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Dogberry · **04-30-2015, 03:37 PM**

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office and the doctor says "What seems to be the problem?"

The moth begins. "Problems? Doctor, I've got a lot of problems. I go to work everyday for Gregory Illinivich, and I work all day long. Quite frankly, I don't even know what I do there anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows he has power over me, and this seems to make him happy. But I don't know. I wake up every morning in a malaise, walking aimlessly from this place to that. At night I wake up and look over at... some old lady on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexandria, she fell in the winter of last year. The cold took her down, doc, as it did many of us. And my other child... Greggarro Iliyavanonatovich, my son and heir... this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My boy... I don't love him. Not as I used to. It pains me to say it, but I look in his eyes, and I see a glimpse of the same cowardice I only see when... well, when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel like a spider, even though I am a moth, just hanging on to a web with an everlasting fire under me. I am not feeling well, doctor.

The doctor is taken aback. He says "Man, moth, I am sorry to hear all of this, truly. You should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why are you in a podiatrist's office?"

The moth says "Because the light was on."

Edda · **04-30-2015, 03:40 PM**

What do you call a blind, black, paraplegic pilot?

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:^)

Fox · **04-30-2015, 03:41 PM**

I'd have a chemistry joke but all of the good ones argon.

Bryn · **04-30-2015, 03:48 PM**

Did you know that if you took every book off the shelf in an average-sized book shop and lined them all up side-by-side, you'd get thrown out by security.

Did you know that if you ripped every page out of an average paperback and laid them side-by-side, you'd be a monster. Stop ruining the books.

Cliodhna Eoghan · **04-30-2015, 04:31 PM**

ohh man....ive heard my fair share of blonde jokes over the years but i've laughed along since i like to think i've got some sort of brain....but this could be one of the reasons why i keep dying my hair red xD

a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

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what do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

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what's a group of blondes in a circle called?

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what do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

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what do you call a blonde in the snow?

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what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

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(and one of my favorites....cause florida)
two blondes living in oklahoma are sitting on a bench talking, then one asks, "which do you think is farther away, florida or the moon?"

the other blonde says, "that's a dumb question, can you see florida?"

FreelanceWizard · **04-30-2015, 04:36 PM**

Here's a couple of super-nerdy ones:

I know a joke about UDP, but you probably won't get it.

Knock knock. Who's there? Recursive algorithm. Recursive algorithm who? Knock knock. Who's there? Recursive algorithm. Recursive algorithm who? Knock knock...

ProvaDiServo · **05-01-2015, 10:41 AM**

I entered a mail in joke contest and I sent in ten of my greatest puns to win the thousand dollar prize pot...

No pun in ten did....

Warren Castille · **05-01-2015, 10:53 AM**

A spanish-speaking magician tells his audience he's going to vanish before their very eyes on the count of three.

"Uno..." He says, looking mystical.

"Dos..." He continues, heightening tension.

POOF! The magician vanishes before everyone's very eyes. Gone without so much as a tres...

Gegenji · **05-01-2015, 10:54 AM**

(04-30-2015, 04:36 PM)FreelanceWizard Wrote: Here's a couple of super-nerdy ones:

There are 10 type of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.

~*~

A rope walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey, we don't serve ropes here. Get out!" Not wanting to start a fuss, but wanting that drink, the rope ducks around a corner. After mussing up his hair, he twists himself up a bit before approaching the bar again. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey, aren't you that rope I told off a second ago?" Rope replies: "No, I'm a frayed knot."

~*~

(04-30-2015, 04:31 PM)Cliodhna Eoghan Wrote: ohh man....ive heard my fair share of blonde jokes over the years but i've laughed along since i like to think i've got some sort of brain....but this could be one of the reasons why i keep dying my hair red xD

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on a road trip when their car breaks down in the middle of a desert. They agree that, to survive, they'll have to gather supplies. They split up and return a few hours later with their findings. The brunette says she's found a body of water, so they won't be thirsty. The redhead found some scraggly bushes with berries they can eat. The blond brings the car door, so they can roll down the window when they get hot.

~*~

A man comes home to show off his new fiancee to his mother. She has a twin sister, so he decides to spice the event up by making it a game. He presents the two of them to her - both dressed in the same clothes with the same makeup and their hair in the same style. He turns to his mother and tells her that he's engaged to one of them, and asks her to guess which one. The mother looks over the two for but an instant before correctly choosing the right one.

When her son asks how she knew, the mother responds: "I don't like her."

Dogberry · **05-01-2015, 11:15 AM**

How do you confuse a blonde?

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

Warren Castille · **05-01-2015, 11:19 AM**

Did you hear about that cow that tried to jump over the barbed wire fence?

It was a scene of udder destruction.

Emelc · **10-06-2015, 06:03 PM**

Oooh, I got one!

Did you hear about the deaf guy who won the lottery?

Neither did he..

Jonexe · **10-06-2015, 06:14 PM**

Two atoms walk into a bar, what happens?

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SicketySix · **10-07-2015, 09:23 AM**

A man visits his fiancees family for the first time. After playing card games and visiting for awhile his fiancee and her father leave to go to the store for some snacks. While they are gone, his very attractive, soon to be mother in law starts coming on to him strong, trying to get him to take her to bed. The man remains speechless and heads to the door. upon opening it he finds his fiancee and her father standing there. Her father extends his hand for a handshake and says "Congratulations son you've passed the test, you may marry my daughter"

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SessionZero · **10-07-2015, 09:50 AM**

A blonde walks into an appliance store and asks to purchase the TV behind the counter. The store owner shakes his head and responds, "We don't sell to blondes." A few weeks later she returns with her hair dyed brown. Again, asking to purchase the TV, she is told, "We don't sell to blondes." She returns a few weeks later with her hair dyed black and is told once again, "We don't sell to blondes." Exasperated, the girl throws her hands up and asks, "How do you always know I'm a blonde!?"

The store owner replies, "Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave."

And a punny one for you all,

I recently attended a theater production about puns.

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RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes