09-06-2016, 03:39 AM
Hey I'm new to RP and I want some feedback on this backstory.
Luna Starshield (Born Lu'naha Aeg'Celes)
Early years
Luna doesn't remember her clan home, though she had heard stories from her mother and father. Her father was a quiet and imposing man, but kind and warm. Her mother was selfless and always helped those in need, even if they didn't return the kindness. Her brother was loud and boisterous, opposed to her quiet and shy temperament. Her father always joked that while her brother was a blazing sun, she was the glowing moon. She claims Ishgard as her birthplace since that is where she made her first memories. "Some hole in the Brume" she would say with a slight frown tugging athe her lips. Her father had rescued the son of a nobleman and was begrudgingly granted asylum. Regardless of her father's deed, she was spat on every day. "Dravanian trash! Scaled whore!" They would yell at her as they threw stones. Her mother and father received death threats daily, her brother came home with bruises, almost constantly. One day the knights came and accused her family of heresy and would stand trial to answer for their crimes. Her father didn't resist, but turned to little Lu'Naha and took off his wristlet. "This is the legacy of our line, which I leave to you, my little moon." Her mother did the same as well, removing her necklace. "May the white keep you, my little star." The knights took her family and put them on trial, finding them guilty and sentencing them to death. Lu'Naha watched as her family was hanged, and listened to the crowd cheer. A group of knights had cornered her after the execution and said it was her turn to pay for her sins, so she ran with them in close pursuit. She fled across the Steps of Faith and into the snow, never looking back.
The VoidÂ
Lu'Naha, or rather Luna now, spent a better part of two years wandering. She went from Coerthas to the Shroud and into the borders of Thanalan. After some time she got reckless and found herself kidnapped by a group of cultists. They imprisoned her and sent her to The Shroud, where they were planning on sacrificing her to their mistress, a succubus named Lu'Ventras. They almost succeeded, but the Seedseers had sent the Wood Wailers to end the right. They had wanted Luna for her latent magic power, so their mistress could take her and devour her, giving the voidsent strength enough to open a rift. Due to the interruption of the right, the voidsent was trapped inside of Luna's body, leaving Luna in a state of comatose.Â
The Legacy of Lu'Naha
Luna awakened some time later in the care of an old Wood Wailer, named Darmen. She was weakened past moving and Darmen caught her up on what she had missed. He says she was brought before the Elder Seedseer and the voidsent was to be expelled. As they attempted to remove Lu'Ventras, the succubus drew upon Luna's aether and eventually her lifeforce in order to resist, using her body as a puppet. Eventually it was discovered the more the succubus drew upon Luna's lifeforce, the weaker it became, until it collapsed. It was then assumed that the aether of the succubus and her host were now bonded, one needing the other to survive. Luna was to be nursed back to health and dealt with after she had recovered. Taking all this in, Luna became aware of a voice in her mind, telling her that it was an unfortunate arrangement, but one that couldn't be helped. After a few months of rehabilitation and healing sessions, Luna was strong enough to set out on her own. After speaking with Darmen, Luna went to see the Elder Seedseer. When she arrived she was greeted by a white haired Miqo'te named Y'mhithra. She was told that the necklace given to her by her mother, and the wristlet by her father, were in fact soul crystals of the White Mage and Summoner respectively. Should she accept, Luna would be taught to become a White Mage or Summoner. Luna steeled her resolve and said yes, soliciting a glow from both crystals, and a laugh from Lu'Ventras.
Forging Ahead
Many summers had passed and Luna had matured into a fine young Raen. Her lessons with the Miqo'te had seen her summoning the likeness of Ifrit, Garuda, and Titan. Her time with the Padjal had taught her powerful healing spells and potent offensive magic. On occasion she would take up the lance and pick up a few things from Darmen. She had learned to live with the succubus within her, although she couldn't completely repress her. In times of great exhaustion, lack of aether, or emotional breaks, the succubus could assume control. At those times she could be very flirtatious and even promiscuous, leaving for many days at a time and returning on the arm of a traveling merchant, only to snap back to herself and chastise herself for losing control. Darmen had become a father figure to her and Kan-E-Senna a mother. When she completed her training, she bid her friends and mentors a tearful goodbye. She packed her bag and her grimoire, took up her staff and lance, and set out to carry on what remained of her family legacy. She had made something of a name for herself, aiding and helping those she came across however she could. Soon her past had come back to haunt her. She was in Coerthas when she heard screams for help. She ran to the source and fought off a dragon that was attempting to kill a knight. As it fled the knight recognized her. "You're that Dravanian scum what ran all them years back. Couldn't help but run after we killed your heretic family?" Using this as an opportunity to truly feed, the succubus brought forth all the memories and emotions Luna had locked away. Unprepared for the assault, Luna quickly succumbed to rage and hatred, Â letting the succubus take control. In an instant, her hands were on his throat, draining his aether. By the time Luna wrestled control away from Lu'Ven the knight was beyond saving. She left him in the snow and knew she couldn't stay. She decided to travel to Ul'dah, and see what fate awaited her there. Lu'Ven simply chuckled and agreed. In the end, she would get what she wanted, Â one way or another.
Sorry it's so long. Feel free to leave any comments, critiques, or suggestions. Every little bit helps! Thank you!
Luna Starshield (Born Lu'naha Aeg'Celes)
Early years
Luna doesn't remember her clan home, though she had heard stories from her mother and father. Her father was a quiet and imposing man, but kind and warm. Her mother was selfless and always helped those in need, even if they didn't return the kindness. Her brother was loud and boisterous, opposed to her quiet and shy temperament. Her father always joked that while her brother was a blazing sun, she was the glowing moon. She claims Ishgard as her birthplace since that is where she made her first memories. "Some hole in the Brume" she would say with a slight frown tugging athe her lips. Her father had rescued the son of a nobleman and was begrudgingly granted asylum. Regardless of her father's deed, she was spat on every day. "Dravanian trash! Scaled whore!" They would yell at her as they threw stones. Her mother and father received death threats daily, her brother came home with bruises, almost constantly. One day the knights came and accused her family of heresy and would stand trial to answer for their crimes. Her father didn't resist, but turned to little Lu'Naha and took off his wristlet. "This is the legacy of our line, which I leave to you, my little moon." Her mother did the same as well, removing her necklace. "May the white keep you, my little star." The knights took her family and put them on trial, finding them guilty and sentencing them to death. Lu'Naha watched as her family was hanged, and listened to the crowd cheer. A group of knights had cornered her after the execution and said it was her turn to pay for her sins, so she ran with them in close pursuit. She fled across the Steps of Faith and into the snow, never looking back.
The VoidÂ
Lu'Naha, or rather Luna now, spent a better part of two years wandering. She went from Coerthas to the Shroud and into the borders of Thanalan. After some time she got reckless and found herself kidnapped by a group of cultists. They imprisoned her and sent her to The Shroud, where they were planning on sacrificing her to their mistress, a succubus named Lu'Ventras. They almost succeeded, but the Seedseers had sent the Wood Wailers to end the right. They had wanted Luna for her latent magic power, so their mistress could take her and devour her, giving the voidsent strength enough to open a rift. Due to the interruption of the right, the voidsent was trapped inside of Luna's body, leaving Luna in a state of comatose.Â
The Legacy of Lu'Naha
Luna awakened some time later in the care of an old Wood Wailer, named Darmen. She was weakened past moving and Darmen caught her up on what she had missed. He says she was brought before the Elder Seedseer and the voidsent was to be expelled. As they attempted to remove Lu'Ventras, the succubus drew upon Luna's aether and eventually her lifeforce in order to resist, using her body as a puppet. Eventually it was discovered the more the succubus drew upon Luna's lifeforce, the weaker it became, until it collapsed. It was then assumed that the aether of the succubus and her host were now bonded, one needing the other to survive. Luna was to be nursed back to health and dealt with after she had recovered. Taking all this in, Luna became aware of a voice in her mind, telling her that it was an unfortunate arrangement, but one that couldn't be helped. After a few months of rehabilitation and healing sessions, Luna was strong enough to set out on her own. After speaking with Darmen, Luna went to see the Elder Seedseer. When she arrived she was greeted by a white haired Miqo'te named Y'mhithra. She was told that the necklace given to her by her mother, and the wristlet by her father, were in fact soul crystals of the White Mage and Summoner respectively. Should she accept, Luna would be taught to become a White Mage or Summoner. Luna steeled her resolve and said yes, soliciting a glow from both crystals, and a laugh from Lu'Ventras.
Forging Ahead
Many summers had passed and Luna had matured into a fine young Raen. Her lessons with the Miqo'te had seen her summoning the likeness of Ifrit, Garuda, and Titan. Her time with the Padjal had taught her powerful healing spells and potent offensive magic. On occasion she would take up the lance and pick up a few things from Darmen. She had learned to live with the succubus within her, although she couldn't completely repress her. In times of great exhaustion, lack of aether, or emotional breaks, the succubus could assume control. At those times she could be very flirtatious and even promiscuous, leaving for many days at a time and returning on the arm of a traveling merchant, only to snap back to herself and chastise herself for losing control. Darmen had become a father figure to her and Kan-E-Senna a mother. When she completed her training, she bid her friends and mentors a tearful goodbye. She packed her bag and her grimoire, took up her staff and lance, and set out to carry on what remained of her family legacy. She had made something of a name for herself, aiding and helping those she came across however she could. Soon her past had come back to haunt her. She was in Coerthas when she heard screams for help. She ran to the source and fought off a dragon that was attempting to kill a knight. As it fled the knight recognized her. "You're that Dravanian scum what ran all them years back. Couldn't help but run after we killed your heretic family?" Using this as an opportunity to truly feed, the succubus brought forth all the memories and emotions Luna had locked away. Unprepared for the assault, Luna quickly succumbed to rage and hatred, Â letting the succubus take control. In an instant, her hands were on his throat, draining his aether. By the time Luna wrestled control away from Lu'Ven the knight was beyond saving. She left him in the snow and knew she couldn't stay. She decided to travel to Ul'dah, and see what fate awaited her there. Lu'Ven simply chuckled and agreed. In the end, she would get what she wanted, Â one way or another.
Sorry it's so long. Feel free to leave any comments, critiques, or suggestions. Every little bit helps! Thank you!