RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes

Oscare · **04-17-2015, 03:29 PM**

In words of John Green, my only contribution to this is...

"One tip for all couples: USE. YOUR. WORDS."

Faye · **04-17-2015, 04:14 PM**

(04-17-2015, 09:35 AM)Warren Castille Wrote: ERP is a lot like sex in real life: You really should only do it with people you trust.

Quoting this for max truth. Typically if someone asks me if I ERP, I'll tell them no (at least, if I think they are interested in ERP with me). I'm not meaning to lie or be a hypocrite, however, the list of people I would be willing to ERP with is very small. Unfortunately, as important as we've stressed consent and communication are here, a lot of people still try to headbutt their way into ERP no matter what the other person involved wants. All too often "I don't want to ERP right now" or "I don't want to ERP with you" is seen as a challenge to convince or seduce. Sadly, I've found anything but a firm "No, I don't ERP at all" doesn't deter an unfortunately large amount of people.

GloryRhodes · **04-17-2015, 04:32 PM**

Sex is a complicated thing that comes with a lot of social issues wrapped very tightly in leather and lace. Â Some people like it. Â Some people don't. Â Some people can do it without emotional attachment. Â Some people can't. Â Some people only do it with people they trust while others want to do it as often as possible with as many new people as possible.

The opinions that people have on sex, and the issues surrounding sex, are extremely relevant to their own sex lives and very rarely relevant to the sex lives of those around them. Â People will participate or not participate in sex based upon their own experiences and preferences, and their own drives.

There is safe sex and unsafe sex, and safe sex is defined by the person consenting to it. Â While for one couple safe sex means waiting until marriage, another might define it as with a trusting partner while another might describe it as simply avoiding disease.

ERP is sex. Â It is not a separate issue than sex. Â Some people feel comfortable divorcing themselves from the sex they are having through a roleplay character, which can be fun and enjoyable. Â Some people prefer to experience the pleasure with their character. Â Some people aren't turned on by the sex they're having, others are.

The only wrong way to have sex is nonconsentually. Â The only wrong way to ERP is nonconsentually.

Qhora Bajihri · **04-17-2015, 07:25 PM**

I've roleplayed all kinds, and I mean all kinds. Okay, maybe not all, but if you made a list of categories, I'm sure I could claim to have dipped my toes in all of them.

And I don't think ERP, such as it is, has ever caused me any problems. That's not to say it doesn't for others, obviously. I can see how it does and why it does. But anything IC hasn't really been the source of conflict on my end. (My IC has bothered others, but that comes part and parcel with roleplaying jerks generally.) When I do have RP problems, they've always come from somewhere OOC.

That being said, I feel for the people who don't want any part of it and don't want to see it. I'm not a big fan of seeing public displays of affection in real life, either. If I'm doing such a thing I make frequent and immediate use of private channels, or even pull it out of the game altogether, and I do feel guilty when I go a bit over the top with affection before stepping out of the public eye. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Val · **04-17-2015, 07:53 PM**

(04-17-2015, 09:35 AM)Warren Castille Wrote: ERP is a lot like sex in real life: You really should only do it with people you trust.

This is pretty much explicitly how I operate. I refuse to ERP just any random individual and, as Faye stated, the list of people that I would even consider is pretty small. Most people I just don't trust, and even fewer do I believe wouldn't stalk me or be all weird about it.

I prefer to operate safely. Suffice to say, if anyone would get close to sleeping with any of my characters, unless I've known the individual for a lengthy period of time and have come to trust them, the scene would be concluded before it got anywhere past kissing--and even then, it really just depends on how comfortable I am with the scene/person in general.

Tiergan · **04-17-2015, 07:53 PM**

I think we've actually chatted about ERP before on these forums (and it was a super nice, interesting chat too!)

I think most people have already nailed down on a lot of the most important things about ERP or any sensual/romantic RP, but I'll just reiterate the ones I feel are most important.

1) Make sure all parties involved are both comfortable and consenting. (I'm personally in the 'only with someone I know and trust' boat when it comes to my own personal comfort.)
2) Keep it PRIVATE, because if it's public you most likely haven't gotten consent from your audience who didn't ask to see your hanky panky times.
3) Don't do the fake-naughty with real life minors. (It's... kinda sad "do not do the fake diddle with kids." has to be said.)

and one of the biggest things for me is:

4) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES use the ERP or even just RP in general to fulfill a need you are missing in real life - whether that is sex, romance, or anything else. And DO NOT RP with someone who is clearly using you to fulfill their need. This path only leads to horror, ruin, IC/OOC blending, and some pretty extreme discomfort on the part of the person who didn't really ask to be someone else's tool for living out fantasies.

It honestly doesn't bother me if people are going to ERP to get their rocks off or ERP to develop characters or ERP to build a narrative. As long as folks are safe, consenting, happy, and aren't exposing me to any surprise unwanted public dong -- it's doesn't really affect me what folks do on the side.

However, if you're craving real life romance - go out and get real life, healthy romance. Don't try to use RP romance to fulfill that need. It inevitably places the other person in a really shitty situation and leads to the really awful scenarios that I think Hammersmith is hitting upon.

Hammersmith · **04-17-2015, 08:12 PM**

(04-17-2015, 07:53 PM)Tiergan Wrote: 3) Don't do the fake-naughty with real life minors. (It's... kinda sad "do not do the fake diddle with kids." has to be said.)

4) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES use the ERP or even just RP in general to fulfill a need you are missing in real life - whether that is sex, romance, or anything else. Â And DO NOT RP with someone who is clearly using you to fulfill their need.Â

These two points are incredibly important yall. Â I have seen some shit in my lifetime involving ERP and almost all of it flowed from these two points.

Out abusers. Â Out them and make sure they never come back.

Tiergan · **04-17-2015, 08:16 PM**

(04-17-2015, 04:14 PM)Faye Wrote: Unfortunately, as important as we've stressed consent and communication are here, a lot of people still try to headbutt their way into ERP no matter what the other person involved wants. All too often "I don't want to ERP right now" or "I don't want to ERP with you" is seen as a challenge to convince or seduce.

The second someone doesn't take "I don't want to ERP with you" as "I will go find someone else to do the RP naughties with instead of this person." is the second they go on the Do Not RP With This Raging Twat list because they clearly don't grasp the concept of NO or the comfort of the other person.

allgivenover · **04-17-2015, 08:33 PM**

How the hell does non-consensual ERP happen?

Block, report.

Done.

wtf m8

Faye · **04-17-2015, 08:40 PM**

(04-17-2015, 08:33 PM)allgivenover Wrote: How the hell does non-consensual ERP happen?

Block, report.

Done.

wtf m8

Yes, that's obviously how to handle it. Doesn't change the fact that people still try it, or that it's still wrong of people to try.

Edit: Not to mention, ERP can be non-consensual in the same way sex can without someone literally physically forcing you: minors who can't legally consent, guilting, threatening, coercing, bullying, etc.

Aysun · **04-17-2015, 08:40 PM**

I only take issue with folks that ERP "non-canon" on the side, or create their character with the intent of ERP being central to all their stories existing only to really act out their fetishes and such.
In both those cases, I simply don't RP with that person and ignore them (and in the past, call them out on it if they try to claim they're doing anything else but that). That's not the kind of RPer I want to be involved with for RP in general or ERP.

That's all I'll say on the subject!

Hammersmith · **04-17-2015, 08:43 PM**

(04-17-2015, 08:33 PM)allgivenover Wrote: How the hell does non-consensual ERP happen?

Block, report.

Done.

wtf m8

Real easy. Â RP with someone. Â Get them involved in your stuff. Â Get them wrapped up in your plotlines. Get them in your orbit and start making sure all their other stuff comes into your orbit. Make them orbit you.

Isolate them.Â

Them promise you'll shut down all their fun, ever, if they don't join you in the boning time. Â Promise to turn all your friends (And now theirs, because they're part of your group) against them if they don't do what you say.

Grooming, blackmail, extortion.

See what I said about emotionally manipulative assholes. Â It's a common tactic even against adults, and it's a known tactic used against minors by predators a LOT. You see this sort of shit with charismatic sociopaths as well.

You don't forget it after you see it happen to someone. It's why I said make a lot of friends. Don't focus, don't orbit one person. If you aren't being allowed to or are being manipulated into avoiding contacting/playing with others outside a clique by one person, it's a red flag.

allgivenover · **04-17-2015, 08:46 PM**

That's a fair point, but I think the kind of person that would end up in that situation has a higher probability of not following this rule to start with:

Quote:4) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES use the ERP or even just RP in general to fulfill a need you are missing in real life - whether that is sex, romance, or anything else. And DO NOT RP with someone who is clearly using you to fulfill their need.

Though that doesn't make it their fault, it's still the assholes doing the social engineering fault.

Hammersmith · **04-17-2015, 08:49 PM**

(04-17-2015, 08:46 PM)allgivenover Wrote:
Quote:Real easy. Â RP with someone. Â Get them involved in your stuff. Â Get them wrapped up in your plotlines. Get them in your orbit and start making sure all their other stuff comes into your orbit. Make them orbit you.

Isolate them.Â

Them promise you'll shut down all their fun, ever, if they don't join you in the boning time. Â Promise to turn all your friends (And now theirs, because they're part of your group) against them if they don't do what you say.

Grooming, blackmail, extortion.

See what I said about emotionally manipulative assholes. Â It's a common tactic even against adults, and it's a known tactic used against minors by predators a LOT. You see this sort of shit with charismatic sociopaths as well.

You don't forget it after you see it happen to someone. It's why I said make a lot of friends. Don't focus, don't orbit one person. If you aren't being allowed to or are being manipulated into avoiding contacting/playing with others outside a clique by one person, it's a red flag.

That's a fair point, but I think the kind of person that would end up in that situation has a higher probability of not following this rule to start with:

Quote:4) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES use the ERP or even just RP in general to fulfill a need you are missing in real life - whether that is sex, romance, or anything else. Â And DO NOT RP with someone who is clearly using you to fulfill their need.

Though that doesn't make it their fault, it's still the assholes doing the social engineering fault.

True, but it's easier to recognize once it's known to you.

Also it's not social engineering, or a pick up game. Â that really downplays the consequences of this sort of really terrible behavior. in the context we're addressing, it's strait up sexual predation. Â It's fucking horrifying.

(Notice I have Views on this. Â Because Reasons.)

CrimsonMars · **04-17-2015, 09:00 PM**

(04-17-2015, 02:34 PM)Zetchryn Wrote: I'll admit I ERP. I ERP often and frequently, with multiple partners, sometimes at the same time (L-lewd). It 90% of the time isn't about the sexual gratificaion to me. Can I get aroused from it? Yup. Do I pleasure myself while I write? I think all of.. Three times in my career, but that's also because I write this shit for a living. This is a job to me.

*puts shades on and smirks*

Really though, I'm guilty of this too, and I've been meaning to cut back on it too unless the situation calls for it. There's also thing of too much ERP.

...Unfortunately, my Chiyo is easy. >.>

« Next Oldest \| Next Newest »
Pages (5): « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next »

Despite the scandal

RPC has moved! These pages have been kept for historical purposes