The nightmares came and came again.
First it was blackness. Nothingness. I was alone in it…cold and huddled.I could hear them again, the cacophony of voices. The words I couldn’t make out, but their meaning was all too clear.  They would take everything away from me. Everything I ever loved. Everything I do love.  Take it and squash it underfoot like a grape in a vineyard. And I would be left alone, in the darkness, with nothing but silence and my own thoughts to haunt me.
This feeling has been plaguing me ever since. I woke up covered in sweat from that dream, and I tried not to wake Kanko. I curled up against him and fell back asleep, but the nightmares didn’t stop.
I can’t tell you the specifics of them. There were many…all I remember was a sense of dread, a sense of horror. One after the other, those I cared for ripped away from me.
I’m sure that’s why I was so on edge last sun. It’s as if the knowledge that this will come to pass haunts me. I’m being whispered to, told that I am useless, a waste, that of course everyone will leave me. Why would they stay?
Fallgourd was the only place tonight that helped me remember. Seeing the room…brought all of that back. Fighting to keep Eric alive. Struggling to keep my wits about me as people tried to take what was mine…is mine still. I cannot say that I will be as I was before…I don’t know that I can be. I will try to keep the monsters at bay. I will try to keep the darkness from consuming what light I have left. Twelve knows that in the past year, much has happened….
I need to sit down and talk with someone about it. Kanko or Eric or Claire…I do not know if I can handle this on my own. Gods, how did Eric last so long?
First it was blackness. Nothingness. I was alone in it…cold and huddled.I could hear them again, the cacophony of voices. The words I couldn’t make out, but their meaning was all too clear.  They would take everything away from me. Everything I ever loved. Everything I do love.  Take it and squash it underfoot like a grape in a vineyard. And I would be left alone, in the darkness, with nothing but silence and my own thoughts to haunt me.
This feeling has been plaguing me ever since. I woke up covered in sweat from that dream, and I tried not to wake Kanko. I curled up against him and fell back asleep, but the nightmares didn’t stop.
I can’t tell you the specifics of them. There were many…all I remember was a sense of dread, a sense of horror. One after the other, those I cared for ripped away from me.
I’m sure that’s why I was so on edge last sun. It’s as if the knowledge that this will come to pass haunts me. I’m being whispered to, told that I am useless, a waste, that of course everyone will leave me. Why would they stay?
Fallgourd was the only place tonight that helped me remember. Seeing the room…brought all of that back. Fighting to keep Eric alive. Struggling to keep my wits about me as people tried to take what was mine…is mine still. I cannot say that I will be as I was before…I don’t know that I can be. I will try to keep the monsters at bay. I will try to keep the darkness from consuming what light I have left. Twelve knows that in the past year, much has happened….
I need to sit down and talk with someone about it. Kanko or Eric or Claire…I do not know if I can handle this on my own. Gods, how did Eric last so long?