It's not bad! I'm happy to see people attempting original Au Ra backstories that are based in the lore as opposed to being stories of how their Miqo'te was transformed into an Au Ra.
I only have a couple of criticisms that I'm comfortable giving. Both are based on the principle of trying to cut back on things that distinguish your character without really adding anything of value. There's nothing wrong with being "special" or "unique" but there are times where it's good to cut down on these in order to balance out your character. It would just add polish.
One, I have to agree with the poster that said you should wait for the naming conventions so you can have a lore-based name. Otherwise it seems like you are trying to write in a justification for having the name that you happen to like, which seems to be commonplace among people who didn't have the foresight of giving their character a lore name. Regardless of your actual intention it will come across as being sloppy and overly convenient.
Second, there's this:
Frankly I don't think it makes sense that he would go to such ridiculous lengths to "hide his abnormal appearance" when the measure he took still makes him stand out so much. You'd think he would want to blend in, if possible, rather than continuing to stand out. Wearing a cloak with a face covering would accomplish this minimally and not be as ridiculous. Remaining relatively unseen would also work. He could even just be accepted by the town but kept secret from village outsiders. Try to think of more reasonable and realistic ways that a person could live in a community while hiding their extreme physical features.
After all, he can still have a distinctive black suit of armor that he wears in combat, but "wearing it day in and day out" (do you know how uncomfortable armor is?) when the justification for this is to try and conceal his identity? That's more than a little implausible.
Anyways, kudos again on going the "original Au Ra" route. I'm hoping to meet lots of Au Ra come HW who have interesting backstories that make use of their race lore.
I only have a couple of criticisms that I'm comfortable giving. Both are based on the principle of trying to cut back on things that distinguish your character without really adding anything of value. There's nothing wrong with being "special" or "unique" but there are times where it's good to cut down on these in order to balance out your character. It would just add polish.
One, I have to agree with the poster that said you should wait for the naming conventions so you can have a lore-based name. Otherwise it seems like you are trying to write in a justification for having the name that you happen to like, which seems to be commonplace among people who didn't have the foresight of giving their character a lore name. Regardless of your actual intention it will come across as being sloppy and overly convenient.
Second, there's this:
(05-10-2015, 12:51 PM)Aven Wrote: To hide his abnormal appearance he commissioned and suit of black plate armor which he wore day in and day out.
Frankly I don't think it makes sense that he would go to such ridiculous lengths to "hide his abnormal appearance" when the measure he took still makes him stand out so much. You'd think he would want to blend in, if possible, rather than continuing to stand out. Wearing a cloak with a face covering would accomplish this minimally and not be as ridiculous. Remaining relatively unseen would also work. He could even just be accepted by the town but kept secret from village outsiders. Try to think of more reasonable and realistic ways that a person could live in a community while hiding their extreme physical features.
After all, he can still have a distinctive black suit of armor that he wears in combat, but "wearing it day in and day out" (do you know how uncomfortable armor is?) when the justification for this is to try and conceal his identity? That's more than a little implausible.
Anyways, kudos again on going the "original Au Ra" route. I'm hoping to meet lots of Au Ra come HW who have interesting backstories that make use of their race lore.
