I don’t understand why my being a good person makes me feel like such a failure.
How coming to people in times of need makes me someone who doesn’t consider herself. I don’t feel like I have to do these things for others. I want to do these things for others.
We had an argument today. He doesn’t understand that if this were the me before, I wouldn’t have said anything back. I would have rolled over, said, “You’re right.†Tried to change myself then and there.
But that is not me anymore. I refuse to be that person. Especially not with him. He asked me a question. What would I do if he spoke to me like the others do. I do not know the answer. Honestly, I believe I would stand up to him more. I love him. I know this. And so it is easier for me to tell him how I feel than the people who work for me. There isn’t as much risk involved in that. And maybe that is one of my problems as well.
Where do I go from here? That is the question. How do I start standing up and taking my life back? How do I prioritize.
I want to live for me. Want to be who I am, buried underneath these layers of shit. The layers of masks and hiding that I have done over the years.
But I am worried. What if that person isn’t someone that people agree with. What if in trying to live for myself, I live only for myself.
It is hard to bend if you see the cracks forming in your surface, threatening to break you.
But if you don’t bend, the winds will snap you in two.
Do you take the risk, or wait for the inevitable?
How coming to people in times of need makes me someone who doesn’t consider herself. I don’t feel like I have to do these things for others. I want to do these things for others.
We had an argument today. He doesn’t understand that if this were the me before, I wouldn’t have said anything back. I would have rolled over, said, “You’re right.†Tried to change myself then and there.
But that is not me anymore. I refuse to be that person. Especially not with him. He asked me a question. What would I do if he spoke to me like the others do. I do not know the answer. Honestly, I believe I would stand up to him more. I love him. I know this. And so it is easier for me to tell him how I feel than the people who work for me. There isn’t as much risk involved in that. And maybe that is one of my problems as well.
Where do I go from here? That is the question. How do I start standing up and taking my life back? How do I prioritize.
I want to live for me. Want to be who I am, buried underneath these layers of shit. The layers of masks and hiding that I have done over the years.
But I am worried. What if that person isn’t someone that people agree with. What if in trying to live for myself, I live only for myself.
It is hard to bend if you see the cracks forming in your surface, threatening to break you.
But if you don’t bend, the winds will snap you in two.
Do you take the risk, or wait for the inevitable?
![[Image: DI0sJH6.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/DI0sJH6.png?1)
