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Faye · **12-18-2016, 07:25 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)Terrin Wrote: That's top of the line BS. If you go to a public event, then proceed to use a private channel at it, why are you even there? Yes, the scroll does get real, but that's a piss poor excuse to completely ignore /s and /em when you knowingly went to a public event. Hell, it's a piss poor excuse when you watch someone walk up to you and target you.

Because people want to RP the theme/atmosphere of the event and want to take part in it, want to support the event/hosts/community, and typically still want to keep the potential for new/unexpected interactions open, but also want to ensure they don't miss posts from the people they're RPing with and don't want to cause themselves any extra stress or pain. It's not a piss poor excuse, but a valid option for people who find large events difficult to stomach, which you will find there are a lot of in this community. Given that some of these people have very real problems (anxiety, reading comprehension problems, poor eyesight, migraines, difficulty focusing, overstimulation, low self esteem, etc.) often linked to medical issues and disabilities, I think it's pretty rude and downright offensive to demonize them when all they're trying to do is make the RP easier for themselves and/or their friends and just have a good time.

Hell, a lot of these people go to events, meet someone new, and then form a party with that new connection so they can RP without any strain. I won't say that no one in the history of XIV has gone to an event with a pre-established group and ignored everyone else there, but these people are a vast minority and not typical. Folks are not ignoring /say and /em out of spite and may not even be meaning to ignore them at all. They could be trying their best to read /say and /em, but tab to a different chat window to reply to their current RP and miss a post from a stranger. They could just not see the character walk up to them, if they are busy reading/typing in chat, or if their camera is not angled just the right way, if they went afk for a moment, or if the person doesn't actually target their character or only stands next to them for five seconds.

Mind you, this is coming from someone who only role-plays in /say and /em unless the person/people I'm RPing with strongly insist otherwise, because it's my personal opinion that any public role-play should be open and accessible (emphasis on "personal" and "opinion").

Kilieit · **12-18-2016, 07:26 PM**

Please read the reasoning people have stated for why they "ignore" people (this word suggests intent, which is a false assumption) at big events. It was stated quite clearly and repeatedly, by multiple posters.

Why do people go to big events instead of staying home, and then RP privately? Simple: change of scenery. It provides a backdrop for something a little different. And as Faye described, it allows the culmination of OOC connections into IC ones (different from cold-call walkups!) that won't occur if you just stay in your FC room and pretend you're at a gala.

The "just get out there" advice was qualified every single time I read it in this thread with to make OOC connections, to attend smaller events, and so forth.

You're jumping to conclusions in your anger. Please re-read the thread and try to understand where we're coming from.

At the end of the day, NO ONE SPECIFIC PERSON IS OBLIGATED TO ROLEPLAY WITH ANY OTHER ONE SPECIFIC PERSON. There are people who aren't going to be wanting to meet new folks on any given day. That is their prerogative. Like I said in my post explaining that thoughts like this are maladaptive, I gave a few examples of why someone could be closed off from meeting new people - sick, tired, distracted, or anxious in their own right. Yes, even if they've shown up to a big event.

I don't think it's fair to call people stupid, say they aren't allowed to go into a certain area to RP (remember the Gala was an open-world event, not located in an FC premises...), or suggest they're being malicious because they aren't up for talking to you on that day or in that place.

Aya · **12-18-2016, 07:29 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: That's top of the line BS. If you go to a public event, then proceed to use a private channel at it, why are you even there? Yes, the scroll does get real, but that's a piss poor excuse to completely ignore /s and /em when you knowingly went to a public event. Hell, it's a piss poor excuse when you watch someone walk up to you and target you.

If you cannot understand why people would move to a private chat channel during an event with immense chatscroll, I don't really know what to say.Â I wasn't at the event, but I have attended similar ones in the past, and am a veteran of some very high-chat-scroll evenings at the Quick Sand.Â I do not join private chats at these events (unless they are explicitly preferred by the organizers to keep public chat down, which I have seen before), but I completely understand why people would: the chat scroll is the sort of thing that cannot only detract from your enjoyment, but can be downright headache causing.Â In the end people attend public events for the same reason that they attend any event: to have fun.Â Whether or not that means being terribly outgoing, social, and friendly really depends on the individual and the circumstances.Â

If people want to slip into private chat in order to be able to take a break from trying to scan the scroll, by all means they should not feel bad about doing so.Â Its so easy to miss things during these events (not to mention how easy it is for characters to actually fail to load, or become unloaded even when targeted).Â You simply cannot rely on either public chat, or visual recognition to actually get someone's attention.Â Whispers are your friend.

I try to go out of my way to meet people I haven't before, and to try to involve those who seem to be off on their own.Â That's just part of what I try to do as a role-player, and as a member of the community.Â But, not everyone is the same way. Some are shy, some are tired, some aren't feeling very social.Â They're not under any obligation, and if you approach them with a presumption that they owe you a connection, you're both being unfair and setting yourself up for disappointment.

The only real reliable ways to meet people and make friends is to both energetically put yourself out there, and to be persistent. This isn't fair.Â Life isn't fair. Its hard, and its hard to make friends in an on-line community just as it is in reality.Â Some people have an easier time with it, some have a harder time with it, and that unfortunately is the way it is.Â We can screw up our eyes, and ball up our fists, and cry to the high-heavens about the unfairness of it all, but it will not change.

There's been some excellent advice offered in the thread so far, and I'd just like to re-iterate a few tidbits.

1) Public events are not good for meeting people.Â You can sometimes introduce yourself to people, but that's as deep as things are going to go. There is too much going on, too many distractions, and too many barriers to deeper investment.Â Sometimes people might step aside to engage in a deeper conversation, again, like reality, but more-often-than-not people spend most of their conversation time talking to people they already know, while mixing and only superficially engaging those they don't.

The chat-scroll makes the situation even worse.

After-Parties, and the similar, are vastly superior times to actually make a lasting connection. Once the event has quieted down and most of the people have left, the scroll becomes manageable and those remaining are most likely there strictly to be social.

2) Changing characters, and starting over again is a detriment to building contacts or making yourself known.Â One way to stand out is simply to be recognized.Â Even if someone has never met you, or talked to you, if they've seen your character about many times before, or have noticed them even by happen stance, or through forum post, or tumblr, or anything, they're more likely to decide to walk up and introduce themselves, or be interested in engaging.

Faye pointed out that people are not as interested in devoting their energy to developing relationships with characters who they do not expect to last.Â I think this is spot on.Â It takes investment of energy from both sides to make a connection.

Similarly, my usual advice to people trying to make friends is to find groups or linkshells and simply make sure to always greet people, and say farewell before leaving. Just be there get your name out there and make it recognizable.Â Changing names all the time is likely to completely undermine your efforts to become part of the community.

3) Everyone needs to vent at times, and its probably a healthy thing to do.Â But publicly complaining, and wagging a finger at the "community" is not likely to improve your chances or people's willingness to engage with you.Â They do not want to become the scapegoat, or the next example of animus, nor do they want to feel the extra "pressure to perform" when it comes to trying to engage with someone.

Failure to have engaged anyone is not usually a sign of hostility or malice.Â There are numerous reasons why people may have failed to connect that cannot be attributed to either of those.

Lastly, Verad is an amazing fellow. He loves to RP, and will use hooks and ropes to haul anyone into conversation.Â He also has an unbelievably large community of friends.Â Take his invitation, and make one of the best friends you could make on the server! Smile

Addendum, for #~5) Warren had an excellent note. Truly excellent. Build a character for yourself. A character that you find interesting. That you want to play. That you want to invest in. Be proud in that character, and unabashed. Don't change for other people. That's not to say that change is bad, but that change should be something that you want not something you think other people want.

Virella · **12-18-2016, 07:39 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: <Snip>

If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay. If you can't find it, it's your problem, no one else's. Maybe just, you know, step up instead of whine.

Skae · **12-18-2016, 07:43 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:26 PM)Kilieit Wrote: Please read the reasoning people have stated for why they "ignore" people (this word suggests intent, which is a false assumption) at big events. It was stated quite clearly and repeatedly, by multiple posters.

Why do people go to big events instead of staying home, and then RP privately? Simple: change of scenery. It provides a backdrop for something a little different. And as Faye described, it allows the culmination of OOC connections into IC ones (different from cold-call walkups!) that won't occur if you just stay in your FC room and pretend you're at a gala.

If they deliberately turn off /say and /em (as some people say they do), then the ignoring is most certainly intentional - and quite rude in my book.

Are you really saying people go to big events just to use all the other player characters there as scenery backdrop?

RavieRaptor · **12-18-2016, 07:43 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:39 PM)Virella Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: <Snip>
If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay.

We never said anyone was entitled to giving us roleplay. We just feel left out. Like if you're the last person to get picked on a team. It feels the same way.

McBeefâ„¢ · **12-18-2016, 07:43 PM**

Is this the new thing we're mad about.

We haven't had a get mad thread for a while.

Virella · **12-18-2016, 07:45 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:43 PM)RavieRaptor Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:39 PM)Virella Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: <Snip>
If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay.
We never said anyone was entitled to giving us roleplay. We just feel left out. Like if you're the last person to get picked on a team. It feels the same way.

Then step up. Instead of waiting to be picked last, be that person who picks the team. It's not that hard. You're making roleplay found as if it's some hard, tedious task.

Skae · **12-18-2016, 07:46 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:39 PM)Virella Wrote: If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay.

That's a really good way of making people feel welcome......not!

Aya · **12-18-2016, 07:47 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:43 PM)Skae Wrote: If they deliberately turn off /say and /em (as some people say they do), then the ignoring is most certainly intentional - and quite rude in my book.

Are you really saying people go to big events just to use all the other player characters there as scenery backdrop?

People can go to events for whatever reason they want.Â As long as they're being respectful to the organizers and the attendees, why should they be complained about?Â Why should anyone presume they should be able to dictate the only proper reason to attend any event?Â

This is a game.Â We play it to have fun.Â People have fun in different ways, that shouldn't be hard to respect.

Virella · **12-18-2016, 07:48 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:46 PM)Skae Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:39 PM)Virella Wrote: If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay.

That's a really good way of making people feel welcome......not!

Truth hurts. I know. By all means, continue not feeling welcome instead of taking care of your problems like a responsible roleplayer.

Faye · **12-18-2016, 07:49 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:43 PM)Skae Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:26 PM)Kilieit Wrote: Please read the reasoning people have stated for why they "ignore" people (this word suggests intent, which is a false assumption) at big events. It was stated quite clearly and repeatedly, by multiple posters.

Why do people go to big events instead of staying home, and then RP privately? Simple: change of scenery. It provides a backdrop for something a little different. And as Faye described, it allows the culmination of OOC connections into IC ones (different from cold-call walkups!) that won't occur if you just stay in your FC room and pretend you're at a gala.

If they deliberately turn off /say and /em (as some people say they do), then the ignoring is most certainly intentional - and quite rude in my book.

Are you really saying people go to big events just to use all the other player characters there as scenery backdrop?

People don't turn off /say and /em (at least, I haven't met anyone who does to my knowledge). The chat window has different tabs. People may be in a chat tab that does not have /em and /say active and occasionally check back to a tab that does to see if they've missed anything (particularly if they notice someone standing near them or targeting them), or they may float out the tab with /say and /em to have it active to glance at, but primarily pay attention to the tab in which they're RPing. No one is using other player characters as scenery, they are going to the event for "a change of scenery" as in the sense that everyone at any event is there for that very reason, whether they're RPing in /say or elsewhere.

Edda · **12-18-2016, 07:55 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: "Don't go to public events to make contacts."

Like, do you people realize how outrageously dumb this stuff sounds? Then proceed to have the gull to tell them "You just gotta get out there."? Are you kidding me?

I could be wrong since I can't read, but I don't think anyone's actually said 'don't' go to public events to make contacts. Most people have simply been advising against it. Which is pretty reasonable. It's not easy to do for a bunch of reasons - people attending large events with their friends and wanting to focus on that, immense chat scroll, wallflower vs. wallflower (like two ships in the night...), etc. If you're hedging your bets on making strong lasting contacts at a massive RP event, chances are you're going to end up getting frustrated and let down. It's not impossible, but it's a poor place to start.

Kilieit · **12-18-2016, 07:56 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:43 PM)Skae Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:26 PM)Kilieit Wrote: Please read the reasoning people have stated for why they "ignore" people (this word suggests intent, which is a false assumption) at big events. It was stated quite clearly and repeatedly, by multiple posters.

Why do people go to big events instead of staying home, and then RP privately? Simple: change of scenery. It provides a backdrop for something a little different. And as Faye described, it allows the culmination of OOC connections into IC ones (different from cold-call walkups!) that won't occur if you just stay in your FC room and pretend you're at a gala.

If they deliberately turn off /say and /em (as some people say they do), then the ignoring is most certainly intentional - and quite rude in my book.

Are you really saying people go to big events just to use all the other player characters there as scenery backdrop?

No. Like, if I really didn't like this guy Nofriends Jones for some reason, and every time Nofriends Jones turned up to an RP event I muted /s and /em, then I'd be deliberately ignoring Nofriends Jones.

Oh, but wait, wouldn't I just blacklist Nofriends Jones if I wasn't interested in ever hearing from him?

Right.

Characterising the act of choosing which avenues to participate in as a deliberate and malicious act of exclusion is egregariously entitled. It's like saying that everyone who didn't show up to the gala (including me, btw) was deliberately excluding people from an opportunity to meet their character... ridiculous.

Even at public RP events, some people are not going to want to RP with you, and that is their choice. It's a perfectly reasonable and permissable choice.

Again, for the third time: maybe they're sick, tired, distracted, anxious. Maybe they dipped their feet in at the event but it's too much and they don't want to ask their friend to leave, but they can't really stomach the thought of meeting new people either, so they have a /p chat with their friend while their friend socialises more generally. Maybe they're hoping to catch someone they met OOC and have yet to make IC contact with, and they're worried if they start talking to someone else they'll miss the opportunity they've been looking forward to. Maybe they're getting a migraine and reading dozens of lines of text is making it worse, so they simplify their chatlog to make it easier on them for the time they have left before they need to go lie down in a dark room. Maybe their kid is sick and they need to be able to AFK at any given moment, but they still really like the ambience and seeing everyone around OOC even though they're not up for IC interactions right now. Maybe they're only really interested in watching the competition or stage events that are usually hosted at these things, and anyone else approaching them makes them lock up in fear of what the person wants from them.

All of these things, and more, could lead to someone """ignoring""" a walk-up. But NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE MALICIOUS. None of these things are personal. None of these things have anything to do with you. By assuming they do, you're thinking the worst of the community, when in actual fact we're all just people, trying to get by and enjoy a hobby.

TL;DR: What Aya said but longer.

Aya · **12-18-2016, 08:01 PM**

(12-18-2016, 05:01 PM)Roen Wrote: And as others have said, don't lose heart and just play what you want. Don't keep changing characters to see what sticks or who might be more popular. RP should be fun because you are playing who you want to play.

I'm still reading through this thread in more detail, and finding gems like this one.Â

I know that sometimes the challenges of meeting people can feel and seem insurmountable.Â Failure and the feeling of rejection (warranted or not) are terrible things, and are absolutely no fun to deal with.

Its also not the same for everyone. Some people face greater challenges than others (though I would urge no one to take the struggles faced by anyone else, even those they may imagine as being effortlessly popular, for granted).Â And the community, in whatever form it takes for that individual, can feel vastly more antagonistic than helpful which is truly unfortunate.Â

But there's some great advice in here (like Roen's), and so many well-intentioned people (my suspicion is that everyone posting is well-intentioned, even if the content of their posts isn't what everyone wants to see).

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