kura-ou

Hello, Lililove I'm finishing up a few commissions this and next week and was wondering if you would be interested in commissioning me if my style is to your liking: http://ffxiv-roleplayers.com/showthread.php?tid=16040 I also remembered that your name was on the waitlist a few months before and I didn't get a reply, but if you are no longer interested in being on the waitlist, please let me know QuQ;;; I'm, um, actually having a harder time reaching most members, so I really appreciate your reading this. Thank you Hey! Sorry about not hearing back from me! I think that was when I got busy with a lot of family members and company being around and was also drowning in a lot of messages. I love your style and will message you tonight when I get home! Ah, it's okay--I understand that life happens QuQ Thank you for letting me know. Good luck with everything today and I'll be waiting patiently ^^

Hello, Lililove I'm finishing up a few commissions this and next week and was wondering if you would be interested in commissioning me if my style is to your liking: http://ffxiv-roleplayers.com/showthread.php?tid=16040 I also remembered that your name was on the waitlist a few months before and I didn't get a reply, but if you are no longer interested in being on the waitlist, please let me know QuQ;;; I'm, um, actually having a harder time reaching most members, so I really appreciate your reading this. Thank you

Ah, thank you so much for your interest O//A//O I'll add you right away and will notify you when it's your turn C: Thank you in advance for your patience!

Awww, thank you, I'll be honored .//u//. And thank you for letting me know--please take as long as you need to find a job--that's far more important--I'll be cheering for you >//u//<)b I don't update it as much as I used to, but I will try to soon, and will follow you back Thank you so much for the watch!

Hello! Thank you so much for your question! My commissions are always open, but I usually work through my waitlist. A few people haven't contacted me at all, so I apologize for the additional confusion QAQ If you are still interested, I can add you to my waitlist and notify you when more slots have opened up ^^ Please let me know ^^ And gosh, thank you so much for liking my art... I'm glad that my years of hard work paid off Q////Q As for original characters, I am fine with those Many of my commissions over the years have been for original characters. Thank you again for your comment and please let me know if you have any other questions ^^ I would love to be added to your wait list! My question is when you do a commission...is it sent to the person who ordered it or is it just online? Hello, I apologize for the extremely-belated reply Q-Q;;; I don't know why I'm not getting email notifications from here anymore QAQ If you are still interested, I'd be more than happy to add you to the wait-list, but if not, I totally understand ^^ To answer your previous question: I usually send my commissioners their commissions digitally through my stash site. Commissions are generally mixed media watercolor--some watercolor combined with some digital elements. No one has requested the originals yet, but if they did, I could send them in a mailer reinforced with cardboard for a small shipping fee usually about $4-$5 within the US. Please let me know if you have any other questions and thank you again for your time! C:

Gosh, thank you so much for your kind words, Leih Q//~//Q I've been doing my best to not let them get to me. I kind of regressed before I had ample time to reply to your advice and encouragement properly, but I'm slightly better now Q//A//Q)b Q//~//Q I just hope that as I'm writing this, that you're okay... *hugs* If you're not okay, please know that I'm cheering for you to beat it soon, and if you're well, I want you to know that I'm also here cheering for your future happy events C: *sends you moogles and nutkins* <33333

Omigoodness, for the longest time, I thought I was alone in my actions... Starting this thread helped me learn more from you and every one who's either also gone through or knew people who have... Thank you so much for your sympathy and for sharing your experiences Q-Q I haven't gotten medication for my depression and anxiety, but I did recently buy multivitamins to help deal with the imbalanced biochemistry. A few years ago, that was what worked, and I hope that it's not too late to give it a try again. But if things get worse and I can't progress with my work, I will definitely make an appointment with my doctor. I'm doing my best to cope with it now with what I can myself because I'm afraid of burdening anyone ;; I hope that it's enough if I put all of my willpower into it *^*)b And ahhh, thank you so much, Xerintha! *hugs you back* I'm cheering for you, too~! May all of the bad feelings go away so that you can continue what keeps you happy *sends you happy feels with a bunch of moogles and nutkins* <33333

Thank you, Lililove Q//~//Q I do feel a bit bad because it can get out of control sometimes...and can be kind of unprofessional on top of my anxiety. I wish there was a way I could put it in my Terms of Service...because I always don't want to worry commissioners...but at the same time... I'm usually trying to recover and either get sucked in by the negativity or by...the art itself in an attempt to regain my love for art @-@;;; I tend to offer complete redos of any botched commissions (for everyone in the FFXIV community, at least), but...the anxiety makes me kind of uncertain... I'm doing my best to cope, though, and have instead made a tumblr for everyone to keep track *A*)b in addition to getting back to volunteering at the hospital (I've been able to make patients smile, so that's always a plus). Thanks again, Lililove, for your advice and encouragement Q//~//Q

Q//~//Q Gosh, thank you so much, LiadansWhisper... I'm going to take your advice >A<)b Thank you for your kindness and support, too O//~//O I will definitely let you know (and ahhh, your words speak the truth--I wish I had more backbone to tell off that kid ;; ). And I'm doing just that OuO)b <33333 Thank you again for spreading good feels!

Wow, I'm really happy to know that you have 99% positive ratings, though (It's quite mean-spirited of that 1%, however. Good thing negatives are so rare for you ;; I'm sure that you worked hard to obtain your skills, and you don't need people spreading lies like that... I can sympathize with that Q-Q I had 1 commissioner a few years back lie about my business practices when he made up an imaginary person to slander me...and I barely started doing commissions back then, so there weren't many positives or anyone who would be willing to stand up for me. I was already depressed and overworked before he posted it up, and after I responded to him, he privately berated me like I was trash. Even the sole project I worked on for another client on those same forums had all of my art pulled and replaced even though they initially liked my work. As a freelancer yourself with so many positive ratings and highly valued skills, I hope that you never, ever have to come across anyone like I did, this type of "client from h***" Q^Q I'm quite grateful when people tell me "take as much time as you need, I understand..." But those were very similar to what he said long ago, and he ended up treating me as subhuman... I'm still very fearful of that, but my limited time, energy, social anxiety and risk of further depression make it all the more difficult. I'm trying, though... I love creating art, and I can't thank everyone enough, including you, for all of your advice and encouragement.

Thank you so much, LystAP Q//A//Q I'm still touched that you have it for your portrait ./////. And thank you--ahhh, but gosh, I know that you have the potential to create even more awesome things! O//u//O)b Q//~//Q And again, thank you, LystAP. I'm taking small steps in the face of some hardships, but it's far better than where I was before. I greatly appreciate your encouragement, patience and understanding.

Thank you so much, Roen Q//^//Q It was definitely a great joy being able to draw Rae and to know that you really liked your commission .////. I'll do my best to listen to you and every kind soul who has commented Q//~//Q My art professor also said something to those lines about pricing...so I just have to get over this bubble of negativity and take yours and everyone's advice to heart. Thank you again, Roen. I'm barely taking small steps forward after taking a few backwards, but I'm definitely going to do my best to feel better so I can continue making more people happy with my art C:

Q//~//Q Awwww, thank you so much, Aya... ;/////; I'm going to do my best to focus my motivation on everyone's smiles at the end of each commission, like I did before. And gosh, thanks QuQ)b I'm definitely working towards starting and finishing more commissions so that I can add more options people may like ^^ It's already a lot of fun inching towards the start of every commission--just have to keep at it as often as I can C:

Q^Q Aww, thank you so much, PhantasticPanda... It's just been hard feeling that I wasted my elderly parents' efforts (I've never had grandparents because my parents were already over middle age and their parents had already passed by then), but I'm going to follow your advice. They supported me regardless of my successes or failures in art, and the best thing I can do is move on from my mistakes and improve. And thank you so much for sharing your college experiences with me, too, PhantasticPanda... I remember feeling that way. I found that so long as you take your time into figuring out what you really want to do, like you said, that any time seen as "lost" before will just be like time you put in for your future. So long as you're happy and can afford the necessities and tiny rewards every now and then, I think that's what matters at the end of the college road C: I hope that everything's well for you now, though, and if not, please know that I'll also be cheering for your happiness and successes, too ^^

Gosh, Caspar... Thank you so much for your kind comment and all of your encouragement (even if you say you're not good at it--it sure picked me up a lot Q//~//Q). ...I...honestly...find it very difficult to say anything positive about myself...but... Thank you so much, Caspar, for seeing the specks of good in me. I want to do my best to be like you described so that I can move on to do nice things for others. It really means a lot to me that so many trusted me with their beloved characters, and I don't want to let them down. Thank you again, Caspar. I'm going to try harder to get over this social anxiety/depression slump and communicate properly C:

QAQ I also apologize for worrying you over your commission... I'm trying to get better at communicating... It's really hard for me to do it cross-platform as a super-introvert, so I'm trying to figure out a way I can just inform all my commissions at once, but I don't know which form of social media is most convenient for everyone @-@ I do thank you for your reminder, though ;; P.S. I have extra gift ideas in addition to your commission... so I'm trying to learn more Photoshop tricks before I draw it out and implement it. I really appreciate your patience, McBeef and apologize for further trouble... Q^Q

Q//~//Q Thank you so much, Warren. I really appreciate your wisdom and your encouragement, always. It's taken some time, but I'm getting excited over doing and finishing everyone's commissions and look forward to starting yours when the time comes QuQ I'm going to do my best to focus on my happiness, productivity and future so I can continue to put my effort into creating "nice things" *^*)b

Dear Aurou, I apologize for this super-belated reply and for making you worry so much Q-Q I'm still a bit overwhelmed [and very touched] by everyone's kind comments and thank you for being one of the first to reach out and for giving me all these tips. I want you to know that I'm trying, as difficult as it may be, to get back on track and to be happy enough so I can continue everyone's commissions at a steadier pace. I recently got to make 3 first-time chemo patients smile on my birthday a few days back, and I guess that was the best step forward *^*)b In-between studying and my filial duties, I'll do what I can to reserve at least 1 hour every night to work on commissions. Thank you again for your advice and understanding, Aurou Q//~//Q

I've been gone so long on these forums and I'm really disappointed in myself... I wanted to do so much for my commissioners and for AX Artist Alley, but in the end... Nothing panned out and I became really depressed... [align=center] [/align] It was made worse by my tablet not working so I couldn't do my older digital commissions I accepted in late May and early June. I feel horrible for making everyone wait. But I don't know how to respond... I don't know if anyone reads my **TERMS OF SERVICE**. I am solely at fault for not communicating...but at the same time, bouts of depression, and not simple sadness, I feel, attack me for small, petty reasons or none at all. I don't think I can put that in a Terms of Service, but it's true, and I hate myself for it. It's stressed in my signature that my art is my life, that I put so many hours into my art [when I feel well enough to draw]. And yet, despite having no show of illnesses before, this stupid sad feeling comes out of nowhere when I least expect it and mentally cripples me until who knows when. "You're an unprofessional, disgusting person." - 6/10/16 "Your prices are too high. I can draw way better than you and wouldn't charge that much." - 7/2/16 I can't pretend to be happy right now...nor can I read and take any negativity from any messages, brought on by my own inaction, either. How pathetic, right? ----- [align=center]**UPDATE 8/31/16**[/align] As depressed as I have been since early July, I cannot afford to always feel bad about myself. I'm now barely realizing that. It's taking me a bit more time to get to everyone's replies, commissions and messages due to more life complications after hearing about my father's health complications from the doctor's office... So I am monitoring my father, nagging him every so often to make sure he takes care of his health better. For commissions and FFXIV art in general, I may stay silent for a while, but I will not give up on my art. I know I felt quite sad after one of the first people who commissioned me changed their avatar and discarded my art, I felt that even though I gave them extra work in the 1st place because I really loved doing their commission when I was normal and happier, that I just wasn't trustworthy and just scammer trash because I holed myself up during my long depression. I didn't even want to type a response to them because I was still hurt from that last person on deviantArt who said the first negative comment. That's not the correct way to move on, it's not the correct way to make my happiness more stable, my productivity increase. Those thoughts only serve to make me more depressed... So I'm working towards remedying that (I bought Trader Joe's multivitamins on my birthday to give me back the gift of being happy, however slow ;; ). I've read and reread everyone's supportive comments. Since my birthday last week, I've begun to be more industrious as a student, as a volunteer, as an artist. Regardless of whether some people may find me untrustworthy due to my social anxiety and depression over the course of a commission--it helps no one if I give up. I already have proof of that, but I won't show everyone the pieces yet because the final product is still unfinished. [align=center]For now, I'll be showcasing pieces I have finished since late July, all time-stamped. pencil drafts of the commission and the extra gifts WIP It's taking me so gosh-darn long on Parth-Makeo's because I have a ton of spazzy ideas...and I hope to be able to implement some of them if my technical skill is up to par Q~Q ...he gave me a few cool suggestions...and a plethora of things ran through my mind even though I haven't talked yet. ...It was a headshot commission, but I used the single reference I had of Adeya's grimoire and did my best to 'make up' the patterns. Like with every commission, I also enjoyed this...even if my hand cramped for a while QuQ;; Stress-reliever piece for once and something I did to give back to the community (You can also enter before 9/3/16, and I'll have a separate raffle for everyone's characters here--one reason why I did it was because I went through a lot of people's screenshots and felt touched by the love and care they put into those and the companion text (if not just the screens, because a picture can also say a 1000 words ;; ). comments here; most detailed commission up to date First chibi/full-body Lalafell I drew in lieu of a headshot for Shoshopu's patience So yes, I'm not done, and greatly thank everyone for their patience and understanding ^^ As I said before, I work slow, and sometimes don't talk because I am a little art hermit sometimes bound by emotions I can't yet understand, but I don't forget commissions, and I certainly won't run off with anyone's hard-earned money. PM notifications haven't been getting through, but you are free to contact me via tumblr (which has 2 types of messaging available now, I think?). I'll be volunteering some more in morning up until the early evening, but will try to work on some more art and continue replying to everyone's comments after dinner. Again, thank you for not only your understanding, but your insight. I greatly appreciate it C: [/align] ----- Because of that first person, I had to refund most of the money I made from AX, which was not that much. Miscommunication is always my fault...and it's usually because I have these stupidly-grande ideas for a piece of art and always feel so inadequate, so I keep drawing other things until I can get better. I'm really foolish in that aspect because even though I plan these gifts and all of that for commissioners who are really patient--if I never talk, because of depression or some art hermit streak, I will never know when a fuse will go off and I'll be reprimanded (rightly so, but the choice of words can vary; 'disgusting' is just abhorrent and I would never use it for someone who has never tried harming another person, let alone someone online, whom I cannot see being physically gross or dirty). I never have any intention to scam anyone out of their hard-earned money. I know how hard it can be. To make just $100, I have to take on at least 7 headshot commissions, which take about 2-4 hours each. Imagine having to scrape at least $250/$700 every month just to try to pay for groceries and a monthly loan payment after graduation? I really hate myself, because I do all I can to be happy in front of others and comfort them if needed IRL, but I have no friend like that. My elderly dad gets anxious easily and to my mom, depression isn't an illness. ------ I don't like being like this. Having no time to draw because I have to 'study', but there is no direction, no set plan for what I have to do in the health sciences. I can't even go back to school because I would have to take on additional loans and it would take away from my volunteer work, which already takes 4-6 hours via public transportation. And for AX, I temporarily stopped my volunteering. I can't say that it was worth it. Spending weeks preparing sketches, only for my tablet to have problems near the end, and I couldn't meet my print deadlines for large posters or even work on ideas I really wanted to pull through with. And my buttons, after staying up a few days, I only finished 3. I lost sleep and my mom felt bad for me, so she offered to punch a bunch of them up until the early morning (3:30 am) I had to take the Greyhound for Day 1 of AX. My elderly parents suffered helping me with my over-sized luggage, and in the end, I couldn't even sell 1/3 of my prints. And the hundreds of buttons that my mom painstakingly helped me make--I couldn't even sell 20 of those. That little teenager that made the pricing remark, that just made me even sadder. I found it funny: I had to take on cheap commissions just to make back the money I spent sharing the table, the hotel room, and for food... So much extra work when I could have been working on my older commissions if only the prints and buttons sold well .___. I probably just saw 3 good online friends the entire time I was there. My partner was super-sweet and we got to explore Little Tokyo for the 1st time for about an hour or so before everything closed. These were the few good memories I had this year. And yet, they're outweighed by this sadness that seems really petty. Getting a day of rest and returning to Orange County, a place I haven't been since I lost my only uncle, made me even more sorrowful. I wouldn't have to go with my mom if he was still alive. I still feel grief over his death... ----- But the feelings I have right now are a mixture of anxiety and depression. I'm so afraid of reading these messages, because...I don't know how to give proper apologies, am afraid of people's anger... I should have just communicated more, but it's been a month or so...and I still have all these ideas in my head that I haven't gotten onto paper yet... I want to do so much more to make my commissioners happy and adding some extras, but... What if they now hate me and no longer want the art...? Just because I disappeared for a month... Just because of my depression and foolishness in not responding as I should... Ever since I lost my only childhood friend to depression, I've been having these random bouts of sadness and I still don't know how to remedy this. Maybe I have no one around my age, no close friend to understand me anymore... Whatever the reason, I don't like having my feelings crippling my ability to create art. Not being able to draw, whether it's because of depression or technical issues, all of it makes me anxious and even more depressed when I can't deliver in a timely manner... .___. I probably trust other people to trust me far too much... Because I would never steal anything they worked hard for, but the world doesn't work like that. People do steal, and I can only look like a scammer when I disappear--life reasons or not. I can't say that they don't have lives either. Of course they would worry .__. All I can do is apologize for making them wait so long...but would they still trust me to create art for them...?

Hello! Thank you so much for your question! My commissions are always open, but I usually work through my waitlist. A few people haven't contacted me at all, so I apologize for the additional confusion QAQ If you are still interested, I can add you to my waitlist and notify you when more slots have opened up ^^ Please let me know ^^ And gosh, thank you so much for liking my art... I'm glad that my years of hard work paid off Q////Q As for original characters, I am fine with those Many of my commissions over the years have been for original characters. Thank you again for your comment and please let me know if you have any other questions ^^

Ahhh, thank you~! I'm super-happy that I could do my best to portray your character the best I could Q////Q And I apologize for getting to pms so slowly ;; Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by people's kind intentions, and it's the perfect boost after a day of hard work QuQ

Q//A//Q Ahhhh, I really enjoyed drawing it and am super-happy that you like it! .////.

Hello~! I'd really like to thank you for your patience and would like to notify you that more commission slots have been opened Please feel free to pm me your info whenever you are ready and thank you again for your time ^^

Thank you so much for your kind words QuQ I'm glad that over a decade of hard work could pay off and put a smile on your face ./////.)<3

Q//A//Q Ahhh, omigosh, Warren...I'm really honored Q//~//Q Thank you so much! I'm really grateful--I'll add you to the waiting list again. Thank you so much for your kindness ./////. (and gosh, you and @Parth Makeo must be good friends or bros >/////<)