A middle-aged Lalafell enters the chamber, sweeps his surroundings with a suspicious gaze and then takes a seat, glaring at the interviewer.
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1.What is your full name? Vespino Pino
2.Where and when were you born? Ul’Dah
3.Who are/were your parents? Father- Dromka Zelka, a carpenter plying his trade out of Ul’Dah; practical, pragmatic and taciturn, his feet definitely planted firmly on the ground. Mother – Veta Petata, part of a family that tended to make their living as travelling players.
4.Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Two brothers and four sisters, all younger than me.
5.Where do you live now, and withwhom? Describe the place andthe person/people. Wherever I lay my hat – I find it hard to settle in one place.
6.What is your occupation? Itinerant alchemist,travelling storyteller, travel writer and arcanist. It pays to be flexible...
7.Write a full physical description of yourself. You might wanttoconsider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. I’m a Lalafell of average height, I have bottle green hair, with some distinguished greying here and there and a rather fine moustache. My eyes, I have been told, are a rather becoming purple colour. I tend not to wear any items of jewellery as I have a tendency to lose things.
8.To which social class do youbelong? I don't believe in pigeon-holing people....so I'm probably working class...
9.Do you have any allergies,diseases, or other physicalweaknesses? Hmm,I don't care for spiders – or blancmange. Yuk!
10. Are you right- or left-handed? Right-handed
11. What does your voice sound like? Well, like this – you deaf or something?
12. What words and/or phrases do youuse very frequently? ‘So that’s what it does!’, ‘Well if you want my opinion, and you do, trust me...’, ‘Eorzia is your oyster – go ahead and shuck it!’
13. What do you have in your pockets?A sticky packet of boiled sweets, a small briar pipe, several notebooks, a bottle of ink, some quills, a spy glass, a small portable soil testing kit, several over-large handkerchiefs, a pocket knife and a mysterious bag of different coloured powders which I use for embellishing my storytelling.
14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits,orother defining characteristics? They say I twiddle absently with my moustache, of which I am inordinately proud, whenever I am thinking.
Part 2: Growing Up
15. How would you describe your childhood in general? It was a happy childhood.
16. What is your earliest memory? Sitting on my father’s workbench watching him turn a simple piece of wood into a thing of beauty.
17. How much schooling have you had? Quite a bit as it happens – though most of my education came from my uncle.
18. Did you enjoy school? Most of the time.
19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?As I say, from my uncle who was, until his death quite an accomplished scholar.
20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so,describethem. My father, my uncle and of course my mother – thinking back on it I think she introduced me to the performing arts. Now she could weave a tale let me tell you.
21. While growing up, how did you getalong with the othermembers of your family? Well – right until that unfortunate incident...
22. As a child, what did you want tobe when you grew up? Exactly what I did grow up to be of course.
23. As a child, what were yourfavorite activities? Fishing,painting,pretending to be an adventurer. That sort of thing.
24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did youdisplay? I understand I was somewhat precocious.
25. As a child, were you popular? Whowere your friends, and whatwere they like? I used to hang around with a group of youngsters who lived in the alleywhere my father had his carpentry shop. Haven’t seen any of them for years....
26. When and with whom was your firstkiss? I think I was about 15 and the kiss was a stolen one. She took me by surprise. I can’t recall her name....
27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you loseyourvirginity? Oh sure, like I’m going to tell you – blabber-mouth!
28. If you are a supernatural being(i.e. mage, werewolf,vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. You do ask some odd questions...
Part 3: Past Influences
29. What do you consider the most important event of your lifeso far? It was 12 years ago...I’d rather not talkabout it if it’s all the same to you.
30. Who has had the most influence onyou? My uncle I imagine
31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? It hasn’t happened yet.
32. What is your greatest regret? That event 12 years ago.
33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I refer you to my previous answer. Now can we leave it?
34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? No, but it’s been a close run thing.
35. When was the time you were the most frightened? Let’s not go there shall we?
36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? A bottle of very strong wine, dancing on a bar, breeches falling down. Need I say more?
37. If you could change one thingfrom your past, what would itbe, and why? That event 12 years ago. I’m really not going in to it – okay?
38. What is your best memory? When I received the letter that said I had been accepted into the Arcanist’s Guild.
39. What is your worst memory?.......
Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Generally optimistic – things can only get better!
41. What is your greatest fear? Other than being eaten by a spider or drowning in a vat of blancmange? Being alone.
42. What are your religious views? I honour the twelve.
43. What are your political views? Never trust a politician!
44. What are your views on sex? You’re obsessed with nookie,you know that?!
45. Are you able to kill? Under whatcircumstances do you findkilling to be acceptable or unacceptable? Of course I can kill, but never lightly.One does what one must to survive or to safeguard the interests of those one cares about.
46. In your opinion, what is the mostevil thing any human beingcould do? I’m afraid, as a Lalafell, I have no idea.
47. Do you believe in the existenceof soul mates and/or truelove? Oh yes,of course. We all have soul mates. True love? Hmm, I wonder....
48. What do you believe makes asuccessful life? Knowing what exactly it is you want from life helps.
49. How honest are you about yourthoughts and feelings (i.e. doyou hide your true self from others, and in what way)? One should never be too demonstrative – it gives your enemies an edge. Your friends too, possibly.
50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? Anything with more than six legs is just plain wrong.
51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do underanycircumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Wear pink. It clashes with my hair.
52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise gotoextremes for)? My family and my friends.
Part 5: Relationships With Others
53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, bykeepingthem at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? One should always try to bepolite, though I try to keep a wary distance from those I do not know well. That being said, once I know someone well I generally show a warmer side to my character
54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? At the moment? Hmm, I’m not sure to be honest.
55. Who is the person you respect themost, and why? My father. He has great wisdom.
56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describethesepeople. I move around too much to for many permanent attachments.Perhaps that will change when I reach the Guild in Limsa Lominsa.
57. Do you have a spouse orsignificant other? If so, describethis person. Please refer to my previous answer.
58. Have you ever been in love? Ifso, describe what happened. Somethings a gentlelalafell keeps to himself...
59. What do you look for in apotential lover? A pulse...?
60. How close are you to your family?Well, after that unfortunate incident....not so close as I would like.
61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. Ifnot, doyou want to? Why or why not? Hmmm....
62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?I, er, well, erm.....
63. Do you trust anyone to protectyou? Who, and why? Can we leave this particular line of questioning...?
64. If you died or went missing, whowould miss you? Look,you’re not winning any friends here!
65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Life is too short to make enemies.
66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? If conflict can be avoided then I will do so. But if you want my opinion, and trust me, you do, one should always be Lalafell enough to stand by one’s beliefs or opinions.
67. Do you tend to take on leadershiproles in social situations?I never shirk my responsibilities – or answer questions with a direct answer....
68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why orwhy not?I tend to avoid large groups. I’m quite small you know and I once got trodden on...
69. Do you care what others think ofyou? Hah! Not at all...well...maybe a little...
Part 6: Likes And Dislikes
70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Reading,fishing, writing, telling stories, travelling, seeing new places and drinking in beautiful vistas.
71. What is your most treasuredpossession? I don’t have one.I’d only lose it.
72. What is your favorite color? Blue
73. What is your favorite food? Anything savoury or spicy
74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Anything at all!
75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music,movies,art, etc.)? A well told story told by a master storyteller whilst sitting round a roaring campfire.
76. Do you smoke, drink, or usedrugs? If so, why? I sometimes puff away on my pipe. It helps me think.
77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Saturday night? That some sort of new fangled festival time or something?
78. What makes you laugh? Having my feet tickled....
79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Hmm, can’t think of anything...
80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to findsomething todo to amuse yourself? What a strange interviewer you are....
81. How do you deal with stress? I laugh in the face of it and tweak it’s nipples!
82. Are you spontaneous, or do youalways need to have a plan? I always find planned spontaneity to be the best approach...
83. What are your pet peeves? I don’t have a pet called Peeves....
Part 7: Self Images And Etc.
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do youfeel whenthis routine is disrupted? Well as a traveller I don’t really have much of a routine, though I do get a bit irked if I miss my first cup of tea in the morning.
85. What is your greatest strength as a person? My ability to laugh at myself? You can’t really be taken seriously until you can do that.
86. What is your greatest weakness? My incredibly good looks,my towering intellect, my immense modesty...?
87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would itbe? No, I can’t think of a thing. Oh wait! Feet that are resistant to tickling.
88. Are you generally introverted orextroverted? Depends on the situation.
89. Are you generally organized ormessy? Organised – a traveller has tobe.
90. Name three things you consideryourself to be very good at,and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Alchemy, storytelling,circumlocution– cooking, dancing, giving a straight answer.
91. Do you like yourself? What a silly question. How can you like anyone else if you don’t like yourself?
92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing thestrangeand heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) I do what needs to be done.It’s either that or lay down and give up.
93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Happiness.
94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I couldn’t tell youwhere I’ll be next week let alone in 5 years.Haven’t you been paying attention?
95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? I have no intention of dying.
96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name threethings youwould do in the time you had left. First sex now you’re obsessed with dying. Young man, you need therapy.
97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to berememberedafter your death? Hello, hello!? Anyone at home??
98. What three words best describeyour personality? Enthusiastic,pragmatic,
resourceful
99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? You’d have to ask them
100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give toyourcharacter? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) The answer lies within – always.
1.What is your full name? Vespino Pino
2.Where and when were you born? Ul’Dah
3.Who are/were your parents? Father- Dromka Zelka, a carpenter plying his trade out of Ul’Dah; practical, pragmatic and taciturn, his feet definitely planted firmly on the ground. Mother – Veta Petata, part of a family that tended to make their living as travelling players.
4.Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Two brothers and four sisters, all younger than me.
5.Where do you live now, and withwhom? Describe the place andthe person/people. Wherever I lay my hat – I find it hard to settle in one place.
6.What is your occupation? Itinerant alchemist,travelling storyteller, travel writer and arcanist. It pays to be flexible...
7.Write a full physical description of yourself. You might wanttoconsider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. I’m a Lalafell of average height, I have bottle green hair, with some distinguished greying here and there and a rather fine moustache. My eyes, I have been told, are a rather becoming purple colour. I tend not to wear any items of jewellery as I have a tendency to lose things.
8.To which social class do youbelong? I don't believe in pigeon-holing people....so I'm probably working class...
9.Do you have any allergies,diseases, or other physicalweaknesses? Hmm,I don't care for spiders – or blancmange. Yuk!
10. Are you right- or left-handed? Right-handed
11. What does your voice sound like? Well, like this – you deaf or something?
12. What words and/or phrases do youuse very frequently? ‘So that’s what it does!’, ‘Well if you want my opinion, and you do, trust me...’, ‘Eorzia is your oyster – go ahead and shuck it!’
13. What do you have in your pockets?A sticky packet of boiled sweets, a small briar pipe, several notebooks, a bottle of ink, some quills, a spy glass, a small portable soil testing kit, several over-large handkerchiefs, a pocket knife and a mysterious bag of different coloured powders which I use for embellishing my storytelling.
14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits,orother defining characteristics? They say I twiddle absently with my moustache, of which I am inordinately proud, whenever I am thinking.
Part 2: Growing Up
15. How would you describe your childhood in general? It was a happy childhood.
16. What is your earliest memory? Sitting on my father’s workbench watching him turn a simple piece of wood into a thing of beauty.
17. How much schooling have you had? Quite a bit as it happens – though most of my education came from my uncle.
18. Did you enjoy school? Most of the time.
19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?As I say, from my uncle who was, until his death quite an accomplished scholar.
20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so,describethem. My father, my uncle and of course my mother – thinking back on it I think she introduced me to the performing arts. Now she could weave a tale let me tell you.
21. While growing up, how did you getalong with the othermembers of your family? Well – right until that unfortunate incident...
22. As a child, what did you want tobe when you grew up? Exactly what I did grow up to be of course.
23. As a child, what were yourfavorite activities? Fishing,painting,pretending to be an adventurer. That sort of thing.
24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did youdisplay? I understand I was somewhat precocious.
25. As a child, were you popular? Whowere your friends, and whatwere they like? I used to hang around with a group of youngsters who lived in the alleywhere my father had his carpentry shop. Haven’t seen any of them for years....
26. When and with whom was your firstkiss? I think I was about 15 and the kiss was a stolen one. She took me by surprise. I can’t recall her name....
27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you loseyourvirginity? Oh sure, like I’m going to tell you – blabber-mouth!
28. If you are a supernatural being(i.e. mage, werewolf,vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. You do ask some odd questions...
Part 3: Past Influences
29. What do you consider the most important event of your lifeso far? It was 12 years ago...I’d rather not talkabout it if it’s all the same to you.
30. Who has had the most influence onyou? My uncle I imagine
31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? It hasn’t happened yet.
32. What is your greatest regret? That event 12 years ago.
33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I refer you to my previous answer. Now can we leave it?
34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? No, but it’s been a close run thing.
35. When was the time you were the most frightened? Let’s not go there shall we?
36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? A bottle of very strong wine, dancing on a bar, breeches falling down. Need I say more?
37. If you could change one thingfrom your past, what would itbe, and why? That event 12 years ago. I’m really not going in to it – okay?
38. What is your best memory? When I received the letter that said I had been accepted into the Arcanist’s Guild.
39. What is your worst memory?.......
Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions
40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Generally optimistic – things can only get better!
41. What is your greatest fear? Other than being eaten by a spider or drowning in a vat of blancmange? Being alone.
42. What are your religious views? I honour the twelve.
43. What are your political views? Never trust a politician!
44. What are your views on sex? You’re obsessed with nookie,you know that?!
45. Are you able to kill? Under whatcircumstances do you findkilling to be acceptable or unacceptable? Of course I can kill, but never lightly.One does what one must to survive or to safeguard the interests of those one cares about.
46. In your opinion, what is the mostevil thing any human beingcould do? I’m afraid, as a Lalafell, I have no idea.
47. Do you believe in the existenceof soul mates and/or truelove? Oh yes,of course. We all have soul mates. True love? Hmm, I wonder....
48. What do you believe makes asuccessful life? Knowing what exactly it is you want from life helps.
49. How honest are you about yourthoughts and feelings (i.e. doyou hide your true self from others, and in what way)? One should never be too demonstrative – it gives your enemies an edge. Your friends too, possibly.
50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? Anything with more than six legs is just plain wrong.
51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do underanycircumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Wear pink. It clashes with my hair.
52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise gotoextremes for)? My family and my friends.
Part 5: Relationships With Others
53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, bykeepingthem at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? One should always try to bepolite, though I try to keep a wary distance from those I do not know well. That being said, once I know someone well I generally show a warmer side to my character
54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? At the moment? Hmm, I’m not sure to be honest.
55. Who is the person you respect themost, and why? My father. He has great wisdom.
56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describethesepeople. I move around too much to for many permanent attachments.Perhaps that will change when I reach the Guild in Limsa Lominsa.
57. Do you have a spouse orsignificant other? If so, describethis person. Please refer to my previous answer.
58. Have you ever been in love? Ifso, describe what happened. Somethings a gentlelalafell keeps to himself...
59. What do you look for in apotential lover? A pulse...?
60. How close are you to your family?Well, after that unfortunate incident....not so close as I would like.
61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. Ifnot, doyou want to? Why or why not? Hmmm....
62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?I, er, well, erm.....
63. Do you trust anyone to protectyou? Who, and why? Can we leave this particular line of questioning...?
64. If you died or went missing, whowould miss you? Look,you’re not winning any friends here!
65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Life is too short to make enemies.
66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? If conflict can be avoided then I will do so. But if you want my opinion, and trust me, you do, one should always be Lalafell enough to stand by one’s beliefs or opinions.
67. Do you tend to take on leadershiproles in social situations?I never shirk my responsibilities – or answer questions with a direct answer....
68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why orwhy not?I tend to avoid large groups. I’m quite small you know and I once got trodden on...
69. Do you care what others think ofyou? Hah! Not at all...well...maybe a little...
Part 6: Likes And Dislikes
70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Reading,fishing, writing, telling stories, travelling, seeing new places and drinking in beautiful vistas.
71. What is your most treasuredpossession? I don’t have one.I’d only lose it.
72. What is your favorite color? Blue
73. What is your favorite food? Anything savoury or spicy
74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Anything at all!
75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music,movies,art, etc.)? A well told story told by a master storyteller whilst sitting round a roaring campfire.
76. Do you smoke, drink, or usedrugs? If so, why? I sometimes puff away on my pipe. It helps me think.
77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Saturday night? That some sort of new fangled festival time or something?
78. What makes you laugh? Having my feet tickled....
79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Hmm, can’t think of anything...
80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to findsomething todo to amuse yourself? What a strange interviewer you are....
81. How do you deal with stress? I laugh in the face of it and tweak it’s nipples!
82. Are you spontaneous, or do youalways need to have a plan? I always find planned spontaneity to be the best approach...
83. What are your pet peeves? I don’t have a pet called Peeves....
Part 7: Self Images And Etc.
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do youfeel whenthis routine is disrupted? Well as a traveller I don’t really have much of a routine, though I do get a bit irked if I miss my first cup of tea in the morning.
85. What is your greatest strength as a person? My ability to laugh at myself? You can’t really be taken seriously until you can do that.
86. What is your greatest weakness? My incredibly good looks,my towering intellect, my immense modesty...?
87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would itbe? No, I can’t think of a thing. Oh wait! Feet that are resistant to tickling.
88. Are you generally introverted orextroverted? Depends on the situation.
89. Are you generally organized ormessy? Organised – a traveller has tobe.
90. Name three things you consideryourself to be very good at,and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. Alchemy, storytelling,circumlocution– cooking, dancing, giving a straight answer.
91. Do you like yourself? What a silly question. How can you like anyone else if you don’t like yourself?
92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing thestrangeand heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) I do what needs to be done.It’s either that or lay down and give up.
93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Happiness.
94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I couldn’t tell youwhere I’ll be next week let alone in 5 years.Haven’t you been paying attention?
95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? I have no intention of dying.
96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name threethings youwould do in the time you had left. First sex now you’re obsessed with dying. Young man, you need therapy.
97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to berememberedafter your death? Hello, hello!? Anyone at home??
98. What three words best describeyour personality? Enthusiastic,pragmatic,
resourceful
99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? You’d have to ask them
100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give toyourcharacter? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…) The answer lies within – always.
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