Many Melancholy Returns [closed, ooc-welcome]

[Twinflame]

((Continuing from events in this thread and this thread))

 

If one were to approach Ul'dah from the East, one would be excused to think the city walls were made entirely from a myriad of tents and starved refugees. They obscured the lower section of the wall, spreading across it's lenght as if it was the best shelter they had ever seen.

Inside the city, just next to the gate and were the chocobo keepers had their business, K'airos had left a particular cart loaded with enchanted crates and two chocobos tied to it. K'airos was somewhat surprised the beasts weren't stolen and eaten by the time she and K'ile arrived, carrying K'luha. The surprise didn't last, though, because she remembered the gate was actually pretty well guarded. What surprised her then was that the Brass Blades hadn't stolen the cart and eaten the chocobos.

 

"Here it is! Intact just as I left it." she said, voicing her surprise.

 

Not yet weary from carrying K'luha, actually kind of glad that he could assure himself that he was really, honestly, seriously doing every single thing he could do to keep her hip as still and pain-free as possible, K'ile was a bit surprised at K'airos' surprise.

 

He did not, however, voice it. "Good. and they're not going to try and take it away again on the way out?"

 

Kluha tried not to whimper or cry with all of the motion. Try as they might to keep her still while moving, she still moved. And it hurt.

 

"Not with me here! I'm all the validation you need to get this out of Ul'dah. How are you holding up, K'luha?" K'airos asked the wounded woman while they got closer to the cart.

 

Luha grumped but didn't actually make any intelligible noise.

 

"I'm sure we'll all be doing a lot better,” K'ile said, “Once Luha's in the cart and on the way home. I had two things I wanted to bring home with me: Luha and a feast. And I've got both of them now."

 

K'airos nodded. Very carefully, she moved so they both could get the fake stretcher K'luha was tied on into the back of the cart. "I hope you didn't have to spend much for all of it."

 

K'ile said, "It was just gil, so nothing of any value."

 

The younger Miqo'te giggled at that. "That's all that has value in Ul'dah!"

 

Luha grumped again.

 

Frowning at K'airos as they deposited K'luha firmly in the back of the cart, K'ile said, "Sounds like something an Ul'dahn would say. If gil is all that's of value here, then there's nothing of value here, and you wouldn't have reason to stay. I think there's lots of things besides gil that have value here."

 

"Well, it's just a simplification..." she tried to explain, even though her grasp of economics could be compared to what a grub knows about photosynthesis. "Gil is more of a representation of your wealth. So instead of carrying forty spears you can carry forty coins. It's more practical, but you can get lost in the 'gil is everything' mentallity." she added. And just as a grub, K'airos got immediately distracted by other concerns. "Do you need me to drive the cart?"

 

"I've no idea how to do it,” K'ile answered.

 

"I'll handle it. You'll get to play escort!" and with those words K'airos reached into the cargo and pulled K'ile's spear from between the crates, being careful to not poke K'luha with it. Handing it to the man, she took the chance to ask: "Do you know how to ride? Should I get another chocobo?"

 

Grabbing the spear from, K'airos, K'ile spun it once deftly befort moving it to put it on his back. The straps that normally held the weapon had been used to tie Luha down, though, which he realized when the shaft of the spear whack his back. He just spun it again once it bounced off and held it, "I can ride in the cart with the food. I don't like chocobo."

 

K'airos was unable to understand that last sentence. She didn't try to question it, having learnt from the Blades that somethings must never be doubted. Things like why your captain can afford things way beyond his salary or why he left those very obvious criminals leave as soon as you captured them. To all those mysteries, and now this much more baffling one, K'airos simply dropped her shoulders in defeat and said: "That's sad." She looked at K'luha. "Right, K'luha? K'ile should like chocobos!"

 

K'luha frowned and squinted at the burning sky. She gripped lightly at the fabric covering her hips. K'ile shoud like chocobos? More like he should stop ditching her for K'piru. If he wanted to stay he should just stay already and not lie like she kept feeling he was.

 

Understanding there would be no support from the wounded woman, K'airos walked around the cart and jumped into the front to take the reins. "Is there anything else we need to get before leaving?"

 

Tossing his spear up on the cart, he said, "I'm guessing there's water? Somebody thought about water, right? Because this trips going to be days out in the desert for Luha and me."

 

"Who wouldn't have thought of that?" she answered, clearly not having thought of that, the silly woman. She reversed her actions: she dropped the reins and jumped off the cart. She also added a nervous laugh. "Where in the Sagolii is the tribe now? So I can...make sure I didn't get the wrong ammount of water!"

 

"Two days out of the Forgotten Springs," K'ile answered. He pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the cart, back to both K'luha and K'airos, but he turned to K'airos to say, "Assuming the haven't moved since then, at which point we'll be following markers."

 

K'airos mumbled and counted her fingers, an action that had not much visual sense since her hands were hidden inside three-pieces gauntlets. "...and three days to get there...alright!" she snapped, clapping and running off towards the city gate. "I'll be back!"

 

K'luha sighed heavily up at the sky as Kairos ran off, but didn't say anything else.

 

After K'airos was gone, K'ile muttered, "Nobody thought about water, of course." Then, with a brief pause, he looked towards K'luha and said, "Of course part of me wants to stay in Ul'dah, the same way part of me wants to just run off and explore Losimna and Coerthas and wherever else. But I'm not a teenager, so I'm not going to do anything that I'll start regretting in a week and not be able to fix."

 

"Would you really regret staying with K'piru and K'airos...?" Luha mumbled after a long moment of silence. She pulled nervously at her clothing, trying not to look nervous for his answer. She wasn't sure she wanted it, but Luha felt she had to ask anyway. "They're you're family... maybe moreso than I or the others..."

 

"They're my blood, and they're my blood whether I'm here or not. They're here. They didn't leave, so they'll be here again. I won't lose them. That's good. And anyway," he turned to face K'luha, lifting one leg to rest on the side of the cart while his other leg and tail hung off. "I said I was going back to the tribe with you, and that I was going to teach K'tahjha to dance. That's what I'm going to do."

 

K'luha looked to K'ile as he turned to face her. She wasn't sure what she could see in his face anymore. She turned her head away, feeling insurmountable despair again. Could this all really be fixed just by going home?

 

K'airos came back, carrying a wooden drum between her arms, of about five or six litters of capacity. She left it on the ground next to the cart. "See if there's space in the cart for three more of these." she said without stopping her movement and leaving again to get the rest.

 

Watching K'airos leave, K'ile muttered, "And what if there isn't?" Still, he turned to face the food and began to ponder the moving of items. He said to K'luha, "If we put you up on top of the crates, you'll have a better view and we'll have more room."

 

"If it's easier for you all I can be moved..." Luha sighed out half-heartedly.

 

"It would be easiest if we put you on wheels and tied you to the back of the cart with a rope," K'ile smirked, his voice joking. "I'm asking you if it would be comfortable. I can just as easily pile the crates up, but I thought you might like a better vantage point."

 

Luha tried to find some solace in K'ile's light-heartedness but... she felt really quite dark still. Still, she tried to smile and and give a small shrug to indicate her lack of decisiveness.

 

Another drum was left next to the other by K'airos. "Is there space? Let's tie them to the sides, maybe?" she ventured, but turned around and left without waiting for an answer.

 

"We have space!" K'ile called after K'airos, hopping off the cart to grab one of the drums and lift it. He huffed, "Sheesh. Water is heavy. ALmost glad we don't have this much back home."

 

K'airos took a shortcut: besides carrying one drum, she rolled the last one, gently pushing it along. Luckily, this part of Ul'dah had even streets. She stopped next to K'ile, one foot stopping the rolling drum from fleeing. "I brought some waterskins too." she smiled.

 

"Good! I wouldn't want to carry one of these with me if I decided to go for a walk!" K'ile was busy putting the drums up on top of the crates so they didn't crowd Luha.

 

Luha frowned at the mention of K'ile taking walks. He was lible to walk away and just not come back. Or so she worried. "K'ile..." Luha called nervously again, her ears standing up and trying to 'see' where he was exactly.

 

"Hm?" K'ile popped his head over a barrel to look at Luha.

 

"Give me your bracelet. Please? Just for awhile." Luha asked quietly, only to feel rather embarrassed about asking and blushing over it.

 

K'airos stoically helped with the barrels. However, her stoicism was strange and she kept this extremely joyful smile on her face. Or at least the half the Brass Blade mask wasn't covering.

 

K'ile frowned at K'luha, then at his bracelet, "You know what this is, right?"

 

Luha nodded quietly, still blushing.

 

K'airos did not blush or nod. More importantly, she did not know what that was. "What is it?" she said, giving voice to her curiosity.

 

Shaking his wrist, causing the five stones on it to flicker red with concealed magic, K'ile explained, "They're the keepsakes that the Elders give to the fire-dancers. Each of the five gets a bracelet with one stone on it, and it helps them to control the flame."

 

"The elders were angry with you for running off with them you know..."

 

K'airos squinted. Not that it could be seen under the mask, but she did so anyway. "Did you steal them?"

 

K'ile tossed K'airos a rather hurt frown, "I didn't steal them! I'm a fire dancer! I just. Recovered the extra ones. From Cartenau."

 

"I know I just... I would feel better if I could hold onto it....?" Luha squeaked quietly.

 

"Are they dangerous?" the younger woman asked.

 

"They're not dangerous," K'ile replied to K'airos. "Every fire dance you ever saw growing up was thanks to someone wearing the stones." He once again lifted his arm and shook the flickering rocks. He then cast his gaze towards K'luha and said, "What does my bracelet have to do with making you feel better?"

 

Luha cringed a little and simply shook her head. "I-i... nevermind. I-it's nothing. Forget I said anything."

 

An idea appeared in K'airos head and burrowed inside her mind right in that moment. It's tail stuck out in the form of words: "I've been doing the yearly celebration. You should remind me how it was done properly, one day! Maybe when you come back to Ul'dah." With the barrels now secured, she sat on the front of the cart and took the reins again. "So, we are not forgetting anything else now, right?"

 

"I'll teach you," K'ile said, promptly forgetting, it seemed, about Luha's request. "And no, we have water and food and each other. Everything else is optional."

 

Luha shrunk back onto her board and tried to close her eyes and feign sleep, feeling rather embarrassed and somewhat ostracized.

 

"Alright. Then let's depart!" K'airos exclaimed, accompanying the words with the snapping of the reins. The chocobos complained about it loudly, but after a moment they moved the cart along towards the gate and out of the city.

 

"Don't be too rough," K'ile said, scolding mildly, "You've got an injured woman in tow, remember."

 

K'airos's ears dropped slightly. She apologized with a muttered 'sorry' and continued to be very, very careful about how she drove the cart.

 

**********

 

K'ile road along in relative reticence, sitting on the side of the cart and facing away, spinning his spear in front of him. His ears were lain back in trepidation, his expression dubious, tail limp behind him.

 

K'luha was equally silent as K'ile, feeling a strange and oppressive atmosphere among the three.

 

K'airos had troubles with all that silence. Big troubles. Along the jouney, she had kept quiet only for a a few minutes before cheerfully exploding into a sea of stories and explanations about everything or, better said, anything. She had spoken briefly about cactuars, wasps, squirrels, moles, pumpkins, Ceruleum, railroads, giant toads, pretty houses that she liked but couldn't buy and then something called a "Valentione". Whatever that was, it made her blush and keep quiet until the Sagolii Gate was in sight. She pointed at it, and couldn't help herself but explain what it was: "That's the Sagolii Gate!"

 

"Yeah, I recognize it," K'ile said, words heavy and slow. He didn't look up at the Gate.

 

"We'll be there shortly. How are you, K'luha?" K'airos asked, turning her torso around to peek over the crates, losing sight of the road for at least three seconds.

 

Luha was awkwardly quiet. She kneaded her fingers together in her lap, ears flattened against her head. "Yeah... fine..."

 

K'ile flicked his eyes to K'airos, and he frowned. Reaching up to pull on his very red bangs indicatively, he said, "Why're you always wearing that thing?"

 

Her ears dropped to the side. "What thing? The mask?" she said, reaching for it and poking as if she had just noticed it.

 

"Yeah. Hiding your face like that."

 

"It's protective." she explained with an insecure nod. "And...it helps during sandstorms..." Her last words were even more insecure than the nod. Her mouth became a thin line as she pondered about its real uses. "Does it bother you? I can take it off!" she offered at last.

 

Looking out over the sand for a few seconds, K'ile returned his gaze to K'airos and said, "When you hide your face it's kind of like you're trying to hide that you survived. I know it's you, and you're there, but... My mind keeps trying to tell me it's not."

 

"Sorry!" K'airos said, taking off the mask and placing it inside her pouch. Her next action was to change the subject. "So K'ailia's in trouble! What did she do, exactly? Or not do. Not that I'm implying she's guilty! Just that...I guess she...did or did not something that the tribe might or might not approve of." K'airos needed more training into the whole 'change the subject' thing. Specially the part where one changes to a happier one instead of an unhappy one.

 

"She's exiled... She will...and I will simply have to come to terms with that. That to my family, she is dead and she no longer cares for us." Luha injerected, her voice heavy and somber. But she didn't break into tears or anything at least. It was more of a heavy voice of resignation.

 

K'ile didn't have anything to add to that. He offered K'airos a helpless shrug.

 

She dealt with that by staring into one of the chocobo's neck. It was only a few moments before they reached the Gate. "She put an article in a newspaper a few months back. The Tonberry Lantern." she said. "She was looking for some missing tribe members. Mother, Aijeen, me. Airi." The last name carried a sigh that sounded as if a boulder had just struck her. "She wasn't exiled for that, right?"

 

"No... she exiled herself..." Luha answered quietly, her voice still heavy. She didn't say anything else, or act out. She was simply quiet.

 

"Haven't heard about any papers, old or new," K'ile said, spinning his spear in front of him again.

 

"Oh, I'll show it to you next time! It's an old newspaper by now..." K'airos stopped, realizing that wasn't a particularly clear sentence for K'ile. "...but it had pictures!"

 

The chocobos stopped, having found their road blocked by a great porticullis and an even greater wall built around it. Or perhaps it was more of a tower, K'airos though, considering it was short and included a small barrack and an office on the sides. She jumped down the cart, waving at the guards stationed at the Gate.  "This should take only a moment."

 

"Take your time," K'ile muttered.

 

K'airos pouted. She kept pouting until she met the guards, with whom she exchanged some salutes, words and nodding. In that order. By the time she got back to the cart, the porticullis was opening. 

"You should cheer up." she said, still pouting. She climbed back into the front of the cart and then added: "You have the food and the shaman will heal K'luha once you get back! And I'm sure K'ailia will be alright. Aijeen is, and she left the tribe when she was much younger!"

 

K'ile said, "Hm."

 

K'luha said nothing.

 

K'airos was most definitely hating this part of the journey. Carefully, she got the chocobos to move and shortly after the gate was behind them. "Is anyone else in the city I should lend a hand to?" she asked.

 

"Just your mother, I think,” K'ile answered.

 

"Wait." she said, realizing something. "You don't know how to drive a cart."

 

"I'll figure it out," K'ile jumped off the side of the cart, gestured over his shoulder, "Luha will talk me through it."

 

Luha didn't say anything. Again.

 

"But she's too hurt to speak!" K'airos retorted, partially noting the nothingness, too. She was visibly drowned in worry. "Do you know how to ride a chocobo? It's close enough! And I can explain the gaps."

 

"It's not going to be a problem, K'airos." K'ile walked over towards K'airos, moving towards the Chocobo. "I don't like them, but I can manage them."

 

His confidence didnt spread to her much. She took a long breath and smile weakly after letting it out. "Alright. Alright." she said with an increasing cheerful tone. "Ah, tell K'ailia to stop by and visit me if you see her around, alright? I'll make sure she's safe." While she said this, she took off her gauntlet and then the Brass Blade identification ring. She handed it to him. "If any Blade looks funny at you, you show them this and tell them it's none of their business."

 

"I'll call it a memento," K'ile said, reaching out to take the ring and, gripping K'airos by her hand, pulling her into a hug. "I didn't get one from you last time.

"

There was an high pitched giggle coming out of K'airos mouth. "Ask the elders if it's okay for you to visit me." she said, blushing enough to make tomatoes look pale. "Or at the very least ask them to let me know when K'luha's healed up!"

 

"We'll visit you," K'ile gave K'airos a firm squeeze, took a deep breath and said, "We'll visit soon. And a lot."

 

K'airos hopped like a bunny with palpable excitement, shutting her eyes and smiling broadly. She was still trapped in a hug, but that didn't stop her from uncomfortably shaking K'ile with the movement."I'll hold yo to it!" she exclaimed. "Now get going. K'luha needs the shaman."

 

"Yeah," K'ile said. And after several long seconds, he forced himself to release K'airos, raising a hand up to brush at his face and turning half-away from her, though he look at her sideways through the fail of his red hair. "Yeah."

 

K'airos moved around him and the cart, placing her gauntlet back on while she did this. Then, once she reached the back of the cart, she grabbed K'luha's shoulder and shook it lightly, smiling. "Don't worry! Just make sure to get better, alright?"

 

K'luha nodded awkwardly at K'airos, feeling like an invader to a private family matter.

 

K'ile hopped up onto the front of the cart between the chocobo, causing the birds to sqwak in surprise. He breathed deeply enough to make his shoulders heave, "You live in Drybone, right?"

 

"Sometimes! I don't have a house, so you can just look for me in the inns. But if I'm not there, I'll be in Ul'dah! Aijeen has a...ah...friends there, so we stop by a lot."

 

Nodding, K'ile brushed at his face again, keeping his hair in front of his eyes. His voice is heavy when he says, "Okay. We'll find you."

 

The young woman waved her hand, and her tail raised up by instinct. "Be safe, and come back soon!"

 

K'ile waved high over his head, then dropped his arm and stood atop the cart, watching K'airos walk away.

 

K'luha had already told K'ile he was free to return to Airos and Piru if he wanted to. He didn't need to feel bound by her and there was no reason to further tell him. So she stayed silent and stared up at the burning blue sky.

 

For a long time K'ile stood still and watched K'airos. She disappeared past the gate and unward, and still he stood, breathing, his shoulders shaking on occasion. He pitched his head forward, shook his hair, brushed at it. The Chocobo noticed the stillness and shifted in an eagerness to move, squawked at him.

 

K'luha said nothing and did nothing but stare upwards at the sky. There were so many holes in her family now. Had they always been there? Perhaps slowly tearing until mere threads held them all together? Or had the Calamity punctured them abruptly? K'luha could not help but to think they had already been there. She had always felt isolated and ostracized by K'ile. She wasn't part of his blood, and although she wanted to be part of his family it had always seemed she wasn't welcomed there. But she had always tried. And maybe even succeeded a little bit. 

 

For a little while.

 

And then all of the old wounds showed up again. Meeting K'piru in the city and finding Airos...  Even now, she could only be reminded that she was not a part of K'ile's world. Not a part of his family no matter how he spoke otherwise. And if she was not a part of his family, nor of her own daughter's family, for what purpose did she even return? For Tahj, Luha tried to remind herself. To fix the things that she had left broken. 

 

But the thoughts were very consoling. And all she could feel was a heavy pull on her chest and a vast and unbreakable wall between herself and K'ile. So she said nothing, and did nothing still, and only continued to stare up at the vast blue burning sky.

 

"You could have said goodbye to her, you know," K'ile said, breaking the silence. He paused to cough, sniffling and brushing at his face again. "She's good at goodbyes. Better than anyone else." He dropped himself down behind the chocobo.

 

K'luha didn't reply to him again. What was there to say even? She had never known K'airos very well to begin with. Aijeen had scared her to the point where talking to any of the sisters frightened K'luha, at least when Aijeen was old enough to start scaring people. And when she had offered help, she had been naught but brushed off. Perhaps they were old feelings of lonliness and isolation, and maybe they were K'luha's own fault but they were still there. 

 

She tried to think of words she could say that might break the unsurmountably growing chasm between the two of them, but all of the words fell far short and left her resigned to what seemed to be her fate. A fate where she drove off all her own family because there was something wrong with her apparently. Something so wrong even her own daughter couldn't bare to be around her. K'luha let out a silent heavy breath. What was wrong with her anyway?

 

K'ile kicked at the chocobo to make them go forward, and was surprised when they did not, instead squawking at him in agitation and clicking their beaks. "Hey, go," K'ile stompped. They did not comply. "Come on! I'm instructing you to move so go!"

 

Oh right, and K'ile was horrific with Chocobos. K'luha she was probably going to die in the desert. Right. Forgot that part. Luha just looked up unamused at the sky, as if accusing Azyema of having a terrible sense of humor.

 

"Fine! We'll do it the hard way!" Kile hopped down, grabbed the chocobo by their bindings and pulled, "Come on! I'll drag you all the way back to the Sagolii."

 

If there was one thing K'luha was not going to tolerate, it was any sort of even remote animal abuse. 

 

"K'ile." Luha called out sharply with a sort of icy tone in her voice. She shortly and somewhat coldly explained how he should go about getting chocboos to move a carriage. "Gently." She added at the end of her small and short speech.

 

"Why would does it have to be- gah. Fine," K'ile said, harrumphing as he moved back between the birds to try what K'luha had described.