RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes

Frederique · **09-06-2010, 11:03 PM**

I gotta say it, 'cause it just happened to me.

Meeting someone online is great and all. Yes, you can find friends and lovers... but...

Have a back up plan if you up and leave a life to be with someone across the country. I'm not saying don't drop the idea, but even if you think you've found your one and only, and love is blossoming and you expect to get married and have a fairy tale ending...

... be careful. Don't end up homeless because the b*stard turned into a *#$&%*& and made you leave the house with no family to turn to and no where to go.

AKA don't be stupid! Like me. More wine, please~

I know, I'm kinda contradicting... ok, completely contradicting my previous posts but... I.. ARRRRGGGG! I definitely learned my lesson!

Asyria · **09-06-2010, 11:05 PM**

I guess distance does make it different from meeting in RL...
*gives sake*
Sorry, don't have wine. This is good stuff, though!

ShatteredSoldier · **09-06-2010, 11:10 PM**

For Asyria, et al...

That's true...but I guess what I'm trying to get across is that I see that happen more often than not in RP relationships. Again, because a lot of people can't separate themselves from the character they play. It's a fault that a great many people suffer from, though not everyone. This isn't to suggest that everyone falls prey to RP relationship emotional involvement. Not at all, in fact. But many people who do choose to engage in them aren't aware of all the potential side-effects and consequences of engaging in a relationship online, especially in an RP environment.

Me personally? I just avoid the whole thing altogether because I don't want to get caught up in something that either 1. turns Fatal Attraction, or 2. puts me into a situation where I allow things to go too far. I have to keep control of myself, while the other person is responsible for themselves. That's the way I see it. It's a choice that many people don't weigh before they take the proverbial "plunge" as it were. It happens, despite what many people want to admit.

Sure, people can do the same thing in bars, gyms, school, wherever. But in a situation where the person on the screen is all that represents the person sitting in front of the monitor, it's much easier to first separate yourself from the feelings, only to fall more and more into a feeling of togetherness, both with your character and the one that you're "in love" with. It's gradual in most cases, and people don't realize what's going on until it's much too late to avoid the repercussions.

They're not the only two that I saw this happen with. I saw people God-Mode relationships, forcing other players to play a certain way because they had control and jealousy issues. It worked because the female in this particular scenario was emotionally compromised (suffering in a flailing relationship already) and probably wasn't in the right frame of mind to engage in a relationship in an MMO. Now, I know this girl and she's a very strong person now after all this has blown over, but emotional compromise (in many out-of-control cases) is what leads people to do things they might not do otherwise.

Call it my perspective, but I've seen it go horribly wrong far more than I've seen it do anything worth RP'ing or engaging in as an outside party. I don't want you to get the impression that I think all RP relationships are ticking time bombs. I've seen a few that were remarkable, where it actually felt like two people in love, maybe with a "child" character RP'd by a third person, and it seemed like a real, loving, and deep relationship between two people. It caused a lot of RP moments, either between them as a "family" or with outside players. It can happen and does happen in some cases, but by and large, in my experience, it's a really bad idea.

That being said, I'm not opposed to RP relationships, but again, I don't engage in them myself.

--ShatteredSoldier

Satisiun · **09-06-2010, 11:13 PM**

Asyria Wrote:You know, to take your story into perspective, it would have been the exact same thing if those two people had been going out in bars without their husband/wife, met their regularly, and started a relationship.
It's only the medium that is different. RP Relationship gets the blame because that's how it happened, but it could have happened in a bar, a gym, a bowling club, at work, anywhere.
In truth, the fact that it happened through a RP thing has absolutely nothing to do with how it turned out for those two in RL. They weren't happy with their couples, met someone they liked more and, voila.
Life happens.

And yet it is enough of an occurrence and happening that it is worth mentioning.

You forget that many people turn to roleplay as a means of escape, and doubly so when it comes to MMORPGs. It's true, there are many other ways to escape one's life; alcohol, drugs, things like that. But MMOs are a different thing altogether, especially when you throw in the fact that it is a social environment through and through, coupled with the fact you can escape reality without the hassle of dressing up, going out, and whatnot.

Can gyms, bowling clubs, or even work be an escape? Sure, they can be. But I don't see those being the same sorts of escapes that an MMO allows you to have, and I hope you can agree with me in that regard.

There is also a lot more at stake. Euphina's post really lays that out, and what can happen. I once knew a girl who threw everything away to go and live with a guy she met in-game just once, and after perhaps a year or so of smooth sailings, and that whole honeymoon effect was over, began talking about how she in some ways regretted her decision, because she couldn't go home at that point, and had no real place to go.

But I'm with Broken, and to tell the truth, it is why -- and yes, I know this is tinkering too much with my character from a personal, attached standpoint -- I personally am very gun shy towards roleplaying relationships. I also have my own story to share, much like his, and believe me it's a doozy of a story. But out of respect for "the past is the past", I'll abstain from sharing. That, and I'm a paranoid sunuvabitch nowadays. Laugh

Asyria · **09-06-2010, 11:25 PM**

I didn't forget anything at all.
I simply meant to say that people will always make mistakes, no matter in what environment there are. It's not a matter of escape or anything. Those are influencing factors but ultimately not the core of the issue.

After ShatteredSoldier's 2nd post, I understand his position better, avoiding RP Relationship because he perceives them to be the most potentially influential negative factor sure makes sense.

Qinsakura · **09-07-2010, 10:31 AM**

I guess I can throw my two gil in here. Interesting read this thread is. I have a story about my own adventure in online dating. I will spoiler it below so you can get a feel from where I'm coming.

Show Content

SpoilerI dated a lot in my younger days and I was very popular both in early school and onward into university. I have always been very careful with those I had chose to bring my life and it hasn't let me down too bad yet. In 2002, I was still in HS and had my son with my boyfriend since 8th grade. It was a mutual decision to have the baby, move in together, and take care of ourselves. I left my house that year and found myself being a slave-cave-mother for two males, instead of one. I was admittedly unhappy and everyone pretty much knew it. After graduating, we moved so that I could go to college. (Long story but he REFUSED to move more than 2 hours away from his family. I got accepted to Ivy League and but this douche first instead. I really wanted to make it work!)

He began playing FF11 in 2003 and pushed me to play his character when he was not home. I loved the game and wound up playing this "video game" MUCH more than I had ever thought. I got my own account at the poking of my linkshell mates. I made some really wonderful long term friends on that game. I was NEVER one to get involved with the budding Internet dating scene at the time because I honestly didn't need it. I became close friends with my static party who were mostly male. (My IRL friends are about 90% male.)

One of the friends was Sevren, a man 10 yrs my senior and who really tried to patch things up for my bf and I. He was a good friend online to my BF and I appreciated the talks with my bf which calmed many arguments. Sev had been twice divorced (the last 4 years prior) and was very strictly not dating. We played often together bc he was much more mature than most I played with. He had a son also and a family background almost identical to my own. We continued to play together as we played with EQ2 and WoW with our LS and my Bf. Things deteriorated heavily with my bf around Xmas of 2004 and I knew we weren't going to make it much longer unless I got someone to talk some reasonable sense into him. Everyone tried- online and IRL. He told our LS many times to be mean, "If you want her, come get her. She's not going anywhere." (Yeah I was dating THAT kind of guy.)

I took a vacation in Feb 2005 to Arizona (about 2k miles away) to meet Sev as a friend and a few others we played with out there. My bf refused to come because he didn't like flying. Sev and I talked for HOURS and the DAYS. By the time my 2 week vacation was over, I knew this was a man I really needed to consider. We had WAY too much in common, and our personalities were perfect fits. It was pretty obvious to all our mutual friends that maybe there way chemistry there. We continued to talk and I visited again and again in the next months. Introducing him to my son and testing those "you don't know a person until you live with them" issues.

By early summer, my bf and I had been split up since after Christmas. We were still living together bc HE would not leave! Sev and I had discussed everything from moving, family meetings, etc at long length. He decided after that he would move towards me. We've been each other's constant companion and best friend. We aren't the type to rush into things and this relationship was something that initially scared the shit out of us (and my parents!) I was barely 20 years old and moving in with a 30 yr old from across the country.

I had no idea (until he unboxed MANY RPG books) that Sev was a Roleplayer. I had never known anyone who RP'd in school or otherwise until I met him. We didn't have an ERP or even a RP relationship until we moved in together and played together as an IRL couple.

I agree with many that avoiding the whole fake RP relationship is a good idea in general. I can totally see how interactions with people could be misinterpreted and feelings hurt. I wouldn't (and still won't) agree to RP any sort of love interest unless I know that person very well. While I was playing FF11 early on, a Lser went to another stating that He thought he was in love with me. I was completely unaware when that person informed me of the conversation. We had not RP'd anything, nor did I flirt with him or encourage him. I was VERY quiet about my relationship as it deteriorated and only a handful of people knew we were officially done but living together. I addressed the man about his false feelings and we settled it fine! Infatuation is such a silly thing.

Internet dating is still not for me. I'm sure that if something were to go wrong with my marriage, I wouldn't choose to the internet to find his replacement. It was totally random to find Sev on my server, and I don't expect the Gods to deliver unto me another miracle man.

I am open to RPing flirtatious love interests with people I know well enough to not "get it twisted." The internet is a very wibbly wobbly timey wimey ball of stuff. Much like most large group gatherings, things can go very well with grounded good timers. They can also go VERY wrong with misinformation, guise, and carelessness.

I hope all of you find great times in the game and outside in your RLs. I look forward to getting to know many of you IC and OOC should I see you elsewhere about the Earth. Be careful and Be well!

Mycroft · **09-10-2010, 04:19 AM**

Ooh this is a heavy subject. *ahem*

I do have the bad habit of occasionally mixing IC and OOC, it's something that rarely happens and when it does it's mostly because I'm tired, but it does happen.
This is one of the reasons that I avoid RP romance like the plague.

Other kinds of relationships I have absolutely no trouble with, but those of the romantic kind rarely interest me and for the sake of my own and others' sanity I won't engage in it.

Mentor/pupil relationships is a particularly fun thing to RP from both perspectives, oh how I enjoy it.

Nbokkri · **09-10-2010, 02:32 PM**

10 pages hrm... do I have anything to add?

Hm...

Someone mentioned "Fear is the mind killer" on the first page, so here is the whole litany:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

It's sorta related to what I have in mind, I swear.

A lot of posts are about the potential pitfalls of RP relationships (though I have noticed almost everyone talks about romantic ones, there are certainly other types!), but pitfalls alone shouldn't really be a reason not to do something. There are lots of potentially benefits like having someone you can always rely on for good RP or establishing RL friendhips that last longer than you tenure with the game. In the end you should just what you want and what feels right, which isn't always what common sense or logic dictate when it comes to RP content. Hehe, pretty much applies to real life too. Imagine how lame a relationship would be (or how unlikely they'd actually happen...) if they were based entirely on binary logic.

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RP-Relationship discussion

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes