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Gone. · **03-23-2015, 03:13 PM**

I'm going to try really hard and avoid getting too personal with this. Forgive me if I go too far, though; not sure I can offer anything else given what's already been said.

People with extreme social anxiety and confidence issues... we deal with this all the time. I know you think I'm better at managing it than you, but truth is? Every time I send you something of mine to read, I'm deathly afraid of being rejected no matter how overwhelmingly positive you've been before. I honestly am.

It's hard, it really is. If I could take that feeling away, I would, because I know the pain and stress it causes all too well. It gets even worse knowing full well that there are people that would judge you for your roleplay. They do it to me and they'd do it to you.

Does it hurt? You damn well know it does, especially when the reasons aren't even justified. They usually aren't. But at the end of the day, it's not going to stop us from doing the very things we love so much.

That's what always brings me back. Telling stories isn't just a hobby for me. It's both a lifelong dream and a therapy, more so when I can involve other people with it. To spend a few hours in the mindset of someone else, someone completely different from I am... it's therapeutic, mind opening even. I've never gotten the feeling that we differ much here, so in my opinion? Embrace it. Hard.

Also know that I will never, ever judge you, Rila. I love you and your characters. To have a chance to interact with them is a blessing that I respect to the fullest. I don't care that you take a few minutes to respond to me. You're a wonderful writer with beautiful ideas and a penchant for fleshed-out, three-dimensional characters that understands what I'm trying to do better than most ever will.

Playing Final Fantasy XIV was worth it just to meet you, so try not to doubt yourself, please. If not for me, then yourself, because you deserve it.

Erik Mynhier · **03-23-2015, 05:11 PM**

I find that for people trying to improve or break into rp, maybe a few off the books practice rpes are in order. Simple ones that if they go good you keep in your canon, and if not so good you learn from.

I would be happy to do a few with you if you like.

Zhavi · **03-23-2015, 05:16 PM**

(03-23-2015, 05:11 PM)Erik Mynhier Wrote: I find that for people trying to improve or break into rp, maybe a few off the books practice rpes are in order. Simple ones that if they go good you keep in your canon, and if not so good you learn from.

I would be happy to do a few with you if you like.

Hee, I did that before with one of my old rp buddies who came to the game to try out the rp. Rather, we started to rp, and he goes 'no, this is all wrong, I hate this' and was frustrated because it wasn't what he wanted from his character.

So we tossed that rp out the window and started over! No harm, no foul. Smile

Edvyn · **03-23-2015, 05:17 PM**

i wouldn't be too worried about trying to keep up with the para rpers anyway, just get across what your character is doing clearly and succinctly

typing up long flowery paragraphs works just fine for creative writing classes and forum rp but it actually gets pretty obnoxious when you've got this one hack in a public spot (like the quicksand) taking multiple chatboxes to type up some long, overblown exposition on how they're holding a drink or how their eyes are majestic twinkling orbs or some other shit

unless you're in an arranged event with people you already know, being needlessly verbose can be an inconvenience to anyone reading your posts - should strangers feel obligated to wait around for and then wade through the clumsy wording of your essay on smirking?

being descriptive is not always a good thing, especially if it sacrifices clarity in the name of pretentious purple prose

i started reading Isaac Asimov's Nemesis the other day, and found this little bit in the author's note:

I made up my mind long ago to follow one cardinal rule in all my writingâ€”to be 'clear'. I have given up all thought of writing poetically or symbolically or experimentally, or in any of the other modes that might (if I were good enough) get me a Pulitzer prize. I would write merely clearly and in this way establish a warm relationship between myself and my readers, and the professional criticsâ€”Well, they can do whatever they wish.

adapt your style to the situation, do not feel pressured to "perform" - especially for strangers - and do not hold other roleplayers up on a mental pedestal based on how much text they can churn out

quantity is not quality Cool

Elysia · **03-23-2015, 05:54 PM**

Hi there! I completely understand how you feel. I experience some form of performance anxiety in every post - here or in-game, and in my job, too, where I regularly have to 'perform' to a bunch of teens in the classroom everyday. So I know what pressure is. Especially since we might be perfectionists.Â

I am terribly self-conscious - and nervousness makes it even harder to think on my feet - this fear, I think, has led me to avoid rp-ing in crowded places. Which has inevitably lost me quite a bit of rp opportunity. (And I'm working on that.) I also often have major "l'esprit de l'escalier " moments - ESPECIALLY if my character was created to be A Certain Way and absolutely did not deliver.Â

I am one of those who actually tend towards paragraphing because it helps me to get into my character more, and also because it's good writing practice. I agree with Edvyn, though, that quantity is NOT quality; this also means that when you regularly construct paragraphs within the span of five minutes, the practice actually helps you get better at knowing how to avoid purple prose when you put the pen to the paper in other contexts. That said, I've also learnt to 'sync' with the other player. I appreciate BOTH quick, plain dialogue RP and taking time to work with words because it see them both as invaluable instruction. (for the latter, it also definitely helps to have a buddy who doesn't mind you taking ten minutes to churn out replies. My point: whatever works for you, and with whom, and when Smile

)Â

And finally, I don't think we Go To Shit all the time. This is writing we're talking about. There're some days where we produce gems and others when everything we type is just clumsy. We need to let it go when the latter happens. The problem with RP in-game is that there's no editing - but it's definitely good training. That perspective has helped me to really enjoy the process and I really do hope you do, too!

Ette · **03-23-2015, 06:03 PM**

Write what you like, with people that you like, who like you, in spaces that youâ€™re comfortable.

Spaces youâ€™re comfortable arenâ€™t limited to ingame, either.

For instance I need at least ten minutes (usually) before I go into a scene. I need to remember HOW THE HELL TO PLAY MY OWN DAMN CHARACTER (no seriously). I probably need some coffee or tea. I gotta listen to some tunes that remind me of her or set the mood for the scene Iâ€™m trying to write. Bear in mind Iâ€™m super ADD (the diagnosed kind not the LOL RANDOM LOOK A SQUIRREL kind) so my environment is a contributing factor to what kind of posts Iâ€™ll be cranking out.

Read your dialogue out loud. Does it sound stilted? Well now you can audibly hear that it does and understand how to fix it. Things tend to have a habit of sounding better in my head so sometimes it helps to write.

Realize that a ton of people are SUPER INSECURE about a lot of things and itâ€™s not just you. I know I worry all the damn time about whether or not my writing is entertaining. The thing is people usually wonâ€™t hang around someone they donâ€™t like and donâ€™t have fun with for over long. If someone has been your RP partner for six months (or several years I mutter as I look towards my poor probably stockholmed RP friends) theyâ€™re probably gonna be around for another six months. And if people don't like your stuff? Well, we're our own worst critics. Whatever they're saying is probably mild by comparison.Â

Purple prose good writing does not make. You do you. Itâ€™s cool to write big long posts. Itâ€™s cool to write itty bitty posts. Just make sure whatever youâ€™re trying to convey is being conveyed.

Also as someone who deals with anxiety donâ€™t be afraid to voice your concerns to your friends. Theyâ€™re your friends for a reason. Sometimes I do need a "nah you're fun to write with" and it snaps me out of whatever funk I'm in.

Arelian · **03-23-2015, 06:22 PM**

Because I really don't wanna echo the entirety of Ette's post, I'm just going to add onto it with one or two things.

She mentions reading your dialogue aloud. If you've the privacy or the gumption to do so, act out the facial expressions and motions as well. A lot of the time I'm making dumb faces at my monitor so I can figure out the descriptions.

There's also the golden rule of writing:

K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple, Stupid. Don't purple your prose up too much -- it makes it difficult to decipher what your character is doing. If I'm looking to add character to my post, I'm typically doing so with asides and small details (like an ear flicking or rubbing at the tip of your nose) as opposed to writing 2 paragraphs about my character's specific features. There's a time and a place for going into detail about specifics.

Okay, I lied. There's a third thing to add.

Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make better.
It's obvious, but the only way to feel good about your writing is to put it out there more and more often. The more you write, the more confident you get about certain things. And the less confident you get about other stuff. It's really just a giant balancing act of what you're feeling insecure about on any given day.

Other than that! Yeah, people are rarely just hangin' around to put on a pity party. If you've made RP friends, there's a pretty high chance that they've enjoyed something of yours they've seen. Nobody expects perfection on a daily basis. Even professional writers have supremely shitty days where they can't write anything coherent to save their lives.

Magellan · **03-23-2015, 06:34 PM**

To be honest Rila, I'm surprised you're new. You've always come off as a natural, accomplished rper to me with what few scenes we've had together. Any Rila comes across to me as a vibrant, rather charismatic woman, not a caricature in the slightest.

I've only been at this 4 years, which makes me relatively new compared to some folks. I still come up with characters that I feel are completely flat, and I quietly shelve them away. I still have scenes with established characters, in which I feel I am not really tapping into my characters head, and that I am boring the other person(s) to tears. I get frustrated. I cut scenes short. I take a break from rp for a day or two and recollect my creative drive.

What it boils down to for me is two things: 1 - I really want to entertain other people. That is the main drive of rp for me. If others appear to be entertained, then I am entertained, and everyones having a good time.Â

2 - I am my own worst critic. This comes from wanting to be a writer. If I feel the scene I am in is flat, 90% of the time I blame myself, and feel I'm not doing enough to create a dynamic spark. Or worse, that I'm boring the person(s) I'm with ^.^; (that is my number one rp fear: that I'll be boring)

With time and practice, I have overcome many of the things that trip me up with rp. I still have days and sessions where I feel like I'm just not contributing anything to the scene, but those are fewer and farer between (I don't know if farer is a word, but dagnabit, I'm gonna use it!)

Just try to take a deep breath and let yourself ease into it, and expose yourself to your doubts, while simultaneously working to overcome them. And ljsten to your peers! They are very helpful!

Wouldn't qualify myself as a 'peer', but even so, I think you have a terrific character and a great writing voice!

Parvacake · **03-23-2015, 07:07 PM**

I had this feeling a lot when I was first in an MMO. Only now my performance anxiety comes from when someone IRL watches me type out a post or RP. So now it's house rule to not look over my shoulder or I bonk someone. >.>;

Rila · **03-23-2015, 07:31 PM**

A lot of good replies in this thread thus far. I find the advice, encouragement and personal experiences to be very valuable. So, thank you. It's certainly a relief to know I'm not alone in this and I'm glad I started this topic.

A few ideas that I've taken out of everyone's responses so far:

-The next time I RP, especially in a group setting, I'll try to spend a little less time panicking and a little more time observing other people's writing techniques.

-I do frequently get bogged down with descriptions. Not in a way that I want it to sound pretty, but sometimes I visualize a certain gesture or a subtle but meaningful shift in body language, and I want my response to adequately describe exactly what I'm seeing in my head. I feel like this ties into the previous point where learning how other people handle things will help. But I'll also try to give myself the occasional reminder not to fuss over it too much. And of course, to keep it concise and easy to read.

-Also in line with the learning thing, it wouldn't be a bad idea, next time I RP with someone new, to just be like, "so, I'm a newb. Pls to give critical feedback if anything comes to mind."

-I also liked Erik Mynhier's idea of RPing just to practice and not counting as anything that actually happens IC. Wonder if there's a linkshell for this... if not, I bet it'd be well received.

Magellan · **03-23-2015, 07:42 PM**

(03-23-2015, 07:31 PM)Rila Wrote: -I also liked Erik Mynhier's idea of RPing just to practice and not counting as anything that actually happens IC. Wonder if there's a linkshell for this... if not, I bet it'd be well received.

In Tera, I used to run rp classes for beginners. About a year ago, Claire ran a weekly event called Drama Club that was similar in design, only IC. Id be happy to run practice sessions with you anytime!

Aysun · **03-23-2015, 08:03 PM**

I suffer from something like this - really bad! - though mine manifests differently.
It took me awhile to realize it and to figure out how to explain it. It still doesn't make sense to my RP partner when I do explain it!

My problem, personally, is set up. If someone wants to RP with me, or I want to RP with someone, I can't set it up OOC. I can't just casually come up with a reason to be somewhere and say 'hey want to RP? we could meet here' to someone in /t or work out a scene before hand. I shut down. I can't RP. I can't come up with anything to type. No reasons to be there, no motivations. The only way I can easily, naturally RP, is to just go IC somewhere in game and engage ICly - which is rather hard to do. These days no one seems to just go hotspots (other than the Quicksand) and just.. do things IC or loiter a bit. This is one of the reasons I adore LS RP, because it allows me to just jump right in IC no matter where I am and then have IC events/in-person stuff flow from there.

I haven't found a way to get over my issue in 5~ years of XIV RP. People think I'm insular/cliquey and uninterested because I don't PM them or initiate RP OOCly. I've accepted that this is just how it is for me, and accept the judgement from others with no hard feelings if we do ever RP.

I call it stage fright, because it feels the same as walking out on stage and just completely forgetting everything you're supposed to do. Deer in the headlights go! Our manifestation of RP anxiety are different though - and I think that's a good thing. Yours is not something I think you have to 'accept' so much as just work through, or modify your RP habits.

Is it in public situations where you clam up? Is it in 1-on-1 only? Do you need to simply ask OOC if the other person minds your shorter posts til you can get in the groove (so that you don't stress about them)?

Length of posts, prose, etc, was a big deal where I learned to RP. If you posted without a "cut" (that is, had to cut off your post and continue on another line), you weren't worth RPing with. I have yet to meet a person here who expects post length to be met equally. So long as you are making an effort and the scene is enjoyable to all involved, that's all anyone cares about. It's a great thing about this community. Everyone here really understands most forms of anxiety, as we all seem to suffer with varying degrees of it, too!

Zhavi · **03-23-2015, 08:11 PM**

(03-23-2015, 08:03 PM)Aysun Wrote: I suffer from something like this - really bad! - though mine manifests differently.
It took me awhile to realize it and to figure out how to explain it. It still doesn't make sense to my RP partner when I do explain it!

My problem, personally, is set up. If someone wants to RP with me, or I want to RP with someone, I can't set it up OOC. I can't just casually come up with a reason to be somewhere and say 'hey want to RP? we could meet here' to someone in /t or work out a scene before hand. I shut down. I can't RP. I can't come up with anything to type. No reasons to be there, no motivations. The only way I can easily, naturally RP, is to just go IC somewhere in game and engage ICly - which is rather hard to do. These days no one seems to just go hotspots (other than the Quicksand) and just.. do things IC or loiter a bit. This is one of the reasons I adore LS RP, because it allows me to just jump right in IC no matter where I am and then have IC events/in-person stuff flow from there.

I haven't found a way to get over my issue in 5~ years of XIV RP. People think I'm insular/cliquey and uninterested because I don't PM them or initiate RP OOCly. I've accepted that this is just how it is for me, and accept the judgement from others with no hard feelings if we do ever RP.

I call it stage fright, because it feels the same as walking out on stage and just completely forgetting everything you're supposed to do. Deer in the headlights go! Our manifestation of RP anxiety are different though - and I think that's a good thing. Yours is not something I think you have to 'accept' so much as just work through, or modify your RP habits.

Is it in public situations where you clam up? Is it in 1-on-1 only? Do you need to simply ask OOC if the other person minds your shorter posts til you can get in the groove (so that you don't stress about them)?

Length of posts, prose, etc, was a big deal where I learned to RP. If you posted without a "cut" (that is, had to cut off your post and continue on another line), you weren't worth RPing with. I have yet to meet a person here who expects post length to be met equally. So long as you are making an effort and the scene is enjoyable to all involved, that's all anyone cares about. It's a great thing about this community. Everyone here really understands most forms of anxiety, as we all seem to suffer with varying degrees of it, too!

Maybe a separate idea for a separate thread, but it might be cool to try out timed 'rp hotspots' where someone just says 'hey, my character will be here at this day/this time if anyone wants to stop by to rp'.

Dunno if that might help that kind of problem, but it would hopefully be less pressure for those who don't like coordinating oocly?

Kyrio Lamansque · **03-23-2015, 08:15 PM**

I'm not going to try to sound snotty or something but..Â

I'm shy IRL. Playing something other than an awkward, withdrawn guy is a little difficult for me. And while for some people, that works. Especially for those playing 'white knight' sort of characters that may like coming in for the rescue. But being pressed to the corner of the Quicksand, and running scared when someone got drunk and belligerent weren't exactly endearing qualities.Â

I knew that, when I came back and wanted to keep Kyrio's character intact yet try to appeal to a great audience, I had to change his character. Make him friendlier. More outgoing. Some people have had the joy of having Kyrio, instead of just sitting back and observing, to JUMP into conversations. Rudely butt in as soon as he found something he could relate to and just include himself into conversations. Otherwise, I was likely signing Kyrio away to a life of mediocrity. He had to make the decision that in order to be happy, he had to wear his heart on his sleeve a little and be a little daring to get someone to look at him (senpai~). Â

When it comes to growth, you have to step out of your bubble a little bit.

Vysce the Lad · **03-24-2015, 12:55 PM**

It really does get easier! Rp is all about connection and you show off a small side of yourself for the other person to see. Honestly, I think rp is what I'm best at... period, which is why it can be a little hard for me when I walk my character into a room and everyone is having really cool rps with people. Especially when they're rp celebrities like Faye or Erik... I just clam up and log out.

I even made an alt just because I once heard this lalafel player say IC that there were no other younger lalafels to play with, so I rolled a younger character in an effort to be friends and have fun rp times... but the same thing happened, and now I'm deleting the character...

Erm... what I mean to say is, don't give up! I do understand that feeling of being intimidated by amazing writing, especially with the usage of really interesting vocabulary. I just can't remember some words. T-T It's a confidence check! >.<

Sometimes I find it easier when I see a character sitting alone, and I can right click them and their search info says they like walk-up rp. I see this most in the Quicksand, so I can stroll up and have my character chat with them. Maybe you could try that? THis community is mostly really nice to new rpers too, so there's nothing wrong with asking questions~

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Performance Anxiety?

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes