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Defects in the Lovability Matrix


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Defects in the Lovability Matrix
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Qhora Bajihriv
Qhora Bajihri
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Joined:Jul 2013
Character:Qhora Bajihri
Server:Balmung
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RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix |
#13
05-26-2015, 02:17 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-26-2015, 02:19 AM by Qhora Bajihri.)
Usually when I get tired of a character, whether it's after a couple weeks or a couple years, it's a slow descent into oblivion. And in the end, I just leave them there to collect dust when I move on to whatever's next. That's easy in games like WoW, GW2, and TOR where the solution is to just pick a different character to love. Here, where you lose so much input by not using Fantasia, there's more of a decision required.

This is actually my second FFXIV character. My first I burnt to the ground when my real life collided with my capacity to enjoy the game in a violently emotional way, leaving me hating the fact that he existed at all for completely irrational reasons. I'd never done anything like that before. For his story, rather than flat out retcon, which is what I wanted to do in my fit of angst, I offered a sort of supernatural approach, where all the NPCs and players who didn't want to bother figuring out what to do with his sudden disappearance simply forgot he ever existed, and people who wanted to remember him for whatever reason could, but had to deal with his sudden vanishing however they best saw fit. I wrote a little story to go along with it, but the whole situation was crude and inconsiderate of everyone he interacted with. I just wanted him gone so badly.

I jumped to a different server and used my Fantasia with no intention of returning. What happens after that is a new story.

Nowadays he exists in a strange sort of dead/not-dead space full of uneasy questions and unpalatable mystery. There are days I want to bring him back. There are days I feel obligated to bring him back. But those feelings rarely last for long. It's not that I like this current character better, but she seems to be better for me, for the way I play now, for keeping my RP interactions in a relaxed, expendable place where I can play with her if I want to but I never feel like I need to.

I don't recommend the path I took, though in retrospect, I'm not sure I could have or would have done it differently, and I don't regret it, even though the whole situation was a disagreeable mess. I kind of like that he still exists in a floaty, incorporeal sort of way, should I ever want to use him for anything or even play him full time again someday, though I doubt either will ever happen to any real strength.

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Messages In This Thread
Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Steel Wolf - 05-24-2015, 08:56 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Nebbs - 05-24-2015, 09:32 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Telluride - 05-24-2015, 01:57 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Val - 05-24-2015, 03:01 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Harmonixer - 05-24-2015, 03:21 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by ArmachiA - 05-24-2015, 03:57 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Gone. - 05-24-2015, 06:48 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by WhiteLycanXII - 05-24-2015, 07:09 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Faye - 05-24-2015, 08:02 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Kellach Woods - 05-24-2015, 08:45 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Nako Vesh - 05-24-2015, 10:10 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Steel Wolf - 05-25-2015, 07:48 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Qhora Bajihri - 05-26-2015, 02:17 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Arik - 05-26-2015, 01:29 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by McBeefâ„¢ - 05-26-2015, 01:45 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Asmodean - 05-26-2015, 02:22 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Rila - 05-26-2015, 04:57 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Terra - 06-05-2015, 05:16 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Mountie - 06-05-2015, 10:28 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by FallenVanguard - 07-25-2015, 07:01 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Sigil.9054 - 07-27-2015, 04:40 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Flickering Ember - 08-18-2015, 10:24 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Caspar - 08-19-2015, 04:54 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Ignacius - 08-19-2015, 05:09 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by SaintEaon - 08-19-2015, 05:25 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Caspar - 08-19-2015, 07:03 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by D'aito Kuji - 08-20-2015, 02:12 PM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by KitKat - 08-21-2015, 04:58 AM
RE: Defects in the Lovability Matrix - by Oilbasedoleander - 08-21-2015, 09:40 AM

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