I've ultimately led guilds of varying sizes in every MMO I've played so far, and I totally relate to what you're feeling right now. I haven't read through all the responses, so I'll likely parrot some things others have already said, but I wanted to throw in my own take on your situation.
FFXI was my first experience with leadership, and it was a small 5 man static that turned into a linkshell. Like you, I entered the world of leadership with a very live and let live attitude. This burned me out of the game entirely, and most of the players went on to form a new group without me. I actually look back on that as a mistake I made in taking on too much responsibility.
Fast forward about 2-3 years to WoW, where a year after the BC expansion came out, I was running a raiding guild. By this point, after running an RP guild in classic WoW, I had learned that the best system for me was a three-way leadership, affectionately called a Triforce, so I had two other key leaders. I think officially we called it the Council, to differentiate it from the Officers. I put a heavy emphasis on appointed level-headed officers. Inevitably, I took a break from the game and gave up my spot to the other two to replace. One of the others took a similar break some time later. When I came back, I wasn't happy with the new council, or with what had happened with the officers. The remaining leader was still a good leader. But the people surrounding him either never disagreed with him, or argued in ways that weren't constructive (basically just, "I'm mad, this sucks, wah").
Ultimately, tension grew between he and I because of this. I think in a lot of ways it appeared as though I had left him to run the show and now was criticizing him for working with what he had. But the point wasn't that he was doing a bad job, but that he wasn't effectively sharing the brunt of his responsibilities with responsible guild members. For one thing, he was promoting based on age within the guild, and not so much based on who demonstrated being effective leaders. That sounds really abstract, I know, but to relate it to your situation, I urge you to consider this: for every lousy member of the guild now, you can probably think of someone good.
The last leader eventually took a "core" group from the guild and merged it with a more hardcore guild. That guild dissolved altogether within a month, and our original guild went on to last another year without me actually playing the game anymore, because of course I took over and appointed new leadership. And the new leadership learned from our lessons and kept a good thing going. The next expansion hit, and it's pretty common for guilds to burn out from raiding when new content comes around, so luckily the guild didn't flame out dramatically. It died naturally, as most guilds eventually must (excluding the ones with a strong community outside the game, and we just didn't have that kind of scope).
So, my recommendation based on my experience would be this: look for the people who truly help you lead the guild. Not the best gamers, or the best role players, but the people who treat people right. Surround yourself with those people. Only then, from that base, where you're not driving yourself mad with the sole responsibility of wrangling all these people (and make no mistake, time has told me that every group of people will do this to you eventually, big or small, if you take too much of it on your own shoulders), only then should you go down the road of establishing membership boundaries.
From there, make your boundaries clear. Applications and three strikes you're out rules tend to get a little too cold and aloof for a guild in a game. Consider just expressing your intentions calmly, and clearly to your problem players. "Is this going to be a problem? Would you be happier in another guild?" And don't make empty threats. "If this happens again, I will have to remove you from the guild." Then follow up. You don't have to be an ass hole to achieve these things, and the server will judge you by the members you have, and the way you treat them, not by the ones you don't.
I hope I said something helpful. I haven't lead a guild since that last WoW one for the same reasons you're describing. But you and I both know these games need good guild leaders, because the shitty ones are all too eager to fill the void when we're gone. Foster new leaders that can help you and, when the time comes, replace you. Everything else is secondary.
FFXI was my first experience with leadership, and it was a small 5 man static that turned into a linkshell. Like you, I entered the world of leadership with a very live and let live attitude. This burned me out of the game entirely, and most of the players went on to form a new group without me. I actually look back on that as a mistake I made in taking on too much responsibility.
Fast forward about 2-3 years to WoW, where a year after the BC expansion came out, I was running a raiding guild. By this point, after running an RP guild in classic WoW, I had learned that the best system for me was a three-way leadership, affectionately called a Triforce, so I had two other key leaders. I think officially we called it the Council, to differentiate it from the Officers. I put a heavy emphasis on appointed level-headed officers. Inevitably, I took a break from the game and gave up my spot to the other two to replace. One of the others took a similar break some time later. When I came back, I wasn't happy with the new council, or with what had happened with the officers. The remaining leader was still a good leader. But the people surrounding him either never disagreed with him, or argued in ways that weren't constructive (basically just, "I'm mad, this sucks, wah").
Ultimately, tension grew between he and I because of this. I think in a lot of ways it appeared as though I had left him to run the show and now was criticizing him for working with what he had. But the point wasn't that he was doing a bad job, but that he wasn't effectively sharing the brunt of his responsibilities with responsible guild members. For one thing, he was promoting based on age within the guild, and not so much based on who demonstrated being effective leaders. That sounds really abstract, I know, but to relate it to your situation, I urge you to consider this: for every lousy member of the guild now, you can probably think of someone good.
The last leader eventually took a "core" group from the guild and merged it with a more hardcore guild. That guild dissolved altogether within a month, and our original guild went on to last another year without me actually playing the game anymore, because of course I took over and appointed new leadership. And the new leadership learned from our lessons and kept a good thing going. The next expansion hit, and it's pretty common for guilds to burn out from raiding when new content comes around, so luckily the guild didn't flame out dramatically. It died naturally, as most guilds eventually must (excluding the ones with a strong community outside the game, and we just didn't have that kind of scope).
So, my recommendation based on my experience would be this: look for the people who truly help you lead the guild. Not the best gamers, or the best role players, but the people who treat people right. Surround yourself with those people. Only then, from that base, where you're not driving yourself mad with the sole responsibility of wrangling all these people (and make no mistake, time has told me that every group of people will do this to you eventually, big or small, if you take too much of it on your own shoulders), only then should you go down the road of establishing membership boundaries.
From there, make your boundaries clear. Applications and three strikes you're out rules tend to get a little too cold and aloof for a guild in a game. Consider just expressing your intentions calmly, and clearly to your problem players. "Is this going to be a problem? Would you be happier in another guild?" And don't make empty threats. "If this happens again, I will have to remove you from the guild." Then follow up. You don't have to be an ass hole to achieve these things, and the server will judge you by the members you have, and the way you treat them, not by the ones you don't.
I hope I said something helpful. I haven't lead a guild since that last WoW one for the same reasons you're describing. But you and I both know these games need good guild leaders, because the shitty ones are all too eager to fill the void when we're gone. Foster new leaders that can help you and, when the time comes, replace you. Everything else is secondary.