Auri

I can't help but wonder, who exactly is looking for this man. And why me? Besides the fact I've been known to undertake such jobs in the past, I see no explanation as to why I should be entrusted with this one. This one feels like there is much more going on here than a simple Elezen gone missing. It's been several days now, and I only just now got my first solid information. I figure it time to report in. I'm back at the house, and things here are what I have come to see as normal. Plenty going on around me, but I can only think of the task at hand. For instance, I'm sitting here with several of my counterparts around me engaging in conversations that I am oblivious to. Yet all I can think about is the leads I have, and the leads I do not. So many things, so many pieces that are missing still, which prevent me from picking up the trail of my mark. Someone has gone through a great deal of trouble to make this man vanish. And someone has gone through more trouble still to put me on his trail. It makes me curious, how far will this unknown party go? How far are they willing to go to find this elezen? And even more obscure, what is so important that someone is so willing to go such lengths? I suppose this is what I have been wishing for, to find the answers to someone elses troubles so that I may forget mine. I have heard it said on occasion, 'be careful what you wish for.' Am I to learn the moral to that phrase at last? Somewhere deep in my gut, I get the feeling that I may indeed. However the, rest of me thinks this just another job. We shall see which part of me is correct. If my limited history that my broken memory can illuminate, I fear the depths of my own self shout the loudest on this one. Best I put this away for now. While I lack refined social graces, I know enough to know that writing in a journal in a room full of people, could be considered rude.

Another dead end. I had thought that if I visited the hunting grounds I had first stalked upon my arrival in Erozea some spark of recollection might occur. I could not have been more wrong. Instead I am more frustrated than ever. Sleep is becoming more like stolen moments than meaningful rest. My timing may have been for the best. After hearing the news of the fallen, I anticipate unrest. Although none seem to share my sentiment, I can not help but brace for what may come. I do hope with all my heart that I am only being cautious and nothing more. Still, as my own torment is ever present I feel my self growing anxious. Perhaps it is indeed the absence of sleep. Yet, as my mood fouls my patience thins and my vision dims. There must be a means to an end. There must be a way to make peace with the demons that torment me. The twelve know I will not rest until I do. And not of my own choosing. This limb that I find myself resting upon is bound to break, it is only a matter of when.

Rarely have I seen such celebration as I have today. Everything so new to me, yet so familiar. I can not call upon a time when I have laughed and smiled so much. For a better part, I did not notice how many were there. Being around so many at once is difficult, but with so much to see and hear I didn't care. It felt, nice. As much as I have enjoyed my own downtime, I fear I must do some work. My mind idle for far too long, is not lending aid to my sleep. It is increasingly difficult to find sleep when the mind is rarely still. I'm finding myself going until exhaustion or the influence of drink takes me. Both of which are out of my normal practice. Drink clouds judgement and slows reaction and dulls the senses. Exhaustion costs strength and speed as well as dulls the mind. This simply will not do. Here, where I am yes I can afford a little relaxation. But complacency is the downfall of many. I feel comfortable enough here that nothing ill will befall me in such a mindset. Though to become complacent would be a mistake on my part regardless. I can hear a saying, though I do not know where it comes. 'Leave a blade rest in its sheath long enough, and it will loose it's edge.' I do not know where I have heard that, but it does hold a bit of truth. Perhaps I am just not accustomed to remain in one place for more than one moon. My lack of social skill becoming more evident with each sunrise. Remaining idle much longer, and it will not be long before the inevitable questions come forth. How in the seven hells will I answer? To taste a lie is bitter and fouls my very being. To speak truth is painful and shameful. I shall pray to the twelve that day does not come anytime soon. Any other time, I would just pack up and move on as I have done countless times before. But this time is different. For the first time since I've taken to wandering Eorzea, I have found a place where I feel as I belong. I am happy here, and I do not want to wander anymore. I will find a way, or face my shame. The days of running away are over. For now, rest. I shall acquire assignment soon, of that I am certain. Then I will not have to think about such unpleasant things.

Well, it started off a good day. Seeing as how the moonfire is full swing, I decided to spend some of the gil I had gotten from the last hunt on some festive clothes. I don't know why really. I suppose I was just trying to be normal, like everyone else. I'm trying, I really am. I knew this would be hard, but I didn't know just how hard. Things were going well, and I felt alright. But then, something I did not foresee. I had seen the horrors the so called camp doctors have left in their wakes. I have witnessed unspeakable things at their hands, and myself nearly taken to be sold by one of them. Now I don't know what in the seven hells came over me, but when I seen the doctor up close, I began to panic. As hard as I tried to hold it inside, in the end, it proved more than I could bare. The unfounded notions intruding my good sense was bad enough, but to actually let it show and then speak it? The twelve must have had a sense of humor this night. After embarrassing myself to the point of wishing to crawl under the floor, it turns out the doctor is kind. The words spoken to me were understanding and comforting at the same time. I broke one of my own rules. Rule seven, never judge lest you be judged. I did just that. And in kind, I felt just like the fool I was. My behavior inexcusable, and a mistake that will not soon be repeated. However understanding my new found friends may be, I shamed myself. And now, I must do what I can to remedy this, in my own eye if no one elses. I am finding that the more I try to look past my own plight, the more it comes to light. The harder I try to forget that my past eludes me, the more reminders I find of that very fact. The more I wish to let go, the more I realize that to do so I must have answers. A most inconvenient paradox.

Inside a lavish, and beautifully decorated room, Auriana lays her head back and submerges herself in the bath. She would remain under the water for as long as she could hold her breath. Opening those so very pale colored eyes, she looks up out of the water at the ceiling. Distorted by the water, it occurs to her that like the ceiling, her life too, is distorted. Slowly, comes up. for several moments more, she relaxes in the warm water. She looks around the bath and at the beauty that surrounds her. The days events having left her in a fairly calm state of mind, she decides it best to turn in for the night now rather than latter. Reaching for a towel, she rises. Water dripping from her body making tiny splashing noises which breaks the silence of the room. She can not help but notice how soft the towel is as she dry herself, and holds it against her face. As she gathers her clothes, Auriana catches her reflection. Her platinum hair with its pink highlights soaking wet, dangling all around her face, laying on her shoulders. She can not recall the last time she had seen herself with her hair down. Carefully, she dries it as best she can with a towel, patting and squeezing as not to tangle it. She can not help but stare at her own reflection and wonder why. Why it is that she should receive compliment. She had never considered herself beautiful. She puts her cloths on with almost somber movements, sad perhaps that she must leave such a beautiful place. Though it has been opened to her for if and when she should need it, her respect for its owner and the silent fear deep inside will forbid her to form attachment right now. As she slips her top over her head, the little leather covered book falls to the floor. Eying it while she ties her hair back, she considers making an entry. With a soft smile, she bends down to pick it up. In doing so, she undoes it's ties and opens it as she sits on the corner of a bed. She takes a moment to think about what to say. Today was a good day, and I am ever greatfull This would be the only entry she would make this day. With a thoughtful smile, she ties the little books binding and hides it away inside the top. Slowly she heads for the door. She opens the door and is about to step out when she pauses, and takes one look back inside the room. One last smile, she exits and closes the door behind her.

The notion had never entered my mind. I spoke truth to that statement. Not once did I ever suspect any ulterior motive, not then and not now. I know better than that. While I may not have the full benefit of the wisdom of all my years, I do not think myself naive. What I do know is this, in this life, we all have a series of choices to make. Choices of where we go, where we live. The choices of what actions we take and when. In the great journey of life, we come across many paths. Many of those paths lead in different directions. It is our choice as to which path to take on any given day, and at any given moment. No my friend, I never once thought for a moment of ulterior motives. I did not then, and I do not now. That does not go to say, that if the path presents itself, I would not choose to follow it. To that end I can not speak. As I am right now, little frightens me. To the point of recklessness. I walk a thin line, a line so thin that to waiver in the slightest could mean my fall. Little frightens me, yes. But that is because I have little to loose. What can be taken from one whom has lost not only everything they had, but who they are? And that is the rub. What exactly did I loose? True, I may never know. I'll have to square myself with that one day to be true. And I will indeed, when the time is right and my soul no longer cries out. There is one thing that frightens me. Letting anyone inside only to be taken away. Or worse, to be used against me should something terrible cross my path. I will never forgive myself should another have to pay for my sins. Will I take the path? Perhaps. If my instincts tell me so, I will obey. Just as I always have. They have kept me alive, and kept me out of the weather thus far. I have little cause to doubt them now. Which brings forth yet another question. Unfinished business. An interesting concept I had not entertained before. Could it be? Could it be possible that from the depths of my own self I am being called to finish something? If what I see in the dreams are a rendition indeed of some deed I had begun, the real question is, do I really want to know? Having conditioned myself to ignore emotion to the point of not feeling, I can not answer what should be so obvious. It appears what has been a shield for me, is now an equal weakness. Halone give me the strength to stay the course. I'm afraid to feel. It clouds my judgement, and deceives my senses. Not to feel, is a small price to pay to keep going. None would understand the sacrifice in which I make in order to avoid being consumed by the giant hole that runs through my core. And such is my penance for whatever sins that I may have committed, to bring such relentless and unforgiving torment upon myself. Yet, I am happy here. Do I deserve to be as such? Another damned question. One day, one moment at a time.

What can I say about the past two days? I don't understand what what the man in Ul'dah could possibly see that would attract him so. There is nothing I can do to remedy what is broken in me. I am not what he is looking for, and I admire his ability to accept my saying as much. A friend is what suits me best. In light of such, back at the house I foolishly stated I would try drink. Having never done so, the effects I was ill prepared for. Though I felt no reason not to let myself indulge if only just this once, after all I was among friends. I am coming to trust them more with each passing day. And the Elezen, Ravusa, she has proven to be someone whom I can trust, and confide. I can recall no other whom has been as genuine in my past dealings. I only hope, that by looking after me in such a vulnerable state, I had not robbed anyone of rest. More over, I hope I did not alarm my host while I slept. The nightmares of the drunken slumber were vivid, and frightening. It was almost as if it were real. Had I stirred in the night, I would not know. Unlike most other nights without the influence of drink, the nightmares wake me with little effort. This night, however, I could not. I am embarrassed to think that such a friend as she, could have witnessed me so vulnerable. After slipping out, hopefully unnoticed upon the morning sun, I had to take some air to clear my head. But the pounding, and the pain are quite overwhelming. Perhaps a walk..

[A scene] All is quiet through the house and the morning sunrise still a few hours in coming. Auriana lay in the soft bed, a comfort she had not enjoyed in quite a long time. The effects of the alcohol had granted her the much needed sleep, and eased the transition enough to allow her to fall deeper than what she is accustomed to. Having never been drunk before, the consequences in this late hour are about to reveal themselves.. In her dream state, she can see the shadows moving about through the light of the fires as always. The faint screams echo through the smoke, the clashing of steel pierces the night air. She stirs lightly, rolling over to her side. As her breathing slows, and she falls yet deeper into her slumber, the alcohol in her body acts as an anchor tethering her to this place. The deeper she falls, the more vivid and real the visions become. It comes in flashes now. The flash of a soldier bearing down on her, only to have her wheel about and strike with the short blade on her side. Dark silence. Another flash, men shouting, women screaming and explosions rock the entire landscape. It is as though thunder itself has descended from the heavens, to deliver it's justice to all who would bear witness. Another wave of dark silence. When the flash occurs next, it as though she is walking in a living nightmare, unable to escape its clutches. She moves about as a ghost, though she can feel the intense heat, and coughs on the smoke. In the bed where she lay, she stirs all the more. Her breathing intensifies somewhat as she moans and coughs. In her dream, she now bears witness to her own self as though looking into a mirror. She is wearing leather armor, bow across her back, she watches herself race towards a burning home. Darkness. A few moments pass, allowing her to still her sleep, only to return the flash with an intense violence. Her heart begins to race, both in the real world and in her dream. Bodies fall as a monstrous machine pushes forward, cutting down all in it's path. She can feel the intense heat on her skin. Shielding her face both in this world, and the dream, she cries out..."NO!" Unable to wake herself from the grips of the alcohol, she is forced to watch the carnage through an obscure fog. Then, as violently as they appeared, the visions stop. Replaced by blackness, she feels the cold. Her eyes search the darkness for a way out, finding only trees which seem to appear as she runs. The whispers find her, calling to her.."Auriana.." Unable to see the source of her torment, and no escape her heart pounds even harder. She stops, and pleads in both worlds.."Please.." For the first time in a long time, she is afraid. She trembles in the bed as she can feel something unseen closing in on her. Something grabs her arms, and begins to pull her. She struggles, but it is useless. The trees are replaced with walls of stone, and the fear turns to anger, fueling her as she struggles for her life. In this world, she tosses and turns, moaning as if in pain and muttering incoherent words. Suddenly, the stone walls rush in on her, stopping short of crushing her...leaving her trapped inside a cell of stone. She looks upward, noticing the incredibly high walls with no ceiling. Through the opening, the moon shines high. As Auriana lowers her gaze, a figure stands before her. Before she could speak, the figure rises up through the hole, looking down on her and whispers.."Forgive me.." She struggles to wake, but can not. All she could do was defy the haunting figure which taunts her. "No! Why will you not leave me?" Unaware she is speaking out loud in this world, there is emotion in her voice. Emotion not being something she shows, in this dream world..she can not hide it. Another flash, she is now inside a burning building. Disoriented, she spots the doorway. Before she can reach it, something strikes her head hard. Finally, Auriana snaps her eyes open and gasps for air as she sits up in the bed. The pounding in her head is excruciating. Her eyes hurt, and her throat dry. It takes a moment to realize where she is. Uncertain if she had stirred, and awaken anyone, she lay back down and curls herself into a ball. Afraid, angry and embarrassed..Auriana closes her eyes and curses the pain quietly. Eventually she drifts off to sleep again, only undisturbed and quiet rest until she wakes in the morning hours..

With only a few hours of daylight left, she decides it best to find a place to make camp. She had been tracking since early morning, and from the impressions, the beast she was after was either extremely large for it's size, or it had a rider. Either way, she intended to find out. Someone, or some thing had come a little too close to her camp the night prior. Whom, or whatever it was, was either skilled enough or silent enough to elude discovery. Auriana had been on the train since day break. Moving quietly, does not mean quickly. The only way to close the gap was she now had to be the one to move in the shadows of night fall. Or lay bait. Being stalked, much less intruded upon in her sleep was not something that sat well with her. Had it not been for the coeurl sleeping not a few fulms from her, things could have gotten lively. Thankful to have her hunting companion in her camp during the night, she meant to make her point once she caught up to the intruder. Perfect. A small stream flowing through the landscape, with a nice little clearing near the rocks. Quickly, she made her camp. The small fire burning, and the smell of food cooking should be just enough. Using leaves and what small, thin brush she could gather, she stuffed her bed roll. Near the site, a tall oak stood lending it's branches as shelter. One last look around, she scales the tree until she can see far beyond the rocks. With only an hour of daylight left, she decided to use this time to calm her mind as she takes out the little book.. A simple hunt, to get some food that isn't questionable turns into a hunt of another sort. Who or whatever came to the camp last night will undoubtedly return. I could stalk through the night myself, but also risk being discovered. They will return. I do not like being stalked, and I enjoy what little sleep I can manage to get being disturbed by visitors in the dark. I hope this works.. She then puts the book away and leans her head back against the trunk, closing her eyes. She lets out a deep breath and relaxes herself, tuning her senses into the sounds of the forest. Finding the cool breeze and the rustling of the leaves indeed relaxing, she drifts off. Nearly two hours pass, and she hears the coeurls' low growl. Quickly, Auriana opens her eyes and scans the forest floor below. The fire almost out, she can make out shadows and shapes. It would have to be enough. Making a barely audible clicking sound with her tongue, she calls the coeurl off who retreats into the brush. "Now it begins.." she would think to herself. Readying her bow, her senses sharp she hears the snap of a twig. Expecting thieves or worse to bear down upon the heap under the bed roll, she quietly draws the bow back. But what exits the brush, gives her pause. A young Miqo'te sneaks out from under a bush, and crawls towards her pack. Auriana watches in amazement as the tiny hand opens the front flap and steals a piece of fruit before shrinking back into the shadows, disappearing from sight. Her eyes search for the figure, but does not find what they are searching for. Instead, she can hear a whisper then the sound of something eating what was moments ago, her fruit. It had obviously been taken to feed a mount, or perhaps the little one's companion. Not unlike the coeurl that she had come to think of as an unnamed friend. Auriana lets the bow down and begins to laugh as she leans her head back against the trunk. Hearing the laughter the young Miqo'te shouts through the trees, "I'm sorry! Thank you for the fruit!!" Auriana just chuckles and climbs back down, giving a full moments thought to the reckless young one.

I have been here only a few days now, and already I can see the possibilities. Had I not been urged to look ahead, and give my best effort to keep eyes forward, I know now that I would have missed what is becoming apparent. Yes. the wise one is right. I knew this in the beginning, though I admit looking away from the thing I have sought after for the past several years I find frightening. For the first time I can remember, I am afraid. Not of a person, or beast. Not of going into a dark cave of unknown things, but of letting go. My word is all I have of value in this world. I have given my word to try, and to give chance to something I have avoided since leaving the mountains. Not so much having given my word to another. Knowing what little I do know of her, I feel she would find such unacceptable. She would instead council me to give my word to my own self, as it is me to whom I owe pledge. Of this, I am certain. There is much I can learn here, much that I had not considered until now. The others, though I know them only by sight and the names I can count on one hand, they appear to be loyal to one another. None are without conflict, be it within ones self or with those they hold dear, admittedly or otherwise. I find it strange, though I have very little social experience to understand, it is clear to even me that together they will accomplish much. I am more accustomed to being the outsider in every setting, as indeed I am. Though here, I have not felt as such. As each day passes, I feel a little more at ease. In time, I can only hope to find my place. For now, I will do what I can. Do my duty and carry out what befalls my charge. Also, it does not hurt the eye to be in such a place of beauty as this. I am indeed privileged.

Auriana sits, crouching on a large rock that protrudes from the sharp cliff, overlooking the valley below. She had been on the road for near two days when she reached Gridania. There was something she had found peaceful about it, in spite of the goings on and the tales of hardships. Something perhaps in the landscape itself. Her intent was to keep heading north until she had reached the snow caps. It was there, high in the mountains that hopes of hard terrain, hard labor in her craft and the energy draining cold might be enough to let her sleep at days end. Having slept little in the last weeks, her body was telling her it was time. A short stop, more or less paying visit to the Elezen whom days before had challenged her outlook. Aurianas' respect for her, and gratitude for the kindness compelled her to pay visit, and say her farewells until she should return. It seasons past, it could be two full lunar cycles until she came down. Her visit paid, her intent laid forth, yet she remains here in Gridania. It had been a long night for her, spent off the trail where she made camp to do some deep thinking. She had made a decision... Just before the sunrise, she climbed high on the rock so that she may have full view of the spectacle that is about to happen. Taking in each breath, slowly and listening to the forests every sound the as horizon began to glow. As the sun began to crest the horizon, the fog still laying in the valley turned to a golden river, and the dew on the leaves sparkled as jewels. All seemingly to dance together to the song of the forest, that no one else could hear. After a few moments, she took the leather covered book out, lay it across her thigh and unbound its cover. Opening the pages, she begins to write.. I've thought long on this. Many opportunities to put the skills I have to use offered. A chance to be more than what I am. I can not deny the wisdom in the offerings made, nor the suggestions laid forth. Perhaps it IS time. Time to focus on something larger than myself. Time to give chance to letting go, and maybe make a home. Each of them, seemed willing to accept me for what I am. None looked on me as a vagrant, or as a thief, or worse like some many in the camps have. To have work, meaningful work is perhaps what I need indeed. I like them, I feel there is much I can learn from them. And all the while my freedom is still mine. Something that is very important to me. Yes, I will stand with them. It's time. It's time to look to what lay ahead, and as the wise one might say. Looking ahead, does not mean you are forsaking the past. If anything, I would gather to guess it would be honoring it. And so as such, I am honored to stand with them. And as it would seem from what I had learned in my short time, it is none too soon. The Coeurl scratches at the base of the rock as she looks down at him and smiles. She nods, puts away the book and gets to her feet, picking up her bow as she does so. "Alright boy, let's make haste. I have a promise to keep." The large cat lets out a roar as she leaps on his back, and lunges off through the trees..

Linkshell update!

Welcome! As others have said, don't be shy! If you see me out and about, by all means feel free. Auriana wont bite..much.

Hello there and welcome! If you just started the game, it may be faster to create a new character on the server you wish to play on..though you may have to do it at oddball hours of the night. Like between 4-6 in the morning. Otherwise, and someone please correct me if I'm wrong..you may wait days for the transfer to take effect. Good luck and good to have more Rp's coming!

Hello there! Well, first, it depends on if you want to start over with a whole new character or not. It may be much easier to transfer the character, though that could take some time due to restrictions and the like. But once you're here, as I have found, pretty much anywhere you go you'll see Rp happening. The quicksands in Ul'dah seem to be the most popular. Oh, and check out some of the stickies around here too..lot's of great info! I'd post links for you, but I haven't had my coffee yet and will probably link you to some random oddball site. I'll leave that to the ones who have a pulse this morning lol