Innocence and Avarice [closed]

[Goodfellow]

Lolotaru tried to swallow his frustration.  She hadn't reacted quite as transparently as he'd hoped.  She seemed neither particularly enthused nor clearer.  He was beginning to feel as lost and out of his element as she looked.  It had been a blessedly long time since he had been in a situation of this sort and he was not happy to be dragged back in.  He wanted to excuse himself, refuse her, cast her out.  But that's as good as confessing, isn't it?  And what if she wasn't trying to trap him?  What if she really was a prospective student in need? 

 

"Outside.  You were telling me why you had to be my, and only my, apprentice."

 

He still owed so much and he couldn't simply refuse on suspicion one who requested his aid.  His fingers traced the outline of his pocket as he sighed, somewhat more audibly than he intended to.

 

"So please, go on."

[Zhavi]

"O-oh." She looked at him, and then back down at the ground. Her fingers wormed around themselves; she was fidgeting. Frustration and confusion mixed poorly in her expression, leaving her with the sort of look that could have been unattractive even on someone who was beautiful. "It's jes -- it's said you wasn't like th'others. I been -- I don't want t'turn out like me ma, but . . . no one'll have me, not fer real work. But I thought that if, if y'know, if ye was somethin' like me, ye'd understand. C-cuz I don't want t'be nothin' no more. I wants ta be somethin'. Like you."

 

She looked up, then, and though her eyes wavered still it was Lalataru they settled on. "I - I wants t'be taught by you. If ye'll have me. Please."

 

Judging by the way her lips twisted, she was aware of how lame she sounded, how desperate, how pathetic. But though she looked like she wanted to run and hide, she stood. She was shaking, but she didn't run away.

[Goodfellow]

Lolo's breath caught in his throat.  There it was again, the suggestion that something, some rumor from his past had made it out of Thanalan, had followed him to Limsa Lominsa.  Leaving his left hand firmly planted on his pocket, Lolo raised his right hand to his collar, tugging at it gently.  He knew it made him look nervous, but everything was beginning to feel very constricting.  He hadn't done this dance in a long time; he was out of practice and rapidly running out of patience.

 

"Who says I'm not like the others?  How do you mean?"  He looked into her wide, wavering eyes, searching for any sign of what she knew.  He hoped he wasn't beginning to sound as desperate as he felt.  "You're so eager, I simply want to ensure that you haven't come to the wrong place by accident," he added quickly and with a weak smile, hoping to cover himself.

[Zhavi]

For a moment, there was shock. Then her expression crumpled.

 

Zhi didn't have much time to think. It wouldn't make sense in the situation if she stared at her feet for the next several minutes -- but she had to think. Because, it was becoming obvious, she'd screwed up. It was true that she'd done some deep digging to find out what she had about Lalataru, but she'd thought that was due to the lack of interest in him as a potential player now. She'd not come across any evidence that he'd tried to squash the rumors; if anything she thought he'd laugh her off, perhaps offer her some advice, and then she could move on from there. She should have caught it earlier, should have held on to her hard-won knowledge -- should have rutting started up the waterworks to feel him out. Instead, she'd taken a risk before she should have, and now look at where they were. Obvious to anyone with eyes that the reason she'd had to dig so deep wasn't because he'd fallen out of the loop. There was something else to it, and it spelled out "not good" to her situation.

 

Time was up. Her priority had to shift to getting out alive.

 

"I-it's jes somethin' I heard when I was hidin' out after a. . .after I nipped coin off a mark, th-that not all them who worked at th'Gate were clean." She concentrated on her memories, picking one that continually scoured her with shame. She needed to blush, and she needed it fast. "So I started -- I started askin' questions, cuz I t-thought -- I wanted to know so I -- I hadda --" She broke off, freezing in place. Focus. Her tail curled around her leg, and she felt the beginning prickle of a flush up her neck and cheeks. Rather than look at the ground, she looked away. She clenched her teeth for a moment, her fingers digging into her arms as she resumed hugging herself. "I d-don't wanna talk 'bout it. I-if I heard wrong --" her cheeks got hotter. "I-I don't wanna talk 'bout it." Her voice had gone a little higher, and it quavered.

[Goodfellow]

Don't want to talk about it?  You brought it up!  Lolo would have been happy to never have to talk about it again, but she had shocked him, forced his hand.

 

He opened his mouth to respond when he saw a light over Joz's shoulder.  It was Ben running back down the stairs.  He heard voices and footsteps descending the staircase behind the familiar.

 

"Aaand that's all the time we have for today, I'm afraid," he said, loudly enough that the new arrivals could hear him clearly.  He snapped and Ben jumped into the air before him and the girl, flipped, and vanished with a flash and a pop.  He grabbed her hand and tugged her gently, but insistently, towards the stairs and out.  The others barely paid them any attention as they hurried out, eager to begin their own practice.

 

"There's a deck on the walkway between the Wench and the Hyaline; meet me there tonight at eleven bells."  He whispered urgently.  Putting on a wan smile, he bowed slightly and stated plainly, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Joz."  And with that, he turned on a heel and continued the rest of the way up the stairs.

[Zhavi]

Was he dense? Maybe the problem was that he was too sharp. It was entirely possible he'd seen through her act -- either way, he'd not responded the way she'd hoped, and now she was stuck playing a part that blushed and stammered like some twit of a girl. Disgusting.

 

"A-aye," she responded, following him out.

 

They parted ways.

 

It was hard, even for Zhi, to pretend that she didn't feel the relief come pouring out of her gut. Alive. She was alive. She tried to cloak it in irritation that things hadn't gone her way, but even that hadn't worked. Nald'thal was tipping his scales, she was sure, but she couldn't figure out which way. Gods knew that meant bad things for her, always had in the past. It was enough of a deterrent that -- after having made sure she wasn't being followed -- she considered dumping the job entirely as she went into the dilapidated inn she was temporarily staying at to change her clothes. Yeah, so she was angry at the lalafel. She'd been taken for a ride, had underestimated the little runt, had been trapped and made to look the part of a fool. Logic dictated that she should take a step back and evaluate the situation to make sure she wasn't making a piss-poor mistake.

 

Her hands were shaking as she pressed them flat to the sole, shitty table in the cramped room. "Come on," she whispered.

 

She didn't want to take a step back. Even though she knew that screwing up with the wrong sort of people meant death, she didn't want to let it go. The fear, the uncertainty, the rush of adrenaline -- they were as good as some highs, good as getting piss drunk with dice in her hands and coin on the table. She slammed the table with both hands, and caught up the bottle of swill she'd bought the day before. Three gulps later she was out the door, hat on her head and back to the threadbare clothing that was her trademark. She had some time to kill before she went back to teach the little runt not to mess with her. Nald'thal be damned, she would tip the blimming scales herself, rot on him if he thought to screw with her.

 

Thirty minutes later she had her regular informant, Brindle, up by the ear. "It's ruttin' past afternoon, y'churl, what y'doin' sleepin'? I don't keep ye in coin t'be sleepin'."

 

"Ow, ow ow! Lemme go, lemmego, ya slattern!"

 

Zhi let him go. She grinned. "What, that all ye got?"

 

He glared back. Mute defiance, his latest brattish scheme to get under her skin. How cute.

 

She chuckled. "New job fer ya, if yer not too cockered fer't." His expression shifted: slight, but enough. She kept talking. "I need ya ta run some questions 'bout Lolotaru Lalataru. Wi'care. Don't go bawlin' it out t'the topmast else I'll have yer tongue fer true this time."

 

"I don't never go bawlin' like a scrag." Sullen, but not unwilling.

 

Zhi ruffled his hair, and he leaned back from her as if she'd just shown signs of some plague. Her grin widened. "I need some base rumors on 'im, his reputation."

 

"Didn't that get sorted?"

"I need it fresh."

"Yeah?" Brindle's voice had a distinct sneer in it; he knew well enough what it meant to go back to ground on someone.

 

She kicked him before he could start making insinuations about her lack of skills, and they parted with a few choice insults as they always did. The remaining time she spent dicing at one of her favorite haunts, plying her fellow players (most known to her) with cheap alcohol and careful questions. Gaming for her was always done with a purpose, and always carried with it expectations for something. Sometimes coin, sometimes information, sometimes illicit substances. Never for no reason, never strictly for fun.

 

Once the time got closer she went back and changed into the same clothes Lalataru had seen her in earlier, adjusted her bearing to suit some dumb scrag with naive hopes, and went to the indicated bridge a whole hour before the eleventh bell was supposed to ring. Seemed about right, with how desperate she played earlier. She looked out over the water, and settled in to waiting.

[Goodfellow]

Was he dense?  Was he trying too hard to be sharp, seeing threats that weren't there? 

 

He sat the whole afternoon in his room at the Mizzenmast, replaying the day in his mind over and over again.  Limsa Lominsa was a city full of half-heard whispers and misdirected rumors.  It was a city of wind and water, with people coming and going and rarely stopping to get names, faces, or facts just right.  It could be nothing, he thought to himself.  But it could be so much more than that, as well.  He had summoned a retainer, thinking of any old contacts, or rumors of contacts, that might be found on short notice so far from Ul'dah.  By the time the retainer arrived, he was halfway through a tall glass of red wine and was suitably mollified by his own machinations so as to dismiss her almost immediately without assignment.

 

That's not who I am anymore, he reminded himself.  He wouldn't let the fear of being found out force him into old habits.  He had worked hard to divorce and distance himself from that person and it would be all too easy to slip back into him.  He had been good at it.  A natural.

 

No!

 

Before leaving his room again, he freshened up and changed into a simple trouser and half-robe set, lighter and more mobile.  He would have liked to be more discrete, maybe wear a cowl, but he also wanted options; no more falling on his face like earlier that afternoon.  He summoned Ben again.  He had thought about calling forth the smaller, more discrete fairy Ariel, but somehow couldn't.  He hadn't had her in the old days and he didn't like the idea of exposing her to any of that baggage.  No, Ben had been with him longer, was more a part of himself.  He focused on the open, almost languorous pattern of his personal carbuncle symbol and absentmindedly pulled him back into form.

 

He looked down at the eager creature before him and nodded before walking out.  The eleventh bell would be tolling soon.

 

As he approached the appointed area he could make out the girl's figure in the moonlight.  He stopped and sent Ben scampering on ahead to sniff and snoop.

[Zhavi]

That time of night, weren't too many people hanging about. Zhi had stopped on the stone platform between the two bridges that connected the Wench to the Hyaline, and so she'd ample room to see who was coming and from what direction. Gazing out at the ocean as she was, however, she had to keep to checking with her peripheral vision, which wasn't exactly ideal. She'd sneak glances left and right on occasion, keeping in form with a nervous streetrat, but she took care to not show the paranoia that would not apply to someone like Joz.

 

So, it wasn't until Ben had crossed the first bridge that Zhi reacted to his presence. She squeaked, and jumped back a little, overbalanced and caught herself before she could fall. She looked around hastily, both to see who'd seen her misstep and to see where the carbuncle had come from.

 

"Umm," she said, and turned in place. Hesitantly, she called out, "Lolotaru. . .sir?"

[Goodfellow]

Ben stopped by the girl and turned back to gaze at Lolotaru, head cocked, before continuing on to the other end of the bridge.  He hopped up on the railing and began flitting intermittently across the bridge, halting to peer about and sniff at the air.  To the unobservant it may have appeared that he was playing.

 

"Yes, Miss Joz, I'm here," Lolo said as he stepped closer, out of the shadows.

[Zhavi]

Son of a. . .. He was playing that game, was he?

 

"Y-ye wanted t'speak wi'me. . .sir?"

[Goodfellow]

"I believe it was you who wished to speak with me."

 

He took another step forward.

 

"So tell me, Miss Joz, what is your interest in arcanima?"

[Zhavi]

It took everything she had not to back away. They'd been speaking earlier. He'd requested this meeting. No one was around.

 

It was a long drop off the bridge.

 

She wouldn't survive if she was to have an accidental fall.

 

"I want ta be someone. I want ta be looked at like I'm more'n gutter trash. Anyone lookin' at me, they sees --" She shrugged. "But th'Gate. . .'sdifferent, there. Think jes anyone'd take me? Nah, I'm gutterborn, but -- but if't was someone who understood, then. . ."

 

She looked at Lalataru. She tried to meet his eyes. She wanted to see his intent.

 

"I want ta learn."

[Goodfellow]

Lolotaru could empathize with the desire to make something different of oneself and if Joz was being genuine, he couldn't in good conscience refuse her that opportunity.

 

He took one more step forward.

 

"What do you want to learn?"

[Zhavi]

"Whatever ye can teach me."

 

Zhi faced Lolotaru with her ears back and her tail rigid behind her -- but there was determination on her face and in her voice.

[Goodfellow]

After a long pause, he responded.

 

"Fine.  I'll teach you.  On one condition."

[Zhavi]

Zhi let out a gasp of breath, half relieved sigh and half laugh. Her knees bent a little, and she sagged. Somehow, she remained upright. "Anythin', anythin'! Name it!"

[Goodfellow]

Lolotaru seemed somehow less relieved than Joz.  His aspect as yet unchanged, he spoke.

 

"I want to know who gave you my name."

 

Maybe she was being honest, maybe she really did just want to learn, to improve herself and her lot.  And that was respectable, commendable even, if Lolo was of a mind to believe her.  But whether she knew a lot or a little, she had heard of him from someone, and he still needed to address the leak.

[Zhavi]

Her tail flinched. It was a small movement, hidden behind her sudden relief and enthusiasm. "That it? Fer true? Huh, well I ain't got 'is name, but," she couldn't sell out her informant, "after I heard tell there was some wi' dirty pasts at th'Gate, I'd start gamin' th'dicers when I was swingin' 'round th'bars. Was some ol' sailor wi' a face full of hair what stank o' spiced meat oo gave me yer name, 'Lalataru,' he says. So I starts askin' if there was a Lalataru up at th'Gate, and sure as hooks ye are. That good? I can take ye t'the bar I was at, if't pleases ye."

 

Overeagerness to please shone in her eyes. She took a step forward. Her heart was hammering in her chest, in her ears: she had to force herself to breathe. Oh, but smiles for Lalataru. All smiles.

[Goodfellow]

I shouldn't go myself.  Not yet, at least.  Too much overt concern would only lend credence to rumors.

 

"That won't be necessary just now, Miss Joz.  Thank you.  But you're sure you'd remember his face?"

[Zhavi]

Zhi scratched along her jawline with one finger, the eagerness dimming a little. "Mebbe? I'll try me best, sir!"

 

She felt so alive.

 

"What we doin' now, then?" Excitement colored her voice and swam in her eyes. Her ears pricked forward, and her tail swept back and forth behind her.

[Goodfellow]

Her apparent earnestness made great strides toward endearing her to him, but he endeavored to remain cautious.  He worried about sending her for more information; that would be one more person who knew more than he cared to be known, but if she was who she said she was and wanted what she said that she wanted, then she understood.  She was a thief, a criminal, she had done harm and she wished to undo that part of herself, she had said.  If that was true, then she would understand, even if she learned more about him.

 

"Yes, try your best.  I want to know where he heard whatever it is that he thinks he heard about me.  Nasty rumors like that can confuse people, hurt people.  But now--" he eyed her swishing tail and the edges of his mouth betrayed the makings of a smile, "--now we talk about you.  Have you ever exhibited any magical talent?  As I recall, you said you can't read well.  How well are you able to read?  Can you draw basic shapes?"

[Zhavi]

Uncomfortable. Zhi's emotions kept swinging from extreme to extreme, laced with irony and a waffling sense of bemusement. She'd nodded along to his requests, forcing enthusiasm that she'd only ever shown sarcastically, but found herself pausing when he asked her to speak of herself. The line between Joz and Zhavi blurred as she answered. "Mebbe, I ain't real familiar wi'magic, sir, so I can't say wi'any know-how. I can't read much, jes' real simple stuff, know most o'me alphabet, but I ain't done much aside from doodlin' in the dirt. Weren't no need fer it."

 

Her tail slowed and her eyes slid away from Lalataru: enthusiasm replaced with regret.

[Goodfellow]

Lolo raised an eyebrow.  "How much is 'most' of the alphabet, precisely?"

[Zhavi]

"Uh. . .all but a few of me letters?" Zhi offered up a sickly smile.

[Goodfellow]

"Hm...that complicates matters," mused Lolotaru, rubbing his chin.  "We need light," he added matter-of-factually.  He upturned his hand and wave in towards himself and Ben halted his survey of the perimeter and skipped excitedly back to Lolo's side.  Lolo nodded forward with his head and Ben hopped upon the raised edge of the platform before him.  Lolotaru pulled notepad from the right pocket of his robe and set to drawing on the paper by the light of the carbuncle.  He traced a series of independent lines along with a simple symbol composed of those same lines.

 

"This is a very basic geometry for Ruin, an early arcanist's skill.  Examine it, retrace it, modify it in whatever way seems natural, according to how the symbol feels to you."  He made to tear off the sheet, but stopped himself, folding it closed and handing her the whole notepad.  "We'll see if you've any latent skill for arcanima.  Bring it back to me with the name of the hairy-faced sailor and we'll continue from there."

 

He turned to go, Ben following at his heels.  "Oh, and Miss Joz," facing her again, "do be careful.  Don't draw any unnecessary attention to yourself.  Or to me."  He turned back and continued into the Wench and back to his room at the Mizzenmast.