it's just generalizations over many years.

 

My Female Roegadyn, who is a hetero tomboy gets 0 approaches from men and only the very rare oddball whisper of the explicit sort usually from some kinkster who gets politely declined. I've occasionallhad female Miqo'te or Au Ra show great interest in her and I've done a few tongue-in-cheek humorous RP's where she gets hit on by a gender she's not "into" but I've never had anyone be OOCly toxic towards her.  She's had pretty much 0 canon romance but rather services as more of a big-sister protector for everyone else.

 

My Miqo'te, I've had several, is a mixed bag based on their name and attire.  For the characters that are more outgoing and show a bit of skin they're treated like catgirls.  People are either really interested or really dismissive based on their general opinion of "catgirls".  I get the most sexual-charged off-hand whispers on my Miqo'te at times completely disregarding my character, my search tag, anything.  The only race I've had more issues with people being "dismissive" of my character is my lalafell.  The exception to this is N'Kara Shaihl who is a mean, creepy figure that tends to dress conservatively and pretty much nobody tries to get with her.  It'd be like trying to bed one of those violent strays that just want to claw your eyes out.  

 

My Lalafell was loved by some for his personality but hated by others for being "a lalafell".  I won't get into my soap box of how racist and prejudice I find people who dismiss a character out of hand for its race or appearance.  My Lala is dead now but I have a lot of friends who play lalafell and they typically get the worst of it in terms of bad behavior towards them and it seems that a lot of the taboo explicit fetishes get targeted at them.

 

My Hyur like the Miqo'te get a mixed bag based on appearance and demeanor.

 

Bottom line I take away from all my experiences is...

- The way you dress matters because people often see "hookup" before "romance"

- How you meet matters, because Quicksand seems to be more for the "hookups"

- How engaging and interesting your character is matters.  If you're outgoing and walkup to more people you're more likely to net some sort of solid interaction.

 

Everyone is shy.  Everyone is anxious about new contacts.  Everyone feels alone.

Just gotta break the metric and do something different.

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8 hours ago, Evaleigh said:

My Female Roegadyn, who is a hetero tomboy gets 0 approaches from men and only the very rare oddball whisper of the explicit sort usually from some kinkster who gets politely declined. I've occasionallhad female Miqo'te or Au Ra show great interest in her and I've done a few tongue-in-cheek humorous RP's where she gets hit on by a gender she's not "into" but I've never had anyone be OOCly toxic towards her.  She's had pretty much 0 canon romance but rather services as more of a big-sister protector for everyone else.

 

Femroes in general need more love. My toon dated a couple of female roegadyn across the past two years and even had emotional moments with one of them. Was always fun, especially the adventuring/dungeoneering bits.

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