History?
You’re late.
I didn’t know we were on a schedule.
Not a lot you do know, is there?
Can we just make a log entry?
Why bother? Â It will just be more boring trivialities. Â I miss Captain Daru. Â He had things worth remembering.
We explored the cave today.
Who are we?
Ellion and Stanzie and Daej and Loki and Caed and Aurek-
Enough.  Ye gods, woman.  Didn’t I already tell you I was bored?  Must have been one hell of a cave for you all to fit inside.
Well, we split up. Â I was assigned to Ellion.
Assigned?  You didn’t have anything to do with that allocation?
I wa…I mean…we drew straws.
Huh.
…
Well?
Well what?
What happened in the cave?
The cave? Â Oh. Â Oh yeah. Â Ellion and I went down our own passage. Â After a while we were joined by Aurek. Â There were traps down there.
Was anyone crushed or maimed?
No. Â Well, I mean, I almost got shot but Ellion pulled me out of the way. Â He stopped the arrows with his shield.
Ellion, Ellion. Â You talk about him a lot. Â What did this Aurek fellow do?
He just walked right ahead. Â He was lucky not to get chopped in half.
Or maybe he’s just skillful.  He didn’t mind you making moon eyes at your new boss?
I wasn’t-  Ellion is the commanding officer, not the boss.
Someday we should have a talk about how exactly those two words are different…
Ellion also mentioned something about a great warrior named Thall, master of balls.
Lum…I don’t think that’s what that expression means.
Well, I didn’t have a chance to figure out what sorts of balls they were, but I did find out there are twelve of them.
Twelve balls.  I’m sure that he didn’t mean what you thought he meant.
And we found a cache of weapons buried under the headquarters.
Weapons? Â What kind?
I’m not sure.  Lots of kinds.  They were all in good repair.  I think they were meant to be arms for a local militia.  I’d tell you more about it but it’s not really my area of expertise.
Hmmm. Â What exactly is your area of specialization? Â Besides the lying and the prostitution, I mean?
History, is this really necessary?
What?
Calling me a liar and a- that other thing.
Lum, you admitted you’re a liar.
I could have been lying about that.
Probably you were.
But if I’m a liar who lies about being a liar and then admits to being a liar, wouldn’t that make me a truthful?
But that’s-  Clearly logic is not your strong point.
We can’t all be perfect, History.
Did anything else happen while you were down this hole?
Well, the caves eventually linked up and emptied out onto a beach.
So Ellion located his headquarters on beach front property?
I think all of Limsa Lominsa is beach front.  But he didn’t get beach front so much as cave-front-beach-front.  Er…cave-under-beach-back.
Gods. Â So what are you idiots going to do now? Â Have a beach party?
Actually, yeah.  That’s the plan.
And I’m sure you offered to organize the debauchery…
I volunteered to buy food and drinks, so…I guess you’re right for once.
Always, Lum. Â Always.
You’re late.
I didn’t know we were on a schedule.
Not a lot you do know, is there?
Can we just make a log entry?
Why bother? Â It will just be more boring trivialities. Â I miss Captain Daru. Â He had things worth remembering.
We explored the cave today.
Who are we?
Ellion and Stanzie and Daej and Loki and Caed and Aurek-
Enough.  Ye gods, woman.  Didn’t I already tell you I was bored?  Must have been one hell of a cave for you all to fit inside.
Well, we split up. Â I was assigned to Ellion.
Assigned?  You didn’t have anything to do with that allocation?
I wa…I mean…we drew straws.
Huh.
…
Well?
Well what?
What happened in the cave?
The cave? Â Oh. Â Oh yeah. Â Ellion and I went down our own passage. Â After a while we were joined by Aurek. Â There were traps down there.
Was anyone crushed or maimed?
No. Â Well, I mean, I almost got shot but Ellion pulled me out of the way. Â He stopped the arrows with his shield.
Ellion, Ellion. Â You talk about him a lot. Â What did this Aurek fellow do?
He just walked right ahead. Â He was lucky not to get chopped in half.
Or maybe he’s just skillful.  He didn’t mind you making moon eyes at your new boss?
I wasn’t-  Ellion is the commanding officer, not the boss.
Someday we should have a talk about how exactly those two words are different…
Ellion also mentioned something about a great warrior named Thall, master of balls.
Lum…I don’t think that’s what that expression means.
Well, I didn’t have a chance to figure out what sorts of balls they were, but I did find out there are twelve of them.
Twelve balls.  I’m sure that he didn’t mean what you thought he meant.
And we found a cache of weapons buried under the headquarters.
Weapons? Â What kind?
I’m not sure.  Lots of kinds.  They were all in good repair.  I think they were meant to be arms for a local militia.  I’d tell you more about it but it’s not really my area of expertise.
Hmmm. Â What exactly is your area of specialization? Â Besides the lying and the prostitution, I mean?
History, is this really necessary?
What?
Calling me a liar and a- that other thing.
Lum, you admitted you’re a liar.
I could have been lying about that.
Probably you were.
But if I’m a liar who lies about being a liar and then admits to being a liar, wouldn’t that make me a truthful?
But that’s-  Clearly logic is not your strong point.
We can’t all be perfect, History.
Did anything else happen while you were down this hole?
Well, the caves eventually linked up and emptied out onto a beach.
So Ellion located his headquarters on beach front property?
I think all of Limsa Lominsa is beach front.  But he didn’t get beach front so much as cave-front-beach-front.  Er…cave-under-beach-back.
Gods. Â So what are you idiots going to do now? Â Have a beach party?
Actually, yeah.  That’s the plan.
And I’m sure you offered to organize the debauchery…
I volunteered to buy food and drinks, so…I guess you’re right for once.
Always, Lum. Â Always.