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Volk · **07-18-2015, 01:58 AM**

EDIT: My original reply was pessimistic post that was not constructive. I support the message of this thread !

Nebbs · **07-18-2015, 07:09 AM**

I agree with this OP.

On my good days I am fearless, I am up for anything and nothing gets me down. But the way of things is one small pin prick of disappointment can bring all your fears back. At that point it helps to stop the panic and just remind yourself that the prick is not that big and "choose" how you want to respond if at all.Â

On a bad day, I'll be under my covers waiting for the day to go away. A life of negative feedback, as I struggled with words, conditioned me to avoid and dislike any feedback. I am sure many are in a similar position.

That is why failing with friends is the best way. I love PvE but really I love to wipe with friends as we all learn. The loot and progress is secondary to that for me.

Another trap is the comfort of solo dailies and crafting and gathering. I know I want to RP, I know I love RP, and yet I often find myself doing just one more craft, or hunt, or leve.

We know that being with those who feed you and build you up is the way forwards, but the memories of rejection and failure haunt us. We see the negatives and ignore the positives.

So the next time you fail, just put the negatives to one side and consider the positives. They are there.

Ha'uruh Nunh · **07-18-2015, 08:49 AM**

I know this feeling. There's a job I want to apply for, but I'm afraid of being rejected for it, and since it would be basically the same job I'm doing now, I know I'd take it as failure, or some sort of commentary on my performance. I'm always terrified to change jobs for fear of failing at the new one.

Viola · **07-18-2015, 10:22 AM**

Not to derail the thread; I worry about every choice I make. Every steps I take.

I'm trying to start transitioning (As I am transgender as well), and lately it seems either I'm missing something or I'm going about it wrong.

I'm mentally unstable, easily getting upset over the pettiest of things, I'm really clingy, and the worst part is, I'm so afraid of failing that things that I shouldn't blame myself for, I do.

It's so difficult for me to function as a "normal human being" in public as I have literally no "real life" experience, and it was up until September of last year that I lived with my parents. Within a week, I lost my home, my two dogs (who were therapeutic to me) and dropped into a depression that's been harder than the Great Depression.

I am 25, and I've been trying so hard to pick up the pieces since then. If I hadn't had my friends, I probably would be in the ground right now.

http://i.imgur.com/FYQlEpM.jpg

Here's Brownie (the small brown pikachu) and Bluto (the big black pikachu). I raised them since birth, and this year they're going to be 3. I'm going to stop here with this post because I'll end up rambling on more than I already have. Sorry.

Steel Wolf · **07-18-2015, 11:05 AM**

I can speak to the power of jumping in to the fire.

My new best digital homie, Zarek, was the one who pushed me on and gave me support in both an emotional and a literal sense of helping me get over my tanking and dungeoneering fears. I now look at new dungeons and raids with excitement instead of crippling worry.

It's so trite that it's literally an ad slogan, but it absolutely holds true. Just do it.

And I offer my own support to any who ask. Even if it's a digital hug or cheering on.

Nyx Bajhiri · **07-18-2015, 11:26 AM**

OP, thanks so much for this thread. I'm really glad I'm not the only one. I usually play healers in MMOs. But sometimes I take things so seriously and worry if I mess up in a dungeon that makes me a horrible player. And in this game, where a lot of PUGs demand perfection, I used to make myself sick over it and I almost let those bad wipes chase me out of the game. But the best thing I did was take a time out to explore other classes.

I absolutely fell in love with the Rogue/Ninja class and am having a blast. It was never a class that was at the top of my list when I started playing but I'm glad I decided to give it a go. Something about it just clicked with me. I find I'm more confident in groups and enjoy dungeons a heck of a lot more. That's not to say I won't one day pick up the healer again but sometimes the best thing is just a change of perspective. It's not a failure to take some time to find your niche.

McBeefâ„¢ · **07-18-2015, 01:27 PM**

On a side note, I have a lot of experience dealing with transgender issues, and also navigating the process. If anyone is transgender, or questioning, or just wants to talk, feel free to PM me. I know that it can be incredibly scary to admit issues like that to anyone, because if you tell the wrong person first, it can be very bad.

Zephyo · **07-18-2015, 06:44 PM**

I find that most of the decisions I make are made within the boundaries of 'success' and 'failure.' I'll get half-way in my attempt, and then stall out and let entropy end my progression when the window for success grows smaller. Even with joining the RP community, I have this stigma upon myself that if post describing my plans for my character are not responded to then it just means it wouldn't 'make the cut' if I finished my work anyway. That if I had approached the situation any number of other ways, I'd have a chance at being 'successful.'

My imagination has been working against me more than it has been working for me. As someone with a mild autism spectrum and anxiety issues, it's amazing how much I let some possibility outweigh what simply is. Part of it is mainstream culture, I suppose; Go to school, get a job, pay off debts, continue the pattern.Â Follow the formula and you might achieve success, but deviate and you'll certainly be a failure. But the truth is, success may not bring happiness, and failure isn't an absolute; merely a stage of progression, passed through on one's way.

Sorry if I have rambled, or reiterated what others have already stated. But My comfort zone is small and cramped, and I like the theme of this thread.

Kellach Woods · **07-18-2015, 07:01 PM**

BTW, when i referred to failing at a video game. I didn't mean this one.

Gegenji · **07-20-2015, 08:57 AM**

(07-18-2015, 06:44 PM)Zephyo Wrote: I find that most of the decisions I make are made within the boundaries of 'success' and 'failure.' I'll get half-way in my attempt, and then stall out and let entropy end my progression when the window for success grows smaller. Even with joining the RP community, I have this stigma upon myself that if post describing my plans for my character are not responded to then it just means it wouldn't 'make the cut' if I finished my work anyway. That if I had approached the situation any number of other ways, I'd have a chance at being 'successful.'

You've basically described most of my creative ventures. I'll start something, and slowly taper out of it as worry gnaws at me - doubly so if it's something no one seems to be responding to. I've had a few stories I've written on DeviantArt, for example, where I've gotten several pages worth of stuff put down... and just stopped because it just seemed like no one, well, cared. Even though it's just as likely that people hadn't come across it because DA's a rather big website and is more for art than for the written word, I still think that people are seeing the little preview blurb and seeing it as junky trash that isn't worth their time. And so I get worried and nervous and negatively self-reflective and ultimately never finish it.

Thaliak's Sisyphus might've ended up the same way if I hadn't been able to convince myself that lack of posting by others saying what they liked or didn't like is... relatively common. Now I'm more at a writer's block moment on how I want to proceed with things rather than floundering in worry over whether people like it. Though, the desire for feedback is still there. Blush

I'm a little ball of fear and worry in general, though. I worry that my lack of knowledge in something or another at work will end up with me getting fired. I fear of awkward or ignored in social situations so it takes a herculean effort to get me to try and go out places - even if I want to be social in a sense that goes beyond the Internet. I even worry that folks might not want to RP with me, or that I'm not RPing an interesting enough character (or, conversely, making them too "strong" and pushing folks away) - so all I can do is timidly ask if people want to RP and fade into silence when no one says anything and go back to slowly grinding levels on Gogon. And don't even get me started on my worries and fears on romance and relationships (and my lack of either at the moment).

It doesn't help that, at times, it seems like the world is agreeing with me on my negative self-view. Last Monday I felt the desire to go out and be social - to try and make new friends and do something other than sit at my computer all day. Found a game event thing about twenty minutes away - board games and such. While I was hoping more for a way to restart my DnD-type games, it was still something and - with the proddings of folks in the RPC chat - I drove on down.

To what was effectively a trap for college kids - a cafe that just happened to also have board games and the like. The fee for hanging out to play games and such was $5, with their Monday special being $1... if you bought $10 worth of food - which was basically a burger given their inflated prices. Most of the people there were walled off (figuratively, not literally) in their own little groups and seemed distant to me when I timidly approached. The group that I had read about was also... less than stellar. They seemed distant as well, save for this one heavyset stuttering girl who just looked like she was trying hard to fit in with the others.

She was also more or less abandoned by the others when they left, leaving her with no way to get to the Metro for a ride home beyond... me. Someone who had basically only been "hanging out" with this group for all of two hours. Which I did, because I really couldn't say no - it wouldn't been rather cruel leaving her to walk the five/ten minute drive at night. Even if it felt REALLY awkward giving a lift to someone I just met.

So, my desire to go out and be social ended up in spending $7 ($2 on parking - there was paid parking - and $5 for the "hanging out" at the cafe) learning one game that we only played a couple rounds of before everyone bailed... and finagling myself into one round of a card game before that group decided to change things up. Not to mention the 20-30 minute drive both ways and ending up having to awkwardly converse with an awkward girl who was abandoned by her gaming group as I drove her to the Metro.

My biggest solace of that whole thing was... at least I helped someone. If I hadn't been there, who knows what could've happened to that girl. So... there's that, at least. I still think the whole venture was a horrible failure that feeds into that spiral of negativity... but I managed to glean something positive out of it. Blush

Qhora Bajihri · **07-21-2015, 01:41 AM**

In the game, yeah, nothing should be as scary as it is. What's the worst that can happen? Jump in!

But outside reality can echo hard. If you make a decision that costs a life, especially a life that matters to you a lot, you can end up raw and sensitive in ways you never ever wanted to be for pretty much the rest of your life. It's not always as simple as allowing yourself to fail. Sometimes it takes years of effort just to see the light for the shadows. And sometimes those shadows tell you that even doing little things, like playing a game, might have terrible consequences.

We shouldn't believe them. Little things can bring a lot of light with very little actual risk. But on bad days, it's so much easier said than done.

McBeefâ„¢ · **07-22-2015, 01:48 PM**

(07-18-2015, 06:44 PM)Zephyo Wrote: I find that most of the decisions I make are made within the boundaries of 'success' and 'failure.' I'll get half-way in my attempt, and then stall out and let entropy end my progression when the window for success grows smaller. Even with joining the RP community, I have this stigma upon myself that if post describing my plans for my character are not responded to then it just means it wouldn't 'make the cut' if I finished my work anyway. That if I had approached the situation any number of other ways, I'd have a chance at being 'successful.'

My imagination has been working against me more than it has been working for me. As someone with a mild autism spectrum and anxiety issues, it's amazing how much I let some possibility outweigh what simply is. Part of it is mainstream culture, I suppose; Go to school, get a job, pay off debts, continue the pattern.Â Follow the formula and you might achieve success, but deviate and you'll certainly be a failure. But the truth is, success may not bring happiness, and failure isn't an absolute; merely a stage of progression, passed through on one's way.

Sorry if I have rambled, or reiterated what others have already stated. But My comfort zone is small and cramped, and I like the theme of this thread.

Thanks for sharing. I completely get that.

I find too often we don't give ourselves 'the benefit of the doubt' that we'd give others. When I start a new thing I'm often looking for an excuse to run away from it. I have a bad habit when I join a new FC, I feel like everyone is going to dislike me. So often the first hint of it, I try to run away before I can get ostracized.

Almost always though, its my own head working against me, and whatever Issue I'm freaking out about isn't as big a deal as I thought it was.

Even when I have small successes at the start, it can sometimes only ramp up the pressure, because I feel like I have to keep satisfying people. I used to make gaming youtube videos, for example, and people liked them, but it's scary to make more, because I feel like one failure will screw up all those successes <_<.

McBeefâ„¢ · **07-22-2015, 02:15 PM**

(07-20-2015, 08:57 AM)Gegenji Wrote: -Gegenji being cute-

In the end though, it wasn't that bad, right?

You put a little good into the world, and helped someone out. You should try again sometime! Hopefully some place more reputable. It can only go better!

I should do the same thing, but I'm also anxious to just go to random gaming stores and such to find people. I keep talking about GMing for my friends, but then I get scared that I'm going to be a crappy GM, and no one will have fun.

waghhhh.

Kage · **07-22-2015, 02:22 PM**

(07-22-2015, 02:15 PM)Natalie Mcbeef Wrote: I should do the same thing, but I'm also anxious to just go to random gaming stores and such to find people. I keep talking about GMing for my friends, but then I get scared that I'm going to be a crappy GM, and no one will have fun.

waghhhh.

Hi. Please GM. Let's have fun, we'll have it no matter what.

13uddy · **07-22-2015, 02:58 PM**

(07-22-2015, 02:15 PM)Natalie Mcbeef Wrote: I keep talking about GMing for my friends, but then I get scared that I'm going to be a crappy GM, and no one will have fun.

But even a "crappy" GM can be hilariously entertaining. Â If an idiot like me can do it (my descriptions went on and on and all over the place like a rambling Grampa Simpson story), I'm sure you would do much better.

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RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes