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Working on my character's background, any feedback is welcome as this is my 1st attempt to write a full story totally in English for English speaking audience with very little Roleplay knowledge and poor writing skills (I DRAW comics, I don't write them).


I read I'm supposed to post this link somewhere else, will do... but later, right now I gotta start writing before I forget the details.


Please remember that this is under construction and I might even stop writing on the middle of a sentence and post it anyway. That is because I'm a full-time multitasker and would hate to lose whatever I wrote just cuz I went AFK and didn't save.


Names have a very high importance for me, and because of that, I cannot just pick up or make up a name, use it and be happy about that. Therefore, all names here (or absence of one) are subject to change, anyways... I still have one more week to decide on them.




Lyall's story began before he was born, in the city-state of Gridania.


Iyanna, daughter of Melisande (a fine weaver) and Faber (an skilled armorer,) had meet a handsome and strong sailor/captain (adventurer/mercenary?) who happened to have business with her father at that time; it was love at first sight. They soon married and moved back to Limsa Lominsa from where this man is from. He owns a ship and makes a living from fishing deep in the sea. Within a couple of years, they had 2 kids: a boy and a girl.


One day, Iyanna's husband was hired to carry out a special task, he had to take his ship to a certain place and it would take weeks or perhaps months before he could come back home. (Details about this to be fine-tuned once I learn more about FFXIV to figure out what could they possibly ask him for).

During that time, Iyanna meet a man. He wasn't handsome, but he treated her like a princess and she couldn't avoid to fall in love with him (I know, all elezen are beautiful, we are talking about *her* taste). Long story short, they got too intimate and as a result, she got pregnant. She was so ashamed of her self, this incident would certainly taint the name of her family and hurt her husband's pride. She asked this man to never come to her sight again and she locked herself at home until her husband returns. If anyone noticed her belly, she would say she is gaining weight and laugh out of it.


One night, she had a conversation with her husband. She explains that the life in Limsa Lominsa is too stressing for her and as a consequence she is gaining weight. She express her desire to go back to Gridania, the quiet and the scenery of her hometown, would help her relax and she would come back once she feels better. Her husband tried to convince her to stay and assure her that he would do his best to provide her with a quiet environment and perhaps hire a doctor to help her out. But she refused and added that she hasn't seen her parents for years, maybe that is all she needs. Reluctant, he accepts and arranges for her an escort to take her to Gridania.


Once in Gridania, Iyanna explains the situation to her mother, of how she is pregnant out of wedlock and how she needs her help. Melisande advices that the kid should not be born, it will only bring disgrace to the family. Iyanna responds that there is nothing wrong with giving a baby a chance to live. If it was any other person, Melisande would condemn the idea and would walk away, but it is her daughter who is in this unfortunate situation and therefore she feels compelled to help.


Next day, Melisande and Iyanna hire a chocobo ride to the Ferry Docks near Ul'dah. They tell everyone that Melisande is going to Limsa Lominsa to meet her grandchildren. Faber is to stay and continue with the armor selling business... not that he cared to go anyway, he has never been a family person. In real, they go to Ul'dah, and will stay there until the baby is born. Once born, Iyanna returns to Limsa Lominsa and Melisande to Gridania, with the baby, she is going to take care of him as requested by her daughter.


Melisande presents the baby as an adopted child and gives him their family name, Athazer, while Lyall was the name chosen for him by Iyanna. Some say that Melisande, after seeing her grandchildren, missed the time of when she had her own child. Others say that they needed a boy to take over the family business when the time comes. Others go even further, saying that Melisande had ask Faber for another child since the beginning, but Faber was too busy at his workshop making armors that it could never be done, so she had to adopt one by herself. But why from Limsa Lominsa when there are enough orphans in Gridania ?? No one could come up with an answer for that, neither did dare to ask.


Some of Melisande's friends where concerned about her capability to take care of a baby at her age; there is a lot of difference between taking care of a baby or a grown up kid. But every little attempt to help her out, even on the most simple of the things such as picking up something that Melisande accidentally dropped, caused her to become upset and assure them that she is not that old. So they step outside and justify themselves by thinking that taking care of the baby is this old woman's wish and they should not interfere, moreover they would only hurt her pride. Anyway, she was a great mother for Iyanna and has always been very nice to the kids. They give it for granted that she will do her best to take care of the baby and if she ever needs help, she will ask it, for the sake of the child.


Indeed, while Lyall was still a baby, Melisande took good care of him, always gentle and prompt to satisfy every little need the baby could have. It wasn't until Lyall became mischievous as any little boy of his age would be (between 3~5 yo). Melisande wasn't in the mood of having to deal with an annoying little kid running around the house breaking stuff, making noise and getting in trouble. So whenever she wasn't in the mood to yell and the boy was too energetic, she would take him outside and let him become someone else's problem. As the kid groew up and was more receptive for words, she would scold him for a long time, telling him how useless and annoying he is and that he just should be quiet and not cause troubles. He was still a little kid (about 5~7 yo) but was expected to carry on duties responsibly and reprehended if he didn't.


As any kid, Lyall would constantly try to gain the approval and praising words from his parents, but instead, every little attempt backfired. Like in one occasion, Melisande ran out of marmalade for that night's dessert, so she ordered Lyall to bring in some berries from their garden. While he was picking up the berries, Lyall found a stone that he believed was beautiful and rare. That stone was so special in Lyall's eyes that he thought that if he gave it to his mother, she would be so happy and thank him for such a beautiful gift (like if that stone was real jewelry). Excited with the idea, Lyall ran to his mother and present her the stone, she instead yell stuff at him like: "I sent you to get me berries, not stones, Don't you know the difference ??" *throws stone thru the window* "I order you to do something and you laugh at my back !! You go an play instead of doing what I requested, Is that how you respect me ?? I already have the water boiling !! What are you waiting ?? You are so useless, you can't even do a simple task !!"


Despite the rough treatment, he still love his parents and dream of the day in which his mother will finally recognize him. But again and again, every attempt to please his mother fails, making him wonder if she actually hates him. Every time it would seem more clear to him that Melisande hates him. Lyall would expend most of his nights trying to remember what he did to his mother to hate him that much, but would fall asleep before finding the answer.


One day, Lyall gets into a fight with another kid. That kid was making fun of the mistakes Lyall's parents do because of their old age. Lyall had the kid defenseless on the floor, when the kid said: "Why are you mad at me ?? Don't you see ?? They are old enough to be your grandparents parents !!" Lyall takes a moment to think and compare the other kids parents with his. The kid was right, his parents are very old. Lyall was about 9 years old when he realized he might been adopted.






Thanks for reading, send any corrections/observations/ideas if you feel like it. Or post it here ?? I think I read you can do that if I allow that, and I don't mind... feedback is great !! xD

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  • 2 weeks later...

With nothing but a name and a few hints, Lyall traveled to Limsa Lominsa in search of his sister. He has to inform her of the death of their parents. He also wants to ask her if she knows anything about what is it that he did to make their mother hate him so much. The words of the old woman still bothers him, - "Oh yes, I remember it very well. It was a cold morning when Melisande returned from Limsa Lominsa with you in her arms. She went there to meet her grandchildren, no one expected her to come back with a baby."


Lyall can't bear with the idea of being adopted. After all he did and cried trying to get a smile from his mother -- never being successful -- and now it happens that she never was his mother ??!

Why would his real mother leave him ?? Its a very bad joke. Is he so despicable that not even his real mother wanted him ??! What about his father ?? He just hopes he never meets his real parents. He feels so resentful and angry, who knows what could he do. Hopefully that old lady was just being senile and told the wrong story to the wrong person.


After a few weeks of searching and asking around Limsa Lominsa, Lyall arrives to the house that has been described to him as the place where a woman called Iyanna -- whose parents are from Gridania and has 2 children -- lives at. "It has to be here" he thought.


Lyall takes a moment to stop his brain to thinking (he is always thinking on something,) and get ready to face his sister. He has bad news to delivery.

Still a bit insecure, Lyall knocks the door. "Coming !!" - yelled the voice from a young adult. A man, almost as tall as him with the hair slightly darker than his, has open the door and is staring intensely at him. For a moment, Lyall felt as if he was looking at himself.


"What do you want ??" - Asks the young man. "I-I'm looking for Iyanna..." Lyall can't stand the pressure and looks down. The man at the door turns around - "Mom !! A guy is looking for you !!" he shouts as he walks back into the house. A mid aged woman walks to the door. With a soft movement, she poses herself in front of Lyall, trying to see his face. Shyly, Lyall raises his sight. Once again, he can identify himself while looking at this lady, even better, she resembles very much to his mom. The lady carefully observes Lyall's face... then she becomes pale, like if she has seen a ghost.


"Lyall, is that you ??!" - the lady tries to reprehend her surprise, but still her voice is noticeable nervous. Lyall barely gets to nod as an affirmation when an axe has been swing against him - "So you finally show up !!"

Lyall gets to dodge that clumsy first swing but many others follow it, destroying flower pots and other decorations that the lady had so gracefully placed to provide a welcoming environment in her front yard.


Unknown for him, a man has come to this house just a couple of years ago. He was drunk and demanded to see his son. He assured that this woman and him were so deeply in love that they give birth to a child. The woman dismissed his words justifying that is 'drunk man talk' and shouldn't be taken seriously. But since then, her husband has been suspicious of her actions, worse yet, there was a sailor who swear that he saw her with another man, but that sailor fell off the boat during a storm and has never seen since.

The drunk man said that one day his son will come and that it would be better to give him the woman and save them the shame and dishonor of being married to a promiscuous wife.


Now, a young man with apparent no relationship to his family has knocked the door asking for his wife. Whether this is such son or not, it would be safer to just kill him and then ask the questions. Luckily, Lyall had learn a bit of fighting skills during his life as a miner in Ul'dah and he is able to dodge most of the swings, but one of them gets to hurt him on his face and knocks him back. A thin red line has been drawn on the floor of the before peaceful front yard. The lady yells at the top of her lungs - "Nooooooo !! Please, don't hurt him !!" - as she ran to desperately hug Lyall while at the same time covering him from the man's axe. At this point Lyall is more confused than in pain, not only an stranger is trying to kill him but the person who is provably his sister is protecting him so vehemently... he doesn't know how to react -- specially because is the first time that someone seems to care for his well being.


"Move !! Or I will kill you both !!" orders the man with a deep voice. "NO !!" she replies and hugs Lyall even harder. The man raises his axe and prepares himself to do a powerful slash towards those 2, but a young girl and the boy from before -- who have been frightenly watching the whole scene -- jump and hang themselves from each of the man's arms. "Please dad, don't hurt mom." - said the girl.

The man lowers his arms and the boy and the girl are able to reach the floor again. He looks at them, they look at him; he understand that they trust him. The man points Lyall with the tip of his axe and strongly orders -"Make him disappear !!" - and with that he walks away, with his axe in hand.


Finally the lady looks at Lyall's face once more while pulling a handkerchief out of a small pocket on the skirt of her dress and carefully cleans the blood. Lyall takes this opportunity to speak, - "Mother is dead". Iyanna freezes for a second, then resumes cleaning the blood. She gives Lyall a smile but with a very sad look. Lyall is confused if she is sad about the news or if she is feeling sorry for him. Once Iyanna made sure it was just a scratch what made Lyall's face to bleed, she stands up and walk back to her home -"Wait here for a moment."


The boy and the girl are still looking at Lyall and whispering each other. He tries to stand up but as he does, everything becomes black and feels like if there was no gravity. He closes his eyes and kneels again. As his sight comes back to normal, the lady has walk out the door and puts a letter in Lyall's hand. Is a letter just like those he found in his mother's room, but this one is addressed to him and is also very thick. - "Please go and don't cause us any problem. We wish you well and you will always be in our prayers. But please be a good boy, go back home and forget about us." - Iyanna signals the boy and the girl and they go back inside their home. She follows them right after, but not without taking a last look at Lyall. She smiles proudly at him, then closes the door.


Lyall stands in the middle of the street... looking at the farthest point that he can see. The street is quiet, like if nothing happened. Suddenly he feels an horrible pain in his head which causes him to put his hand on his face. Is until then that he realizes he has been hurt, and to prove it, he looks at the palm of his hand. Indeed there is blood, but is quickly distracted with what his other hand is holding: A thick envelope with his name on it.



(yes I copy it from my application... I'm lazy like that) xD

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