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No Love for Straight Women


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Just my speculation and two cents here... Nerdy communities are often a gathering place for people who are oppressed or otherwise don't fit in IRL. RP communities are even nerdier communities within a

If a player is 'offended' that your character won't hook up with theirs, for whatever reason, then eject. Immediately. As with pretty much any rp scenario, if players start treating you awkwardly or b

Here's my bluntly stated take on it, as someone who does and has played all the things, but has RPed more straight men than anything in total:  In my experience, which is of course just my experien

Currently, I'm having this issue right now. I'm a Man who RP's Male characters. So far? I feel like I'm entirely ignored in RP. Ironically I just made a post about this and stumbled on yours.

I'm not even trying to initiate in ERP. I just want genuine RP and to get a good group of people I can RP with and build a fun story. But even saying hello to someone, I am ignored entirely, even when I see that player is active.

BUT THE SECOND I RP a Female character, suddenly everyone responds. Amazing.

I never have this issue in WoW, RP is very open and available to everyone. No one gets isolated because they RP a Straight Male Character. The community doesn't alienate each other with the exception of maybe a small few.

It's lonely and isolating. I don't RP a Female Character because I don't connect with that. It feels weird for me to do so, So I don't do it.

Anyway, I feel your pain. It's no fun.

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  • 1 year later...

I totally get this. It seems just as hard to find a straight woman that's into a more het rp. Even straight players I have ran into have bi characters for the rp. I also feel a lot like some of the posts made by straight rpers that I'm kind of being isolated and left out just because I prefer to play a straight character and also prefer to rp intimate or romantic situations with a female player. Someone commented and said that it seems to rude to just ask and it might seem rude, but honestly I'm at the point where I don't really care about sounding rude. Responding with "it's just RP" or "Well have you ever tried being gay" is just as rude. I don't mind rping with someone that's rping a character who is the opposite gender or gay or whatever they want to be. But when it comes to certain situations like the OP mentioned when it comes to romance or even intimate situations. I would prefer that RP be with an actual female on the other side. I don't care if it's "just RP" I don't want to have intimate situations with another guy. Sorry, not sorry. 

But back to the feeling isolated and left out part just for being straight. It doesn't make much sense to me. I am super happy that LGBTQ players have a place they can come to and feel like they can be themselves. That's fantastic, but it shouldn't come at the price of pushing out straight players either. Especially after how hard the LGBTQ community has fought over the years to be accepted and respected for their preferences. Well us straight people deserve for our preferences to be respected and accepted too. Either everyone's preferences deserve respect, or nobody's deserve respect. 

I've also had moments where I would just bite the bullet and RP at a club that had all female dancers, played by gay or bi male players. I eventually left because they kept harassing me and not respecting my boundaries that I wasn't into doing things like that with another dude. "Have you ever tried being gay?" I thought the whole argument was that they were born like that in the first place. I agree with that sentiment because I know I was born straight. 

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That's just how it is in mmos.   The spread is usually LGBTQ leaning because it's the only place we can truly be accepted.  Thing is, there's plenty of straight women rping.  Though, I hardly pry into people's IRL lives, I've met plenty of rpers comfortable to tell me as such.

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13 hours ago, Killpond said:

I totally get this. It seems just as hard to find a straight woman that's into a more het rp. Even straight players I have ran into have bi characters for the rp. I also feel a lot like some of the posts made by straight rpers that I'm kind of being isolated and left out just because I prefer to play a straight character and also prefer to rp intimate or romantic situations with a female player. Someone commented and said that it seems to rude to just ask and it might seem rude, but honestly I'm at the point where I don't really care about sounding rude. Responding with "it's just RP" or "Well have you ever tried being gay" is just as rude. I don't mind rping with someone that's rping a character who is the opposite gender or gay or whatever they want to be. But when it comes to certain situations like the OP mentioned when it comes to romance or even intimate situations. I would prefer that RP be with an actual female on the other side. I don't care if it's "just RP" I don't want to have intimate situations with another guy. Sorry, not sorry. 

But back to the feeling isolated and left out part just for being straight. It doesn't make much sense to me. I am super happy that LGBTQ players have a place they can come to and feel like they can be themselves. That's fantastic, but it shouldn't come at the price of pushing out straight players either. Especially after how hard the LGBTQ community has fought over the years to be accepted and respected for their preferences. Well us straight people deserve for our preferences to be respected and accepted too. Either everyone's preferences deserve respect, or nobody's deserve respect. 

I've also had moments where I would just bite the bullet and RP at a club that had all female dancers, played by gay or bi male players. I eventually left because they kept harassing me and not respecting my boundaries that I wasn't into doing things like that with another dude. "Have you ever tried being gay?" I thought the whole argument was that they were born like that in the first place. I agree with that sentiment because I know I was born straight. 


You are 100% not being oppressed by LGBT+ people because you can't find RL women to RP het ships with, nor is your "suffering" over your pretendy-times at all comparable to the things they face. Get that outta here. (Also, sorry to say but for that matter, a good portion of wlw characters are played by cishet men, so it seems like some weird projection to blame your issues on the RL LGBT+ community). As a RL woman who RP's primarily m/f ships, I would never be comfortable RPing with anyone who hinges our RP on me being female. I hard avoid that sort of attitude, and that's not even touching on all the homophobic undertones here. You're really just hurting your own chances by driving people away from you. I recommend looking at what you could do to make your role-play more appealing and accessible to others rather than pointing the finger at other people to blame them for your lack of success in finding the RP you're looking for.

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7 hours ago, Faye said:


You are 100% not being oppressed by LGBT+ people because you can't find RL women to RP het ships with, nor is your "suffering" over your pretendy-times at all comparable to the things they face. Get that outta here. (Also, sorry to say but for that matter, a good portion of wlw characters are played by cishet men, so it seems like some weird projection to blame your issues on the RL LGBT+ community). As a RL woman who RP's primarily m/f ships, I would never be comfortable RPing with anyone who hinges our RP on me being female. I hard avoid that sort of attitude, and that's not even touching on all the homophobic undertones here. You're really just hurting your own chances by driving people away from you. I recommend looking at what you could do to make your role-play more appealing and accessible to others rather than pointing the finger at other people to blame them for your lack of success in finding the RP you're looking for.


And here is part of the issue. No where in my post did I say anything homophobic. I actually said I was happy for LGBTQ players to have a place they feel they can be themselves. I also didn't blame the RL LGBTQ community. I was just recounting my own personal experiences like every other straight person in this thread that said they felt ignored. However, because I elaborated a little bit on how it made me feel and my thoughts on it. Someone took offense and automatically I'm some kind of homophobe cause I don't want to RP with someone who is gay. Which isn't what I said at all. I just don't want to get into a romance or intimate RP with another guy. I don't mind RPing stories, friendships or whatever else with anyone who is gay or anyone who RPs as the opposite gender. Which I already said. But the reaction to it all also touches upon something else that goes beyond RP that I won't go into here. I'll just conclude with what I've already said. Either everyone's preferences deserves respect, or nobody's does.

PS. I have had a lot of RPs with a lot of people. It is the romance and intimate moments (which the thread was originally about) that I'm speaking on. But you are also free to interpret whatever you read however you want. However, just because that's what you think I was saying doesn't mean that's what I was actually saying if you actually read my post. 

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9 hours ago, Killpond said:


And here is part of the issue. No where in my post did I say anything homophobic. I actually said I was happy for LGBTQ players to have a place they feel they can be themselves. I also didn't blame the RL LGBTQ community. I was just recounting my own personal experiences like every other straight person in this thread that said they felt ignored. However, because I elaborated a little bit on how it made me feel and my thoughts on it. Someone took offense and automatically I'm some kind of homophobe cause I don't want to RP with someone who is gay. Which isn't what I said at all. I just don't want to get into a romance or intimate RP with another guy. I don't mind RPing stories, friendships or whatever else with anyone who is gay or anyone who RPs as the opposite gender. Which I already said. But the reaction to it all also touches upon something else that goes beyond RP that I won't go into here. I'll just conclude with what I've already said. Either everyone's preferences deserves respect, or nobody's does.

PS. I have had a lot of RPs with a lot of people. It is the romance and intimate moments (which the thread was originally about) that I'm speaking on. But you are also free to interpret whatever you read however you want. However, just because that's what you think I was saying doesn't mean that's what I was actually saying if you actually read my post. 


You can say homophobic things without straight up saying "I hate gay people" or anything ridiculous like that, or even necessarily feeling like you have any dislike toward LGBT+ people. That is why said "undertones," because it's nothing so overt. We all have internalized biases sometimes that even we are blind to that we have to unlearn, ignorant and uneducated opinions, etc. Part of being a responsible adult is examining and unlearning all that. If you frequently have this issue of people jumping on you for homophobia, I've got to say I don't feel that's a common problem for well-meaning people with no sort of underlying issues there. I'd recommend examining your own words and attitudes, as I said in my first post. Assuming I'm the "someone" you're talking about, at no point did I say you don't want to RP with gay people. Your post is messed up for entirely different reasons. But as, again, I said in my initial post, it seems like you want to find blame for your problems somewhere external rather than do any sort of reflection.

I suppose I can't technically refute how "every other straight person" in this thread feels, being bisexual, but that feels like splitting hairs when my main RP character is a straight woman, therefore for the most past, I face the same RP difficulties or lack thereof. But I did chime in here ages and ages ago when this thread was still fresh and talk about my experiences, where I've found no shortage of male characters (even and especially played by RL men) who are interested in RPing with me. And I'll say now, as I didn't in my first post here, that I've also seen no shortage of female characters (even and especially played by RL women) trying to pursue them ahaha. I really don't feel like this is a universal problem for every RPer here wanting to RP m/f ships.

I did read your post and at no point did I assume or infer your requirements about anyone's RL gender pertain to all RP, only romantic relationships and ERP, as that is, yes, what you said. Again, you are accusing me of assuming while you're the one assuming things about my words. My point is that as a RL woman, with the sort of harassment and unwanted attention I already face, especially in these sort of communities, that is the last sort of person I'd feel comfortable RPing any romantically intimate or sexual RP with. I explicitly don't RP relationships with anyone who holds these viewpoints, because the likelihood of it to lead to drama or bad times for me is so, so much higher.
 

I'm here to write and play my character. If my RL gender matters to you, I don't feel like you're here for the same reasons. Which, on paper, is okay. We don't have to RP for the same reasons or get the same thing out of it. Like you said, and the one point I entirely agree with, is that everyone's preferences and boundaries should be respected. My point is only that I believe you've limited yourself more than anyone else has limited you. There are already so many factors in determining compatibility between people. RPing superheroes from another universe is already a pretty niche concept that goes against the grain of what most people here would like to RP, and you are stacking more and more hurdles on top of that. If you want to be picky or off-putting, you have to accept you're limiting yourself by doing these things, rather than blaming others for falling short of your standards.

I'm not getting into it any further, because I don't want to further derail this already necro'd thread or cause too much trouble here, not to mention I feel I've already said all I have to say and it would just become a circular conversation from here, so that's the last I'll say on it.

Edited by Faye
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Dealing with the same thing when it comes to my character's i play males tho i like to play female characters, trying to find someone long term is harder than it looks "for me" can't speak for anyone else. I have a few characters on different servers which i don't need, but more of a checking a server's community and what its like and how i feel about it. 

 

For instance I mostly moved from IMVU where i RP as an Alpha Wolf Male, and for a while wanted to make my pack on ffxiv for a while now, just not sure what rp is best and what's worst. For example people say Balmung #1 and Mateus being a close 2nd? but i see that they lock up the servers a lot so no sure about making a RP fc on it let alone finding a straight female to rp long term with.

Hade an rp "mate" once on ffxiv a long time ago, was great, ewe where matching clothes and such. But when i couldn't get on for a month came back to find out she left the fc we worked on on, changed her name, and look. I found her again after help from people on the server. But told me some stuff that i was doing that she did not like (mind you she never told me anything before or during our time together) and so on. Which was annoying, but got over it and moved on. Finding someone new since has been the ultimate struggle lolz. Since everyone is lv 80 already and too busy doing other stuff to be bothered with me lol.

But sorry if i did not make any sense but feel free to correct me if i'm wrong or to ask what i mean. :P or DM me whichever works best.

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As a straight female RPer, who came into RP not looking for romantic plot threads and feel into SEVERAL by accident, I can tell you that the stories and the players are out there. You may just need to look outside certain circles to find it. A lot of it is networking with players, meeting their connections and sometimes just walking up and interacting with folk in game. I had my character literally fall over someone in game and it led to a long term plotline. Mind you, I usually get "Wow I don't usually get such great response from walkups!" but .. heh.

 

Read people's cards, send them a tell and have your character run into them. Same as in real life. Just put yourself out there and you never know.

 

That being said I KNOW LGBTQ+ characters are overrepresented and that it's hard for male characters to get attention. I've seen it and heard it from so many players. So it can be tough, for both sides. You just gotta just keep at it. It helps to RP publicly. One of my current RP friends stalked my RP and now we type at each other a lot. Find those weird connections. 

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  • 1 month later...

Interesting thoughts @Killpond and @Faye.

 

This is my own personal perspective, coming from a straight male. Not that what I am or who I am matters, and I'll explain why.

Everyone has their own reasons for Roleplaying, and those reasons usually dictate at what level I am willing to interact with other roleplayers. My own personal reason is a love for writing. I like stretching those creative muscles. I like exploring characters, creating nuanced characters, and telling stories that hopefully are engaging and moving for others. I look at myself, in RP, as I would an author of a book. Our attachment to our characters is not nearly as strong as the attachment to our stories, and sometimes to tell the best story, you have to let that character grow, walk into their own folly, and die at the hands of the narrative. The most fun for me in it is really just watching those stories evolve in the world around them and letting them go their natural course.

Its for this reason that I don't have the same 'heebey jeebies' (not your words, mine.) when writing with other characters of the same sex, or opposite sex, that I feel a lot of straight male roleplayers do.  I definitely never go as far as to asking whether another character's player is male, female, gay or otherwise. Because then I breach that thin line where my personal OOC desire begins to direct the motives of my character.

This is to say, that I think most people that come into threads like this and post about a need to find an IC partner are a very different kind of RP'er. One that looks to roleplay to fulfill a need, or to fill a social gap that they may not otherwise find in their own life as easily or as comfortably. That might come off initially as a dig. But you shouldn't take it as such. There's nothing wrong with that in my mind, but be clear on your intentions OOCly and the intentions of other people OOCly, and respect those players limits, wishes, and RP style. Because that kind of behavior, while not a bad thing, does raise flags for those of us who want nothing more than to tell a good story. That is a generalization, not an etched in stone rule.

So as for my feedback and my advice, I give it as a writer, and not someone needing to fill a connection I crave on a personal level.

Let it happen naturally. Don't go looking for it. Focus on your character, their story, and where that story leads them. You never know where that path will take them and who they will meet along the way. But I promise if you take that approach and try not to focus on finding an IC Partner, when you finally do find someone worth writing with on an intimate/romantic level, it will be that much more powerful and meaningful.

Good luck! May the odds ever be in your favor.

Edited by Vagrant
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I'll back up the posters above me on the raising flags part. I'm a straight female who likes RPing straight female characters and loves the slow burn of a couple of love birds entangled in a romantic plot. Now I can't find people to RP this because my times are all over the place and nobody seems to want to discuss things over Discord but I'm getting off point. The fact of the matter is I have a boyfriend, whom I have no intention of leaving, and when one sees someone specifically looking for romantic RP with a female RPer it raises a red flag for there being an ulterior motive. Of course, this is not always the case and I'm not accusing anyone but when you've been in RP communities long enough it's something you learn to be wary of.

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On the original topic, I too have found that straight orientation RP relationships, whether your character is male or female are much more difficult to come by than they used to be. When I started roleplaying in video games, in the late 90's the balance between hetrosexual and homosexual relationships was roughly equal with hetrosexual ones being slightly more common; though the prevelence of She-male, Futa and Transgender characters was a great deal lower than it is now.

 

Whilst I feel the variety of different gender characters and orientations in relationships is an awesome thing, the decline in the number of people interested in male-female pairings is something I personally have found disappointing. Over the years I've played characters of different genders and sexual orientations and relationships but in the last few years have prefered the RP dynamic of a male-female pairing but have struggled to find anybody interested in anything more than one off encounters.

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I believe that was answered earlier.  More lgbtq people roleplay because roleplay spaces are far safer than irl spaces.  Unfortunately, by the same idea, this also is acknowledged by straight people that also rp lgbtq characters.  You won't get harmed in most online roleplay spaces. This of course means people questioning their gender now have a space that they can experiment as well.   However it should be noted that she-male and futa are not gender expressions, but harmful characterizations of transgender individuals.

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I may have hit the “do not post on public forums” limit of red wine so forgive me if I overstep or completely miss the point here, but what does the person behind the character matter if you’re roleplaying?

 

Nobody is forcing you to roleplay with anyone you don’t want to roleplay with. I can guarantee you that there are straight women out there who RP straight female characters. I can guarantee there are straight MEN out there roleplaying straight female characters.

 

The world is absolutely beautiful nowadays where people can love who they want and be who they want. Let them. But don’t you say that there is “no love” for them.

 

Also, remember that OOC//IC are two completely different things (:

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Speaking personally I couldn't care what gender other players are OOC, shouldn't make the slightest scrap of difference imo hence why I didn't mention it in my post. Was just adding my agreement that hetrosexual relationships in RP are much more difficult to come by compared to what they once were, even just 5 years ago it was noticibly easier.

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I do believe the point of the topic was somewhat missed. It was initially about struggling to find heterosexual romance RP with a few of the posters mentioning their gender/sexuality lining up with their searches for ship partners. It didn't actually turn towards OOC gender mattering until one poster mentioned he was an IRL straight man who was specifically looking to RP with IRL straight women and several people jumped in to point out some of the problems with that.

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So you can chalk most of my post up to irrelevant wine talk, but as someone who RPs, and knows others who RP straight women, I am going to have to disagree. Again, we’re out there. I’ve seen so many. We’re not unicorns, there are just more people feeling open and more comfortable enough about who they are and who they love (even if that’s something only able to be expressed through RP) so there are different kinds of love out there. That’s beautiful to me, not disappointing.

 

We’re both speaking from the other side of a fence neither of us will cross. You’ll continue to talk about how it’s difficult to find straight women in RP while I’ll continue to be a creeper in the Steps who reads search infos and Carrds about straight men and women.

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I completely accept that your experience is different Kira, I don't really see us as being on opposite sides of the fence we just have different experiences giving us different perspectives; both of us can be right at the same time in this kind of thing. RP communities in mmo's are large and spread across different timezones whilst individual players might only see a relatively small corner of it, so it's entirely possible for us to have totally different perceptions and both be 100% accurate.

 

I did say in my original post that I find the variety of different orientations and relationships etc to be an awesome thing, so I 100% agree with you saying it's beautiful. I did not in any way say that this diversity was disappointing, so please don't think that I did. What I said was disappointing was that for the last couple of years I have only felt like RP'ing a hetrosexual relationship and yet have been unable to find any interested parties with compatible characters, I have encountered three possibilites, one female and two male; I have both male and female characters but our characters whilst they could be friends just didn't mesh romantically. If I had wanted lesbian or homosexual relationships, I have met nearly a dozen different compatible options that in that same time frame.

 

I was speaking only for my limited experience in my tiny corner of the RP world, for example at this moment in time spread across 4 different mmo's, besides my own characters after a quick count. I know 2 straight male characters, 1 bi-sexual and 5 homosexual; 1 straight female character, 3 bi-sexual and 12 lesbian characters. Most of whom aren't interested in relationship RP regardless of their characters sexual orientation, but that's a different matter entirely.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Maybe it's a little blunt, but I can't help but give this whole topic a chuckle and a "who woulda thunk that finding an RP date would be just as difficult as finding a real one?" I try to feel for these sorts of conundrums, but as someone who is Ace IRL, I just can't relate. I have straight males, but none of them are interested in the sort of RP that straight females are seeking out because I as the player do not engage in ERP- huh. I guess I'm part of the problem.

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After sifting through the forums on one of our cold winter days, I ran across this thread. I don't post much, but I wanted to toss my 2 gil in.

 

I get what Faye is saying about undertones etc. I also get what Ren is saying about not engaging in ERP and I also understand 80% of the rest of the posts on this thread. So here is my 2 gil:

 

First I'll start by saying: RL orientation & or gender, for me, has zero to do with my characters or someone I may be roleplaying with. I've worked hard to step outside my comfort zones and try new things throughout the years. When I create a character, I don't usually decide on their orientation, though I usually decide on their gender identity. As I'm roleplaying the new character, sometimes I notice a "natural" tendency popping out and ta-da, they are gay, or bi, or pan, or straight. I go with the flow.

 

Having said that, I take full responsibility for my roleplay or lack of. I work hard on creating my character. How they look, dress, nuances, etc. Then their backstory. I try hard not to make too many super-cools or dull-dolly's. Just the right mix that would be interesting enough for other rp'ers to want to engage. Then, I create a carrd. Its free, easy to use, and you get to post all the super Gposes that your gaming heart desires. Then, I go to social areas. At least once per roleplay day, I attempt to engage people, either through emote or directly. Sometimes it takes a bit of time for people to get use to seeing my character to feel like "Okay, lemme see how this person is..." to go through their heads. Or maybe just to notice them. Considering there are hundreds or is it now thousands, of roleplayers? We have to do what we can to promote our characters publicity.

 

Point is, it will happen with patience. Having played all the colors of the rainbow, there are TONS of straights out there. I play a few. I tend to do slow burns on most of my characters. Not that this next bit has anything to do with the post directly, but I've found that people who are super eager to hook really fast, tend to have "other things" going on. So I like to give it a few weeks or a month  before hooking. Let the story grow a bit, see if we get on and such. If someone asks me my RL gender, for a pre-req for erp, that's a red flag to me. I just thought I'd toss that out bit out there too. Obviously other things need to be known, but that's a subject for another day.

 

And to the non-erp'ers? - I have had lovely relationship rp without the erp. It doesn't lessen it in any form in my opinion. You could even say it saves you a bit of time ;)

 

I hope I didn't ramble on too much. Good luck to everyone and may the roleplay gods bless your characters with fun.

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IMO there are definitely fewer straight RPers these days than LGBT RPers, and that's probably not going to change so if you're having problems finding what you're looking for you're going to need to learn how to adapt. My wife and I both play straight(ish) characters of our own gender IRL and we talk about our experiences in RP circles often, so here's my take on how to stand out from the crowd and attain success in writing sex and/or romance with straight characters (most of which probably also applies to LGBT folks):

 

1) Be passionate about your character, but not defensive.

 

It's OK to love your character, but don't be in love with your character. If you have a tendency to view your character as the protagonist in their encounters with other people you will be unable to objectively see your character's behavior for what it is. Unfortunately, your view of whether or not your character is blameless will infect your RP, people will notice if you're 'too close to your character' and avoid you. This is also a great reason not to play self-inserts.

 

2) Don't be slimy OOC.

 

This kinda goes without saying. Most people are only looking for RP, not anything more. Just assume everyone has a very simple set of boundaries that precludes all OOC flirting and excessive discussion of investment in the ship unless you learn otherwise.

 

3) Try to avoid falling into sitcom gender tropes.

 

The cultural script on how straight men and women interact IRL is probably not something other writers are looking to recreate in a fantasy world. Same goes for whatever people are spewing in shout chat these days. Remember that the fundamental core of any romantic connection is genuine conversation between nuanced, layered people. Most writers don't want their character to be seen as any trope, even 'strong woman.' There's nothing more validating to another writer than having your character understood and appreciated for who they are. 

 

4) Sending someone a tell to let them know their character is attractive is a poor way to seek RP.

 

Every relationship, sexual, or romantic RP I've been involved in stemmed out of plot interactions, public RP, or event RP. Being indirect doesn't work. I'm not even sure that personal ads work. Organizational overhead is really significant. The best way to find other RPers is to get yourself out there and project your character's personality to the world. Shyness is the enemy.

 

5) Don't be afraid to try new things.

 

There's more to vary than just gender and orientation; try playing someone who has a different outlook on life than you! Too many people RP characters that have an act copy of their personal beliefs on religion, morality, spirituality, politics, etc.

 

TLDR: distance yourself from your character, try new things, put yourself out there. And don't be afraid to solicit feedback from other people. There's a lot of diversity out there, even among straight people. Being willing to do different things may help you find it.

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  • 1 month later...

Ive actually been considering making a male character for this very reason I'm a straight guy irl but I created a female character cuz I prefer looking at females and now that I'm lvl 57 the idea of starting an alt for rp/relationships is daunting but now that I know women like you exist in game who are looking I might make one after all

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