Menphina's Keeper [Journal]

[Alothia]

I have a bubble of fear boiling inside of me.

 

 

It’s tearing me in two.

 

 

We went and visited with Eric a few suns ago to discuss the Void presence that has been with me. To my surprise, he offered a solution. Apparently Lionnellias and Zanin have some way to…remove it. But Eric said it was ridiculously painful.

 

 

I’ve talked it over with Khale, and although Khale will be there with me, I am scared to death. I’ve never been one to deal with pain well. Although perhaps I will surprise myself. Perhaps it is only emotional pain that cripples me. Either way, it scares me and I don’t know which I fear more, the fear of the presence of the Void, or the fear of having it gone. At least the nightmares I have right now I can blame on the Void. Once I’m free of it, what do I blame the nightmares on then?

 

 

I want to begin my life. I want to begin it with Khale.. I cannot do that carrying this presence with me. But I don’t know how it will feel to be free of it.

 

 

We’re supposed to meet tonight. I hope it goes well.

[Alothia]

I think I am well enough to finally sit down and write about it all.

Five suns ago, Khale and I ventured to have a talk with Lionnellais about the procedure that Eric mentioned to us to draw out the void presence. Much like steeping tea from a tea bag to a cup of water, the process involved removing the damaged aether from my being and capturing it inside of a deaspected crystal. Lionnellais informed me that the process would be painful. It was.

I do not remember most of it. It was pleasant up until that point. Sir Zanin returned from his work, and discussed with me the procedure before I underwent it, hence the tea metaphor. I laid down on the medical cot and at first it was a dull ache. Gradually, it intensified, until I was blinded by the pain. A world of it. I do not remember much after that. Khale was with me. He told Lionnellais to put me to sleep, and I slept quite a while. I vaguely remember Khale carrying me back home and putting me to bed. I’ve been exhausted ever since.

On Friday, Khale and I visited with the Dark Embers company and celebrated Little Ladies Day. It was a pleasant affair with tea and cookies. I got to meet Ihrie, Sir Zanin’s lady friend. And Lin asked after Nel. Speaking of, I haven’t seen her in quite some time. I should probably make a point of stopping by to visit.

In other news, I met up with a woman, M’hatya at the Quicksand last night. It was supposed to be simple conversation, but ended up turning into quite the evening. Tayn was in rare form, and Lily even showed up. She signed on with the company and now knows our secrets, what few we have. I think she will be a good friend. I like her a lot. It is a shame that Khale did not get to meet her. It will happen sooner rather than later.

He has been rather busy with work lately. I miss him.

[Alothia]

There’s someone at the Quicksand looking for a hyuran male, 6 fulms tall, likely to be disguised in a hooded robe. Apparently he’s an outlaw wanted for the grand companies for trying to incite a rebellion. Perhaps we could look into this? Or be on the lookout for this man. Mentioned something about him talking with the Amaljaa…perhaps that’s where the rebellion is coming from?

 

 

It’s really the only interesting thing going on in the Quicksand this morning. Other than that, the room is eerily quiet. The house was just as quiet as well. I wonder how Tayn is doing….I really need to speak with him about what is going on. If Zanin and Lionnellais could help him as well…

 

 

I’ve been trying to think about the wedding, and it’s a lot to coordinate. I just think I want it to be a small ceremony with the members of the company and maybe a few other friends. Kass. Maybe U’anzu, if I can track him down. Makyn? Nako’li? I don’t know who else I’d invite. 

 

 

I do need to contact Lini. She should meet Khale properly before we tie the knot. I think she’ll like him.

[Alothia]

There has been so much to do and not enough time to do it in.

 

 

I was away last weekend with Khale, and it was a lovely break from the dryness of the paperwork around the house, but it’s time I got back on track and began focusing on what needs to be done.

 

 

I need to contact the client and set up the time for our party for him. I fear that I’ve been later than I said I would be, and that is troubling.

 

 

I need to talk to Zanin about Tayn. Tayn really needs to go see him, if what he’s carrying with him is anything like that which I was carrying. Twelve, I don’t know how much longer he can hold on. He has moments of lucidity where he’s not driven mad by rage, but in those moments…I fear that Tayn will lash out and hurt someone. And if he were to hurt Lily or someone else that I love, I fear that I would not be able to contain myself.

 

 

I need to go to the goldsmith’s with Khale and pick out rings. Although, really, this is just something I need to do for fun. I don’t need a fancy ring, I just need to be with him.

 

 

I need to find time to be with the members of the company, and work to creating a workplace that is both profitable and enjoyable to be in.

 

 

There is so much to do…

[Alothia]

Preparations for the wedding ceremony itself are almost complete. Khale and I spent the past week or so traveling around Eorzea on a pilgrimage. We traveled to each of the shrines of the Twelve an gave our thanks to each of them. I suppose it was more for me than for Khale…he’s not much of a practitioner. Although he did take the time to give thanks to Menphina and Nophica. It warmed my heart. We’ve spent some time at the chapel itself with the wedding planner, picking out music and the type of ceremony and whatnot. I’d like to honor the Twelve in the ceremony in some way. I think it would be nice.

In other news, I helped Khale attend to M’hatya’s surgery. I learned how to learn the signs of infection, and was able to watch him work. It was an interesting learning experience. I hope that M’hatya heals soon. Khale suggested that I get her to help with paperwork and planning the wedding. I think that it would be a good idea. I’d like to get to know her more anyway.

As far as food for the reception is concerned, U’zhan offered to help make some traditional Sagoli dishes. I need to see if I can get into contact with K’ajia and get a hold of the spices he’ll need. She hasn’t been around anytime soon.

We’ve got a lot more jobs to work on. Marah is watching the Shroud for some activity…although I’m not really sure why. And then Lyse is working on something else. I really need to get people to start filling out the new paperwork so I know what the hell is going on. There is a breakdown of communication, and because of that I’m lost. At least if I can have reports filled out, I can keep track of some of what we’re doing.

We had a couple of new employees join up as well. Loxlen seems to be a lovely young man. I hope that we get to talk more in the coming days. I do need to get him to fill out his preliminary paperwork. We also had a lalafell come in as well. Rurubrom Totobrom is his name…but he wants to be called Brom. It’s strange. Who would have thought that we’d have someone else in the company named Brom. Although their personalities are as different as night and day. He does seem to enjoy whiskey though…but that’s not all that uncommon.

I did get a letter from Brom as well. He said that he thought he saw Adriel and then myself…and went after us. I’m not really sure where he is…I suppose I can try writing him back. The Moogles always seem to know where to find people. I hope that he is well and hasn’t run away again.

Twelve, I certainly wrote a lot this sun. I’m sure I’ve left something out. Always do. Anyroad, it is time for me to get back to filing.

[Alothia]

So Brom is back. Apparently he hired the lalafell to impersonate himself, and I didn't notice. I failed some 'test' of his...whatever it was. Brom is a strange one, he is.  He's currently going steady with M'aiku. It is good to see a softer side of him. I haven't seen that in him since Adriel, and even then it wasn't like it is now. She's good for him.

 

 

M'hatya was put in the middle of it all. She's got so much to deal with with being injured, M'aiku, and Shiloh. She's been helping me with paperwork on top of it all. I am glad that she is my friend. I hope that she will continue to come to me to talk about whatever is troubling her.

 

 

Speaking of troubled people, Lily is quite troubled with recent events in Ul'dah. She tries to be so strong, and when something tumbles her, it is quite a something. I haven't seen her in quite a few suns...I hope that she is doing well.

 

 

Work has been busy. Well, yesterday was busy. Trying to get people out of the house and working on the contracts has been like pulling teeth. I had to lock up the liquor in the cabinet to motivate some people. Ran into a few bumps along the road, but we've also got some leads. Hopefully I can compile a sufficient report before it is due.

 

 

After visiting the Ixal camp, Ky and I went to the Bobbing Cork. He's a nice young man. I should try to find him a suitable woman. He deserves someone who is going to be good to him.

 

 

While there, I was filled with quite a sense of nostalgia. It brought back memories of the time that we lived there...Eric, myself, Kanko...I remember Corvus working from there, the time we spent on the porch outside, before the world seemed to fall apart on me again. It is...hard to think about that time. The people, the things we once did. While Jutat is the same...it is different. Not a bad thing. Just different. It serves to remind me that even though time goes on, there are some things that stick with you.

 

 

Work on the clinic has been going well. We've set up most of the cots and the rooms. We still have to stock the cabinet with supplies...soon enough we'll be able to take care of everyone in our care that needs it. It is nice to see that Khale has something to work for again. Twelve, I love him.

 

 

I love all of them. Each and every one. The emptiness that filled me once has been replaced with the people I see every day. We are growing, and so is my heart. I thank the Twelve every sun.

[Alothia]

It has been some time…again. Things have been awfully busy, too busy for me to write down my thoughts and feelings. But on this, my first day as Mrs. Khale Embrise, I shall try.

 

I can’t believe that it happened. Or that it happened and went off without a hitch. I had always envisioned myself to be someone who would settle down one day. Have a husband. Have a few kits running around. I’ve come close a couple of times before, only to have those hopes dashed for one reason or another. Infidelity. Disappearance. Confusion. More Infidelity. Realizing things just weren’t right.

 

But this…it came like a storm and swept me up. I have to admit, last eve, I was just waiting for it to come to a shattering conclusion. I daresay Khale would say I was worried. I sent him a note that morning reminding him to be there on time…and then I had my sister bring him his gift…a pocketwatch. So much for subtlety, Alothia.

 

But he was there. Early even. We shared a few moments before the ceremony, and then were wed in the Sanctum of the Twelve. The rest of the night was much a blur. I couldn’t tell you who was there. I couldn’t tell you what happened at the small reception save that some people drank, and Lily gave a toast that brought tears to my eyes.

 

Today, I am a bit more lucid. A bit more settled. It is done. There’s no more what ifs…just a list of possible tomorrows, and I’m looking forward to each and every one.

[Alothia]

The case of Khale’s mother gets ever stranger. I suppose it is time for me to recount all that has happened.

 

 

Not long after our nuptials, I went to visit Khale’s mother. No one was at the house, and there was a sense of…foreboding. I followed the trail as I could, and came upon a place where the trail stopped. There was naught but her ring.

 

 

I let Khale know immediately, and we tried to make heads or tails of it. The next morning, her house was burned to the ground, and the only thing left was a bag of what appeared to be finger bones.

 

 

We launched into a sort of investigation as we could, and Jayden moved in with us. That is, until he too disappeared.

 

 

Ah, right, the Bell. We also came to acquire a crystal bell with no clanger. It rang, however, and once rung, shattered into dust. We’re not sure of the reasons…or it’s purpose.

Now we’ve heard rumors that the Blades are finding bags of body parts around the city. No one appears to be looking into it. It’s all very frustrating.

 

 

I’m going to need that vacation by the time this mess is over. Hopefully we can find out the truth, and bring Jayden and his mother home to us.

[Alothia]

As comfortable as I am with where I am and what I’m doing, I know that peace is only temporary. And we try every day to forget the things that are going on around us, to drown out the sounds of our own hearts breaking…

I don’t like to think that I’m consoling him through my body. I’d like to think that there is more to it than that. I know deep down that there is more to it than that. But sometimes…I question it. 

Are we just running away from truths that hurt us? That maybe we’re trying to run away from the pain and run head first into each other?

As I lie here in the dark, I ask myself many questions. One I do not ask is if this is right. If this is where I should be, if this is what I should be doing. Even with the pain…the uncertainty. Even with the not knowing and the faint lines etched in mouth corners that never really quite turn up anymore. There is no place I’d rather be. No one I’d rather be with.

And if solace can be found in soft touches, in firm grips, in sighing breaths…who am I to deny it. Who am I to say that it is a weakness. An escape…perhaps. But never one that’s wrong.

[Alothia]

A letter to Eric

 

 

Dearest Eric,

 

I know it has been quite some time since we spoke last, and I chalk that up to our harried schedules. It pains me to say that I have not been as good a friend as I used to be, and for that, I am sorry.

 

How have things been? Everything going well at Dark Embers? Please give my regards to everyone, as I miss them. Yes, even your brother.

 

The reason for this letter is not simply to catch up, although that is part of it. Recently, Khale’s mother and brother have both gone missing, and although we do not know the motivations, we are fairly sure they are nefarious. We don’t have many clues to go off of, but one such clue was the presence of a glass bell at one of the sites.

 

The bell had no clanger, and when Khale picked it up and rang it, it let out a single, clear note, and then turned to dust. Aetherial readings on the remains showed that there were some traces of aetherial magics, but they were too slight to know exactly what the purpose was.

 

I took to the Ossuary to study some of the older tomes they have stashed amongst their shelves, and came upon a book that quite intrigued me. It was a catalog of some objects of similar puport, ones that used aether for a singular purpose, but didn’t need the user to be able to activate them. For example, one of the objects, when pressed, could let another person know that they were needed and summon them to wherever the holder was. Some objects could enable people to take an oath and be bound to it. There were a great many of them.

 

The one that struck me as most interesting, however, was a small ivory cube, that when activated with aether, would cause the holder to fall under a spell of compulsion. If the person was strong minded enough, they could begin to fight it, however it created some adverse affects.

 

This brings me to why I think it’s even connected at all. Khale’s mother, before her disappearance, fell ill and seemed to be obsessed with the man who was her doctor, forsaking her late husband’s wedding ring, and the warning of all others. It seemed that there were many letters exchanged between them in a short period of time, strange for a woman who was still in mourning over her late husband.

 

This is where I ask for your help. I know that Dark Embers employs many people with many varied talents. I was curious if any of them might have any knowledge of such objects, or if any, upon inspection of the remaining dust of the bell, would be able to indicate if it was used for such a purpose. I believe the object to be Sharlyan in nature, perhaps even aquired from the stash of ‘shinies’ that the Illuminati out there seems to have hoarded. Perhaps you know someone who might be able to communicate with them as well.

 

Either way, please write me back or stop by sometime. I do miss you, and wish you all the best.

 

Lini sends her love as well.

 

Until later,

Alothia Embrise

[Alothia]

Aly lay there in bed, listening to the sounds of the floorboards creaking as Khale once again rose from the bed and padded to the door. It wasn’t his fault that she woke. It wasn’t because he couldn’t stay down. It wasn’t because his movements were too sudden. No, it was the lack of his presence that was keeping her up, the game of not knowing if things were going to be alright.

Lily had come by earlier that evening, and it was a pleasant visit. It had been quite some time since she had seen her friend, and her presence was most welcome. It’s funny how moments like that always had a way of turning sour, whether intentionally or not. This evening was one of those, but she had never expected what walked through the door.

A mere bell after her arrival, and a pearl call later, Khale came storming through the door of their small house, Dane and a figure bundled up in tow. She knew as soon as she saw him, who it was. Jayden, she thought, They finally found him, thank the Twelve. But it wasn’t as joyous as she had wished.

She could tell Khale was agitated, from the timbre of his voice, to the tension in his gait. He didn’t spare but a nod for her and Lily before passing through the door to the small clinic, Dane following close in his wake. With a look to Lily, they followed, and what she saw set her fur on end.

Jayden may have returned, but he was broken and battered. As her and Khale quietly worked to bandage his wounds, she couldn’t help but take stock of the injuries that littered Jayden’s form. The open cuts from being lashed across his chest and back, the bruising around his middle that indicated broken ribs, the shallow breathing that might indicate lung damage…and then the wire around his neck. It dug into his flesh, a means of pacification. The young man had been a Blade and getting him to heel was probably a difficult task. All of this added up to a questionable outcome…and now…

Khale was on edge. He kept his own council, would speak of it when it pleased him, but she could tell. Constantly he checked on his brother, walking back and forth from their room to the clinic. And she worried. Not just for Jayden, but Khale as well. How much loss could one man take before he broke? She was loathe to think on it.

And so, she lay there, eyes watching the subtle motion of the chandelier in their bedchamber, eyes flicking toward the door with every sound. She prayed to the Twelve that Nald’Thal was not ready to take him yet. That they would keep him safe and well.

Whether those prayers were for Khale or Jayden, even she didn’t know.

[Alothia]

It is funny. One rarely ruminates on the meanings of single words unless they are drawn to your attention. We accept them for what they are, no more, and no less, assume that that meaning is permanent, and move on with our lives.

 

But in the past 8 moons, much has changed about my perception of the world. Things I once took for granted, I do not anymore. How can I? There is so much more at stake, so much more to lose, and so much more to live for.

 

Home. That is the one word that has always eluded me. When I was a child, home was the place where I lived with Mother, Father, and Lini. It was not an unpleasant place, no, but my inner voices told me there was little there for me…and so I left far too early and on bad terms. This might have developed into my current sense of home had I only given it the chance. Alas, hindsight makes seers of us all, and there are parts of me that weep over that chance lost.

 

When I left my parents’ house, I went to the streets of Ul’dah. There, I met many others who were like me. Disillusioned. Searching for something else. I thought I had built a home around me in the company I kept, but that proved to be a sham. They cared naught for me, and more for what I could do for them…in coin, in favors…it mattered not. Only until my eyes saw what I had wrought did I understand.

 

In Pathian’s house, there was more of a sense of home. I was taken into his household, given a sense of freedom and responsibility…but this responsibility was not borne of love, but rather duty. I needed to repay the household that took me in when everyone else would turn me away. I still keep thoughts of this time close to my heart, but a home it was not.

 

Then came Corvus. It was probably the closest thing to home that I had found before this. We were  a strange and strangled group of people, sharing little more than a tolerance for each other and the work we did, that slowly came to bloom as a feeling of family. I can look back on these times fondly. My sense of belonging did not hinge upon one thing only there. It didn’t matter where we were. Whether we were in our building on Sapphire Ave., Fallgourd Float, or in the snowy lands of Coerthas. Wherever we were together was important.

 

It fell apart after that. There were strains that couldn’t be mended after the incident with Souyo. I had to retreat back into myself, stand alone. It’s not to say that there weren’t those near me who helped me, but it was not…it was not what I thought home should be.

 

When I returned to Jutat, things were…better, but they were never as they used to be. Too many people coming and going. Not enough people staying in one place. I had started to give up hope that I would find that feeling again.

 

And then it hit me like the fall of Dalamud. An all encompassing love the likes of which I had never known. It knocked me over and sent me sputtering…and still does. But now…I feel as if those things I had before, never left. There is a sense of comfort, of well-being. As long as Khale is with me, I can take on the whole of whatever is thrown at me.

 

His love has given me a renewed sense of what is important. I pray that Jayden will be well. That his presence becomes a part of that home. I pray that I can find time to talk with Lini again, that she knows that the past is not a reflection of my feelings toward her, but rather toward my shattered and fragile sense of self at the time. I pray that Lily and Tayn and Lyse and the rest find what I have found. Perhaps they already have. It is not a subject one talks about often, I suppose.

 

I believe these pages contain my thoughts as best as I can write them. It is difficult to give them form in such a way.

[Alothia]

How can I put into words what transpired the night that Jayden died? Or rather, the night that he didn’t die. It all seems like a faint memory, something that lingers in the fog at the edges of my mind. If it weren’t for Khale being there with me, I wouldn’t have believed that i had happened at all.

 

 

It was a night like any other, since Dane and Khale brought Jayden home, bruised and battered. We had plans to go out that night for once, visit some of the shops in the city, get some dinner. Something we hadn’t done in quite some time. But first, we needed to check on Jayden. His health had been steadily slipping, his body’s functions shutting down and seeming to wane with each passing sun.

 

 

I followed Khale into Jayden’s bedchamber, and we knelt beside the bed, praying to the Twelve for his swift recovery. Rather, I prayed. Khale railed against the Twelve, questioning their divinity and whether they were really there at all. I do not fault him for this. Twelve knows I have been at this point plenty of times in my short life.

This time, however, instead of the presence of the divine, there was the stench of death, a flicker of lights, and the breath left Jayden’s chest, in a puff of cool air, like the chill from the grave. It is times like these that I wish I could Heal again, and in my selfish need, I called upon what magicks I could, pulling aether into the room, but unable to channel it into Jayden’s body to heal him as I would have liked.

 

 

In a flash, there was light, and the pressence of a woman. She floated above the bed where Jayden lay, and although she hadn’t spoken yet, I knew who she was on sight. It was Ady, Khale’s first love….I daresay I was worried that she was there to take Khale from me as well. But her face held a soft benevolence, and when she spoke, I knew that she was not there for a nefarious purpose.

 

 

No, Ady informed us that Jayden had been cursed by whomever had him before we found him, and that the only way to sever the ties were for his death. And although I could not heal him, the aether I had called into the room caused Ady to manifest and save his soul from re-entering the lifestream. There was such a sense of warmth and love that came from her…it brought tears to my eyes. That she was able to give Khale back this one thing before vanishing with the eve…I will never forget.

 

 

Khale and I woke the following morn, in our beds, and as we blinked in the light, we both questioned what had actually happened. But no, there was Jayden, alive and well, or well enough given the circumstances. Each sun he recovers more and more, although there seems to be some gaps in his memories. It is to be understood given what he appeared to have been through.

 

 

I do not know what will become of us yet. Perhaps Jayden will be able to help us piece it all together. Perhaps not. All we can do is wait some more. 

[Alothia]

It has been so long.

 

 

I'd been trying to keep in touch via letters, but sending them became a chore, and it was just easier to stay in bed.

 

 

The country life is pleasant, but it lacks the excitement of the city.

 

 

I miss it. Is it wrong to say that? When everything here is so perfect, when I can forget the woes that followed me for so long. At what point is it okay to say that you want something different?

 

 

It has nothing to do with Khale. Things between us have never been better. Mid-morning, when I rise, he is the first thing I see, his shocking white hair illuminated against the bright sunlight. When I turn in for the night, he holds me in his embrace, and I know that everything is fine.

 

 

But I miss the sounds of the city. I miss the cries from the vendors in their stalls. Hells, I even miss the loud chatter in the Adventurer's guild. There was always something comforting about listening to people turn each other down.

 

 

I know Khale doesn't miss it at all. I feel bad having asked if he would even want to come with me for a visit. But I think he does miss his brother. And I miss my sister. I'd like to catch up.

 

 

Perhaps I can make time for a visit soon. Perhaps they'll even remember me there.

 

 

Perhaps.