I haven't had the urge to RP in a few weeks now. I'm anxious to get over that ambivalence, but I can't force it. That said, what's always caused me to hesitate to go out and get RP are a few things.Â
- When I played a Roe, I was constantly sent unsolicited tells for ERP, and very specific types of ERP just by virtue of playing a femroe and standing idle in the Quicksand. While YKINMKATO, it got to a point where I had to forgo going to public spaces, or seeking out RP altogether outside of my then FC. I could not escape it, even when I was not RPing. It was very discouraging. After I race-name-changed to my Au Ra, I was a lot happier with her concept overall, and that non-sense stopped altogether. I don't get creepy ERP tells anymore, but I still feel a little residual cringe when I RP in public spaces.
- I like playing characters with carnival mode elements. It's a good way for me to get over my introverted nature and engage, rather than wait for what I think is an appropriate moment, and continue to waffle. I have to force myself out of my comfort zone, and lucky for me, RP is one of the best ways I can do that. What worries me the most about playing this type of character, even though it suits me, is that I do not want to burden other people unnecessarily with her non-sense, especially if they're not game for interacting with a character with sometimes ridiculous behavior, or even reading it in scrolling chat. I worry that I'm being obnoxious, or others may think I'm weird for the sake of being weird. I'm more concerned as to whether I'm entertaining the other person.Â
- When I hit my groove with my character, I tend to know how they will react to just about any given situation. I can rattle off reactions super fast, I'm super confident in my posts, I'm very consistent with the character, and I worry about stealing a scene. I've done it before unintentionally. For this reason, I tend to opt out of participating in events, and prefer to make brief appearances, deferring to others even when it may go against how I think my character would behave. I'd rather cooperate and compromise. While having the attention of one person at a time is all well and good, and giving that person my undivided attention in return, I don't want to create moments where I even perceive that I may have killed the chat (and/or RP) because people are watching (and of course, in my mind, judging me and my roleplay.)Â
