Alothia curls up in her favorite chair in her small apartment in Ul’dah. It is late at night, and she has just returned from an excursion to Little Ala Mhigo with her friends. After the long journey, Alothia feels it necessary to write down some of the thoughts that have been plaguing her mind in the past few weeks. She gets up, rummages around the various boxes that litter the room, and comes back to the chair with her journal in hand. It is nothing fancy, a small book bound in brown leather with a delicate ‘A’ etched in the cover. She cracks open the book, smells the leather and the paper, and begins to write…
It is often so difficult to start a book off like this. I feel as if I should have some sort of introduction…but, I guess I know myself, at least enough to be able to not need an introduction. Journaling is cathartic, I suppose, as it allows insight into the current person I am through analysis, as well as a look at my past self through older entries. Do you know that I have a journal that I worked on as a young kitten in the Shroud that I still like to look at to this day? It is amusing to me to see what passions ruled my heart back then, things like “does Tybaltian like me?†and “I am so mad at mom and dad today!†Oh to still be so young and carefree. If only my troubles where so petty. But that is for another entry, I suppose.
Tonight, Taelia and I met up with a lovely but strange Miqo’te named Lulu. We got to talking about the events on the Garlean front, and I thought it might make a nice trip to travel to Little Ala Mhigo. Neither of them had been there before, so we all went on an excursion there. It’s nice to see that others are as affected by this group of refugees as I am. We went around talking to the people in the camp, and explored the area. We did come across a mysterious locked door that lead to somewhere. It must be somewhere important because the door is quite heavily reinforced, and the locks on it are quite strong. We all wondered what the door must be guarding, and why they would leave it unguarded in a refugee cam…but again, another story, I suppose.
Once we had made the rounds, we decided to sit down by the abandoned camp and take a rest before returning home. While we were there, we got onto the subject of what it is that we all do by trade. I, of course, am the owner of a successful business company. Taelia is working hard to be the best goldsmith in all of Eorzea. Lulu, apparently, was raised at the Ossuary and is working to become a Thaumaturge. The difference between us all is how we approach our lives, which finally leads me to my musings for the night.
I have found that my life has been a series of choices that I have made that made me the person I am. And the first choice that made me was the choice to shirk the values that I had been taught for so long in order to make a name for myself out of exploiting others. It is a choice that still pains me to this day. To think that there was a time that I wanted to take advantage of others is…well, unthinkable. But indeed, it lead me down the path that I am on.
My problem in my youth was that I didn’t really want anything for myself other than money…and that wasn’t really a want for myself, if you catch my drift. I wanted other people to work, and I wanted nothing out of life. I had no goals, no drives, no nothing. When I look at Taelia, and I see the joy that she earns simply from crafting a simple, plain, brass ring, I am amazed. I did not have that in my youth, and I wish I had. My parents wanted that of me, they worked hard for what they had, not because they wanted something out of it, but because they gained something in their innermost beings from being successful at something.
This apathy lead me almost to destruction at one point. I remember the day when I changed. I had come across one of my “workers†crying alone. When I asked what had happened, she told me that the job had gone bad, and that…well, I can’t even bring myself to write the words here. All I can say is that this young, innocent girl had gotten hurt because of my lack of concern for her well-being. I snapped. The little piece of me that wanted nothing for myself or others changed. In that instant, I knew, that what I wanted, more than anything, was to make sure that I took care of my people and that they liked me not because I was their boss, but because I was concerned about them and that I took the time to get to know each and every one of them.
It is part of my business model even now. I won’t hire someone out on a contract for anything…I know each of my worker’s strong and weak points. I know what makes them tick. I don’t resort to bullying or fear tactics (although I’m sure Zenge would like it if I did). Compassion gets me much further in this game. Plus, I look for people who are passionate about what they do. People who don’t let their ‘failures’ hold them back. People who have the same passion for their craft as I do for them.
And life is much more fulfilling now. I love my job, I love my company. I love being able to get out in the world and meet all sorts of people. If I had continued on that path that I was on, I would not have had the opportunity to meet with members of the other groups around Eorzea. And it is so much more…true to me, I suppose. It has always been inside of me, to be the kind of leader that I am. Sure, I still make mistakes, but I’m becoming better every day. I look at the lives of the people I surround myself with, look at the lives of the people that I meet on my travels, and learn a little something from each of them.
From Taelia, I’ve learned that maintaining a little bit of innocence in life is never a bad thing. From Zenge: Everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what their circumstances. From Jake: Always be a little irreverent and never expect anything. From Nana: Even when you look strong on the outside, there is still a sensitive person on the inside. From Rho: We all carry the burdens of our past, but even when faced with our demons, we can still change. And from this whole experience so far, I’ve learned that we are really the only ones who hold ourselves back. If we can face each challenge with passion and determination, it doesn’t matter whether we come out on top every time. If we fail, we learn from it, we pick ourselves up, and we keep going.
Tomorrow, I will keep going, and the day after that…If not for me, then for the people around me, the people who depend on me. At the very least, for them.[/font]
Alothia re-reads her entry, sighs, closes the book, and closes her eyes.Â
It is often so difficult to start a book off like this. I feel as if I should have some sort of introduction…but, I guess I know myself, at least enough to be able to not need an introduction. Journaling is cathartic, I suppose, as it allows insight into the current person I am through analysis, as well as a look at my past self through older entries. Do you know that I have a journal that I worked on as a young kitten in the Shroud that I still like to look at to this day? It is amusing to me to see what passions ruled my heart back then, things like “does Tybaltian like me?†and “I am so mad at mom and dad today!†Oh to still be so young and carefree. If only my troubles where so petty. But that is for another entry, I suppose.
Tonight, Taelia and I met up with a lovely but strange Miqo’te named Lulu. We got to talking about the events on the Garlean front, and I thought it might make a nice trip to travel to Little Ala Mhigo. Neither of them had been there before, so we all went on an excursion there. It’s nice to see that others are as affected by this group of refugees as I am. We went around talking to the people in the camp, and explored the area. We did come across a mysterious locked door that lead to somewhere. It must be somewhere important because the door is quite heavily reinforced, and the locks on it are quite strong. We all wondered what the door must be guarding, and why they would leave it unguarded in a refugee cam…but again, another story, I suppose.
Once we had made the rounds, we decided to sit down by the abandoned camp and take a rest before returning home. While we were there, we got onto the subject of what it is that we all do by trade. I, of course, am the owner of a successful business company. Taelia is working hard to be the best goldsmith in all of Eorzea. Lulu, apparently, was raised at the Ossuary and is working to become a Thaumaturge. The difference between us all is how we approach our lives, which finally leads me to my musings for the night.
I have found that my life has been a series of choices that I have made that made me the person I am. And the first choice that made me was the choice to shirk the values that I had been taught for so long in order to make a name for myself out of exploiting others. It is a choice that still pains me to this day. To think that there was a time that I wanted to take advantage of others is…well, unthinkable. But indeed, it lead me down the path that I am on.
My problem in my youth was that I didn’t really want anything for myself other than money…and that wasn’t really a want for myself, if you catch my drift. I wanted other people to work, and I wanted nothing out of life. I had no goals, no drives, no nothing. When I look at Taelia, and I see the joy that she earns simply from crafting a simple, plain, brass ring, I am amazed. I did not have that in my youth, and I wish I had. My parents wanted that of me, they worked hard for what they had, not because they wanted something out of it, but because they gained something in their innermost beings from being successful at something.
This apathy lead me almost to destruction at one point. I remember the day when I changed. I had come across one of my “workers†crying alone. When I asked what had happened, she told me that the job had gone bad, and that…well, I can’t even bring myself to write the words here. All I can say is that this young, innocent girl had gotten hurt because of my lack of concern for her well-being. I snapped. The little piece of me that wanted nothing for myself or others changed. In that instant, I knew, that what I wanted, more than anything, was to make sure that I took care of my people and that they liked me not because I was their boss, but because I was concerned about them and that I took the time to get to know each and every one of them.
It is part of my business model even now. I won’t hire someone out on a contract for anything…I know each of my worker’s strong and weak points. I know what makes them tick. I don’t resort to bullying or fear tactics (although I’m sure Zenge would like it if I did). Compassion gets me much further in this game. Plus, I look for people who are passionate about what they do. People who don’t let their ‘failures’ hold them back. People who have the same passion for their craft as I do for them.
And life is much more fulfilling now. I love my job, I love my company. I love being able to get out in the world and meet all sorts of people. If I had continued on that path that I was on, I would not have had the opportunity to meet with members of the other groups around Eorzea. And it is so much more…true to me, I suppose. It has always been inside of me, to be the kind of leader that I am. Sure, I still make mistakes, but I’m becoming better every day. I look at the lives of the people I surround myself with, look at the lives of the people that I meet on my travels, and learn a little something from each of them.
From Taelia, I’ve learned that maintaining a little bit of innocence in life is never a bad thing. From Zenge: Everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what their circumstances. From Jake: Always be a little irreverent and never expect anything. From Nana: Even when you look strong on the outside, there is still a sensitive person on the inside. From Rho: We all carry the burdens of our past, but even when faced with our demons, we can still change. And from this whole experience so far, I’ve learned that we are really the only ones who hold ourselves back. If we can face each challenge with passion and determination, it doesn’t matter whether we come out on top every time. If we fail, we learn from it, we pick ourselves up, and we keep going.
Tomorrow, I will keep going, and the day after that…If not for me, then for the people around me, the people who depend on me. At the very least, for them.[/font]
Alothia re-reads her entry, sighs, closes the book, and closes her eyes.Â
![[Image: DI0sJH6.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/DI0sJH6.png?1)
