O Captain! (Open)

[No Longer Exists]

Twas there upon the sea that our fearless hero met the beast, a great, big clipper fully two galleons wide and long. Its beady, black eye were like devil's pearls lodged at odds on the sides of its main shell. Such a creature could rival mighty Leviathan for dominion over the briney deeps and yet the Good Captain was not afeared.

 

 

On the deck of the mighty Sunbird, his glistening airship, Captain Seishuku pressed the bridge of a booted foot upon the prow and leaned forward into the pitch to meet the beastie's black-eyed gaze. His sable mask gleamed, covering half his face and strands of luxurious midnight hair brushed across the hell-spawned red eye in the churning winds that rippled across his black and red leathern coat. It rustled round the cuffs, billowing white like the sails of a sea ship.

 

 

The shell beast clacked its great pincers, eager for a fight and the good Captain glowered down upon it from on high. You see, he knew that stopping the creature here amidst the waves would spare the good folk of Costa Del Sol its bedeviled machinations. Plus, they spared no cost in hiring him to send it back to the depths from whence it stirred. That was a fair point, to be sure. Good coin for services rendered and Captain Seishuku'd never miss a chance at good coin. Nevermind the fact that he'd plundered the Master's stores the previous night. 

 

 

With a mighty leap, the Captain came crashing down upon the creature with his sword drawn and it struck true! Its shell cracked beneath the impact, the blade piercing a carapace that deflected cannonfire. The beast thrashed, but he held his blade tightly even as his body was swung this way and that. Its many limbs cut the air in the throes of pain, but the Captain did not relent! Gripping his sword in both hands, he planted his boots upon the shell and waited for the right moment.

 

 

Patience and courage won the day as the creature recovered, growing still enough for the Captain to gain his footing. He jerked his blade free, calling down the rod of stars upon the wound. Its tip stabbed into the crevice, the chink in the great clacker's heavy armor and rooted there. Bellowing arcane incantations into the turbulent winds, the good Captain summoned a massive bolt of lightning from the brewing storm clouds that struck the rod and fried that big ole beast but good from the inside out. As it stumbled and sank, he pulled the rod from it and whistled for Sunbird to descend.

 

 

Before the denizen of the deep disappeared beneath the waves, its shell wisping thick streams of smoke, Captain Seishuku jumped onto the deck of his very fine airship and guided it back up into the clouds without a look back, satisfied with the outcome.

 

 

"S'Kruger-spoof!" cried a Lominsan man from a nearby table in the Quicksand, sloshing his pint of ale as he waved it derisively. "E'erybody knows that blasted shell-monster crawled up on shore and very nearly crushed Coster Del Sol if it hadn't a been fer all them adventurers on the sands t'drive it back! Had nothin' t'do with that shite-faced blackguard! Don' sell me no dog, wot!" Many patrons laughed at the seafarer's odd words, but more likely the meaning behind them as their heads swiveled from the drunk old goat to the very resplendently dressed man in black and red leathern coat with a half mask of gleaming silver whereupon sat one bright, red eye. He was brandishing a fork in one hand and a cup of mulled wine in the other whilst standing atop a table to properly regale the tavern's compliment with the tale. 

 

At the lout's words, Seishuku's human blue eye narrowed and he peered ignobly down at the man. "Good Sir, I'll have you know that I was privy to such a feat of epic heroism myself and I share this legendary deed with you out of the goodness of my own heart for I am that which sent the shell-beast low. Whether or not it rose back up later is as inconsequential as whether it was further defeated by adventurers on the shores of La Noscea. Surely, you must agree that IF I had struck the devastating blow as I say then it was already wounded when it returned and was therefore far easier to defeat because of my efforts? What say you?"

 

 

The Limsan balked, either unable to follow all the words or aghast at the audacity of the claim. Whatever it was, the man stroked his beard for a moment in great, drunken thought only to finally heave a sigh and a nod. "Y'have me there, Cap'n....." Seishuku laughed, flinging the fork down into the table with aplomb, where it lodged upright with a dull twang next to his silver-tipped boot. He glanced down, noting the lucky position of the fork and blithely passed it off as intentional with a grand laugh and applause around his wine cup. "Dear maidens of honeyed meads and amber ales, a round to the Admiral's man there for his honesty and sound mind!" The Limsan man chuckled gruffly and raised his cup to Seishuku. "If I were the Admiral's man, I'd have y'clapped in irons." The captain tucked one leg behind the other and bent low in a flourishing bow. "I feel I am very safe here in Ul'dah, goodman. Extradition pains aside, we all know the brass ones only twist their knickers for a good price." Seishuku paused to partake of a deep drink from his cup as he stood upright, his free hand raised at shoulder height in an aristocratic, artistic pose. When the wine was politely swallowed, he smiled with all the charm he could muster. "Besides, if I'm to be trapped by the constabulary, I intend to be chained in New Gridania. Their cells are by far the most comfortable in all of Eorzea...."

 

 

The Lominsan offered a smirk that was far too toothy for the Captain's liking. "Fifty thousand gil ain' worth a knicker twist, y'say?" This revelation made Seishuku's visible eyebrow lift high on his forehead. "Is it that much?" He asked with more humble concern, seeming genuinely worried. "Goodness. I fear I've flown my flag higher than intended....Not that one can really control the outcomes of life's little tribulations, but I had hopes of at least remaining a meager ten thousand for another fortnight or two." The Captain spun around on his already crossed legs and flounced down upon the tabletop in a criss-crossed position. "Oh dear." He grew silent, as if the wind was pulled from his sails and the longer he wasn't acting like a dancing Opo-opo upon the table; the more those in the Quicksand began to forget all about him. Everyone liked a spectacle, after all.

[No Longer Exists]

It only took a matter of minutes and the order of another cup of wine before the Captain hopped off the table. "Did I ever tell you how I vanquished an assailant with eight arms? He was a proficient foe, to be sure, and it was one of the few times I felt that my time had truly come...."

 

 

Patrons naturally looked up, some curious to hear a new tale while others did so only because he was speaking loud enough to be heard. Regardless, Seishuku had an audience once again and so, he began his tale.

 

[align=center]Captain Seishuku VS The 8-armed Assailant[/align]

 

Twas deep in the ruins of Amdapor Keep where the Good Captain delved, seeking riches buried long ago beneath piles of rubble and debris. His red eye gleamed in the darkness, brightened only by the flickering halo of light from a torch he'd propped up in a cluster of broken stone. All was silent as he spelunked, save for the clatter of rocks pushed aside and the occasional breath of exertion; for rocks are heavy as we all know.

 

 

When suddenly, the stillness was disturbed by an echoing voice that brought Seishuku's attention away from his plunderings. The words were difficult to hear from such distance though, so the intrepid Captain abandoned his efforts and began to stealthily approach. He skulked out onto the precipice of a broken bridgeway and knelt down in the shadows to look below where a great looming shadow enveloped the lower floor. Some ancient monstrosity freed from its aeons of imprisonment, no doubt. 

 

 

"Soooooooon. Sooooooooon, I shall have the legendary blade all to myself and with it, I'll take over this accursed world. Heeheeheehee!" It babbled to itself, causing the hidden Captain to frown. Plots of domination were not his cup of tea, of course, and though he had no great love for the city-states; even the great Sky-Pirate could not turn away from a peril that would befall all of Eorzea. More importantly than that, however, was the sense that this devil below him may have some relic of the keep's former glory in its possession. Lets not forget who our beloved Captain was, after all.

 

 

Summoning his wellspring of courage, the Captain tethered himself to the bridgeway's rail and swung down from on high with great aplomb to the cracked stone floor below and with boots on the ground, raised himself up proudly. "STAND AND DELIVER!" He shouted into the gloom, drawing his favored blade and aiming the tip at the source of the massive shadow ahead.

 

 

"Deliver what???" Shrieked the unseen beast, sounding quite surprised! The Captain was momentarily shaken by this, fearing he had made some sort of faux pas in his grand statement. "erm...Deliver your treasures unto me, foul spawn!" He said, which resulted in high-pitched laughter from the dark. "Teeheehee, you're robbing me? How unfortunate for you..."

 

 

A slimy tendril whipped out from the gloom with a wet SMACK as it slapped Seishuku's sword aside, but the Captain was no coddled boy to combat and as the gross appendage flicked back to bat him away; he flipped backwards with ethereal grace while the shadowy arm passed harmlessly beneath him. Landing squarely, the good Captain raised his sword once again. "Stand.....and Deliver, monster."

 

 

From the shadows, the creature snarled. "Monster?! MONSTER?! I'll show you a MONSTER!" Furiously, tendrils shot from the black all around him. It's grotesque arms came at him from all sides, but Seishuku parried and deflected as many as he could with lightning alacrity. Ichor splattered upon darkened stone and splashed across the Captain's splendid coat. This infuriated Seishuku, for he is VERY fond of his splendid coat and with a roar, the Captain charged the looming shadow through its tangle of tentacles.

 

 

There was a disgusting squirting sound and he was swallowed in pitch blackness. No faint flickering firelight illuminated the shadow, no hazy outlines of writhing limbs could be seen. Worse still was the sensation that his eyes were all goopy and it made Captain Seishuku want to wretch violently. Despite the loss of sight, including his gleaming red eye, he could hear the cruel creature laughing. "Heeheeheeheeee, now you can't see." It said cheekily. The Captain spat on the floor? Possibly one of the tentacles, it was very hard to tell, and held his blade defensively before him. "I know naught what's worse, this blinding fluid or your terrible rhyming..."

 

 

"Oooooo, I'll show -you-!" It roared and before Seishuku could retort with another groan about rhyming, he was assaulted by so many tendrils that it seemed as if the blows were coming from every which direction. Wet, disgusting slaps and thwacks knocked him about. One slapped his sword away, the sound of it skidding across stone seemed to come from the left right before another gross appendage cracked across his cheek. Blows pounded across his belly and back, two whip-snaps lashed across the backs of his knees and forced our Hero to fall.

 

 

The end seemed near, the Good Captain on his knees against a foe he could no longer see. There was silence in the emptiness for what seemed like an eternity, broken suddenly by the sounds of metal scraping upon stone. "And now..." The creature said, its putrid breath washing over Seishuku's face. "...the coup de grace!" 

 

 

The Captain threw caution to the wind, balling his right fist as tightly as he could and thrust forward with all his might. His knuckles crashed like a tidal wave into something spongy and soft, milky goo spurting around his fist. "GRAAAAAAAAAGH! MY EYE!" The creature bellowed and metal clattered all around him like rain on a steel shields. Seishuku frantically fumbled about in the blackness until his gore-slick hand wrapped firmly around the grip of a sword and he swung it upward as hard as he could but it struck nothing.

 

 

Scrambling sounds were heard, tendrils slapping against stone and scuttling retreat as the monster groaned and whined in pain. "Bastard. Bloody hyur bastard. My eye!" It cried, cursing the Sky-Pirate as it escaped further into the gloom and left the blind Captain alone in the dark. 

 

 

A voice boomed above him, but he couldn't make out the words. Echoes of other voices faintly touched his ears as he rose to his feet and felt about for something to guide him. After what felt like hours of sightless searching, faint vision began to return to him and when the blinding effects finally wore off, he looked down at the blade in his hand. It was a beautiful sword, unlike any he'd ever seen before! Seishuku felt great pride in this find, grinning from ear to ear as he collected his trusty sword and stashed it upon his belt once more.

 

 

An hour passed as the Captain worked his way back up and out of the ruins of the keep into the low-light of Snakemolt once more. He emerged, blinking from the broken crevice with the glorious sword of legend resting on his shoulder and praised his good fortune. When surprisingly, he stumbled upon a jutting stone and in his panicked haste to catch himself from falling flung the incredible weapon forward. Skinning his knees on broken stones, his palms pressed hard into the grassy earth, Seishuku looked up in shock as his new prize twirled end over end through the air and down the rise to land tip-first in the dirt....mere steps from a well-dressed highlander with dashingly coiffed hair and a monocle. 

 

 

Captain Seishuku watched as the highlander peered at the blade, then reached out and plucked it from the ground. The Sky-Pirate groaned at such misfortune, watching the other man talk animatedly to himself then turn away to carry the sword off down the dirt path.

 

 

He gave chase, stumbling and fumbling through the underbrush, but stopped short when he saw the other man approach a large group of adventurers who cheered (or facepalmed for some reason) the dashing man's approach. Turning away, Captain Seishuku sighed heavily and decided to cut his losses. After such a terrible thrashing at the hands of the 8 armed beast, he had no desire to take on a small battalion. 

 

 

And so, the Captain called for his ship. As it rose high above Snakemolt into the clouds, Seishuku wondered if he might ever get his hands on that very fine sword again. As if the Twelve were answering him, he heard a mighty strange sound and turned to see the finely dressed highlander flying through the air past his ship with the sword in hand. He gawked for a moment, watching the man disappear over the horizon then simply muttered "...Balls."