[The writing here is much more flowy than last time, the script curling more than before]
Twelve, I don’t know what I would have done had he died. And then if he hadn’t spoken to me anymore. I would have been so lost, so crushed.
I still don’t feel at ease. Lainse was injured because of me. Leanna was furious I could tell…
Let me start from the beginning.
I discovered where Joshua was keeping Para. The ones who took him were eager to tell. All it took was a flash of gil and the promise of ale, and they spoke. They won’t speak again. I took care of that. Lainse looked at me as if I were a monster…as if he could see the monster inside of me. But it needed to be done. If they waggled their tongues for me, who’s to say they wouldn’t go back and do more.
Lainse went on ahead with the information to scout. I shouldn’t have sent him…
I gathered what I would need from the adventurer’s guild. Ran into the Miqo’te from the other night…Vash. He seemed eager to do something to help. So he came along. He brought another with him…I’m afraid I did not catch her name. If I see her again, I will need to thank her. Without her, all would have been lost.
We got to the site and Lainse was working on releasing Para…but then Joshua saw. I tried to surprise him and take him there and then, but he got to Lainse…Twelve, Lainse. I thought he was going to die. The woman was able to save him….something I couldn’t do because I was busy with him.
We threw all we could at him. It wasn’t until he started talking that I was even able to come close. I learned…much…
In the end, I killed him. There is more blood on my hands. But this I do not regret. I wanted to make him suffer, make him hurt like he hurt Para.
But I couldn’t. It was a swift death. And Para watched.
We didn’t talk at first…still haven’t really talked about it since. I’m worried that this will cause problems later, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
Lainse and Leanna…were upset. I blame myself for their hurt. I hope that they understand. I hope that they can forgive.
I need to think about my feelings. My desires. My wants. My needs. My priorities.
I need to make sure that I do not become what I once was…it is a fine line I walk, and the precipice stares at me with golden eyes. I hope that I do not fall.
Twelve, I don’t know what I would have done had he died. And then if he hadn’t spoken to me anymore. I would have been so lost, so crushed.
I still don’t feel at ease. Lainse was injured because of me. Leanna was furious I could tell…
Let me start from the beginning.
I discovered where Joshua was keeping Para. The ones who took him were eager to tell. All it took was a flash of gil and the promise of ale, and they spoke. They won’t speak again. I took care of that. Lainse looked at me as if I were a monster…as if he could see the monster inside of me. But it needed to be done. If they waggled their tongues for me, who’s to say they wouldn’t go back and do more.
Lainse went on ahead with the information to scout. I shouldn’t have sent him…
I gathered what I would need from the adventurer’s guild. Ran into the Miqo’te from the other night…Vash. He seemed eager to do something to help. So he came along. He brought another with him…I’m afraid I did not catch her name. If I see her again, I will need to thank her. Without her, all would have been lost.
We got to the site and Lainse was working on releasing Para…but then Joshua saw. I tried to surprise him and take him there and then, but he got to Lainse…Twelve, Lainse. I thought he was going to die. The woman was able to save him….something I couldn’t do because I was busy with him.
We threw all we could at him. It wasn’t until he started talking that I was even able to come close. I learned…much…
In the end, I killed him. There is more blood on my hands. But this I do not regret. I wanted to make him suffer, make him hurt like he hurt Para.
But I couldn’t. It was a swift death. And Para watched.
We didn’t talk at first…still haven’t really talked about it since. I’m worried that this will cause problems later, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
Lainse and Leanna…were upset. I blame myself for their hurt. I hope that they understand. I hope that they can forgive.
I need to think about my feelings. My desires. My wants. My needs. My priorities.
I need to make sure that I do not become what I once was…it is a fine line I walk, and the precipice stares at me with golden eyes. I hope that I do not fall.
![[Image: DI0sJH6.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/DI0sJH6.png?1)
