Character Critiques?

[Chakha Malqir]

Heya! So Xenedra suggested I start up a thread asking for character critiques in this board. So here's what I have thus far. I appreciate any critiques I get! Thank you very much!

 

I should note that I plan on working on that "100 Questions" list as well to further flesh this out. But this is a rough idea.

 

Name: Virgil Manentyv

Age: 17

Gender: Male/Cisgender

Orientation: Homosexual

Race: Miqo'te

Clan: Keeper of the Moon (Half-Keeper of the Moon, Half-Seeker of the Sun IC)

Starting Job: Arcanist or Barbarian (He always begins as an Arcanist IC, but is required to begin in Limsa Lominsa for his story to work effectively)

 

History:

Virgil was born to a Seeker of the Sun father named G'kahla Nunh and a Keeper of the Moon mother named Asha Jawantal. Both desired to stick with their respective naming traditions. The mother wished for the child to be named in the traditional Keeper of the Moon way by taking on his mother's name. Feeling that his traditions needed to be kept, the father instead proposed to name the child in the traditional Seeker of the Sun way by taking on his father's name.

 

Unable to come to any form of compromise on their own due to their conflicting traditions, they asked mutual friends of the couple, a male Hyur playwright named Eadgar Fletcher and a female Roegadyn fisherwoman named Bhariwyb Greinfyswyn, for a suitable name. They chose to name him Virgil after a famed poet in the Fourth Astral Era, with the surname Maenentyv, a name which means "Moon Thief" in the ancient Roegadyn tongue, a subtle reference to the boy's father and how he stole the heart of a Keeper woman.

 

A few weeks after this joyous day, the child's mother left Limsa Lominsa with only a few words, "I love you" and "Take care of our son.". A few days later, on a starlit night, a squad of three Keepers of the Moon approached the child's father, questioning his whereabouts and revealing that he was a criminal under investigation within the borders of Gridania for theft of flowers from the twelveswood and of an antique music box, a heinous criminal act in Gridania and one punished severely by Gridanian law. Afraid for her child, the father lied, stating she had never heard of such a woman, when they left. The father never revealed to the child about his Keeper heritage.

 

The child had been born with the physical appearance of a Seeker of the Sun, but had many of the traits of a Keeper of the Moon. He refused to play with the other children, who always insisted they play outside in the bright, harsh sunlight, and instead devoted his time to reading both for study and for recreation. The child knew he was different from the others, but was not told about his mother, so he had no idea how different he truly was, even amongst other Miqo'te in the city.

 

As the child grew up, his studies had paid off and, after returning from a research expedition out in the deep oceans where he found a weird crystal fragment, he was officially granted the title of Arcanist and given permission to take up the fight for Limsa Lominsa properly. Having never truly fought before, he used his amassed knowledge and intellect to defeat foes and support his allies to the best of his ability.

 

--FUTURE ARCS--

The following are arcs that will happen later on in the plot of my character once he reaches certain in-game milestones. I can and likely will include many more of these later as I meet new people and develop bonds with them.

 

A Mother's Masquerade, A True Threat Weighed (Arcanist Lv20)

Upon attaining rank within The Maelstrom, Virgil returns home to his father after having traveled out for a long time and a squad of Keeper of the Moon Miqo'te are asking his father questions. Confused, he asks them what is going on. Through dialogue, he learns the truth: his mother is (or was, her whereabouts are truly unknown) a Keeper of the Moon. He then travels to Gridania in order to accomplish two goals: To offer forgiveness for what his mother had done in any way he could, and to study the ways of nature through the path of the Conjurer.

 

Life and Lore Intertwined, The Scholar Divined (Arcanist 30, Conjurer 15)

After fighting hard for a very long time, Virgil uses his wisdom and experience from his studies as an Arcanist and from his research as a Conjurer to unlock the secrets to follow the path of the Scholar, combining White Magic and Arcanist Skills to overwhelm enemies and act as a pillar of strength for surrounding allies.

 

A Mother Found, Surprises Abound (Scholar 30)

Virgil eventually finds his mother in and confronts him about his criminal actions, taking whatever actions necessary to force his mother to clear his name in Gridania and amongst the Keeper clans.

 

[Nova]

I can't really say to much on any lore, most of my lore knowledge is of the area's outside the three main city states. But I like the character background, especially the way you choose to name your Miqo'te.The whole thing seems pretty well thought out. Your character grew up in Limsa Lominsa? My character moved to upper La Noscea when she was in her teens, maybe they've run into each other in the past  

I also like your ideas, on future arcs. I look forward to seeing how your characters story unfolds.

[Jayce Lightfall]

Told you in Skype already. But I really enjoyed your character's background. In my limited knowledge it doesn't break lore and has a well thought out story for his naming. I look forward to seeing your 100 Questions when you get done!

[Chakha Malqir]

I can't really say to much on any lore, most of my lore knowledge is of the area's outside the three main city states. But I like the character background, especially the way you choose to name your Miqo'te.The whole thing seems pretty well thought out. Your character grew up in Limsa Lominsa? My character moved to upper La Noscea when she was in her teens, maybe they've run into each other in the past  

I also like your ideas, on future arcs. I look forward to seeing how your characters story unfolds.

 

Thank you very much! OOC, I didn't want to use the traditional Miqo'te naming conventions because they left very very little to the imagination due to being so strict. So I weaseled out a way to at least borrow the naming conventions of other races' cultures.

 

Virgil could have certainly met your character in the past! Though he never really liked being around the other kids all that much and preferred to stay indoors (his dislike of the sunlight comes from his Keeper side). So unless you character liked hanging around libraries and other areas with indoor activities within Limsa, it might not be too likely.

 

I hope to play out the future arcs a bit while also taking things slow and even participating in others' arcs while they would participate in mine.

---

Told you in Skype already. But I really enjoyed your character's background. In my limited knowledge it doesn't break lore and has a well thought out story for his naming. I look forward to seeing your 100 Questions when you get done!

 

Thanks a bunch! I'll do my best to get them finished ASAP!

[LeCard]

Just something I noticed that could make things seem a little odd, lore wise, is that you have the father a keeper and the mother a seeker (both the subordinate gender for their kind). This could be funny, in that they are fighting to name the child after the other person instead of the norm of trying to get the kid named after yourself, but it does present the issue of having neither one of them in a traditional position to say that the child should be raised one way or another.

 

not saying that it should/ needs to be changed, just something to think about as your work on their back story.  the other option being to have two dominate genders for parents(if you keep the mixed idea).(also, the "moon thief" title could have another meaning if the father is a seeker stealing away a keeper from her tribe)

[Chakha Malqir]

Just something I noticed that could make things seem a little odd, lore wise, is that you have the father a keeper and the mother a seeker (both the subordinate gender for their kind). This could be funny, in that they are fighting to name the child after the other person instead of the norm of trying to get the kid named after yourself, but it does present the issue of having neither one of them in a traditional position to say that the child should be raised one way or another.

 

not saying that it should/ needs to be changed, just something to think about as your work on their back story.  the other option being to have two dominate genders for parents(if you keep the mixed idea).(also, the "moon thief" title could have another meaning if the father is a seeker stealing away a keeper from her tribe)

 

You know, it wouldn't be all that hard to change the genders of the parents in the story entirely to correct this misconception, having the mother be the headstrong, chivalrous thief and the father be the one who cares for the child. It'd also serve to promote headstrong women in my backstory moreso than Virgil's Roegadyn godmother.

 

I kinda like that idea. Thanks!

[LeCard]

Just something I noticed that could make things seem a little odd, lore wise, is that you have the father a keeper and the mother a seeker (both the subordinate gender for their kind). This could be funny, in that they are fighting to name the child after the other person instead of the norm of trying to get the kid named after yourself, but it does present the issue of having neither one of them in a traditional position to say that the child should be raised one way or another.

 

not saying that it should/ needs to be changed, just something to think about as your work on their back story.  the other option being to have two dominate genders for parents(if you keep the mixed idea).(also, the "moon thief" title could have another meaning if the father is a seeker stealing away a keeper from her tribe)

 

You know, it wouldn't be all that hard to change the genders of the parents in the story entirely to correct this misconception, having the mother be the headstrong, chivalrous thief and the father be the one who cares for the child. It'd also serve to promote headstrong women in my backstory moreso than Virgil's Roegadyn godmother.

 

I kinda like that idea. Thanks!

 

Happy to be of any help I can. Ferreting out little details on lore is something I do for fun, so if you get further stuff for me to look over feel free to pm me or something. Also, don't take anything I suggest as a must, it is just something to think about so that you have an answer for any questions that could come up down the road about why you picked option A instead of b,c,d,e,or f. or maybe you picked E and someone wonders why not A.

[Desmond Aryll]

Sounds really interesting! I like the idea of organically incorporating your level gains in your personal story.

 

Question, how would you go about "meeting" your relatives? Would you have a fellow RP'er take on the role temporarily? I ask because your ideas somewhat inspire me to branch out and with a little help from others, really take it to another level.

[Chakha Malqir]

Sounds really interesting! I like the idea of organically incorporating your level gains in your personal story.

 

Question, how would you go about "meeting" your relatives? Would you have a fellow RP'er take on the role temporarily? I ask because your ideas somewhat inspire me to branch out and with a little help from others, really take it to another level.

 

"Meeting" relatives would certainly require a LOT of imagination. Not sure how I'd do it yet, other than asking for everyone to use the power of suspension of disbelief and pretend she's there.

[Desmond Aryll]

 

"Meeting" relatives would certainly require a LOT of imagination. Not sure how I'd do it yet, other than asking for everyone to use the power of suspension of disbelief and pretend she's there.

 

It presents the question that if one were to get the premium sub, you can roll 4 chars in any world, so does that mean 4 chars at any one time or 4 chars created for any given world period??

 

Because if it's the former, well then you can have a trusted RP'er go over a detailed bio on the mother for example and have yourself a real role-playing session! Oh the possibilities! Of course that's only if you can scrub chars and make new ones.

[Naunet]

It presents the question that if one were to get the premium sub, you can roll 4 chars in any world, so does that mean 4 chars at any one time or 4 chars created for any given world period??

Pretty sure with the full $15 per month, you get 8 characters per server, which is still too few IMO but what can one do. Some day a game will get rid of silly server limitations...

[Desmond Aryll]

Pretty sure with the full $15 per month, you get 8 characters per server, which is still too few IMO but what can one do. Some day a game will get rid of silly server limitations...

 

I'm happy to be corrected on that point.

If it is eight per world, then it seems like it would be doable to extend a helping hand to a fellow Rp'er sometime!

[Chakha Malqir]

Pretty sure with the full $15 per month, you get 8 characters per server, which is still too few IMO but what can one do. Some day a game will get rid of silly server limitations...

 

I'm happy to be corrected on that point.

If it is eight per world, then it seems like it would be doable to extend a helping hand to a fellow Rp'er sometime!

That would be pretty nice.

 

And I might even oblige someone else similarly. It's only good karma.

[Desmond Aryll]

RP teamwork ftw! Maybe it can be coordinated after launch.

 

Ps, it really is getting harder and harder to wait to play again....

[doctorgalactic]

RP teamwork ftw! Maybe it can be coordinated after launch.

 

Ps, it really is getting harder and harder to wait to play again....

I love this idea!

[Naunet]

If it is eight per world, then it seems like it would be doable to extend a helping hand to a fellow Rp'er sometime!

Heh, I actually recruited three other RPers to play the children of my character. It's a lot more fun when you can interact with other people, rather than just roleplaying everyone yourself. I definitely encourage it.

[Chakha Malqir]

RP teamwork ftw! Maybe it can be coordinated after launch.

 

Ps, it really is getting harder and harder to wait to play again....

 

Maybe we should start a recruitment thread for people who have important people in their stories.