Character Critique? Please

[Remx]

This is very much a W.I.P but I wanted to get some feedback before going farther with it. Don't be afraid to be blunt if you think something is just too far out there or outside of lore, Thanks for taking a look. (sorry this is so long, I'm not too good with forums so I don't know how to do the spoiler thing))

 

Full Name: Remx (Rem-mee) Le'voleur

Title(s): Lt. Le'voleur

Age: 25

Place of Origin: Garlean Empire.

Sex & Race: male, half Elezen

Appearance:Height: 6'3 Weight: 160 Hair Color: brown Eye Color: red Scars/Markings: none

Personal Effects: a deck of cards, a flask, staff, pack of cigarettes, Garlean officers rank pin.

Occupation/Duty: collections.

Past Duty/Occupation: Lt. In the Garlean army.

Activities/Organizations: gambling, drinking, pick pocketing.

Hobbies: card tricks, and slight of hand

Interests: coin, magic, and women

Problems/Flaws/Addictions/Disorders/Disabilities: guilty consensus, Remx is only half Elezen and tends to be looked down on by both Elezen and Hyur.

Relationship Status: single

Family: both parents alive and well... As far as he knows

Quirks: almost always playing with a deck of cards or a coin.

Character Back story Synapsis: Remx has spent most of his life in the Garlean Empire, but sickened by the events that brought down the moon, He fled the empire with the aid of Grinner and Gizmo. Now this sly quick handed mage spends his time at their side, handling collections and doing what he can to atone for past sins that still haunt him.

Quotes: "t'is your mistake I am no here ta protect her from you, I am here ta protect you from her"

 

A small glimps into his past: The red eyed youth sat alone in the dark room sweat dripping from his brow and soaking his black uniform. The purple glow of the spell infused card he held was the only light. When he could hold it no more Remx flicked the card across the room were it exploded in a shower of ice. "very good" An unseen voice said "you held onto the spell twice as long as last week". A smirk played across the young Half-Elezen's face at hearing these words.

 

***

There is movement in the shadows, a brief flare arcs toward the thatched roof, flashes into brilliant light as it explodes. The dry rushes catch fire quickly and in the lurid dance of light the expression of the dark clad man is revealed. He is sickened by the act, but he has orders. He rounds the corner toward the square and stops short. A young woman from the village has confronted another of the soldiers. She holds the sword clumsily and she is terrified. Before Remx can react, the other man runs the girl through and walks away. All he can do is watch as she topples and bleeds slowly into the earth. The memory of her wide eyes haunts him.

 

***

Remx stands on the edge of a large pit, the fire below begins to blaze, cast eerie shadows across his face. Movement catches his eye, it's not the flames. His gaze shifts downward and he flinches, hopes it was a trick of the light. Again, there. A leg moves, one of them is still alive. The slender man recoils in horror, an unlit cigarette falls unnoticed from his fingers. He turns and walks away, begins to run. But he's not fast enough, the screams start. They echo in his memory.

 

***

Somewhere in the Garlean Empire...He's been trailing the pair through the city, he's certain neither of them have spotted him, or even suspect they're being followed. He's gotten close enough to hear them speak, but even without the foreign inflection he can tell they're not from around here. Perfect.The girl sticks another piece of candy in her mouth and stops without warning to look at the display in the window of a nearby shop. The young man sighs in exasperation and also comes to a stop, distracted for a moment from his watchful stance. Remx takes his chance, jostles the man with a mumbled apology, at the same time nicks a small pouch from his belt. The half-elezen realizes his mistake as soon as the girl shouts and his gaze is drawn in that direction. Both he and the midlander are clearly reflected in the glass."Shit." Remx mutters. He jerks roughly away as other man tries to grab him, and takes off at a dead run. He hears the man shout, "Grinner wait!" and glances over his shoulder, the elezen girl is in hot pursuit. He slams into a passerby, knocks them to the ground as he ducks into a side street. For several minutes he runs, turns through the twisted streets, each with less and less people. He rounds another corner and comes up short, it's a deserted alley. And a dead end. With a snarled oath he turns, just in time to see the girl round the corner and the young man fast on her heels.He quick steps back as the girl lunges for him, at the same time the midlander manages to hook an arm around her waist and haul her back, off her feet. "Grinner, stop!""Put me down, Gizmo, I'm gonna break his knee!" she yells, "No. BOTH KNEES! Let's see him run then!" The enraged girl continues to struggle against Gizmo's hold, intent on carrying out her threat. The midlander tilts his head to look past her at the man with his back to the wall and says calmly, "I'd like my pouch back now." He pauses and adds, "Or I'll let her go."

[Olofantur]

I'll update again when i've had the chance to digest and reflect upon the information you provided. But may I suggest in the interval outlining what Hyur and what Elezen clans you are part of? Duskwights/Wildwoods in particular have some differences that could tweak how outsiders view you.

 

Edit: Also the spoiler tags are [*spoiler]Text here[*/spoiler] except without the "*"s

[Olofantur]

Double post I know, but BAH HUMBUG, so here's a quick little write up after taking the time to reflect on your own post, I didn't touch on a few key aspects but I put my own questions below.

 

To be honest, I'm not that familiar with Hyuran lore so I can't say for certain, but I don't think they would necessarily look down on you for being of mixed blood. For the Elezen on the other hand, I think it would be more of a "pity" for some one who doesn't fully fit in. (Particularly if you we're a Duskwight mixture and if it is physically evident.)

 

Breaking away from the Garlean empire I imagine is quite the event, (particularly since its been shown through some quests that common Garlean soldiers are brain washed to a certain extent.). Have you thought about expanding on the escape with Ginner and Gizmo? Perhaps they were airship workers or some kind of role allowing them to operate somewhat independently and promote your escape? The implications of them being outsiders opens up the avenue to a myriad of potential endings to that route.

 

A few follow up questions,

Have you had the chance to peruse the wiki much? There's an ongoing fleshing out of information there which I think may help provide more context to the Garlean empire for you to pull from, as well, if you search "Garlean citizenship" you should be able to find the listing of other characters who have like you fled the Empire and their stories might provide some brain food for your own.

 

Have you had the chance to play in the Beta yet to roll an appearance for your character? The physical attributes (at least for me) can determine how much exposure/flak your character gets as a "half"

 

Was there any particular area you were looking for critique over all? Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns,

 

Hope this helps and Best of luck in Eorzea.

[FreelanceWizard]

As an additional note, the devs have noted that half-breeds are quite uncommon, so you might want to consider making that a bigger part of your backstory so it doesn't come off as a "special snowflake" thing. It doesn't seem to be really narratively relevant right now.

 

As Olofantur said, the Garlean Empire has a lot of lore considerations when it comes to being a turncoat -- brainwashing, indoctrination from an early age, the notoriously short life-span of those the Empire thinks might be disloyal, that sort of thing. It's probably easier to play an Imperial who was the survivor of an attack and left for dead, or who is suffering from amnesia, or something of that nature.

[Remx]

Thanks for the input, and yes I will be making the fact that he is a crossbreed a bigger part of his story and RP.

[Grinner]

 

Breaking away from the Garlean empire I imagine is quite the event, (particularly since its been shown through some quests that common Garlean soldiers are brain washed to a certain extent.). Have you thought about expanding on the escape with Ginner and Gizmo? Perhaps they were airship workers or some kind of role allowing them to operate somewhat independently and promote your escape? The implications of them being outsiders opens up the avenue to a myriad of potential endings to that route.

 

 

Grinner and Gizmo are smugglers that operate out of Ul'Dah (or Limsa Limosa), actually, who have recently (at the time of game launch) regained control of their father's organization, The Red Hand Trading Company.

 

The last part of his post is part of the back story of all three characters, and the Free Company. They smuggle him out of the Empire, he helps them seize control from the usurper.