Months of loneliness

[Ilwe'ran]

[align=justify]The hunter was walking silently in the woods. He was following his prey since at least an hour and was not ready to let it slip away. Noting the fresh footprints heading toward the nearest water course, he made a detour to approach the river. As expected, the young deer was there, drinking peacefully. He armed his bow and shot without any hesitation.

Ilwe brought the cervidae to his camp and proceeded to the carving. Much more than hunger, the irrepressible need to have something to do was guiding his gestures. Traveling alone, he would normaly have ignored such a prey, as the preparation of an animal of this size was taking quite a time, but the solitude was always pushing him to find something to do.

His work completed, he murmured a few words to thank the animal to offer him his life so that he can preserve his. The sound of his voice to him seemed incongruous in the middle of the silence of the forest. He, who had lived within the wild the most part of his life, felt now like an intruder in the middle of the trees.

Not having anything more to do for this evening, Ilwe spitted a part of meat and let it cook above the fire. It was for him the the most difficult time of the day, the one which reminded him what he had won and what he had lost when he met Nebula.

 

Their encounter had been strange, to say the least. If he was relying on his memories, he was lying down an evening after sharing a meal with his mother. They had discussed the manner in which he could integrate within the Family and how what which had been a separation followed by a education from another people could become an advantage. That night, he fell asleep with a glimmer of hope, maybe he could finally find his place?

But his awakening had pushed him far from this hope. In place of being woken up by the noise calm and familiar of the Family, he had been welcomed by some screems and the sensation to come out of a terrible nightmare. A woman kept repeating his name endelessly, she said something else, but at this time, this unknown language only added to his growing concern. Nebula, it was with this name that she presented herself later, when things had calmed down.

Ilwe needed some time to understand. Why was he there ? Who were these people ? Why this woman looking at him this way ? He had first believed that he had been abducted or entrusted to other people, but it made no sense. And then, the few explanations attempt of Nebula, made him thinking that he had made a jump in time. But this is only after swallowing a seed prepared by Sylphs which would allow him to learn this new language that he understood : In order to break the effects of a spell, he was placed inside a bud, the latter should only be opened when Ilwe would be ready to get out. But someone had broken the fragile envelope which was protecting him, woking him up then much too early. Ten years, it was the time that he had lost, his memory erased, this body certainly younger, but condemned because incomplete.

But the worst was not his own situation, but that of Nebula. She was his mate but he remembered nothing about her. Alone, she took care of their two children and she had quickly made it clear that she was pregnant. It arose many questions, but in the end, they had been swept away by the deep certainty that he had loved this woman, that he was still in love with her and that he will always love her.

However, despite their reciprocal feelings, it was impossible for him to bear to live in the shadow of the one that he had been. Nebula took care not to talk about the one that she had met and liked, but he could not restrict his universe to her alone. The few remaining members of the Family, Parma and even his own body reminded him the one he was no longer and the place he should now occupy without understanding how it became this way.

 

Ilwe sighed looking at the Moon. It was thus that he had eventually take the decision to leave. If he was to live here, if he could not give back to Nebula the one she got married with and loved for so many years, it was necessary for him to find his own place by using his knowledge and of what this body which had betrayed him haven’t forgotten. Slowly, as the days passed, he was taming the secrets and the knowledge of the one that he was no longer, trying to adapt it to the one he was at present.

The first few weeks had been very difficult. The loneliness weighed on him and he met constantly people that he had forgotten, nibbling, little by little the reputation he forged during all these years. Some mistook him for a fool, others for a liar, and others had sympathize with his situation, but none had been able to help. None of them knew who he was, he never made friend with anyone outside of the members of the Family and of Nebula. For a reason which seemed to him obscure, he shutted himself, which left him little opportunities today to understand who he had been.

He met Nebula a few times, she came to see him and they had been able to speak a little. Each of these encounters had been tinged with bitterness. Her fear to see him disappear and his inability to be able to live without responses were both making them suffering while they had to separate and follow their own road. Also, shortly after that he settled in Ul'dah, she told him that she would not come anymore, that it became too difficult and that it was better that they do not see each others more until he had found the answers to his questions. The same day, he his bag was packed and he was leaving the house which he then occupied.

 

A month had passed since then and if some issues had found answers and he was feeling more appeased, the loneliness was weighting on him more than ever. On this point, she had completely changed him. He who had always enjoyed the calm and the places he could discover alone, found out that there is nothing comparable to the human warmth. He languished for her presence, of her voice, and even the weird way she was pronouncing his name.

Distracted he turned the spindle. The meat was burned on one side, but it was of no importance. He sighed again. he had set himself an objective both simple and complicated and, like every other day, he wondered if he had taken the right decision. He felt sometimes stupid to be unable to accept the happiness that was ready to welcome him. This life that was offered could very well be a gift.

It’s at this very moment that the detail that he had neglected during all this time hitted him. “Smile Ara, each of us find his place one day. If it’s not here, you will travel until reaching it." That was the last words that his mother had pronounced, the last he remembered at least. She was right, when he had met Nebula, even when they could not understand each others, he had had the feeling that his place was on her side. Why was he sitting there like an idiot alone in the middle of the woods ? If someone had some answers and could help him, it was her..

Despite his awareness, he kept a cool head. Calmly he ate and thought about everything that he had to do prio to meet her again and before the end of the evening, he had drafted a letter for her and prepared a new itinerary for him. When he layed down that night, the moon seemed to have changed faces, the air seemed to him more gentle and the silence less weighing. By closing the eyes to search for the sleep, he realized that for the first time since his departure, he was smiling.[/align]