Not really feeling it

[Arlon]

I was dedicated 100% to FFXI. I still worked and I played for 5-7 hours after work each day with my now ex-wife. We were part of a linkshell, and even had a linkshell meet up in Ohio, twice! (17 of us the first time, 12 the next) I loved every minute of it.

 

Since I stopped playing XI, I have been looking for the next game that I can immerse myself fully into and I have yet to find it. I have played many other MMO's and participated in several beta tests and I can't seem to lose myself in the games that I try. The closest I got was TERA online. It was an amazing game and we played it for months before release(KTERA, CPE, beta tests) but personal reasons shattered the immersion that I was starting to feel for it.

 

I am now dating a non-gamer girl. Maybe its because I can't really talk to her with reciprocated interest about the games that I'm playing, or the fact that she isn't into it and doesn't join me in my interests, at least in gaming, which is a huge part of my life. I get maybe 2-3 hours, with interruptions, of gaming per work day and maybe 4-5 on my days off before she's tugging at my arm. "Come spend time with me!". I can understand that this is selfish of me and I feel bad about it, but what can I do? She's unemployed right now, and has been looking for a job while living with me for 10 months and I understand that while I'm at work, she's alone here while seeking employment and she wants to be with me when I get home but I just want to sit at my computer and unwind.

 

As far as the beta tests are going... aside from the time limitations and interruptions I dont feel like it's a game that I could stick with. It's not grabbing my attention and, in my opinion, a little disappointing. Maybe my loyalty to FFXI came about because it was my first real MMO (Everquest Online Adventures doesn't count).

[FreelanceWizard]

Well, FFXI is a very different animal than XIV. XI is a lot like EverQuest, which is itself a very different beast than newer MMOs. The Korean MMOs (Lineage, TERA, Rift, etc.) are their own kind of thing. Part of the issue might just be that you don't like the mechanics of a late-model US-style theme park MMO, which is more or less what FFXIV is. Unfortunately, right now, there is no MMO of the style of EQ1 and FFXI other than them.

 

Also, I'd agree with you that having someone who doesn't share your interests when your interests are time-consuming can be tough. I've got a friend whose fiancée isn't into MMOs or tabletop RPGs, but since they both share a love of movies and video games, they work pretty well; when he's spending his Saturday playing tabletop, she's catching up on her video games. Part of what kept you in FFXI was probably being able to share it with your ex.

[Kassandra Dawn]

Sorry to hear that Honest!

[Jonexe]

Have you thought about that idea that you may have just grown out of it? Interests and hobbies never last forever. Eventually, people will always shift to new things. It's a very common occurrence. Maybe you're moving into a stage where you prefer a game that you can pick up for a few hours, and then put it down for a few days, and it doesn't matter to anyone but you. It's completely natural. It's especially true when you find your hobby changing. 

 

For me, I barely purchase any new games anymore. Why? 90% of them are first person shooters, generic action games, or sports games. I don't enjoy those style of games very much at all. 10 years ago, I was buying a new game damn near every paycheck and enjoying it. These days I can find maybe four or five a year I care about, and even less that I actually buy. Perhaps the same is true for you with MMOs. Newer MMOs don't have whatever magic drew you to, and kept you in, FFXI.

 

But to help with the situation itself; try talking to your girlfriend about it. Regardless of what you want to play... perhaps a day or two a week you spend time doing the things you like to do separately would give you your 'fix'. Then the other days you two spend together, and you don't play much, if at all. 

 

While I completely understand your desire to just decompress after work (I'm the same way)... you need to decide which is more important to you-- games or your relationship. You're the only one who has the right answer to the question, and neither answer is truly wrong. If you want both, you absolutely have to take the time to sit down and explain things with your girlfriend. You never know, she might simply not understand what you need to keep your mind healthy. You may even discover ways you can decompress and INCLUDE her in on it as well. You may find games you two can play together, or find other ways to relax.

 

I can tell you (from unfortunate experience) that she's not going to want to have to constantly ask you to spend time with her. Eventually she's just going to give up. If that's not something you want, you have to take the initiative. You may hear things you don't want to hear by talking with her about it, and it may lead you to a break up... but that probably means she wasn't really right for you and you weren't right for her. Without communication though, the inevitable outcome is not going to be nice, pretty, or mutual.

[Asyria]

To be fair, the lady getting a job would likely help alleviate her being bored with less of a need for boyfriend attention.

However, I'm gonna agree with Jonexe. MMO-overdose is pretty common.

I will add that you should never play if you're not having fun (unless the alternative is just staring at the wall), so if you're not having fun with FF XIV, it's better to put it aside now during beta than after you paid for it and it's live.

[Moonfire]

To be fair, the lady getting a job would likely help alleviate her being bored with less of a need for boyfriend attention.

However, I'm gonna agree with Jonexe. MMO-overdose is pretty common.

I will add that you should never play if you're not having fun (unless the alternative is just staring at the wall), so if you're not having fun with FF XIV, it's better to put it aside now during beta than after you paid for it and it's live.

I would suggest that you two find a hobby that you can both do together BUT also set aside time for separate interests as well. 

 

MMOs and games are a different animal then they were before. I, myself, have been experiencing a bit of a let down from them. Maybe it is time to move on but only you can answer that.

 

 Either way it needs to be for YOU and what YOU want. Compromise only goes so far.

[Y'sehr]

Arlon,

 

I have been dating a non-gamer girl for years now, and I have to say that the key to survival is, like in most relationship issues, communication.

 

I talk to my girlfriend, and she has come to realize that gaming is something I love, and that gives me an important outlet. She respects my time and, when not gaming, I'm with her. It does help quite a bit that she is in science and works an ungodly amount, but that's not really the heart of why things work out. I know sometimes she has to work on the weekends. She knows sometimes I really need to be with goodly folks like you lot. Let her know that this is important.

 

As to the game being disappointing... don't play it 

 

I don't mean that in any negative way at all. If the game isn't appealing after playing it, find something else. I would council that you look at the interactions you have been having and see if the game itself is disappointing or if the interactions with other people aren't matching what you are used to, and that is causing disappointment.

 

Really though, there are lots of great and different games out there. If this one isn't for you, find one that is!

[Seohyun]

Arlon,

 

I have been dating a non-gamer girl for years now, and I have to say that the key to survival is, like in most relationship issues, communication.

 

I talk to my girlfriend, and she has come to realize that gaming is something I love, and that gives me an important outlet. She respects my time and, when not gaming, I'm with her. It does help quite a bit that she is in science and works an ungodly amount, but that's not really the heart of why things work out. I know sometimes she has to work on the weekends. She knows sometimes I really need to be with goodly folks like you lot. Let her know that this is important.

 

As to the game being disappointing... don't play it 

 

I don't mean that in any negative way at all. If the game isn't appealing after playing it, find something else. I would council that you look at the interactions you have been having and see if the game itself is disappointing or if the interactions with other people aren't matching what you are used to, and that is causing disappointment.

 

Really though, there are lots of great and different games out there. If this one isn't for you, find one that is!

 

^ This. 

 

Also, coming from another woman. I think it's very important that when you -are- spending time with her, that it's about her and the time you're spending with her is about things you guys have in common and have mutual feelings about. We sometimes feel the need to compete for our boyfriends time and that can be toxic. If she isn't wanting try FFXIV at all despite your efforts, then be sure not to bring it up when you two are having quality time. I can't speak for her, since I don't know her and I'm only speaking from experience and other girl talk. It's possible that when you talk about the game when it's time for her that she can grow to resent the game, and try to compete with it for your attention which could make things even more stressful. Good luck with everything though, I'm sure it could get better once she understands how important your gaming time is to you.

[ArmachiA]

I'm not gonna give you relationship advice, but I will quote Yoshi-P about your love of FFXI

 

"Another common phenomenon among MMO players is something I like to call "first love syndrome." A new game comes out and you play from beta through to the free trial, and although there are a lot of things you like, you always go back to your first MMO. You feel the updates were always so much better in your first MMO, focusing on the things you can no longer do in the other games you try. This is just how people are after playing a particular game for a long time, getting stuck in their old ways.

 

I'm sure anyone who's had to change schools because of their parents or change jobs because of company troubles can relate. Suddenly finding yourself in a new environment can be stressful, and there's always that desire to go back to the way things used to be. Even small details reminiscent of "the good old days" can be reassuring."

 

Seems to be what your going through