I'm not really sure how I should start this.
There's a lot I wish I could tell you. Â Things I wish I could explain. Â As is stands, I'm not even sure if you'll ever even know of this letter's existence. Â I don't have any other real choice and at the very least, this helps pass the time.
At first, I felt abandoned. Â I know the score as a scout regiment - I'm first in and I'm a deniable asset. Â There was a time when I was ready to jump twice as high as they asked me to for the Maelstrom, but after all this conflict and all these decisions made up high... I don't know how to respond anymore.
I was dead. Â Or at least by their account, I was. Â There was no double checking. Â No medic pulling us from the field. Â We weren't a part of the main force so it was do or die - I just didn't expect it to be taken this literally.
I don't know how long I was in there. Â The only thing I could focus on was the extreme pain. Â They made sure of that. Â The Empire likes to make sure they push the point home that they are very much in charge. Â That your very mortality hangs in their balance. Â They had all the answers and all I had to do was listen, give them what they wanted. Â After so long without saying a word, I think for a time I forgot what my own voice sounded like.
He never explained why he did what he did. Â But he freed me and I wasn't about to question something like that in the state I was in. Â He spent hours, days watching over me and helping me recover as best as I could. Â "The body will heal on its own", he said, "we need to focus on repairing your mind". Â I wasn't so naive as to believe I would forget everything they did to me - to us. Â But I had a new reason to focus and that was a mercy.
It was rigorous - tough. Â Constant training and learning. Â Explanations that only somewhat made sense, but being with him was a comfort. Â There were still no explanations as to why, but I was still thankful for everything he was doing for me.
I don't have him to point me down the path anymore - he was taken from me just as you were, only I at least have certainty and closure as to his fate. Â The fact that I don't have that in your case is what gives me hope. Â I was beaten, broken, forgotten - rebuilt, re-purposed, and reinvigorated.
None of this will probably make sense to you, and I don't even know if you still care. Â At the very least, I wanted to at least try to let you know that I haven't forgotten. Â That I tried. Â Last I heard, the Maelstrom, Adders, and Flames are pushing in force toward Ala Mhigo - maybe I'll get lucky and find you among them.
Luck has been in short supply.
There's a lot I wish I could tell you. Â Things I wish I could explain. Â As is stands, I'm not even sure if you'll ever even know of this letter's existence. Â I don't have any other real choice and at the very least, this helps pass the time.
At first, I felt abandoned. Â I know the score as a scout regiment - I'm first in and I'm a deniable asset. Â There was a time when I was ready to jump twice as high as they asked me to for the Maelstrom, but after all this conflict and all these decisions made up high... I don't know how to respond anymore.
I was dead. Â Or at least by their account, I was. Â There was no double checking. Â No medic pulling us from the field. Â We weren't a part of the main force so it was do or die - I just didn't expect it to be taken this literally.
I don't know how long I was in there. Â The only thing I could focus on was the extreme pain. Â They made sure of that. Â The Empire likes to make sure they push the point home that they are very much in charge. Â That your very mortality hangs in their balance. Â They had all the answers and all I had to do was listen, give them what they wanted. Â After so long without saying a word, I think for a time I forgot what my own voice sounded like.
He never explained why he did what he did. Â But he freed me and I wasn't about to question something like that in the state I was in. Â He spent hours, days watching over me and helping me recover as best as I could. Â "The body will heal on its own", he said, "we need to focus on repairing your mind". Â I wasn't so naive as to believe I would forget everything they did to me - to us. Â But I had a new reason to focus and that was a mercy.
It was rigorous - tough. Â Constant training and learning. Â Explanations that only somewhat made sense, but being with him was a comfort. Â There were still no explanations as to why, but I was still thankful for everything he was doing for me.
I don't have him to point me down the path anymore - he was taken from me just as you were, only I at least have certainty and closure as to his fate. Â The fact that I don't have that in your case is what gives me hope. Â I was beaten, broken, forgotten - rebuilt, re-purposed, and reinvigorated.
None of this will probably make sense to you, and I don't even know if you still care. Â At the very least, I wanted to at least try to let you know that I haven't forgotten. Â That I tried. Â Last I heard, the Maelstrom, Adders, and Flames are pushing in force toward Ala Mhigo - maybe I'll get lucky and find you among them.
Luck has been in short supply.
