Coming back after a three month absence, anxiety ensues

[sanguineFenrir]

This is going to be a long, long post. Pertinent stuff is near the bottom.

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After three months of inactivity on both the game and these forums, I decided to resubscribe as of yesterday. Today, I came back to the RPC forums and noticed a few "I'm back/I'm leaving" threads, and I've decided to post my own thoughts here in hopes of getting some perspective. Some of you might know me as sanguineFenrir, and I'm in the process of updating my profiles and such to better reflect, well, me.

 

I left the game when I was feeling a lot of confusion/anxiety/general discomfort over it. Not just RP and social anxieties (which caused a lack of connections) but also the game mechanics (running out of fun stuff, getting burnout, not being able to hold down a PVE FC without feeling uncomfortable in such a large and chatty group.) I've written and spoken about my issues with RP before, and when I left my former group, I pretty much turned off the channels and some time later told one member "tell the officers I'm retiring" and went quiet into the night.

 

I took a three month break to work on my console backlog, and I had plans to come back in April after the PS4 launch. Long story short, my burnout waned a month early and I decided to come back to sate that mob-killing, looting, boss slaying itch. Here's the thing: I still like the game. It's beautiful, the accessibility and controller use is a major plus in making it the "right one" for me, and I get really excited when I think about the cool features coming in future updates.

 

The point I'm trying to make is that I've come back and it's good to be back, but I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to do with myself, especially in regards to RP. I can't pretend to be calm and collected any more because that veil is so thin, but without it I'm paranoid and anxious. I've had enough time away to realize that, yes, I screwed up majorly, and there were situations and people I could have handled better. 

 

I want to be a part of the community and do things with people, but whenever I think about doing so, I just get hit with a barrage of questions. Do I stay retired despite wanting more from an MMO than just the mechanics? Do I roll an alt? Where? What kind of group do I find? How do I make sure I don't mess up again as the cycle tends to be? 

 

But, most importantly, how can I stay connected with people and avoid talking once and never again? How do I overcome the internal "freezing up" whenever someone types a message to me (which has been a problem since WoW, and in every game I've played?) How do I be more proactive, more trusting of people, more able to avoid misunderstandings (especially in groups I hardly know how to deal with?)

 

Without going into personal details, my own RL situation probably has a very large impact on the issues I have. The tiny paranoia-monger in my head says that maybe this board isn't the best place to post such a spiel, that people know and remember who I am and they're angry. But, generally, it tends to be wrong. It took a lot of nerve for me to post this and figure out how to word it as myself. I'm hoping that maybe people with similar issues will see this and be able to offer what has helped them.

 

Thanks for reading, and long live Eorzea.

[Rinette]

Well firstly I'd like to say welcome back to the RPC! I've only been here a few months so I haven't seen you before. But I'm sure that the people who you RP'd with aren't angry at you for any reason. Everyone here has been so nice and understanding about anything that comes up. I really don't have much of a place to speak about that though since I don't know the situations so I'm going to shut up.

 

It's a good thing you came back now since the new patch is about to drop! We just got information on the vanity system and how that is going to work. Plus we're getting new dungeons and hopefully new gear sets from those (not sure what level your character is). That's what I'm most excited about at least. I share your feelings about the game as a whole, I've jumped around many MMOs and everything about FFXIV screams perfection. The graphics aren't forced realism but not too cartoony. The controls are amazing (except for tab targeting which could use some fine tuning). I do plan on taking a break to try ESO that's coming out in a few weeks but if that doesn't work out I'll come back here in a heartbeat.

 

As for what to do with yourself, I can't really answer that much since I don't know you very well but I can tell you what I did. I jumped around worlds quite a bit until I managed to catch Balmung unlocked to character creation. When I finally did I deleted those other characters mainly because the community here has been so amazing compared to those others. I got myself into a leveling/PVE FC and filled my LS list with a ton of RP LS's then posted a forum looking for RP and went from there. I managed to get in contact with someone who was really similar to my own character and we bonded over that and began pulling people into our RP. If you have trouble making connections IC through random RP try making connections OOC with people who don't mind creating history and making your characters "instant" best friends or something similar.

 

My social anxiety has been a bigger problem IRL so I don't have many tips for online. When you're sending someone a tell that you've talked to the previous day about RP you could always start off with "Hey hope I'm not bothering you" or something like that. Maybe that's just my problem but I'm always worried that I'm bugging someone. The biggest thing though is don't let that one rude person get you down and ruin your day. I know it's easier said then done but it's true and if you can learn to shrug it off and forget about them you'll be a lot happier.

 

I don't know if anything I said helped you but I hope there was at least something in there that did. If you ever want to talk feel free to send me a PM on here, in game, or ask for my Skype name. I don't promise I can say something to help but I can listen (or read, whatever). Alternately I'm always willing to RP in game or on the forums.

[sanguineFenrir]

Hi Rinette, thanks for the reply:

 

I do have a tendency to make problems larger than they seem (for example, a group of people was unimpressed with my reaction to something that happened in an RP, but understanding after I had a long talk with them. They moved past it, but I partially did not, and we didn't really end up doing anything afterward. 

 

I was one of the lucky few who were able to get on Balmung in the second day of early access. For the first few months, I was fine. Things were great because I was talking to a lot of people from the forums, I'd found an FC a month before launch, and RP was looking up. I had kind of adopted the personality of my character for my forum posts and IC chat, which meant that I was able to politely defuse most bad situations or prevent them from happening in the first place.

 

Unfortunately, one of the things that really aggravates my "issues" happens to be large numbers of people. I am of the sort that can happily talk to one close friend (or even two at the same time, if I'm really comfortable) for hours, and I have no problem fielding tells from multiple people as long as it's two separate conversations and not a group conversation. 

 

But, random OOC chatter/smalltalk, like you might find in an FC or large LS tends to get on my nerves. The best way to explain it is that I find it very distracting, and I don't know how to contribute or react to it, especially if it's silly, lewd, or even a debate--and the more people are involved, the harder it is. I have troubles with improvising in RP too, so I wind up being reclusive, even if my characters shouldn't be, and I'm ineffectual if put on the spot.

 

I was alright with my FC for the first while because there was only four to six of us, and I got to know the other people through lots of slow interaction and gentle chat in both channels. As the game continued though, we started getting more members, and reaching out to other entire guilds. It's impossible and impractical for me to go 'door to door' or tell to tell, trying to get comfortable with so many people. I don't have the time nor the 'space' for it, and oftentimes any events with big groups (larger than three or so) would cause me to be silent and bored, or to make excuses and leave. I could hardly read the chat sometimes.

 

Add to that that I started having differences of opinion with a few people; my inability to deal with their personalities or however you might call it meant that the measured facade I had been using got cracked. I never completely lost my temper, but I just shirked instead and became neurotic.

 

I would really like to have either a large group of unconnected or paired individuals, or a regular group of three to four other people, to RP with. But even the small guilds on the game tend to have fifteen to twenty members, and that's a lot to me.

 

I tried making an LS with my own preferences, which are, I'd suppose, a bit unorthodox, but I didn't advertise it first. The LS got one other person interested, and we spoke once--I actually tried to contact this person again, but nothing. Other than that, the LS died off--and was purged from the hall when the LSes were cleaned up a few months ago.

 

I would be open to meeting you in game or RPing/talking via PM. Skype's also an option. I have my own lore and worlds unrelated to FFXIV and I've used Skype as a platform to host two person campaigns with them (although I can probably do Eorzea too.)

[Ignacius]

Kind of sucks you're on Balmung.  I'm about to get my PC put together (old motherboard is dying, so I needed to do a core upgrade about a month earlier than anticipated) so I'll be back on.  I was playing every day until my computer suffered a mental breakdown.  I think it'd still play it technically, but due to my issues, I can't get the launcher to launch.  It's a long and complicated story.

Best advice that I can give is the simplest, do what's fun.  Don't make the game a job.  Don't make it a social media site.  Remember what it is at its core; it's a video game.  If you're not having fun doing something, flip it.  Try a class you didn't do before.  Run around doing only FATEs for a while.  Try a profession you didn't do before.  Randomly scrounge up some RP in a bar.  Hell, do something IRL for a night (some people do it).

 

Just, whatever you do, don't do something that you aren't enjoying.  FFXIV, unlike a lot of MMOs, gives a sort of equal measure to things that aren't your average kill-questing.  Not only is there a lot to do in the game, but all of it can be treated just as importantly.  I think that's unique to MMORPGs (at least any I've played).

 

In any case, get in touch with me if you're on Gilgamesh.  Good life choices and sheer blazing luck, as well as a lifetime spent online listening to people complain about their problems, has given me a bulletproof ego and put me in a pretty good universal mood (especially for someone whose favorite music genres are metal and goth).  I'm pretty much impossible to piss off and like listening to people talk about things I don't know anything about.

[FreelanceWizard]

Hey! Welcome back!

 

To be honest, I don't think there's any animosity on the Mysterium side of the fence, for what it's worth. And if you like, feel free to poke me to set up some RP; L'yhta was wondering the last night where some of her old friends had gotten off to.

[TheLastCandle]

Drop me a line sometime if you like. My character name's to the left of this post. Halone knows Yvelont needs more male friends. His main RP contacts are with his ladyfriend (Erisande) and his "apprentice" of sorts (Kiht Jakkya) so I sometimes feel overwhelmed with estrogen. *ducks*

[sanguineFenrir]

I'm glad to hear things are still alright with you guys. Before I unsubbed, I was on a bizarre nocturnal sleep schedule, so I didn't even see anyone from the FC online most of the time. I'll have to find out what everyone's hours are so I know when to be on what character.

 

To Ignacius, I actually did make a character on Gilgamesh today, for several reasons, chief among them being that I was tired of playing the same one and missed actually questing. I'll still keep my "main" on Balmung of course, but it might make things fresher for me to have an alt if I get bored. I have noticed that several groups have sprung up while I was gone. Look up Asche Rose.

 

I've heard of Kiht Jakkya (probably either here or as an app on the Mysterium boards. My character was a Master before I left and that was what I enjoyed doing the most, out of any RP.

 

I would probably enjoy setting up some RP, but the one issue is that I have no idea what to do with my character. I only vaguely explained my departure ICly at the time of it, and Freelance knows that my attempts at RP history and personal storylines have been tumultuous at best. (What works very well in my own personal campaigns tends not to work here, sadly.) Retconning is a finicky thing, and it's too much hassle to just nuke the entire character history unfortunately. (Even the white lies and go-to excuses elude me because they don't feel natural.)

 

However, I probably should figure something out, because Kevaraan's been a victim of the "Level 50, now what.... not FATEs" for a while now, and RP does at least provide another avenue of progression.