Soften them Up [ooc welcome]

[Naunet]

((Ulanan has a plan, in a dastardly follow-up to A First Drink, taking place not long after Vignette with a Doll.))

 

***

 

“I think you should order something besides olives this time, Ulanan. It can't be healthy...”

 

Ulanan frowns at that, wearing disappointment like a blanket. "Nonsense! Olives are the most complete food in the world. But you can order something else, if the health of your bones is of no worry to you."

 

“But I was reading a cooking book before we left Limsa and...” Antimony shook her head as they entered the Quicksand and moved towards a... well, it had been a free table only moments before.

 

“I guess we'll be eating at the bar tonight,” Ulanan observed.

 

Antimony frowned at a thought but seemed to banish it quickly, smiling down at the lalafell at her side. "I suppose you'll be closer to your olive supply that way," she tried for a jest.

 

“There are advantages to every situation in life!”

 

Without much preamble, Antimony took a seat at the bar. At least there were no argumentative Brass Blades to harm the mood this time. “You'll never guess who I ran into... or, well, who found me earlier today.”

 

Ulanan sat and ordered a large amount of olives, naturally. And a tuco-tuco steak. “Megiddo?”

 

Before Antimony could respond with her surprise, someone cleared his throat next to them, "Ahm. You invited me for drinks this eve?"

 

“Indeed, I did!” Ulanan did not miss a beat, turning to the lalafell captain. “Please, have a seat.”

 

“Excellent!” Lamandu Tyremandu hopped onto the stool next to Ulanan. "You have lost your reservations towards the stuff then, yes?" He waved briefly to Antimony.

 

The woman blinked n confusion at Lamandu for several seconds, then at Ulanan. “What's this about?”

 

“I will be honest to you. That Miqo'te underling you have creeps me out. I wouldn't drink the clearest glass of water in her presence.” Ulanan turned to Antimony then. “Oh, I invited the captain to make us company. I hope you don't mind.”

 

Lamandu shrugged, "Lou is... Quite something, I suppose you could say."

 

Antimony's ears twitched in surprise, and she peered at Ulanan curiously before looking past the lalafell to the other. "... Ah! Well, in that case... Good evening, Captain."

 

Lamandu nodded his head, "And good evening to you as well, Antimony. I hope my presence is not a bother? I had assumed the invitation came from the both of you?"

 

Antimony smiled after a pause. "Oh, this is a surprise, but a pleasant one. I only hope this evening... well! That it goes better than the last..."

 

“Well, I was hoping we'd been done with dinner by this time, but...we got distracted with other things. Feel free to order something to eat too, if you want.” Ulanan smiled at Lamandu.

 

The other lalafell nodded his head, "Yes, hopefully this does go much better than the last... outing. I do apologize on Lou's behalf. The girl has some growing up that she needs to do." Lamandu ordered a side of chips and an ale from the bar, before turning back to his companions.

 

“Well! Best not to dwell on the past,” Antimony hummed a bit nervously. “Ah... How are... you faring, Captain?”

 

Ulanan took off her turban and combed her flattened hair for a while before taking an olive out of plate and biting it.

 

“Myself? Alright I suppose. We've had some vagrancy troubles down on Pearl Lane, you haven't run in to any troubles with them have you?"

 

“Vagrancy? No, nothing of that sort. Only expected difficulties.”

 

“And what would you mean by that?”

 

Antimony chuckled and shook her head. "Bureaucratic things, mostly. You know I can't discuss explicit details beyond your own files with you for privacy concerns."

 

Lamandu chuckled, "Of course. I merely wish to help where I can. That’s the only reason that I asked." He nodded his thanks to the barmaid as she brought his chips and drink over.

 

“I would not doubt it.” Antimony smiled at Lamandu, and then turned the expression on the bartender before ordering a light meal of... some kind of food. Creativity is overrated.

 

“Working whole words together about work? How worryingly woeful! We should be speaking of pleasantries. Though I gather you like your job, captain?” At this, Antimony tilted her ears at Ulanan.

 

Lamandu nibbled on a chip, "Do I like my job? I suppose that I do. I've been doing it for some years now. I get to do at least a little good, which is more than some could say. Pearl lane has settled down a lot since I took over. Its last captain.... didn't do much good for it." He shook his head.

 

Antimony straightened slightly, features curious. The tip of her tail twitched against one leg. "In what way do you mean?"

 

Ulanan took a bite out of her steak. “Yes, pray tell us what measures you have taken. It sounds like an impressive thing to do, the bettering of Pearl Lane.”

 

Lamandu took a drink, "The woman sent the whole district up into strife, sending more people behind bars than we could hold. And that’s not a good thing. She was on a crusade without taking the circumstances of the lane into consideration and seeking to better it. She couldn't see the forest for the trees. Nasty piece of work she was." Again he shook his head, sadly.

 

“How long was she in command before you took over?”

 

“No time at all. She was removed from her command,” Lamandu replied succinctly, and then, “Oh, you mean how long was she in...” Ulanan blinked, confused by Lamandu's confusion. He thought for a moment, "Less than a year, I believe. I would have to take a look at the records. She'd had a long history in the Brass Blades though."

 

Antimony furrowed her brow. "I don't know if I'd say..." She seemed to think better of whatever it was she was going to say she wouldn't say, instead shaking her head and accepting her meal from the bartender.

 

“Gossiping about how bad your predecessor was seems a bit untasteful. Why don't we talk about your achievements, instead?” Ulanan suggested.

 

“Hmm? You were going to say something? You didn't know her, so please don't defend--” Lamandu cut himself off as Ulanan spoke.

 

“Ah!” Antimony intruded, aware of some slip, though unsure of what precisely it was. “I'm sure Ulanan means no offense to your... opinions!”

 

Lamandu took a drink from his ale, "My own achievements? I start off by saying that it was one, taking over and recovering from that woman, did I not?"

 

“Yes. I was hoping you'd have achieved something more than that, though. Clearly, a man of your quality couldn't have reached this post unless you deserved it. Correct?” At Ulanan’s words, Antimony gave the back of the lalafell’s head a briefly bemused look. Ulanan continued: “We all know how unlawful Ul'dah can be. If you reached this place easily, it would put a big doubt over your quality that you do not deserve!”

 

Lamandu chuckled, "You're as bad as a mother-in-law to be, poking me for my credentials! I'll have you know that I was formally recognized for my long standing service out in Drybone. Helped to bring a whole highway robbery chain to justice! Of course, they were doing it through subversive civilian camouflage. It was quite the operation!"

 

Ulanan laughed. “One has to be, in this city!”

 

Antimony's ears perked up slightly. "Mother-in-law to be? Oh, I'm sorry, that's personal..."

 

Lamandu frowned slightly, "Yes. Well. We should all know how finicky they can be, yes? Never good enough for their little girls." Lamandu drank from his mug, looking unhappy.

 

Antimony blinked bemusedly. "I... am not sure I understand.” There was a cultural subtlety here that simply passed her by, and it was frustrating.

 

Ulanan ordered a glass of white wine, which was served quite quickly. She picked it up and raised it over the bar, smiling at Lamandu. "Let's drink twice for your achievements in the Lane and Drybone!" Ulanan did not wait for him to react and drank after a quick "Cheers!"

 

Lamandu sourly raised his glass, clinking it against Ulanan's. "You've never heard about the horrors of mother-in-laws? Well you should have. They're the worst."

 

Antimony's eyes widened slightly at Ulanan. "Are you sure you should be drinking that..?"

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Pulled between curiosity with Lamandu’s situation and concern for Ulanan, Antimony shook her head at Lamandu after a moment. "I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with the concept."

 

“Of course she should,” Lamandu countered. “It’s the perfect time. You've had your own bouts of marriage troubles, haven't you Ulanan? I sense a fellow in suffering!”

 

Ulanan turned to Lamandu and smiled. "Do you, now? Quite a perceptive man you are."

 

Antimony furrowed her brow a bit worriedly, but fell silent for a moment.

 

“So you have had such troubles then? Please share! Misery loves company, does it not?"

 

Ulanan closed her eyes. “Indeed. He was interested in other women. That's a plural. I bet you can infer the rest.”

 

Lamandu shook his head, drinking from his ale, “Yes, well. Some of us can be scum."

 

Antimony cast a concerned look Ulanan's way before venturing, "Wouldn't it be better to focus on... ah, drinking to better things?"

 

Ulanan expressed her disagreement with a firm toss of her hair. “What about you, captain? How woeful were your woes?”

 

“No. This is now a drinking night. You should be commiserating with us Antimony."

 

“Commiserating?” Antimony blinked. “Ah, I don't think that would be... well, I'll listen, I suppose.”

 

“My woes? Well. I never did get married. Girl's mother called it off. Apparently I wasn't rich enough for their family. Not up to snuff.” Lamandu scowled, taking another drink. Not long after, he reached the bottom, and held the mug out to the barmaid for a refill.

 

“That's sad. Let's drink to that!” And so she did.

 

“Would that... not make your reference, ah... the mother-in-law that never was?” Antimony ventured.

 

Lamandu shrugged, "I supposed. That is just technicalities though!"

 

Antimony did not drink. She did, however, watch the two with some discomfort.

 

“l3.” Ulanan looked confused for a moment. The drink must have hit her quite hard, as she was saying random letters and numbers now. “Ahem...I mean... How was she?”

 

“So you really mean to tell us that you have no romantic woes then, Antimony? I know you Miqo'te don't marry the same way the rest of us do, but you’re a city Miqo'te, aren't you?” Lamandu queried.

 

Antimony blinked, caught off-guard by the question, and was silent for several seconds while searching for a way to answer. Perhaps luckily (or not), Ulanan found one for her: “Nope! She comes from a tribe. They don't have marriage woes in those communities!” Ulanan laughed.

 

Antimony frowned at her plate, then cast an apologetic smile Lamandu's way. "I'm sorry to disappoint."

 

Lamandu shook his head, "Then why are you here? Since this has since turned into a pity party, apparently."

 

“Oh! Well...” She fidgeted awkwardly and gestured a bit helplessly at Ulanan, "The... company?"

 

“We were having dinner,” Ulanan explained. “It was a normal dinner until we got all sad and started sharing our terrible pasts with our spouses.”

 

“Yes. Well, I did not bring that part up. So it’s not my fault.”

 

“Let's drink to that!” And so Ulanan drank! To that! Cheerfully! Lamandu followed suit, while Antimony smiled awkwardly and poked at her dinner.

 

Ulanan had forgotten all about her food. Except for the olives. She grabbed a handful of them and ate them. While she chewed, Lamandu narrowed his eyes at Ulanan, "So what ever did happen to your cheating husband? From the way you talk I'd say you aren't married anymore."

 

Ulanan choked, coughed, and choked some more at that. “Ahm...he left with his mistress.”

 

Antimony startled and leaned over to rub at Ulanan's back, saying worriedly, "Are you alright?"

 

Ulanan coughed some more before attempting to solve her problem by drinking from her wine some more. The coughing lessened and after another sip it was gone. “I'm fine. Let's drink to that!” And again, down the drink went.

 

Lamandu frowned slightly, "So you're still married then? Technically?" He did, however, drink as per Ulanan's request. Antimony looked unconvinced at Ulanan's assurances, hovering close, though she didn’t press. Her own meal was now largely forgotten.

 

“I guess?” Ulanan shrugged. “I haven't heard of him since then. He could be dead, for all I know.”

 

Antimony blinked down at Ulanan. "For all you... well, that's... isn't that something you'd want to know?"

 

Ulanan thrust her hands out in vehement disagreement. “Some things are best left in obscurity! Besides...how would I know? It's not like I can send him a letter.”

 

“I... suppose so.”

 

Lamandu nodded his head, "You should look into it, Ulanan. Who knows? What if you meet someone else you would want to marry, but can't because your still married to a two-timer!" And he drank some more.

 

“I should have to meet the correct person first! Let's drink to that, too.” Again, more drink, and Ulanan is joined in this by Lamandu.

 

“Ulanan... perhaps you should, ah, slow down...?”

 

“Mm? Nonsense! We, lalafellin, can take a great amount of alcho...alcah...of this!” Ulanan waved the glass over her head. "Right, Lamandu? Can I call you Lamandu, right?”

 

Antimony blinked and cast a worried glance towards the bartender, who did not really seem all that fazed by the two drunken lalafells. Drunk people weren’t exactly a new thing at a tavern.

 

Lamandu lifted his glass, "Yes, we are rather renowned champions of drinking. And of course! You can call me Lamandu, Ulanan! We are commiserating now, aren't we?"

 

“We are! Drink!” Ulanan did just that.

 

“Oh, I wasn't aware... just be careful, please.”

 

Lamandu finished his ale off, motioning for another, this time requesting a glass of wine.

 

“You know, I have seen your official office of official officering. Did you decorate it?”

 

Lamandu chuckled, "Me decorate? Of course not! And it wasn't Lou either. Why? Did you like it?" He smiled at Ulanan.

 

“Ah, not a decorating man. But a drinking man!”

 

Lamandu, of course, drank, "Of course! It’s not a man's job decorate! It’s Ben's job!"

 

“Ben?”

 

Lamandu nodded his head, "Of course! Ben!" He frowned, "Or wait. You never met Ben. Antimony did though, he kept her company in the records room!"

 

Ulanan flailed one arm, the one not holding the drink. "Bolt Ben! I can decorate for you! We can start with your house. It will be fun! DRINK!" Ulanan, after saying that, drank. How predictable.

 

Antimony brightened a bit from her worry at a familiar topic, but that sense was cut off with Ulanan's exclamation. At that, she just looked thoroughly bewildered.

 

Lamandu sipped from his drink, "But why would we would that? It’s already decorated! And I like it how it is!”

 

“Did Ben decorate it?”

 

Lamandu puffed his chest out slightly, "No, I did."

 

“Oh, then I guess you don't want the expert touch of an exemplary trend-maker.” Ulanan drank once more. She had lost count, but only because she never counted in the first place.

 

Antimony reached out towards Ulanan's drink, saying, "I really do think you should slow down. Ulanan, I've never seen you act like this before!"

 

“Are you saying that you're an expert then?” Down went more wine.

 

Ulanan was no match for the Miqo'te: her drink was taken away as easily as one would take a glass that was floating in midair. She leaned towards that side as it was snatched away, though she managed to keep her head turned to Lamandu, who was grimacing at the taste of his wine. Ulanan spoke, “I've been raised to be the perfect wife! Decorating comes to me as easy as breathing comes to everyone else.”

 

“Are you trying to tell me that my style is not up to snuff then, Miss Ulanan?” Lamandu squinted.

 

Ulanan shrugged. “I can't say! You had Ben decor-eat your office.”

 

“Of course I did! It’s my office! Not my home!”

 

“I'm certain she's not meaning offense, Captain Tyremandu. Only... that she's enthusiastic?” Antimony looked at the glass she'd confiscated from Ulanan with a frown. Lamandu only scowled slightly as he drank his wine, not looking entirely happy.

 

Ulanan pointed to Antimony. "That!" Then looked at Lamandu. “I have to see your decoration so I know you aren't offending any sensibilities.”

 

“You would only judge it! You society types always do,” Lamandu huffed.

 

“Well, if I don't judge its quality, how can I praise it? I'm not praising you without evidence.” Ulanan pouted and tried to drink, but couldn’t find her glass. Instead, she remembered her food and took the olives.

 

A white-haired lalafell, who had up until that moment gone unnoticed at the bar, looked to his reflection in his cup of tea, adjusting his hat in its reflection, giving a few puffs to the feather to keep it from dropping.

 

Lamandu glanced over with a frown at the fellow Lalafell next to him drinking tea. "Why do you want to anyway! It’s not like you even like me. You're just passing through on business... No! I've worked hard to get here, and I won't be judged for it!" He finished the rest of his wine, which was rather a lot for one of his stature.

 

Ulanan blinked. Antimony finally handed off Ulanan's glass to the bartender, wrinkling her nose at sharp scent of alcohol. The white-haired lalafell looked up in surprise as he watched Lamandu finish so much wine.  "Er.... S-Ser...  You may want to slow down just a tick, aye?"

 

Lamandu turned his attention to the feathered man, "Why? It’s my right as a man to spend my hard earned money on drinks if I so wish!"

 

Ulanan punctuated, raising one hand over her head. "Hard earned!"

 

Lamandu waved at the bartender, to find her shaking his head at him in denial. The newcomer gave a confirming nod.  "You are correct.  But too much drink causes the feet to refuse to place one in front of the other...  I'm not telling you to stop, I am certain you are more than deserving of some celebration... I would just rather not watch your friends have to carry you to your bedroll this eve." He punctuated his own statement with a sip of his tea.

 

“Ah! So we can stay here and be judged as drunks, or go to your place and stop being judged for being merry responsible drinkers!” Ulanan dropped from the stool, managing to keep her balance quite impressively. She looked at Lamandu. "We should drink to that!"

 

“Ulanan, you have a room at the inn. Perhaps you should...” Antimony trailed off uneasily and looked uncomfortable before just settling her hands in her lap.

 

The white-haired lalafell slowly shook his head, giving a gentle sigh.  "I judge not.  I just...  Er... I should probably keep quiet..."

 

Lamandu frowned, squinting at Ulanan. "What are you suggesting then?"

 

Ulanan extended one hand. "I can't get more wine in the inn room for oblivi... obvibio...obl...reasons! So we go to your home. I promise to not poke fun at your decor."

 

Lamandu looked back at the feathered man, "And my feet work just fine! I'll have you know!" To prove the point, he hopped unsteadily off of the stool, using it as a leaning post.

 

The lalafell gave a small gesture.  "Good....  I just worry for your health, Ser. I mean no offense.  But should it be taken, then I apologize."

 

Lamandu frowned at Ulanan, "No poking at my decor? Just drinking?"

 

Ulanan Ulan nodded. “Yep!”

 

Antimony's ears angled back and bounced up and down in conflict. She made as though to stand in protest before shaking her head and sighing. “Be careful, Ulanan, please.”

 

Lamandu waved a hand, "Oh she'll be fine! No one safer to be with."

 

“Are you certain you don't want to just rest off the alcohol?” She tried worriedly.

 

“Don't worry! I'll be back before you even notice my absc...absi...abi...mrm. I'll be fine!” Ulanan forgot to toggle walk. Must be the alcohol! Antimony just wrung her hands in her lap.

 

Lamandu stepped away from the bar, offering his arm out to Ulanan, "Shall we then?"

 

“Ah, Ulanan! At least... check in with me in the morning, please?”

 

Ulanan took the turban out of her bag and wrapped it around her head. “Will do!”

 

Antimony stood, looking for all the world like a mother worried for her child but unable to do anything to help.

 

“Excellent! Let’s leave then!” Lamandu declared with a flourish.

 

Ulanan stayed right there, looking at Lamandu. She frowned. "Well? Lead the way! I don't know where we are going."

 

Lamandu let his arm drop, before using it to wave at Antimony! "Do not worry! I am a Captain after all!" He then walked forward, "You coming then?" Not needing further prompting apparently, Ulanan staggered after him.

 

Antimony watched the two of them leave anxiously. After a while, her ears and tail drooped, she turned to pay the bill - or, rather, add the expense to her growing business tab - and then retreated towards the inn rooms in silence. 

 

***

 

Lamandu would wake up the following morning with a headache that would leave him wondering if he'd been trampled by goats in the middle of the night and no memory of what had transpired earlier. Later, when he managed to pull himself together, he would find a number of his belongings out of place, either moved about in some wild decorating spree. Or perhaps rifled through.