Miss. of Mil. Ep 1-4: U'tara strikes!

[JTeacher]

Deep in the heart of the caves near Black Bush, The world's shortest Lalafell begins his plans for world domination. Thunder and rain crash against the rocks outside as he cackles, banging his fist on a long wooden table.

"Mahahahahahaha! Greetings and welcome to the Hydaelyn Evildoers League! My name is Milton Tibbleton: The Destroyer, and I am now your supreme overlord! Since this is our first meeting I thought we would start brainstorming ideas about how to expand our dark influence. Paku! You will take notes."

 

Milton looks across the table to see a baby behemoth chewing on some pieces of papers.

 

"Paku! What are you doing?!? You just ate! Where is the pen!?! You know what, never mind. I don't want to know."

 

"S.S Swivels what do you have to add!"

The Lalafell looks across from the behemoth to see a miniature airship replica hovering in the air above a seat. Only the soft sound of swirling blades emanates from it.

 

"I did not ask your opinions on the current state of my mental health! I want to know what were going to do to expan...."

 

The blades continue to emanate the soft swirling.

 

"That's not very nice!"

 

Soft swirling.

 

"Why must you be so rebellious Swivels!?!"

 

Milton puts a hand to his forehead to try to fight back the incoming headache.

 

"Maybe we should get some more recruitment done, then plan from there."

 

 

Misadventures of Milton Episode 2: Parenting is Hard!

 

Deep in the caves near Black Bush, the world's shortest Lalafell stands over a group of tiny, heavily bundled, creatures. The newly created beings, about a forth the size of Milton himself, looked to be nothing but hooded robes with white orbs glowing out where their eyes should be. Milton giggled and rubbed his hands together, his gazed fixed on his creations.

"And they said I couldn't make friends! Mwhahahahaha! Greetings Mini-las. I am your overlord Milton Tibbleton, and your probably wondering why I summoned you here today, from the abyss. Well, today is the greatest day of you lives. Not just because it is the only day you've been alive so far, but also because you are going to help me in...."

 

Milton frowned a bit as one of the creatures got up and promptly started walking into a cave wall, falling down only to get back up and trot into it again.

 

"Number 4.....That is a wall....It generally impedes movement, at least until you've grown a bit stronger. Maybe you should sit back down it the oth..."

The Black Mage rubbed a thumb and forefinger along his temples as he looked back to where the rest of the group was, only to see another set of the creatures ramming themselves into things as well. This time into each other.

"Are you two trying to fornicate! Nice try but I made you all males. I will not have you quickly reproducing in an effort to mass produce and turn on me!"

A long, tired sigh escaped Milton's breath as the two figures stopped banging into each other and instead just held hands, turning to blink their white orbs at him.

 

"I...well.....I guess that's fine. But no holding hands in public! There is no looking cute in H.E.L.!

The Lalafel's nose started twitching as smoke started to fill the room. After a moment he realized the last creation was missing.

"Maybe I should just try and make some friends the hard way. Wait a minute! Where is Number Three!?! Why is my lab on fire?!?....That's promising, at least...I guess."

"S.S Swivels! Don't just hover there in a corner! Help me get some water buckets! Paku! You are in charge!"

With this Milton charged off. To save his lab. Defiantly not to save his newly created Mini-la, because that would not be evil.

 

Misadventures of Milton Ep3: Unaccompanied Miner

 

Deep in the caves near Black Bush, the world's shortest blackmage paces back and forth. A high pitched pinging sound was constantly filling his liar, distracting him from his work towards global domination. Finally, an exasperated Milton trudges up the tunnels to find the source. Turning a corner, the caster abruptly stopped, as his face hit the knee of a large, sturdy Roegadyn.

 

"You!?! Who the Gods are you?!? What are you doing in my lair?!?"

 

".......I'm a miner."

 

"I don't care how old you are! I will yell at you if I want to!

Milton turned his gaze upward to see the now furrowed brow and clearly unamused face of the Roegadyn, and also the pick axe he carried.

 

Oh right...well. No matter. I am afraid that you are trespassing in my lair. I will have to take that tool away and remove you.

"I reckon these caves been here a long time. I didn't think they belonged to anyone."

The miner's voice was deep and calm, but to Milton, it also sounded non-compliant.

 

"It doesn't matter how long they have been here! I pay rent to the railway! So are you going to give me that pick or am I going to have to take it from you?"

 

"Sorry little one, but I don't reckon you can."

Tibbleton trembled with rage. Dark energies started to swirl around him and a mad tirade began. It slowly built up into a fevered pitch.

 

"Little one! Little one!?! How dare you! I am a Blackmage you simple headed miner!"

 

"I summon fire from the very air! I make lightning crackle from my very fingertips! The water in your body could freeze from my very touch!"

 

"Every morning I wake up and I stare at the Abyss until the Abyss flinches and looks away! I am a god among spell casters!"

 

"And if I tell you I am going to take your silly hand tool from you, then I ask you miner! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!?!"

 

Milton suddenly fell dead silent as the Roegadyn moved his right arm, to lift the tool he held high up into the air and out of the Lalafell's reach.

 

".......Just that, I reckon."

 

".....Touche."

 

Misadventures of Milton Ep 4: U'tara Strikes!

 

Deep in the wastelands near Ul'dar, the world's tiniest evildoer makes his way past Cactaur Canyon on route to the city market. As he carefully guides himself along the rim of the a deep chasm, he comes across a small Miqo'te. His jaw drops when his gaze moves upwards to see she is carrying a giant tortoise over her head with both hands. The creature was wiggling its legs while upside down and had a very perturbed expression on its face.

 

"I...I don't even. How are you doing that?!? What in the God's are you!?!"

 

"U'tara!"

 

"What is that?! A name?!? I mean how are you able to carry so much weight?!? Are you a warrior?!? I mean still! What are people feeding you!?"

 

"Waaaaaa?"

 

The Miqo just stood there, tiling her head and staring at the tiny caster. As the conversation got more complex, her eyes would start darting around to look at something else. All the while the irate tortoise continued its futile struggling in her uplifted hands.

"Your not very bright are you?"

 

"U'tara like dark colors, better for hunting."

 

"....nevermind."

 

"Wait a minute. This is every evil mastermind dream! A barely mentaly functioning minion with massive strength to be released wherever I point, like some sort of super weapon!"

 

"Waaaaaa?"

 

"Let's try this again."

"U'tara!.....Why you carry walking rock?"

 

The Miqo's expression shined with excitement at the now functioning communication.

 

"U'tara hunt evil cactaur down in hole. They smart. They hurt U'tara when she punch them. So U'tara throw walky rock at them!"

 

"Well that's actually a pretty goo....Nooo! U'tara put down walking rock! Milton help you! Milton strong. Milton friend."

 

"Milton friend?"

 

"Yes. I am good friend!"

 

"You help U'tara!?!"

 

"Yes, and afterwards we can talk about employment opportunities at....hey!...Wait a minute! What...What are you doing!?! Put me down!" This is not what I meant!"

U'tara suddenly tossed the tortoise over her shoulder and out of site. Then she quickly reached down and snatched up the Black Mage to replace it. Milton wiggled his arms helplessly as she reared him back and threw him into the canyon, towards an increasingly large looking green blob of Cactaurs.

 

"Milton go help! Yay!"

 

"Noooooooooooo!"

[Rinh Hallani]

Hahaha I love this! More, more!

[JTeacher]

Hahaha I love this! More, more!

 

Thank you. Updating the post to link the other ones here as I go.

[JTeacher]

I'm putting them all in one post now as someone helpful advised, to prevent forum clutter and too many on a front page. Please let the other ones fall into obscurity.

 

Also if someone with permissions could delete the other two that would be helpful.