(10-31-2014, 01:23 PM)Warren Castille Wrote: I just wanna go on the record and say that it's great that you're open to criticism on these sorts of things.
Regarding Rena, I think your homage to Monkey King is a bit... turned up. While the prehensile tail is a bit much depending on the user you ask (feline tails are far from prehensile), the depowering when grabbed and dampening-circlet push lore by the wayside. Super Modes are generally difficult to work in when most of your compatriots are playing normal mortals, and this line in particular raises my eyebrow:
Quote:Without her circlet on, Rena's power and agility increases fivefold, making her almost like a demi-Primal, but she is not overpowered, as it is still possible for her to be stopped by people like Nik, who makes sure to put a new circlet on her to calm her down.
Define "people like Nik?" If Niklas is the pinnacle of human potential, then you run into the problem of her not being OP by Warrior of Light standards, which still means she would crush normal fighters by the bucketloads.
Regarding Doma, tangling that sort of backstory with an Ala Mhigan would take some tricky dancing. Also, writing this makes me realize you did say "hyur" when you were rerolling her.
This sort of thing got addressed a lot in the Retconning thread. Rena's already established as having been around, and she's interacted a bit with people (didn't she fight at Otto's thing recently?). Suddenly retooling her into an entirely different character will be jarring for them, especially because there's a race change on top of a background change on top of a character shift. You need to be very careful when transplanting someone like this, because a lot of folks who know her might just not get it.
My general advice is stay away from innate hidden powers. Let the character speak for the character, not the templates and super moves. As always, take everything I suggest with a grain (or a shaker) of salt; My advice hardly represents the majority opinion here.
Thanks for the advice. As for becoming Hyur, I'm thinking of putting in that she finds a potion somewhere, drinks it, and suddenly becomes Hyur, ala Kage. But you're right I gotta be careful. This is almost like doing surgery: one mess-up, and I'm done for. Sometimes I can't handle the pressure like this.
