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Edited August 18, 2020 by 111

[C'kayah Polaali]

It was the dry shhh shhh shhh of leather rubbing against cloth that he first heard. His head ached, and somewhere behind his eyelids there was a light that someone had forgotten to turn out. He stirred, muscles protesting against unreasonable demands that they move, his eyes especially felt crusted shut, sticky. They finally cracked open with an effort, revealing an unfamiliar room that was dark, spare and musty, smelling of damp earth. Too bright light spilled in through the open front door, along with the distant sound of waves and a salt tang that made his nose sting. He lay in a bed, the mattress thin and firm but clean-smelling underneath him. A woman paced the floor. Tall and spare, almost as big as a Hyur, her high leather boots brushed against the coarse cloth of her dress with every step. Solid clothes in plain colors, the garb of a traveller. Her brassy hair brushed against her shoulders and caught the light as she moved.

 

His lips moved soundlessly, his vocal cords complaining. He frowned, his brows furrowing as he tried again to speak, his voice a soft croak. Words came out, but he could not hear them over the pounding of his own head. She turned, surprise on her face, and rushed to the bedside.

 

“Kayah?” she said, her voice soft yet somehow raw. Her green eyes were wide in the dim light, while the sound of her footsteps rolled through his head.

 

He ran through a broad stone corridor, the diminutive form of a Lalafell racing ahead of him. Kage, he thought. He’d been chasing him, the snap of his dress shoes against the floor mixing with the quicker drum sound of the Lalafell’s feet.

 

He stood in a chamber, lit by the steady glow of lanterns. His chest was cold, his shoulders stung where he’d ripped his jacket off and thrown it at the feet of the tall, spare woman standing angrily before him.

 

He strode towards the blue glow of an aetheryte, his jaw clenched, his hand aching from where he’d slammed it into a stone column. He paused as he reached it. The aetheryte would take him anywhere within Ul’dah, but where was it he could go? The woman he had loved and lived for was somewhere behind him, and all he could think of was to put as much distance between them as he could. Limsa, he thought to himself. I’ll go to Limsa. Natalie’s Sultansworn duties would keep her in or around Ul’dah. He could build a new life in Limsa, the towers and winding paths of the City of Pirates providing ample opportunity for him to begin anew.

 

There was a flash of light as his head bounced off the aetheryte, and another as it struck the ground. It felt like someone was staving in his ribs with a club. Which, he thought to himself, wasn’t too far off from the truth. At some level he recognized that something was very wrong, that his body was moving without any thought of his own. Through the red fog he could see a growing blur that crashed against the side of his head and he knew no more.

“Natalie…” His voice was a low croak, a sharp lance of pain rewarding his efforts to speak. “I remember…” Dark spots danced before him, the sound of the ocean drowning everything out as his eyes closed again.

 

She was crying. The wet splash of her tears on his face drew him back from sleep and he opened his eyes. As he reached for her, she lay on the bed next to him, his hands smoothing the brassy locks of her hair. “Shhhhh”, he murmured, his voice soft. She turned her head, her green eyes catching the light from the door, her face streaked and wet. “Shhhhh”, he repeated, his fingers brushing the hair from her face even as darkness claimed him again.

 

The room was dark, spare and musty, smelling of damp earth. Dim red sunset light spilled in through the open front door, as well as the distant sound of waves, while the only sound within was the gentle whisper of their breathing as they slept, nestled together in the small house by the sea.

[111]

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Edited August 18, 2020 by 111

[C'kayah Polaali]

It was dark and still in the house by the shore, the only sound the muffled shush of the ocean mixed with the rhythmic breathing of the two sleepers. He slept in the lone bed, fresh bandages wrapped around his ribs and covering his hair, the remnants of a large conjury-healed bruise stretched across the right side of his face. She slept fitfully in a chair stationed in front of the only door, her face twisting every few moment, muttering unintelligibly under her breath.

 

C'kayah stirred in the bed. He opens his eyes and slowly focuses on the ceiling, then looks around the room. His eyes alight on the woman sleeping in the chair. A series of emotions flicker across his face: love, then pain, then sorrow, then anger. Slowly and quietly he sits up, folding aside the covers. He swung his legs off the bed and tentatively stands, trying to apply a little weight before committing. He winces, but makes his way painstakingly to the table and pours a glass of water from a pewter pitcher, drinking it. He slides a chair away from the table and sits, watching her.

 

She shifted at the sound of the chair's leg on the floor, blinking sleepily before opening her eyes. "Morning", she said reflexively. "Sleep well?"

 

C'kayah poured a fresh glass of water, drinking half of it before setting it back down on the table. His expression was neutral. "Guarding the door, mmm, Nat?" he said.

 

Natalie stared at him for a moment, as if not understanding. Her sleepy expression turned into a pained one. "If I don't you'd crawl out", she softly said, shaking her head. "And you're too weak to make it back to town."

 

"Then take me there", he said, his voice toneless and flat. "You've done enough, and now you want me gone. You said so yourself."

 

She opened her mouth, then nodded once, looking down at the floor. "Do you promise you'll stay away from Ul'dah? From me? From whatever did this to you?"

 

He closed his eyes and placed his head in his hands. He breathed deeply, and when he lifted his head to look at her his eyes were wet. "If that's what you want, Nat", he said. "Keep Ul'dah. It's yours."

 

"You'll...", she began, biting her lip.

 

He nodded, his expression pained. "I'll stay out of Ul'dah", he said. "I'll stay away from you." He cradled his head in his hands again as his shoulders began to shake.

 

"Aye", she forced herself to say, turning away. Her words cracked in her throat, her shoulders beginning to quiver. "That's... that's for the best. You'll be safe that way", she whispered.

 

They sat like that for a long moment before he spoke again, his voice faint through his fingers.

 

"When did you stop loving me, Natalie?"

 

"Gods, Kayah", she said, standing and driving her fist into the wall, frustration on her face. "This is because I love you! Can't you see that? All I ever do is hurt you!"

 

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again without a word. He nodded, his cheeks wet with tears. "Only when we're not alone", he said, his voice cracking.

 

"Gods, Kayah, I know", she said, whirling to face him, desperation in her voice, her face filled with pain. "But what are we supposed to do? Just live in this shack for the rest of our lives?"

 

"This is what you want, though", he croaks, nodding again and closing his eyes, "isn't it? You'll be able to do what you want without me getting in the way."

 

She shook her head, biting her lip white. "Gods, Kayah, is that what you think? I just want you to be safe!"

 

She turned again, pacing with nervous energy. She pressed her hand to her chest. "Should I leave? I can go, Kayah. I'll be a mercenary, go far away from here."

 

"What am I supposed to think? You're a delight when we're alone, then we go someplace together and I'm something you've scraped off your shoe. Why the hell did you ever want to be with me, when you can't wait to leave me for someone more interesting when we're not alone?"

 

She looked up at the ceiling, sighing. She steadied herself, meeting his eyes. "Kayah", she said, "do you really think I don't love you?"

 

He rubbed his temples, his face a mask of pain. "I don't know, Nat", he moaned. "I think you like the idea of loving me. It's just the practice that doesn't do it for you."

 

She stiffened, resisting the urge to turn away. "Kayah", she said, struggling to keep her voice steady, "I need to know."

 

He raised his head, looking at her with red-rimmed eyes. "If I think you don't love me? No, Nat. I think you love me. I just don't think you know what to do with that."

 

She blinked, his words sinking into her and seeming to prick some bubble of tension. She almost deflated with relief. "Well then for twelve's sake, Kayah, tell me what to do with it!"

 

He drew a deep breath, his jaw clenched. A muscle worked in his face and his eyes darkened. "What kind of question is that?"

 

"We talk about things", she said, trying to explain. "We make agreements. I follow them, but it just makes things worse." She shook her head, her face falling. "I just want you to be happy, Kayah."

 

He furrowed his brow, his eyes flashing. "Our agreement", he snorts. "I thought I could live with it. I knew it was important to you. But I can't. I can't, Natalie. Especially when..."

 

He swallowed, his voice catching in his throat. "You were so beautiful the other day, Natalie", he said, his voice softening. "At the ball. I saw you and I thought my heart was going to burst. But you didn't look like that for me. You looked like that for Kage's date. For Denn. Do you know what that felt like?"

 

She groaned, incomprehension plain on her face. "That was just a distraction, Kayah."

 

She stood, moving to the side of the room that doubled as the house's spartan kitchen, where a pair of gutted fish waited on a slab of ice. "I'm going to make food. Do you promise you won't run?"

 

He slumped in the chair, defeated. "My attackers did me a kindness, Nat", he said. "Nothing they did hurt as much as when you told me that you'd just..." His voice cracked again, silencing him.

 

She bit her lip, busying herself at the stove. "I'll take you to town after this", she said. "If that's what you want."

 

She poured oil into a pan and set it on the stove to heat. "Kayah", she said, slicing the fish, "The agreement was never important to me. I thought it's what you wanted..."

 

The fish sizzled as she placed it in the pan. "We could have gotten rid of that whenever you liked."

 

He rested his chin in his hands, just watching her. He watched her back as if she were the most precious thing he'd ever seen. He laughed, the laugh turning into a cough. "You thought it was what I wanted", he said, laughing again before breaking into a fit of coughing. His hand smacks the table. "Gods, Nat", he said, "we should have done that on day one."

 

"Kayah... Why? Why have we been doing this to each other?"

 

He squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, then slid his hand up to cup his bandaged head. His voice softened, relief clear on his face. "Because you've always had a harem, and I've always had a harem, and we each thought the other wanted that. Nat", he said, "we're some kind of fools, aren't we?"

 

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "Kayah, that's what I thought I wanted. Until I met you.

 

"The thing with Denn, that was nothing", she said, biting her lip girlishly. "I didn't think you would care. It was just a bit of a distraction. If I'd have known..."

 

He groaned. "The thing with Denn", he begins, looking up at her. "It was just more of what always happens. Like when you asked me to come to that Valentione's day masquerade. Sitting on Steel's lap, smiling at me as if to say 'look, this is what I really wanted'."

 

He shook his head, wincing. "And it hurt Kage", he continued. "Gods help me, but I love that little guy, and it hurt him."

 

She turns the fish in the pan, closing her eyes. "I know, Kayah", she said, gripping the spatula, her fingers bone white. "Gods do I know. It's just... For some reason, I thought of the agreement, and what it allowed. And only that."

 

He stared at her for a moment, thinking not of Natalie, but of N'tali. He slid forward, leaning on the table, his eyes riveted on hers. When he spoke, the anger was gone from his voice and he was simply C'kayah again.

 

"How could you have known", he said. "You've never really known love before. Not from your tribe. Not when you were a gladiator. You couldn't know..."

 

She blinked, crossing her arms. Irritation flashed in her eyes. "Kayah, I... Of course I know what love is! It's like..."

 

Her voice trailed off and she frowns, puzzled. She pokes her finger together. "Like when", she said, blushing and pausing again. "I know what it is!"

 

"Your tribe doesn't love, Nat", he said. "They're all tempered. They don't love, they just fuck. Nat, fucking isn't love."

 

"I know that", she said defensively. "What I did with Denn, that wasn't love. I just..."

 

"You just?"

 

She turned back to the fish, the spatula scraping on the pan. "I know that wasn't... I'm just not sure how I know."

 

She slid the fish onto a pair of plates, biting her lip. "I know... I know what we have. It wasn't like that. I'm not sure how it's different, though."

 

He watched her as she carried the plates of steaming fish to the table, placing on in front of him. "Which do you like better?"

 

She blinked, surprised. "Gods, Kayah, do you have to ask? I don't always understand what we have", she says, running her hand through her hair, "or how to keep it. But nothing else even compares."

 

She shook her head, a faint smile on her lips. "By the twelve it doesn't."

 

He looked up at her, the corners of his mouth curling up into the hint of a grin. He reaches out to take her hand, pulling her into his lap with sudden strength. Her eyes widened and he grunted, his free hand sliding around her waist. "I think you're getting heavier", he laughed. His eyes continued to sparkle and smile, though his expression grew serious. "Nat", he purred, "it's worth fighting for, then."

 

“Kayah”, she said, and shook her head. “That’s what I wanted to hear more than anything, but”, she looks toward the door, away from him. “More than anything, it just makes me afraid.”

 

She bites her lip, then continues, her voice quiet. “Afraid I’ll hurt you again. Afraid I won’t be there when you need me.”

 

He slipped his hand behind her neck, his eyes on hers, and smiled. "Gods, Nat", he purred, "we can deal with that. We've just got to talk about it, instead of thinking we know what's best for the other."

 

He brushed his fingertip along the end of her nose, his smile widening. "We're Kayah and Natalie, after all", he said. "What can't we deal with?"

 

She allowed a smile to creep onto her face. "Nothing" she laughed, "Except each other." 

 

Leaning her forehead against his, she grinned wickedly. "So… Teach me about love then.

 

“No, wait", she blinked at him, sliding off his lap and into her own seat, giving him a stern look. "Eat your fish first. Then we can talk about this."

 

He smirked at her as he watched her walk around the table, then forked up a bite of fish. His expression brightened, another bite following it. “Nat! This is good! Eat yours, while it’s hot!”

 

“I caught it earlier while you were asleep. I guess I managed not to mess it up too much. Ahhh…”, she chewed thoughtfully. “You definitely can’t fish like this in Ul’Dah.”

 

He nodded, chewing enthusiastically. “You can say that again”, he purrs. “You know, this little shack is starting to grow on me…”

 

She paused, her mood suddenly serious. “So, should I still be planning to take you to Moraby after this?”

 

He tucked another forkful of fish into his mouth, then shook his head. “It was a dumb idea”, he admits, his eyes locked on hers. “Take off those silly boots, we’re staying right here.”

 

She closed her eyes, sinking into her chair. Her face was a picture of relief. “Gods, Kayah”, she said, burying her face in her palms. “I don’t know what I would do if you did.”

 

He set his fork down and stood, moving around the table to kneel next to her. Placing his hand on her back, he felt her shoulders shake. “Neither of us flinched”, he murmured, “so we almost made a big mistake.

 

“But Nat”, he purred, his forehead resting against her shoulder, “we didn’t.”

 

She closed her eyes and nodded silently, her body quieting to his touch. Lifting her head, she looked at him. “Kayah, I…”, she began, her body trembling again. She nodded then, and smiled. “We… we didn’t.”

 

They sat like that for a moment, with everything still around them. She laughed then, breaking the spell.

 

“Now finish your fish. If you’re coming back to Ul’dah, then you need to be in the right condition.”

 

He nodded, his eyes serious. Leaning into her, he brushed his lips against hers. His eyes stared into hers for a moment, then he grinned. “Deal”, he purred, his breath warm and silky against her lips.

 

“Where did you find this house?”

 

She grinned in return, watching him eat with adoring eyes. “Oh? I saw it silhouetted against the moon. The light was off, so I figured it was abandoned.

 

“I guess I was right, so far”, she said with a laugh. She gestured around her, taking in the kitchen, the sturdy furnishings. “All this stuff was here, though, so perhaps it’s used seasonally?”

 

He stretched, then winced and rubbed at one of his ribs. “I like it here”, he said, grinning rakishly. “I think we should keep it.”

 

“Oh? You and ? Live the life of lighthouse keepers?”

 

She smirks, then smiles, her eyes thoughtful. “It would be simpler”, she acknowledged. “No hidden daggers in the alleys. No plats. No temptations. No chances to break each other’s hearts…”

 

He grinned in return, nodding. “Catching our dinner every day. Nothing to do”, he added, his grin becoming wolfish, “but learn new ways to please one another.”

 

“I can’t say it’s not an attractive idea”, she purred.

 

He rolled his shoulders, then winced again. “Hidden daggers, you said. Did that Roegadyn really stab me? Gods, I’m really starting to hate Roegadyn…”

 

“I’m not sure who stabbed you, Kayah”, she answered. “I came upon you after it happened. Kage was there, it’s possible he might know.”

 

He smirked at her, grinning wickedly. “You want to go get them together?”

 

“Gods, Kayah, I want to smash their faces in”, she laughed. “But first, you need to get better”, she continued, leaning back in her chair.

 

“No more trying to crawl to town”, he nodded. “We’ll just stay here for a while. Together.”

 

She grinned hungrily at him, her eyes flashing. “I took a week off from duty, you know? Told them my mother died.”

 

He rose from his chair and moved to stand near her, his eyes on her. “Your poor mother”, he purred. “You must be devastated. Here, let me comfort you.”

 

She laughed, rising to embrace him. “Haven’t you been listening? You’re injured! You should be in bed.”

 

“I can’t remember where the bed is”, he purred, nuzzling her hair. His lips pressed against her neck. “You’ll have to show me…”

[111]

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Edited August 18, 2020 by 111