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ExAtomos · **12-18-2016, 08:25 PM**

(12-18-2016, 04:13 PM)RavieRaptor Wrote: See, unlike you, I actually have to approach people to let them know I exist. I've made all different types of characters over 20+, just trying to get people to notice me and accept me into their rp groups. I probably have spent over 100 dollars on fantasias and name changes alone. It's always different reasons: If you play a miqo'te you're a slut, if you play an Au Ra you're weeb trash. If you play an lalafell, you're not taken seriously. If you play a midlander, you're boring and unoriginal. These are the many conflicts I have that I've heard from others when I make my characters. I can't find that niche.

(12-18-2016, 05:22 PM)RavieRaptor Wrote: Yeah, that seems to sum it up. I'm always scared people won't like me. I've had past issues where I hung out with one person and lost a whole group of friends and got kicked from my FC cause of it. I didn't realize till later how right the group was about said person. Ever since I haven't really found a character niche to make for RP, as mentioned in my previous comment.

These two bits stuck out to me.

As others have said already, pick one character that YOU like to play and stick with them. Changing looks & names like hats is really off-putting to others. They don't have time to get to know one character before you've discarded it. How can they believe you'll hold up your end of any long term RP plots if there's a good chance you're going to throw that character away next week? Try to not stay hyper-critical of your character. Like them; grow to love them; write blog posts about them and takes tons of screenshots to post somewhere. Develop their back story. Have fun with them!

I can tell you, as someone who actively plays several characters, it is VERY difficult to build RP relationship if you play many alts. The difficulty you face breaking into good RP social circles with ONE character... multiply that for every other character. (Hell... in my experience, it may be exponentially more difficult >_>). But I am committed to this style of playing and will stubbornly work extra hard to build RP relationships with others. I've been on Balmung a year now and am STILL working on this... But really, good RP is a relationship, you have to KEEP working at it, not just rest on your laurels once it's started.

As for that last bit, about being ostracized due to who you hung out with... I'm sorry, but it may take some time to repair this rift depending on just how bad it was. Sad

You may have to start over with new social circles completely and just know that you will need to constantly prove you aren't a bad guy.

Oh, and this part...

(12-18-2016, 04:13 PM)RavieRaptor Wrote: See, unlike you, I actually have to approach people to let them know I exist.

No matter how well known or 'in' someone is now, we ALL started from nothing. Every blessed one of us.

Tyndles · **12-18-2016, 08:29 PM**

Going to a public event of scale is like going to a nightclub. It's loud (chatspam) and awkward to do Â alone. Â You might get lucky and find your friends, or make new friends, but people generally go there with people they already know to enjoy the atmosphere. Â The place to make new friends is by finding characters with similar interests/traits as yours and doing that. Â On a WAYY smaller scale. Â If you are making 20+ characters and none of them are clicking, then the error is NOT on them, it is on you.

My character is a monk that has taken up hiding in Ul'dah by blacksmithing. Â For the last 3 years I've had fun with him doing that, but wanting to expand my RP crowd, I opened up a shop and threw up advertisements to let them come to me! Â

And ready to RP monk stuff now that monk lore is likely to be expanded on in the new expansion, I went to where all the monks are and asked around and found a small group of people RPing and BAM! Â There I was, with new friends to RP with.

Change your approach.

Also anyone that thinks a lalafell can't be taken seriously is bad at FFXIV. Â Lalafell are the easiest to make joke characters and parodies with, sure. Â But REAL lala RPers are awesome.

***Teadrinker*** · **12-18-2016, 08:36 PM**

[Mod Plague Mask On]

We saw this one from the very beginning but want to give the thread a chance. Stay civil guys. Everyone has their opinion on the subject. Don't want to close the thread but it will happen if it must.

[Mod Plague Mask Off]

Max · **12-18-2016, 08:39 PM**

This is purely anecdotal, but I've never ever had trouble finding roleplay -- the community is just massive on Balmung. A lot of people are shy so are hesitant to engage others, but are ecstatic whenever you give their character the time of day.

Join a FC, go to the Quicksand, go to (smaller) events. Actually have a character that goes up to people and engages conversation.

What especially annoys me is when a shy person roleplays an equally shy character and ends up feeling left out because they're overly reliant upon others approaching them instead of the other way around. Not saying you're like this OP, it's just behavior I've noted from people with similar complaints.

And of course it isn't just shy characters who have this problem. Some people play uninteresting characters. Or maybe their writing is horrendous. Or maybe their gimmick ruins your immersion. Or maybe something something something.

But that's the great thing about Balmung. IMHO our roleplay population is very diverse, and there's at least someone for everyone. So I simply find it hard to believe that it's THAT difficult for someone to find roleplay unless they're inhibiting themselves in some shape or form (knowingly or unknowingly).

I won't be as... uh, harsh as the Angry Ala Mhigan Grandma, but I share her assessment that sometimes we must look at ourselves to discover the problem.

***Teadrinker*** · **12-18-2016, 08:44 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:25 PM)Faye Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: That's top of the line BS. If you go to a public event, then proceed to use a private channel at it, why are you even there? Yes, the scroll does get real, but that's a piss poor excuse to completely ignore /s and /em when you knowingly went to a public event. Hell, it's a piss poor excuse when you watch someone walk up to you and target you.

Because people want to RP the theme/atmosphere of the event and want to take part in it, want to support the event/hosts/community, and typically still want to keep the potential for new/unexpected interactions open, but also want to ensure they don't miss posts from the people they're RPing with and don't want to cause themselves any extra stress or pain.

I did this.

I don't get a lot of time for any one on one RP with a certain person due to their OOC schedule and this was a nice event so they went together and mostly paid attention to each other. It's not a crime.

I responded to every walkup as well. Did I initiate any? No because that wasn't what I was there for.

/shrug

Edit: Also all the walkups I got were from people my character already knew. I never received a walkup from a new person.

Nako Vesh · **12-18-2016, 08:49 PM**

(12-18-2016, 08:01 PM)Aya Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 05:01 PM)Roen Wrote: And as others have said, don't lose heart and just play what you want. Don't keep changing characters to see what sticks or who might be more popular. RP should be fun because you are playing who you want to play.
I'm still reading through this thread in more detail, and finding gems like this one.Â

I know that sometimes the challenges of meeting people can feel and seem insurmountable.Â Failure and the feeling of rejection (warranted or not) are terrible things, and are absolutely no fun to deal with.

Its also not the same for everyone. Some people face greater challenges than others (though I would urge no one to take the struggles faced by anyone else, even those they may imagine as being effortlessly popular, for granted).Â And the community, in whatever form it takes for that individual, can feel vastly more antagonistic than helpful which is truly unfortunate.Â

But there's some great advice in here (like Roen's), and so many well-intentioned people (my suspicion is that everyone posting is well-intentioned, even if the content of their posts isn't what everyone wants to see).

This is good advice, and I'd like to reiterate and add to the not-changing-characters-so-much-thing.Â

Make a character you really enjoy, one that makes you excited to log on and play. Really sit down and work out the kind of story you want to tell, don't think about how it'll be received just yet. If you do this, your enthusiasm for playing a character you enjoy will come through and people will likely be drawn to that.

If you're just half heatedly switching around characters to see what fits, or playing characters based solely on what others like, that'll come through, too. So work on entertaining yourself first and go from there.

T'errin · **12-18-2016, 08:53 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:25 PM)Faye Wrote: Because people want to RP the theme/atmosphere of the event and want to take part in it, want to support the event/hosts/community, and typically still want to keep the potential for new/unexpected interactions open, but also want to ensure they don't miss posts from the people they're RPing with and don't want to cause themselves any extra stress or pain. It's not a piss poor excuse, but a valid option for people who find large events difficult to stomach, which you will find there are a lot of in this community. Given that some of these people have very real problems (anxiety, reading comprehension problems, poor eyesight, migraines, difficulty focusing, overstimulation, etc.) often linked to medical issues and disabilities, I think it's pretty rude and downright offensive to demonize them when all they're trying to do is make the RP easier for themselves and/or their friends and just have a good time.

Hell, a lot of these people go to events, meet someone new, and then form a party with that new connection so they can RP without any strain. I won't say that no one in the history of XIV has gone to an event with a pre-established group and ignored everyone else there, but these people are a vast minority and not typical. Folks are not ignoring /say and /em out of spite and may not even be meaning to ignore them at all. They could be trying their best to read /say and /em, but tab to a different chat window to reply to their current RP and miss a post from a stranger. They could just not see the character walk up to them, if they are busy reading/typing in chat, or if their camera is not angled just the right way, if they went afk for a moment, or if the person doesn't actually target their character or only stands next to them for five seconds.

They're not supporting anyone but they're small group if you're just RPing with them at a public event, and it is extremely silly to say that they're trying to keep the potential of unexpected interactions when they're avoiding the primary channels that allow it. A lot of people have various health/anxiety issues when trying to publicly RP, and I really do feel for them, but what about the person who also has severe social anxiety and is trying their hardest to RP just to be brushed off (at a public event no less)? That's as rude as hell, as well. Then they have people demonizing them by telling them that it's their own fault that they were ignored.

There are a million reasons on why someone could have missed something in /s or /sm, but there is missing something, then there is ignoring it by using a private channel to get away from it. People can say that they don't mean to be ignoring /s or /em, but that is what they are doing by using private channels.

(12-18-2016, 07:26 PM)Kilieit Wrote: Please read the reasoning people have stated for why they "ignore" people (this word suggests intent, which is a false assumption) at big events. It was stated quite clearly and repeatedly, by multiple posters.

Why do people go to big events instead of staying home, and then RP privately? Simple: change of scenery. It provides a backdrop for something a little different. And as Faye described, it allows the culmination of OOC connections into IC ones (different from cold-call walkups!) that won't occur if you just stay in your FC room and pretend you're at a gala.

The "just get out there" advice was qualified every single time I read it in this thread with to make OOC connections, to attend smaller events, and so forth.

You're jumping to conclusions in your anger. Please re-read the thread and try to understand where we're coming from.

At the end of the day, NO ONE SPECIFIC PERSON IS OBLIGATED TO ROLEPLAY WITH ANY OTHER ONE SPECIFIC PERSON. There are people who aren't going to be wanting to meet new folks on any given day. That is their prerogative. Like I said in my post explaining that thoughts like this are maladaptive, I gave a few examples of why someone could be closed off from meeting new people - sick, tired, distracted, or anxious in their own right. Yes, even if they've shown up to a big event.

I don't think it's fair to call people stupid, say they aren't allowed to go into a certain area to RP (remember the Gala was an open-world event, not located in an FC premises...), or suggest they're being malicious because they aren't up for talking to you on that day or in that place.

Saying something multiple times doesn't magically make it okay. Simply saying "I didn't mean to ignore /s and /sm" doesn't magically mean they didn't do it.

If they're looking for a change of scenery or special backdrop, there are hundreds of places to go. If someone goes to a public event, they should be prepared to publicly RP with others, or accept that what they are doing is pretty messed up for those who came to a public event to try to make connections, and not try to defend their actions.

You are correct, no one is obligated to RP with anyone. That doesn't make them immune to criticism though, and if they're not in the mood to RP with strangers, they shouldn't go to an event where there will be a lot of strangers then try to defend their actions when someone finally says "wtf?".

I think its extremely unfair that people tell new people that they should be expected to be ignored at large public events, then say it was their own fault because they don't know anyone. Why do they need to set something up OOCly, or stick to smaller events to try to get RP? I never said that groups shouldn't be allowed at public events, but question why they are there if they're just gonna privately RP anyway.

(12-18-2016, 07:29 PM)Aya Wrote: If you cannot understand why people would move to a private chat channel during an event with immense chatscroll, I don't really know what to say.Â I wasn't at the event, but I have attended similar ones in the past, and am a veteran of some very high-chat-scroll evenings at the Quick Sand.Â I do not join private chats at these events (unless they are explicitly preferred by the organizers to keep public chat down, which I have seen before), but I completely understand why people would: the chat scroll is the sort of thing that cannot only detract from your enjoyment, but can be downright headache causing.Â In the end people attend public events for the same reason that they attend any event: to have fun.Â Whether or not that means being terribly outgoing, social, and friendly really depends on the individual and the circumstances.Â

If people want to slip into private chat in order to be able to take a break from trying to scan the scroll, by all means they should not feel bad about doing so.Â Its so easy to miss things during these events (not to mention how easy it is for characters to actually fail to load, or become unloaded even when targeted).Â You simply cannot rely on either public chat, or visual recognition to actually get someone's attention.Â Whispers are your friend.

I try to go out of my way to meet people I haven't before, and to try to involve those who seem to be off on their own.Â That's just part of what I try to do as a role-player, and as a member of the community.Â But, not everyone is the same way. Some are shy, some are tired, some aren't feeling very social.Â They're not under any obligation, and if you approach them with a presumption that they owe you a connection, you're both being unfair and setting yourself up for disappointment.

The only real reliable ways to meet people and make friends is to both energetically put yourself out there, and to be persistent. This isn't fair.Â Life isn't fair. Its hard, and its hard to make friends in an on-line community just as it is in reality.Â Some people have an easier time with it, some have a harder time with it, and that unfortunately is the way it is.Â We can screw up our eyes, and ball up our fists, and cry to the high-heavens about the unfairness of it all, but it will not change.

If someone wants a break from the chat scroll at a public event, they can slip to the side and away from the main floor. Going to a private channel, then staying in the main area, is messed up. There is no justification for ignoring /s and /em when at a public event.

This community is insular enough (a reputation that many of you don't seem to realize is there), ignoring people at public events in favor of RPing privately is just gonna make it worse.

T'errin · **12-18-2016, 08:59 PM**

(12-18-2016, 07:39 PM)Virella Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: <Snip>
If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay. If you can't find it, it's your problem, no one else's. Maybe just, you know, step up instead of whine.

You know, I don't recall stating that anyone should be entitled to RP. Instead, I've been saying that you're a giant turd if you go to a public event to not publicly RP, then proceed to tell people that's their fault they can't find RP.

I understand that Ala Mhigans are probably incapable of reading in the game, but you can drop character in the real world, you know.

Domri Blackblade · **12-18-2016, 09:06 PM**

(12-18-2016, 08:59 PM)Terrin Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:39 PM)Virella Wrote:
(12-18-2016, 07:00 PM)T Wrote: <Snip>
If you can't find RP? That's a YOU problem. Not another person's problem. Stop being so entitled that people owe you roleplay. If you can't find it, it's your problem, no one else's. Maybe just, you know, step up instead of whine.

You know, I don't recall stating that anyone should be entitled to RP. Instead, I've been saying that you're a giant turd if you go to a public event to not publicly RP, then proceed to tell people that's their fault they can't find RP.

I understand that Ala Mhigans are probably incapable of reading in the game, but you can drop character in the real world, you know.

Get over yourself. Just post at someone and poke them in PMs and they'll RP with you. It's really not hard.

Nodem · **12-18-2016, 09:08 PM**

(12-18-2016, 08:39 PM)Max Wrote: This is purely anecdotal, but I've never ever had trouble finding roleplay -- the community is just massive on Balmung. A lot of people are shy so are hesitant to engage others, but are ecstatic whenever you give their character the time of day.

Join a FC, go to the Quicksand, go to (smaller) events. Actually have a character that goes up to people and engages conversation.

What especially annoys me is when a shy person roleplays an equally shy character and ends up feeling left out because they're overly reliant upon others approaching them instead of the other way around. Not saying you're like this OP, it's just behavior I've noted from people with similar complaints.

And of course it isn't just shy characters who have this problem. Some people play uninteresting characters. Or maybe their writing is horrendous. Or maybe their gimmick ruins your immersion. Or maybe something something something.

But that's the great thing about Balmung. IMHO our roleplay population is very diverse, and there's at least someone for everyone. So I simply find it hard to believe that it's THAT difficult for someone to find roleplay unless they're inhibiting themselves in some shape or form (knowingly or unknowingly).

I won't be as... uh, harsh as the Angry Ala Mhigan Grandma, but I share her assessment that sometimes we must look at ourselves to discover the problem.

I haven't been big on the public RP scene lately, but I will say this assessment is correct. I had my character sitting in Druther's, of all places, because of how she is. She was just there, playing a harp when some other RP'ers happened to walk in for something they were RP'ing. I emoted a few times, that my character was there, and was playing her harp in the corner. Because it was smaller, they acknowledged her while she was playing, and even thanked her when she went to leave. It was a small interaction, but an interaction non-the-less.

Syl even got cookies! Cookies she's never had before! A fun prompt if she tries to seek that person back out to thank them... lol.

I'm not saying you NEED TOO go to smaller events. Just stating the obvious that smaller event have less cliques, less chat scroll, and less people shying away from say and emote chat like those that turn their chat off. Yes, somebody did say that earlier, and as I stated... I know all the reasons behind people doing this.

Sig · **12-18-2016, 09:10 PM**

Please cease the aggressive, patronizing rhetoric towards the original poster.

As many have said in this thread, large public events are absolutely terrible when it comes to making new contacts and networking.Â Do not assume that other roleplayers harbor assumptions about your characters or are constantly judging you.Â Roleplay characters you find entertaining and amusing.

Most importantly, sending RPers tells is generally the best way to initiate roleplay.

Kilieit · **12-18-2016, 09:11 PM**

(12-18-2016, 08:53 PM)Terrin Wrote: Saying something multiple times doesn't magically make it okay. Simply saying "I didn't mean to ignore /s and /em" doesn't magically mean they didn't do it.

If they're looking for a change of scenery or special backdrop, there are hundreds of places to go. If someone goes to a public event, they should be prepared to publicly RP with others, or accept that what they are doing is pretty messed up for those who came to a public event to try to make connections, and not try to defend their actions.

You are correct, no one is obligated to RP with anyone. That doesn't make them immune to criticism though, and if they're not in the mood to RP with strangers, they shouldn't go to an event where there will be a lot of strangers then try to defend their actions when someone finally says "wtf?".

I think its extremely unfair that people tell new people that they should be expected to be ignored at large public events, then say it was their own fault because they don't know anyone. Why do they need to set something up OOCly, or stick to smaller events to try to get RP? I never said that groups shouldn't be allowed at public events, but question why they are there if they're just gonna privately RP anyway.

Like... you're saying, "you're right, nobody's obligated to RP with anyone", and then saying, "but they are under these circumstances!"

No; nobody's obligated to RP with anyone. Full stop.

Even if they're at an event. Even if they have their RP tag up. Even if you really really want to RP with someone and everyone else so far has said no.

Your criticism is nonsensical, and based in entitlement. I could repeat the extensive examples I gave in my previous post to you - it still applies. There are a dozen reasonable causes behind people being in public and not wanting to respond to walk-ups. Whether that "in public" is at an RP event, or otherwise.

I don't think it's "fair" to force people who aren't up to it to talk to random strangers, because otherwise that stranger might get upset. And once you start getting into "well maybe if they're sick/tired/etc then we can make an exception", you start to see how nonsensical your stance really is... because there's no way of proving who, online, is in those circumstances and who's pretending so they can get out of doing something they just don't feel like.

So you have to assume the best of people. Or you'll end up twisting yourself around and getting so angry about... something you can't control. Something you should never try to control in the first place. You can't force people to turn on /s /em, you can't force people to talk to you, you can't force people to give a 600w written report on why they didn't reply to you within 30 seconds... no matter how unfair you think it is that they "ignored" you.

Man, just find someone who does want to RP! Ask around in your linkshells if anyone's got anything you can join in with. Or if anyone wants to join your character doing a treasure hunt or visiting the bar or something. It's Balmung; there's usually at least 2 events going on during a given night (there were legitimately 5 events going on last night during the gala). Or just go "aight, I guess today's a dud", do your roulettes, maybe write a story or a journal entry about what your character's been doing today if you really still got that itch, and check the RP calendar for something more your pace on another day

Don't get mad about stuff you can't control. Start looking to the stuff you can.

Max · **12-18-2016, 09:11 PM**

(12-18-2016, 08:59 PM)Terrin Wrote: You know, I don't recall stating that anyone should be entitled to RP. Instead, I've been saying that you're a giant turd if you go to a public event to not publicly RP, then proceed to tell people that's their fault they can't find RP.

Honestly I don't think I've been to a public event where 100% (or even remotely close) of the participants were roleplaying in private. There are usually many others who are typing out in the open and are willing to interact. Just read the room and approach the person who's actively participating in public discourse. Not everyone present will be standing there with open arms, especially if they have their own plotlines going on.

Yeah, some people will stick to their cliques. It's inevitable. People are usually more comfortable roleplaying with people they know, not to mention it's completely fair for characters with an established relationship to stick near each other at a party.

Daeva · **12-18-2016, 09:12 PM**

Yeesh. So before this thread just becomes a thread of belittling and eventually gets closed down cause folks wanna go at each other or OP for expressing frustration..
I told this to another person who posted something like this on Tumblr. Not sure if you're the same person or not but I'm gonna try to say the same thing of along the lines of hey I totally get it
Â
Because we've all been in a rut before and if we don't have friends we've made from another game or RPING in a game full of folks you don't know, it becomes intimidating and lonely for folks. Some people don't remember those times or deal with it another way. (Personally I throw myself in FFXV and just chill with friends and family.)

Anyways! It takes a step at a time and some of these folks who happened to be helpful posted some good guidelines but I think you'll be fine if you start small. So! If you're around on the evenings or don't mind PMing on here, feel free to throw me one for RP. Dae is pretty social, talks to anyone and I've met a few people who went through extra mile to include me in plots and contacts. (Ruran, Mae and Alred are a few people to name.)Â

Trust me, Dae could use more buds! I'm moving at the moment and the holidays are coming up but I wanna help. Smile

Enla · **12-18-2016, 09:15 PM**

As someone who actually runs an event that can get quite chat scroll ridden at times, I can say that myself and the people who help run it actually don't care if people use private channels while attending. In fact with the Bazaar we have a rather interesting situation where we as staff -need- to read every single post because we've been crashed by thieves before and thus having a little less to deal with is a blessing in disguise.

Honestly though I don't think anyone owes something to the rest of the community to be RPing in the open when they attend events. So long as they're polite and abide by the rules set forth by the organizers does it -really- matter if they do it privately? Especially if for some people it actually helps ease their social anxiety and or potential headaches that the spam might cause? I can understand wanting to rock up and RP with someone only to find out they're deep in a private scene. Yet it also never hurts to simply and politely ask them if you can join. You might actually be surprised by the answer you receive! In our little LS that was made for the Gala we invited at least one person who asked to join so they could RP with us as a group and it all went fairly swimmingly. We got to avoid the chat spam entirely and made a new friend! It was a win-win in our books.

Demonizing other people, on the other hand, because you don't like their choices doesn't do much to make people see your point of view or want to open up to include you.

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